16
Dismantling the Illusion of Separation
As we live through thousands of dreams in our present life, so is our present life only one of many thousands of such lives which we enter from the other more real life and then return after death. Our life is but one of the dreams of that more real life, and so it is endlessly, until the very last one, the very real, the life of God.
LEO TOLSTOY
S o now that we have reviewed the six stages of the Soul’s journey, let us consider how we might use this knowledge to accelerate our evolution. What are the things that keep us from living in a state of love, and how are these dysfunctional patterns played out in the world today? Since the nature of the Soul is unity with Source, how could we forget our primary, original nature? How is it possible for us to know anything other than perpetual unity and bliss? What is the mechanism that causes us to have temporary amnesia?
This brings us to the mechanism of Adi-karma. Adi-karma is the instrument by which the Soul experiences an illusory separation from God, giving each of us the opportunity to experience contrast and to exercise free will through choice. Adi-karma is “karma not earned by the individual Soul. It is established by the Lords of Karma in the beginning of the Soul’s journey in the lower worlds; [it is] also called Primal Karma; [an] action of the creative force.” 1 While inflicting such a state of illusionary separation on any Soul may at first seem cruel or unkind, it is part of the rules that the Soul agrees to play by when it comes into this world. Why would anyone ever make such a choice, one might ask. After all, an eternity of bliss and union with God sounds great, doesn’t it? But is it possible that you might get bored? That’s like saying that a hot fudge sundae is your favorite food, yet after billions of years of eating hot fudge sundaes you might yearn for something else. You might want a squash soufflé, a green salad, or a T-bone steak. So, the Soul makes a different set of choices. It chooses to learn through the experience of yearning, separation, pain, and struggle, and in this way the Soul gets to explore and grow. This is how it entertains itself and evolves throughout eternity.
Because we are small expressions of the Divine One, the nature of the Divine is very similar to our own human nature—inquisitive, loving, adventurous, explorative, and eager to share its thoughts with others. So, of course, the Creator, through us, wishes to explore. Just take a moment to consider any healthy adolescent who wants to push his boundaries, try new things, and hopefully fall in love. But since the Divine exists in a state of perpetual unity, how can it experience separation from itself? God is simultaneously the lover and the beloved, the teenager and the one he falls in love with. So in this knowledge of absolute Oneness, nothing new can be learned. So it is only through experiencing separation and reunion that we create an array of choices. Through the absence of love, we come to appreciate its presence . Having loved and lost, and loved again, we can then truly know how sweet it is to return to union once again.
Thus, just like our Angelic Twin who remains in a state of perpetual light and bliss, the larger part of God remains in the higher realms. Yet another part is eminent or present in all of nature, and yet another part courageously travels through the realm of duality. And God is experiencing this through each one of us, through the lives and experiences of trillions of creatures, not only on this world, but in other systems as well. This is the immensity of the Creator. And at a personal level, this process allows the Soul to also have millions of experiences as it travels through the creational worlds, forgetting and remembering through the process of separation and yearning, until the day when it awakens to its true nature.
The Creation of the Ego
In Eastern spiritual traditions much is said about dissolving the ego, but the ego actually serves a very useful function in the lower worlds. We can compare it to a car, a vehicle that gets us from place to place; it’s a necessity if we want to drive in the fast lane, which in this case is planet Earth. Like a car, the ego holds a portion of our spirit, but only for a limited amount of time. There comes a time when we dissolve the ego because the Soul has discovered that its natural state is to fly. At that moment the car has done its job. It has allowed our Souls to have a vehicle for experiencing the contrasts of life until we evolve to the point that we no longer need it. Then the ego melds with the higher Self, creating a perfect synthesis of the human being and the Angelic Self.
So the ego is the device by which the Soul develops its individuality in lifetime after lifetime. This egoic self develops over many lifetimes, being created anew in each life through the acquisition of a new set of subtle-energy bodies. These are the mental, emotional, astral and physical bodies. Each of these new aspects is created from the seeds of our past learning, personality traits, interests, and spiritual merits, so that the progress we make in our various lifetimes is cumulative. Nothing is really lost. While some part of us may believe that we have forgotten who we are, the affinities we have developed in each life remain in the causal body and can be reactivated. Once we begin a new life, we still must teach our new fingers to play the piano, to paint, or to throw a football. However the skills that we have developed in earlier lifetimes will return quickly if we choose to go down that path.
I remember years ago picking up a sword at a Renaissance Fair. I deftly began to fence, driving back my six foot two boyfriend, quickly cornering him against a wall. Everyone was stunned at my natural ability, which I also had with archery, jumping horses, and running. However in this life, that athletic temperament has been rechanneled into spiritual pursuits. So in every life we must deal with the temperament of the body we have chosen, the direction of our talents and interests, and the limitations of our genetic makeup. Sometimes our genes will give us musical, writing, or creative talent, perhaps chosen by the Soul to follow those creative interests. Other genetics give us a propensity for beauty, physical appearance, or diseases. Sometimes we choose a fiery body or one that is sluggish, stocky, muscular, or fat. Adjusting to these changes can take some effort, but when we can befriend our body, then we do not have to be mastered by it. Thus the mind, emotions, and physical body are vehicles that we use on the playing field of life. However we must also contend with the ego, and that brings us back to the subject of Adi-karma.
Adi-karma is the original karma that was given to us when we first descended into the physical world. We did not earn it, rather it was given to us so that we could play the game of life. Through thousands of Soul readings I have discovered that each one of us has one of the three lies of Adi-karma embedded within the ego. These lies are: (1) “I’m not worthy of God’s love; (2) “I’ve been abandoned or betrayed by God”; and (3) “I’m alone down here.” These false beliefs allow the Soul to experience the illusion that we are separate from God. In other words, as a result of the veil of separation or illusion, we have an opportunity to exercise our free will and to take all the time we need to make choices that allow us to learn, grow, and make mistakes. While each Soul is only assigned one of the three lies of Adi-karma at the start of our incarnational journey, over the course of many trials and tribulations we may inadvertently acquire the other two false beliefs, thus deepening the veils of illusion and separation. These false beliefs then become a part of the structure of the ego, or little self, until such time as we can see past them. This is one of the reasons why emotional clearing work is so vital to our happiness. These three lies are aspects of the Shadow that binds us in sadness, fear, and anger in the lower worlds. However once we make a connection with our higher Self and attain self-realization, this illusion of separation is broken and the Shadow becomes integrated into the whole. Then we are free to continue our journey home, back to Source.
Identifying the core wound that you carry can greatly assist you in seeing through the veils of separation. While many people feel a lack of self-worth, alienation, or even a fear of rejection, they may be afraid to face it. By understanding that this is not just your wounding pattern, but that of millions of other people, we can stand back, heave a sigh of relief, and know we are in good company. Then we can begin the work of emotional clearing. The subconscious programs of Adi-karma are part of the game of life, and the sooner we identify them, the better off we will be.
“I’m not worthy of God’s love.”
This belief creates a lack of self-worth and the resulting emotion of sadness. People who have this belief are often big givers, many times giving way too much to others and not enough to themselves. These folks may also have a hard time receiving love and may spend their lives constantly trying to prove that they are smart enough, good enough, and lovable enough to be worthy of approval or love. This desire to be loved and acknowledged, or seen and appreciated, can cause that person to become the unwitting victim of other people eager to exploit their generosity.
The antidote to the belief in one’s unworthiness is to affirm that you are worthy of God’s love; otherwise you would not exist! Clearly, God found you worthy, so who are you to argue, especially when the Divine has a much larger perspective? So start your affirmations today; affirm that you are healthy, wealthy, and wise; that you are worthy, loved, and abundant; that you are blessed, beautiful, and successful. And tell your inner critic to go sit on the couch and take a powder !
“I’ve been abandoned/betrayed by God.”
This belief creates an undercurrent of anger. People who hold this belief may come from homes where they were abandoned or betrayed by their families or the circumstances of early life. They feel like victims, and then, when they grow up, they become victimizers as a result of their own unconscious beliefs. These are the people who walk around with a chip on their shoulder and have huge control issues with spouses, friends, and associates. These control dramas are just an unconscious way that the Soul tries to protect itself from experiencing abandonment once again. Unfortunately, these anger and control issues can be so oppressive to others that it creates the very thing that this person most fears: spouses, friends, and children eventually leave them because no one wants to be the target of their anger.
The antidote to this lie is to examine the facts. You haven’t really been abandoned by God, although I’m sure it feels that way. In reality you volunteered for this job. You are the kamikaze diver who insisted on coming down here. And now that you’ve arrived, your little self wants to blame your departure from the higher realms on everyone else. Get a grip! God has never abandoned or betrayed you, because you have the God spark within you. God lives inside of everything around us. So it’s not like someone is having a great party that you weren’t invited to. You are in the middle of the party, so it’s about time you start acting grateful for all of the many blessings in your life. After all, there were about a billion other Souls who wanted your slot, and you, you lucky dog, got to come here after all!
“I’m alone down here.”
This belief engenders fear. People who have embraced the belief that they are alone and always will be alone are often afraid to be alone. Consequently, they may surround themselves with people while still feeling unfulfilled and lonely. Sometimes this need is so strong that the person is desperate to get married and as a result she chooses someone who is not capable of meeting her at a deeper emotional level, thus creating that sense of loneliness again. Or she may unconsciously cut herself off from receiving the love of others, convinced that she is alone and will always be alone. So she becomes reclusive. She may never commit to a lasting relationship like a marriage, and instead becomes afraid to take chances, afraid of new experiences, afraid to let others in, and fearful that no matter what she does she will still wind up alone. For this person, fear is at the foundation of life. This belief is isolating, whether in the work environment, in social interactions, and even in friendships.
So what is the antidote to this false belief? Let’s take a closer look at the simple fact that you couldn’t be alone if you tried! As we have seen, God is everywhere and in everything, so the only thing you have to do is to begin to practice that Divine presence. Let the blinders fall from your eyes. Go talk to your dog, your cat, your car, your flower garden, the sky, the moon, the sun, the wind, and practice the presence of your higher Self that has been with you all along, patiently tapping its fingers and wondering when you’re going to wake up!
Four Defense Mechanisms That Keep Us in the Illusion of Separation
In addition to the lies of Adi-karma, over the course of thousands of sessions I have discovered four basic mechanisms by which people defend the little ego self and keep themselves in bondage to the illusion of separation. While these defense mechanisms may appear to work in the short term, they prevent us from examining the false beliefs that run our lives, thereby sabotaging our connection with the light of our true Self. These defense mechanisms give power to the Shadow. Let’s take a look at them one by one and see how they mostly don’t serve us.
Denial
Denial is the belief that “there is nothing wrong with me” and “I don’t have a problem, and in fact, you do!” Denial is used by those who are afraid to look at themselves because if they did they’d have to address their own fundamental problems, and this would mean admitting that they are wrong. Often a person who uses denial becomes an expert at deflecting the criticism of others by being critical or judgmental of them, thus projecting their own issues, fears, and faults onto the other person. Denial may also take the form of the person who puts her head in the sand because it is just too painful to look at the truth. If she was willing to acknowledge what is right in front of her, then she might have to drastically alter her life and her image of herself. Denial can take a thousand forms:
“No, I don’t have a drinking problem. I can handle my own life.”
“Nonsense, my husband is just working late for the thousandth time. He’s too tired to have sex anyway.”
“I had a perfect childhood! How dare you think that I’m to blame!”
“My little girl is depressed, but that’s normal, isn’t it?”
“I’m open-minded. I just think that all Commies [Jews, ‘Spics, Muslims, niggers, etc.] are going to Hell.”
“I’m a sensitive ladies’ man, as long as they just give me what I want.”
The root of denial is fear—the fear of being wrong; the fear of being a bad parent; the fear of being a bad boss; the fear of having to admit the compromises you’ve made; the fear of not being good enough, smart enough, or having to change your life as a result of what you’ve discovered about yourself. After all, if people knew who you really were, then you would not be lovable—something you were probably conditioned to believe by a dysfunctional family, religion, and society in general.
The antidote for these fears begins with honest self-examination, a complete suspension of all blame, accepting responsibility, and genuine forgiveness, beginning with oneself and extending to all others. This is, in fact, the core of the Twelve Step Program. All of us make mistakes. We are imperfect beings in an imperfect human world, and that’s okay. After all, we are still on the Wheel of Becoming, so it’s okay not to have arrived yet. Knowing that you are loved no matter how wounded you are is the first step. You are loved by God. You are loved by your spiritual guides. And you are loved no matter what you might need to change about your present thoughts, actions, or attitudes. Who needs to work on loving you more is you yourself, and that is okay too. Knowing that you are loved, forever and ever, will give you the strength to look at yourself honestly, figure out how you can do better, and have the courage to stop denying your Shadow, for it is only by identifying and loving your Shadow into wholeness that you can really step into the light.
Rebellion
Most of us are familiar with the defense mechanism of rebellion because it is an important part of growing up. When children become teenagers it is natural for them to pull away from the constraints of their parents and try to define their own values so that they can begin to establish their own way of being in the world. So rebellion is part of the natural order of self-discovery. However, as we move into adulthood, if we succumb to a reactive form of rebellion that is fueled by a deep underlying, unchecked anger, then rebellion becomes a mechanism of self sabotage. Rebellion can be expressed in angry, reactive actions or in more passive-aggressive ways. It can take the form of dressing sloppy, blowing off appointments, constantly being late, “forgetting” to follow through, breaking agreements, or refusing to work with others in a harmonious way. When the source of rebellion or anger is left unhealed, it can ruin a career, relationships, and opportunities for happiness. Let’s take a look at a couple examples:
Most rebellion is fueled by anger. This may be the anger of early abandonment, abuse, betrayal, or an upbringing that was negligent or too controlling. Whenever these issues are left unhealed, rebellion can set in. This negative cycle of reaction can be so self-sabotaging that it’s like cutting off your nose to spite your face. While in the moment you may have won the battle of wills with your boss, your spouse, or your friends, you have actually lost the war because you have pitted your energies against those who could have been your allies. Through your own contentious attitudes you may have made your point, but it is you who are damaged the most because you have refused to work in harmony with others. Rebellion reveals a serious lack of gratitude for the opportunities you have been given. Thus the person who has adopted rebellion as a defense mechanism becomes the one who can never listen, never apologize, and never learn the lessons that life presents, because his energy is still locked in an endless war that he is fighting with his original sparring partner—his parents .
The antidote to this defense mechanism is to discover who it is that you are still angry at and resolve this core entanglement. This may mean learning something you didn’t know about that person—why he was abusive, why he left you at a critical moment in time, why he was so overprotective or over-controlling. By revising your understanding of your own history and his, then the person who has wronged you can be seen as the person he actually was, not the person he was to you. That individual may have been struggling with his own emotional problems that were too complex to explain to a child. His own checkered history may have caused him to act in unloving or unreliable ways, resulting in your wounding and disappointment. He may have been unable to give you what you most needed, either because it was not in his character to do so or because of his own past history.
Over and over I have seen that once this defense mechanism is acknowledged, it opens a way for healing to begin. Then you can find a way to express your disappointment, anger, and sadness, whether through writing a letter to the person who hurt you (even if he is no longer alive), working with a therapist, or simply talking to that person. Then you can decide whether you have it in you to forgive him. Forgiveness is a crucial part of the Soul’s journey, especially if someone has done you wrong. Then you must ask yourself if you can find a higher meaning behind these difficult life lessons. How has this negative experience been of service to your spirit? Did it give you any tools or strengths that you otherwise would not have had? Is there anything there that you can use as fuel to help you achieve your life’s goals? Can this deeper understanding assist you now in attaining your life’s purpose?
Once you have answered these questions, it’s time to decide what you want to do with your life now that you are coming from a place of true balance and understanding. Defining your priorities and knowing that you can achieve your goals by treating others with the same kind of respect that you want to be treated with is critical to this process. Along the way you may have to make amends for some of your earlier behavior. But when the seeds of our wounding become the tools of our empowerment, then we can finally see its higher purpose in our life. “I will bend like a reed” is a good mantra for this stage of consciousness, once the pain of the past has been jettisoned. Then you can transcend these patterns and focus on an attitude of gratitude and the positive manifestation of your own hopes and dreams.
Self-Righteousness
Self-righteousness is the belief that “I am right and others are wrong,” end of story. Self-righteousness is pretty easy to spot from the outside, but it is difficult to identify for anyone who is in the midst of it. Of course, self-righteousness can always be justified by a million excuses, and it is often transmitted to us through the prejudices of previous generations. Self-righteousness is also a big part of our religions, which seem to be so good at pointing fingers. Fundamentalists the world over are entrenched in this particular defense mechanism, whether they be Moslem, Christian, or Jewish. But in the end it all comes down to having to be right. For these people it’s “my way, or the highway.”
Self-righteous people are rarely open people, even if they appear to be that way in an effort to win you over. Yet they are not really open to considering any way of thinking other than their own. Their need to be right stems from ignorance and arrogance. Ironically, arrogance is the flip side of insecurity, two sides of the same coin. The more pompous a person acts, the more insecure they really are. If they were truly in touch with the spirit of love they would not have to push their beliefs onto others. Then it would not matter whether you believed them or not. They could allow others to have their opinions without making anyone wrong.
The cure for self-righteousness is surrendering your own opinions about a person or situation to the higher wisdom of Creator. After all, no matter how smart you think you are, God is smarter. The Divine has a plan for everyone, even if it’s not your plan. It may actually be a much bigger plan than we would ever have thought of with our limited human viewpoint. God’s timing is not the timing of the world; rather, it is the perfect timing for the unfolding of that particular Soul. Each person is on his own amazing journey; before you criticize a man (or a woman), walk a mile in his shoes. The person we judge is an immortal being just like us, who will ultimately find his own way into the arms of God. Sometimes the real test of our character is whether we can love someone unconditionally, just as they are, and let Spirit do the rest.
What we do know is that we do not have to be in charge of anyone else’s life. No matter what our opinions may be, we must remember to “let go and let God,” knowing that sometimes our self-righteous judgment actually impedes the other person’s spiritual progress, depriving him of the very thing they most need: unconditional love. Remember, fear and judgment constrict, while love and compassion expand, so it is love that will ultimately set us free.
Withdrawal
Of all the defense mechanisms that we might employ in times of danger, withdrawal may be the healthiest. Yet even this defense mechanism can go too far. Certainly there are times when we simply need to reflect on our own feelings, avoid an argument, or replenish our own energies. In such cases withdrawal is not a negative choice. However, as a communication strategy it is not very effective. Sometimes learning to speak your truth is exactly what you need to do, and when withdrawal is used as a mechanism for not engaging in your own life, distancing yourself from loved ones, or not participating in a love relationship you’ve signed up for, then it doesn’t serve you. In this way it can sabotage you just as surely as any of the other defense mechanisms.
What lies at the heart of withdrawal? The fear of being hurt, of course. This is the fear that what we say or think or who we are will be rejected by others, that by emotionally showing up for the events of life, things will become harder instead of easier. So while withdrawal can sometimes be a good thing, when taken to extremes it can amount to withholding one’s love and emotional distancing. This can then be used as a way of stealing another person’s energy rather than simply regathering your own.
Withdrawal as a defense mechanism usually has its origins in families where the children did not feel safe to express their feelings. These are environments where anything that rocked the boat was unsafe. This mechanism is often adopted by adult children of alcoholics who experienced early life as unpredictable, random, and frightening, never knowing whether the environment of the home was a dangerous place to be. Like small woodland animals who sense when a dangerous predator is close by, withdrawal becomes the instinct for survival.
Once we are adults, however, and can create safety in our own home, then it is time to examine whether this learned behavior still serves us. Have we learned to use words to communicate our feelings? Has our partner learned how to hear us so that we feel safe? Are we emotionally available to ourselves and to others? How can we use our adult skills to speak up without becoming the victim? How can we respond to danger or conflict instead of reacting to it, thus withdrawing into the pain of our childhood again? These lessons can most easily be learned by healing your own inner child. This means that if you did not have a safe environment growing up, you must become the parent to your frightened inner child. There are a number of ways to do this, including “firing” your old parents and creating a new set of parents through alchemical hypnotherapy. These new, loving parents are then built into the foundation of your psyche. In this way you can create the safe, nurturing environment you need to transform the unconscious patterns of childhood trauma into unconditional support.
Today there are excellent techniques available to assist us in changing old patterns that have been passed down to us through countless generations. For the first time in ages we know how to work with the subconscious mind to delete these old tapes and replace them with new ones. The most powerful of these techniques allow us to access the alpha, theta, and delta brainwave states, where our subconscious programs are stored. Through a variety of methods, including hypnotherapy, holographic repatterning, voice dialogue, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), *17 holotropic breath work, emotional freedom technique, theta healing, inner child work, and many others, we now have many ways to transform these unproductive places where we may have gotten stuck along the way. Realizing that our generation is actively working to change these inherited dysfunctional patterns, we can all remember that this is the alchemical work of each and every one of us.