4
Lead Inside the Consent Zone
Because you don’t push, you lead
Arguments are won by having control over how you will be (see Chapter 1), by creating a Consent Zone before linking (see chapters 2 and 3), by linking before leading (see Chapter 4), and by leading before making your logic argument (see Chapter 5).
In this chapter, you’ll discover how to lead the other person to your desired outcome.
Meet Lisa, One of Our Staffers
Because if you can’t get her interested, you’re going nowhere
Lisa, a member of our law office staff, is bright and well-informed. She clearly understands the health risks of smoking. Unfortunately, she has a “belief” of her own: Life is to be enjoyed and no one lives forever. If she didn’t smoke, she would be a nervous wreck. She would gain weight. Smoking is bad for you, but then so are a million other things.
Who attends pro-life rallies? The answer is pro-life advocates. Who listens to pro-choice speeches? Pro-choice advocates. Who turns out to hear Republicans? Republicans turn out to hear Republicans. Democrats do the same for their candidates. Who really reads advertisements? People who have already bought the truck, or diet program, or personal computer being pitched.
The task of using reason to influence Lisa and others who don’t already agree with you may well be an uphill battle.
How do you get people to give fat grams a second thought? By changing what they believe so they’ll want to become actively involved in their own healthcare. How do you get people to start recycling? Start caring about endangered species? Stop polluting? By changing what they believe so they’ll want to be partners in saving our environment. How do you get apathetic people to care about the downside of a neighborhood multiplex? By changing what they believe will happen if it’s built.
People are interested in what you have to say when you show them there’s something in it for them. As the story goes, a dog lover invented a new dog food. He sold his invention to one of the country’s biggest dog food companies. They created a fancy package, found a mascot, and spent millions of dollars marketing the new product. But the dog food didn’t sell. The marketing plan was again analyzed, but failed to explain why the dog food sat on grocers’ shelves. Finally, a member of the marketing team solved the mystery: “Maybe dogs don’t like our product.” Your argument can be “well-packaged” and delivered with passion, but it isn’t going to “sell” unless there’s something in it that the other guy likes.
People aren’t influenced by what you tell them. They’re influenced by what they hear. Don’t confuse motion with progress. Keep it simple. Keep it relevant. And keep it interesting by showing the other person what’s in it for him or her.
Meet Debra, the Matchmaker
Because people judge things by comparing
Debra, who owns a successful matchmaking service, has this advice for her staff: “If you tell a woman she’ll be meeting a guy who has a ‘great personality and is really a hunk,’ she’ll be sadly disappointed if anybody short of Brad Pitt knocks at her door. But if you say her date is ‘personable and has a nice appearance,’ she won’t be disappointed when she meets the not-so-hunky and not-so-charming Joe Average.”
During a class for Beverly Hills real estate brokers, a high-earning superstar shared the logic of her of success: “Show the overpriced fixer-upper first. Later, when I take my prospects to a fairly priced home in good condition, they’ll feel like they’ve discovered a real bargain.”
Another broker told the class that she uses the same logic in reverse: “I tell prospects, ‘The place I’m going to show you needs some work, but with a little imagination and effort it may fit your needs.’ I then drive them to a well-maintained home in their price range. Expecting the worst, the house comes across like the Palace of Versailles.”
Model home interior decorators are also masters of this contrast tactic. Here’s the advice a decorator gave my home-builder client: If a regularsize bed will make a model bedroom look cramped, furnish the room with a crib. If the master bedroom will look skimpy with a queen or king-sized bed, furnish it with a double bed.
A tram takes visitors on the Universal Studios Tour in Hollywood through the back lot. That’s where the studio stores its facades of stores, houses, and buildings. Mike, our tram guide, pointed out that the buildings had front doors of varying heights. To make larger actresses appear petite, the scene would be shot in front of a facade with an oversize door. To make a small actor appear larger, the shoot would be in front of a facade with a shorter-than-normal door.
Quick Quiz
You are an Olympic Games contender. There’s slim chance you’ll win a gold medal. But the chances are pretty good that you’ll go home with a silver or a bronze. Will you be happier with a silver medal or with a bronze medal?
A survey of Athens Olympians revealed that silver medalists weren’t as happy with their medals as were those who won bronze. Why? Because second-place winners regretted not having garnered gold. The third-place finishers were happy to have even won a coveted medal.
Pretend you’ve been given the news that a wealthy cousin you never met left you and other distant relatives $10,000 each. You’re thrilled and excited. The next week, you learn that the amount bequeathed to those other equally distant relatives was really $50,000. Upon learning this, will you still be as happy about being left $10,000? Probably not. Happiness comes from the comparisons we make: what we have, what we expect, what we want, and what we think we deserve.
A local charity has as its annual fund-raiser: a private screening of a soon-to-be-released movie, followed by supper. The tab for the “flick’n food” is $150. Everyone knows the movie will be in general citywide distribution within a week or so of the private screening.
Here’s the reasoning behind this: Charities have limited success prying loose donations when there is no corresponding donor benefit. Friends and acquaintances who receive invitations to attend the $150 screening have some wiggle room because they can decline by checking a box: “Sorry, I can’t attend, but my $50 donation is enclosed.”
It’s like magic. Suddenly the mail is filled with $50 donations without a corresponding tangible benefit. Why? Fifty bucks is a lot of money, but compared to shelling out $150 for a movie and a not-so-great dinner, it’s the deal du jour.
Argument pros know to seek more than they expect to receive:
“Will you chaperon Scout Camp the third week of January?”
“No way!”
“Well, then, how about chaperoning the snow weekend in October?”
“Well, I guess so.”
As the local charity and the scout leader backed down from their big requests ($150 for the screening and dinner; a whole week of camp) they made smaller requests (a $50 donation; a weekend in the snow). Those smaller requests were their concessions—concessions that are gladly grabbed up by writing a check for $50 or agreeing to a few days of judging snowman-building contests.
Think back to the last time you went car shopping. Does this sound all too familiar? It’s how a Honda dealer coaches its salespeople:
Lesson 1: The customer needs entry-level, two-door wheels. Show the Accord before you show the Civic. The Accord sells for about $4,000 more than a Civic. The Civic’s sticker shock is softened when the prospect hears the Accord’s price.
Lesson 2: The Civic comes in three models (least expensive, medium price, and luxury). If the salesperson shows the least expensive model first, the medium-price model appears expensive. If the luxury model is shown first, by comparison the medium-price model seems suddenly affordable.
Lesson 3: Hold off pitching options (fancier wheels, sound and security systems) until the basic deal has been cast. Once the customer has agreed to shell out close to $20,000, what’s another $1,500 or so?
Back in the neighborhood
“We have choices. One, we can do nothing and enjoy having movies so close to home. Two, we can consent if traffic can be controlled and security is assured. Three, we can say no to the multiplex.”
Quick Quiz
You are sitting down to watch TV with a bag of M&Ms. Will you eat more M&Ms if you’re holding a 2-pound bag than if you’re holding a 1-pound bag?
In a University of Illinois study, the average number of M&Ms consumed by those holding the 1-pound bag was 112. For those holding a 2-pound bag, it was 156. A sweet reminder that everything is relative.
People judge things by comparing them. Want to win approval for your idea? Create choices. Make your argument’s desired outcome the most attractive choice you present.
4 Ways to Add Credibility to Your Argument
Because it’s not enough that you’re credible. What you say has to appear credible.
1. There’s Credibility in Being Precise
Here’s how I coached Jake, my plumber: Make a $296.75 bid and it sounds well thought out. Deliberated. But if you bid $300, it will sound “pulled out of a hat.” Cavalier. An invitation to your customer to haggle.
“Ivory soap is 99-44/100 percent pure.” (Would Ivory soap’s purity be just as credible if it proclaimed, “Ivory soap is very, very pure”?)
“Our 747s depart on time 95 percent of the time,” boasted Japan Airlines. (Would Japan Airlines’s record for being on time be as credible if it proclaimed, “Our 747s are almost always on time”?)
“Clorox Clean-Up kills 99.9 percent of household bacteria and viruses.” (Would Clorox Clean-Up’s germ-killing ability be as credible if it proclaimed, “Hardly any household bacteria or viruses survive when you clean with Clorox”?)
The specific is more credible than the generic.
“She is consistent” is an inference. But saying “She closes seven out of 10 sales” is a credible statement of fact.
“It was a really exciting game” is a flat, lifeless abstraction. But saying “There were three touchdowns in the last 10 minutes” gives credibility to it being an exciting game.
“He is reliable” is a judgmental conclusion that doesn’t convey credibility the same way “He never missed a day’s work in 12 years on the job” does.
2. There’s Credibility in “Who Else Says So”
It’s a luxury not having to make difficult decisions—sifting through the pros and cons, evaluating the facts, gathering new facts, analyzing and separating, battling the forces of reason. It’s easier to put our decision-making processes on autopilot. To simply pick up on what others have seen fit to do. We are influenced by the power of “who else says so.”
My sister and I checked out at least a dozen managed-care facilities when it became apparent that my widowed dad could no longer live safely in his own home.
It was nice to tour facilities with linen tablecloths in the dining room, fresh flowers in public areas, big-screen TVs in the recreation room, care-givers in crisp white uniforms. But the place my sister and I chose for Dad had few of these amenities.
Our facility of choice was spartan and had an antiseptic quality. During my facility tour, instead of talking about how fresh the flowers were, I was introduced to occupants who couldn’t recall the name of the president of the United States or the year they were born. The facility manager proudly identified those occupants for us: the former editor of the state’s largest newspaper, a former top-level exec at Bank of America, and a once-prominent UCLA professor. If this facility was the choice of their caring families, then certainly it had to be our logical choice, too.
Have you ever been asked to rate a movie at a pre-release sneak preview? Or maybe you were part of an audience that was polled after a film’s release.
When Warner Brothers previewed the classic film Goodfellas, the screening scores weren’t good. Audiences said they’d be reluctant to recommend the movie to a friend. Studio pros know that the pre- and post-release polling results will generally be similar. When Goodfellas was finally released, critics around the country hailed it as one of the great American films. Doing an about-face, moviegoers took a cue from the critics. The post-release polling scores skyrocketed, fueled by the power of who else says so. Goodfellas went on to get six Oscar nominations, and Sight & Sound named it the fourth best film of the last 25 years.
Credibility is in the eye of the beholder…
Movie ads tout reviewers’ upbeat comments. All too quickly, I choose movies because of what “those in the know” have to say. I’m constantly relearning that a movie critic’s thumbs-up or four stars isn’t gospel. A case in point: the big-budget musical Moulin Rouge, starring Nicole Kidman. In its annual year-end wrap-up, Time’s critics declare the best and worst movies of the year. Critic Richard Corliss named Moulin Rouge his “Year’s Best” #2 slot. That same year, Time’s Richard Schickel pegged the film as #1 “Year’s Worst.” What is credible depends on which critic you find credible.
And there is even credibility in the not-so-credible…
A ticker-tape parade was thrown by the city of New York for its Yankees World Series champions. The mayor’s office boasted to the press that a crush of 3.5 million people had lined the mile-long parade route. The 3.5 million “statistic” became widely repeated headline news.
Weeks later, an investigative reporter set the record straight: Assuming that the people standing in line were the thinnest of the thin, the line would be 1,000 people deep. An impossible feat on the cramped streets of lower Manhattan.
Call upon the logic of what other people—real or imagined—are saying: “People who have given considerable thought to the issue are very much opposed to a 6-screen theater…. Most people are saying to vote no.”
3. There’s Credibility in “If I Can, You Can Too”
We are influenced when we see what people who are similar to us have accomplished. It’s the logic of “if I can, you can too.” Show the other guy how your idea can work for him as it has worked for you and others. The testimonial is a tried-and-true advertising technique because it works. And it also works to win arguments.
Quick Quiz
You’re a TV producer planning an ab-machine infomercial. Who will best sing your product’s praises: A former Mr. Universe with a washboard stomach? Or Mr. Sit-in-the-Office-All-Day who burned off 3 inches of flab with your machine?
You’re selling a “Math Made Easy” course. Will your best spokesperson be the professor who developed the course? Or the high school junior who went from Ds to As in three short weeks?
Infomercial testimonials feature down-the-street kinda folks. You know, the ones who bought get-rich-fast tapes and are now excitedly holding up their “trophy check”—a memorial of having closed a no-money-down or hardly-any-money down deal. Often they are plain-wrap folks with an every-man demeanor. Their implied message is crystal clear: “If I can do it, so can you!”
Multi-level marketing companies use “opportunity meetings” to recruit new distributors into their ranks. These meetings frequently feature a “lineup of stars”—real people who have achieved incredible success selling cosmetics, nutritional products, diet aids, or whatever.
4. There’s Credibility by Appearing to Be “In the Know”
“Four out of five dentists recommend….” “Tylenol is the pain reliever used most.” Do you remember these ads? Our world is just too complex for each of us to know a lot about everything. We rely on others to guide and inform us, and we put stock in what experts—real or perceived—have to say. We find it easy to believe what they believe.
“Shrinks Share Personal Details” was the title of a newspaper article about what’s new among mental health professionals. What’s new is a twist in how they go about relating to their patients. Professionals are now confiding things about themselves to their patients. One psychologist shares his experience as a child of divorce when treating patients with similar issues because sharing “can enhance the credibility of what the therapist is saying.”
Estée Lauder wants you to believe what its sales clerks have to tell you. The makeup giant, which also owns Clinique, Origins, and MAC brands, now dominates the first floor of most department stores. Using it’s-okay-to-believe-me titles, Estée Lauder calls its clerks “beauty advisors” and trains them to enhance their image of expertise and authority by wearing “minimum” jewelry and “neat, classic” hairstyles. Clinique clerks are “consultants,” a name that creates dermatological image. Origins has “guides,” a name that conveys an image of “natural” and believability. MAC clerks are “makeup artists,” a name that throws off an edgier, but still in-the-know image.
Come across as someone whose logic is to be trusted. An expert…a maven…someone who has been there, done that. Be an authority, or at least have the aura of someone in the know.
Back in the neighborhood
“I met with our city councilwoman, who told me that increased traffic and noise will be unavoidable. I also met with a real estate appraiser who said that a change in the character of our neighborhood will cause our homes to be worth less.”
You don’t need to be in the know to appear to be in the know. Some real-life examples:
Oprah Winfrey is an expert on many topics. Mad cow disease isn’t one of them. But when a food safety activist on The Oprah Winfrey Show suggested that mad cow disease posed a dire threat to the health of Americans who eat beef, Oprah exclaimed, “You just stopped me cold from eating another burger!” The price of cattle and cattle futures plunged the day of Oprah’s television show, and Texas cattlemen filed suit against Winfrey. “People of influence have to be careful about what they say,” cautioned the owner of the Amarillo Livestock Auction. The whole debacle is now known among cattlemen as “the Oprah crash.”1
Clients will sometimes ask me to form a corporation for their new start-up businesses. I usually ask why. Is there a tax reason for being incorporated? Are the checks and balances of a corporate structure necessary? Is a corporate structure needed to shelter the principals from liability? Sometimes the only reason a client will go to the expense and effort of incorporating is because, as my client H.K. said, “It’s easier to make deals when I say I am the president of a corporation…it’s a position of authority. Both my business and I take on an image of importance.”
C.H. is a con man who bilked millions from clients to feed his champagne appetites for contemporary art and diamonds. “Why would you doubt him?” one of his victims asked. C.H.’s victims spoke of C.H.’s “upper-crust British accent,” “impeccable clothes,” “nine-carat diamond ring,” and “arrogance.” C.H. had all the trappings and the air of authority that victims of swindlers so often cite.
Have you ever gone out to dinner with wine aficionados? You know, the folks who talk endlessly about a wine’s roundness, muskiness, tannin, bouquet, and complexity. I will admit it: Sometimes I can’t really tell the difference between the twist-off cap stuff and a pricey vintage offering. So what’s a guy to do when he feels outgunned when it comes to having an intimate knowledge of the grape? Take a course called “How to Be a Wine Snob.” And that’s exactly what I did.
My taste in wine hasn’t changed. But when confronted with a “What do you think of this wine?” situation, a lot of people believe I’m in the know. It’s all because of the one-size-fits-all response I learned in class: With a thoughtful look, I’ll nonchalantly reply, “Hmm—it’s an amusing wine, but it’s certainly not distinguished.”
When do you feel comfortable jaywalking? Studies reveal that three-and-a-half times as many people will follow a jaywalker in a business suit crossing the street against a “DON’T WALK” sign than will follow that same jaywalker when he’s dressed in a worker’s shirt and pants. If he were dispensing advice, would the well-dressed fellow be more believable to you than the guy wearing a work shirt?
And while we’re talking “tie power,” once a year, Ben & Jerry’s ice cream stores have Customer Appreciation Day, when they give away free single cones. Instead of being presented with a single scoop like everyone else in line, I was handed a double Cherry Garcia. “Why am I getting two scoops?” I asked the teenage counterman. “Don’t know…guess it’s ’cause you’re wearing a tie.”
People are influenced by the thinking of those who appear to be in the know, by the logic of “who else says so,” by the logic of “if I can, you can too,” by the logic of someone who has the aura and attitude of someone in the know. And sometimes by just wearing a tie!
Meet Raj, Who Telephoned Me 15 Years Later
Because stories are a powerful way to lead
Raj telephoned to say he needed a lawyer. He introduced himself by saying that 15 years earlier he attended my UCLA workshop. When we met, Raj complimented me on my negotiating skills workshop and told me how he remembered so much of what he learned that day. Raj didn’t play back my serious class remarks. Instead, he talked about the anecdotes and stories I shared with the class to get those points across.
How do you create a warmth and empathy that another person can feel? How do you transfer emotional energy? It’s easy. Tell a story.
What could be more poignant than the dripping-with-emotion Campbell’s soup TV ad where a very shy young girl and her foster mother finally bond when Mom offers the girl—you guessed it!—a bowl of Campbell’s soup?
Or what could be more heart-tugging than the commercial where six children from two different families try to persuade their single parents to marry? The kids’ tactic: whipping up a meal for the parents that includes Campbell’s soup. The parents tell the kids—now here comes the big surprise—that in fact they just got engaged!
So why doesn’t Campbell’s soup just come right out and tell us Campbell’s soup is “M’m! M’m! Good!”? Because people are motivated when you push their emotional buttons. As for the Campbell’s soup ads: “There is an emotional connection being made that transcends being hot and delicious,” says the creative chief of a national advertising agency.
Stories are among the most powerful persuasive tools ever discovered by man. Jesus used them for His teaching, and we know them as parables. They’ve been repeated for 2,000 years.
Abraham Lincoln filled his stories with a wry humor that came from his boyhood on the American frontier.
A young Abraham Lincoln was pleading a case before a jury. The circumstantial evidence was stacked against him, even though right was on his side. Lincoln persuaded the jury to ignore the logic of the circumstantial evidence by telling this story:
A farmer back home was sitting on his front porch, when suddenly his 6-year-old son came running from the barn and said, “Father, father, the hired man is in the hayloft with big sister. The hired man is pulling down his pants and big sister is lifting up her skirt, and I fear they are going to pee on the hay.”
“Now, now, son,” the farmer said calmly. “You have all the facts right, but you have reached the wrong conclusion.”
A story is something you visualize rather than intellectualize. A story isn’t something you lay on the other person. A story is something you share. It’s something by which you and other people emotionally connect. A story imparts nothing to question, reject, or refute. A person who is told a story has nothing to defend.
A story transfers feelings when it is crafted in human terms rather than lifeless abstractions. Your most compelling story will be drawn from your own experience—something you saw with your own eyes, something that you heard with your own ears.
A story has the capacity to clarify the obscure and simplify the complex. The best stories are the ones you tell in plain language.
I like telling stories about growing up in the 50’s. About how we played “cowboys and Indians” and ran around the neighborhood wearing cowboy hats, chaps, and carrying cap pistols.
The last time I told the story, a friend admonished me: “You can’t say you played cowboys and Indians anymore. It’s politically incorrect. You now have to say ‘cowboys and Native Americans’.” I’m sticking with plain “cowboys and Indians.” It makes for a far better story.
Here’s a personal favorite about how the plain language of a comic book story was long remembered….
The freighter Al Kuwait, carrying a cargo of 6,000 sheep, capsized in Kuwait’s harbor in 1964. Fearing their water supply would be poisoned by the decaying sheep carcasses, local residents desperately needed to raise the ship from the harbor bottom. The critical question: How could the ship be raised?
A Danish manufacturer came to the rescue with an idea he’d gotten from—of all things—a 1949 Walt Disney comic book. He recalled the story of how a sunken yacht popped to the surface when Donald Duck and his nephews—Huey, Dewey, and Louie—stuffed ping pong balls into the doomed vessel.
Kuwait’s water supply was spared when the Dane injected 27 billion polystyrene balls into Al Kuwait’s hull and the freighter rose to the harbor surface—a triumph of engineering and a long-remembered story about the creativity of four cartoon ducks.
Your story argument should have a clearly recognizable theme, a self-revealing reason or truth for being told. For example, in an environmental case, a lawyer made the jury want to hear more when his story began with this theme: “This is a case about whether the government has to obey the same rules as the rest of us.” In another case, a lawyer’s story involving a complex banking case began with this simple, compelling theme: “They lied; they stole. We want our money back.”
To change how the other person feels, lead with a story. Stories are compelling, memorable, and easily understood. Stories convey warmth, empathy, and—most importantly—your human spirit.
Meet a Toyota Dealer
Because he knows there’s comfort in following the lead of others
You’ve seen how people find comfort and guidance in doing what others are doing. Imitating saves them time and energy by validating that what they feel or think is “right on.”
We all know it’s okay to hoot and holler at a ball game, but not in a movie theater. And we know it’s okay to pick up French fries with our fingers, but not so okay to pick up string beans or asparagus the same way. Just as it’s okay to drink beer right out of the can at a barbecue, but a glass is the way to go at a nicer restaurant.
Jerry Seinfeld asks, “What’s the thing with tipping jars? Is it a tip for just turning around?” Takeout-counter employees who salt their tip cups with folding money are more likely to get generous tips because “other people” have demonstrated that leaving green (rather than a coin or two) is the correct and proper thing to do. And this whole let-me-show-you-the-way thing didn’t start at Starbucks. Church ushers have known for years that worshipers contribute more when collection baskets are passed around with some money already in the basket.
Customers buying cars at Southern California’s largest Toyota dealership make their way past “closing tables” strategically placed around the showroom floor. Entering the dealership, the very first thing they see are customers buying Toyotas. The right-off-the-bat message: “This is the time and the place to make a really good buy on a new car.”
Meet a “Low-Baller”
Because everyone needs to save face
People need to be consistent with themselves and with their previously announced beliefs.
Have you experienced either of the following examples?
Dieters who announce to friends and family their commitment to shed weight are more likely to stick to their diets.
Companies whose staffers are asked to write down their personal sales goals get better results than companies that don’t seek written commitments.
Sellers of aluminum siding, time-share resorts, and other high-pressure hypesters all know the trick: Customers who personally fill in sales contract blanks are less likely to kill the deal during the cooling-off period.
In 25-words-or-less “Why I love…” contests, prize seekers submit brief testimonials. These testimonials become statements of commitment. The contestant, having gone on record as liking the product, is likely to remain a customer for life.
Low-balling—deliberately throwing out a lower price than one intends to charge—is an unfair sales tactic. A car dealer’s confession to an investigative reporter explains how this tactic plays out:
“We tell the customer we’ve discovered a mistake in the quoted price. A sales manager will then apologize for reneging rather than losing money on the deal. Low-balling works because customers usually agree to the increased price because their mind-set to buy has been cast.”
Call it “getting your foot in the door”—getting that small first order. A commitment—that initial order—changes a buyer’s self-perception from “prospect” to “customer.” With a customer’s mind-set, former prospects are glad to look at samples or try other products. Doing so is consistent with being a customer. Customers have an attitude of receptiveness. People who aren’t customers have an attitude of resistance.
Quick Quiz
I know. You never win anything. But pretend for the moment that in a local restaurant’s drawing, you win a $125 special Saturday night dinner for two. The dinner must be enjoyed next Saturday night—no exceptions. Later in the week, you are invited to a friend’s party that same Saturday. Someone you would like to meet will be at your friend’s home that evening. Will you choose to have dinner at the restaurant or go to your friend’s party?
Now pretend that you prepaid $125 for that special Saturday night dinner for two. The $125 is nonrefundable and the day can’t be changed. Will you choose to have dinner at the restaurant or go to your friend’s party?
Most people are inclined to dine with their friends in the first situation and at the restaurant in the second. Why? Because to ignore money we’ve already spent is being inconsistent with ourselves.
Our need to be consistent with ourselves is also the need to act in ways that are consistent with what others expect of us. Retreating from an announced position means appearing to others as being inconsistent. Call it the New Revelation Tactic—revealing new information empowers a person to gracefully back down and save face. Peter Sellers, Inspector Clouseau of Pink Panther movie fame, trips in public and falls down. “I see there’s nothing of interest on the floor, so I’ll take a seat.” Few of us can finesse embarrassment as graciously as Clouseau. Want your argument to be warmly received? Then empower the other person to sidestep from what would otherwise be the indignity of an embarrassing situation.
Back in the neighborhood
“I discovered something you may not be aware of about what happens when multiplex theaters are built in neighborhoods like ours…” or “Here’s a surprising twist on what happens to real estate value when six-screen theaters are built….”
Do you have an about-to-be-married niece who thinks of you as being rich? If so, here’s a pretty safe guess: Your inclination will be to buy her a more expensive wedding gift than you would otherwise purchase.
So why do you tip? Is it for better service? If your answer is yes, then here’s a shocking fact: The relationship between the tip you leave and the future service you’ll be getting is very weak, reports the Hospitality Research Journal. The truth is, we tip because it’s expected. We act in ways that are consistent with what we believe others expect of us. And, according to University of Houston researchers, when we don’t leave the expected tip, we feel embarrassment, shame, self-consciousness, and anxiety.
Did you notice? That plug of cotton in Bayer Aspirin bottles is gone! For years, cotton was the bottle’s immobilizer—it kept the tablets from joggling around and breaking up. But since the 1980s, cotton really hasn’t been necessary. That’s when Bayer started coating its tablets with a protective microcovering. Why did Bayer wait so long? “Tradition,” said a Bayer spokeswoman. Tradition for Bayer meant being consistent. We trust Bayer aspirin because it’s familiar to us, and we choose it instead of chemically equivalent yet cheaper brands.
Politicians know the importance of being consistent with the expectations of voters. To remain consistent to their campaign promises not to increase taxes, presidents have gone to great lengths to avoid the “T word.” During the Reagan administration, an administration official referred to a four-cents-a-gallon increase in the federal gasoline tax as a “user fee” so as not to use the word tax. Trying to raise taxes without saying so, President Clinton announced that his proposed healthcare plan would be partially financed by a “wage-based premium”—in other words, a tax.
Asking the other person to retreat from her announced position is asking her to be inconsistent with herself. The New Revelation Tactic gives her a graceful way to retreat from her previously taken position.
Chapter Summary
Create interest in what you have to say; otherwise your argument won’t be heard.
Call on comparison power because everything you say or suggest is relative.
It’s not enough that the other guy feels you’re credible. What you say has to sound credible. Things sound credible when they are precise; when you call on the power of “who else says so”; the power of “if I can, you can too”; and the power of appearing to be in the know.
Lead with a story. Stories are easily understood, memorable, and compelling.
In the Consent Zone, the other person will find comfort and guidance in following your lead.
Everyone needs to be able to comfortably backpedal from their previously heels-dug-in position. The New Revelation Tactic does just that.