Peace of mind is a precious and elusive sense of contentment. If you look for it, you won’t find it; it only comes to you when your mind is still and empty of negative emotions, such as guilt, bitterness and anxiety, which can dominate our thoughts and sap our energy and morale. So, to find peace of mind, we must first let go of these emotions.
One of the reasons optimists are so good at finding peace of mind is that they remember the positive aspects of past events and overlook the negatives. They also take action to resolve differences with other people rather than letting bad feeling linger, escalate and eat away at their peace of mind. If you have been hurt by someone else’s actions, practise forgiveness – not for their benefit, but for your own. To forgive is to let go of the bitterness we feel each time we think about what happened. Similarly, if you know that you have hurt someone else, try to repair the damage or atone for your actions. Often taking the initiative to communicate with the other person is the biggest step in healing emotional wounds.
As well as the past, thinking too much about the future can disrupt your peace of mind. Anxiety about the future can take over, affecting our decisions and our enjoyment of life. Rather than fret about what may or may not lie ahead, try to create an inspiring vision of your future (see pp.116–17).
One antidote to regret about the past and fear of the future is to spend time living “mindfully” in the present. Associated with meditation, mindfulness comes from the Buddhist tradition. It involves focusing all of your attention on what you are currently doing (see pp.120–22), so that your mind becomes still.
In this hyperactive world, there may be times when you need to separate yourself physically from your day-to-day activities in order to find stillness. Going on a retreat (see box, p.119) is one way to take this step back, to follow the advice of the Indian politician Indira Gandhi: “You must learn to be still in the midst of activity, and to be vibrantly alive in repose.”
Nothing rivals a personal retreat for promoting peace of mind. If you have no experience of retreats, a good place to start is to attend an organized retreat, perhaps one based around a theme, such as discovering yourself through art or listening to your inner voice.
However, you don’t need to go on an organized retreat in order to enjoy the benefits of being still: you can design your own. Your retreat can be as long or as short as you like – even an hour’s walk can help to still your thoughts. Use your journal to plan what you can do during your retreat to create peace of mind. You might start by taking a long bath to symbolize washing away the cares of the outside world. Just as important as what you do during your retreat is what you don’t do. The key is to avoid the things that make you agitated. For example, if you are sensitive to caffeine, cut out tea or coffee the day before and during your retreat, don’t be ruled by the clock, and stay away from the news.