CHAPTER 12

Horses and Leadership

Horses teach leaders more in one day than most training programs teach in a year. A good number of successful leaders in history were good with horses as well as with people: Alexander the Great, Katherine the Great, George Washington, Winston Churchill, and Ronald Reagan,8 to name a few.

We saw earlier how horses are masters at picking up clues and reading their environment. Horses thrive in herds, where they regularly relate to and communicate with each other. They set boundaries and manage various interactions while paying remarkable attention to everything going on around them.

Horses are emotional intelligence experts. Their expertise stems from their need to recognize danger and respond in the moment. They are excellent teachers and mirrors for us humans. If you can successfully lead a horse, you are likely effective with people. Working with a horse forces you to develop your ME, because leading a horse requires getting in touch with what’s going on inside of you.

Put a leader in a round pen with a horse, and the horse will quickly become a crystal clear mirror for that leader’s congruence in building a relationship and giving instructions. Horses teach the power of pause. Let’s look at two stories that illustrate just how powerfully our four-legged friends can impact leadership.

INSIDE-OUT AND CONGRUENT LEADERSHIP

I, Susan, learned about leading from the inside out during a workshop run by Koelle Simpson at a ranch in Phoenix in 2011. The workshop focused on learning about leadership from horses.

The only problem: I was not a horse person. I loved watching them from afar, but I was not one to get too close.

Even so, on day one, I was the first person to volunteer to walk into the round pen with a horse and see what happened. The general instruction was simply to establish a relationship with the horse. Easy enough, right?

Some details. The round pen is a circular enclosure about fifty feet in diameter. You walk in the round pen with no equipment. The horse has no halter, you have no rope. It is just you and the horse in an enclosed round pen.

There I sat with fifteen other participants in the bleacher-like seats above the round pen. Although I enthusiastically stood up, I immediately had second thoughts as I made my way down to the ground. My doubts grew stronger as I approached the round pen entrance and heard the sounds of the horse that was inside.

Inside, I panicked. But, I wasn’t about to look scared or chicken out. It was time to muster up some courage and walk in that round-pen door. So, I did what any good leader does under pressure: I put on a happy, confident face and walked right in.

That horse stayed as far away from me as possible. I tried looking calm and cool. I tried moving toward the horse, following all of the recommended tips: eyes down, curved movements, nonaggressive posture, visualizing the horse letting me get closer.

I got nothing. As I stood near the center of the pen, the horse was restless and stayed against the wall twenty-five feet away from me.

Koelle coached me. “What’s going on inside?” she asked me. “What are you thinking and feeling? What is your intention in connecting with the horse?”

After some feeble attempts to answer intelligently, I broke down. “Honestly, I’m scared silly of this horse,” I said, looking at Koelle. I was almost in tears, hating myself for jumping into the pen first. “I have no idea what I’m doing, and frankly, I’m not even sure I’d be comfortable if that horse got any closer.”

I heard muttering from the others watching. I wrestled with my tears. Finally, I lost the battle and let a few run down my cheek.

Suddenly, I felt the breath of the horse on my neck. Wow, I did not see that coming! Unbeknownst to me, the horse began moving closer the moment I was honest and congruent about what was happening for me.

I knew I wanted to jump in and get the most out of the workshop, but what I wasn’t willing to acknowledge or own was my fear of the horse. I wanted to learn from the horse, but I didn’t want to look scared. The horse figured that out in seconds. It took me a while longer!

Leaders often find it necessary to step up and take charge of a situation. I tried to do that with the horse with my faux confidence. But if, when you take charge, you deny your inner fear or doubts, you will be less effective at leading, just as I initially failed to win over the horse.

Horses taught me that if I acknowledge, even to myself, my nervousness around these powerful animals, and I take a breath to be present with that nervousness and excitement, I settle down. Connecting to the ME clarifies what direction to go next. And the horse doesn’t seem to mind at all.

The same applies to leading people. When a leader acknowledges her feelings; be it fear, excitement, joy, sorrow, or hurt, leadership is easier. Often, just acknowledging your emotions to yourself can be powerful. When you become aware of and own your thoughts, feelings, and wants, you clarify the fidelity of your message because there is congruence between the external words being spoken and the internal emotional landscape. Individuals feel safe in that congruence just as horses do; and, people tend to be loyal to congruent leaders.

Over the next couple of days, I experienced the amazing power of horses as mirrors. The experience was so profound that I signed up for Koelle’s year-long Equus Coaching Program. I now regularly use horses in my work with leaders and teams, which is easy to do here in the horse country of Montana. It is powerful to work with a business leader who suddenly finds true leadership in a round pen with a horse. Leaders develop a felt sense they can rely on when leading their teams.

Next up: the power of pause. Yes, we’ll learn that from a horse, too.

THE POWER OF PAUSE

It’s easy for leaders to focus on the vision, goal, or milestones. Yet this emphasis often comes at the expense of noticing what is happening inside. When we lose our connection to self, we lose our connection to others. As a result, we don’t realize how our actions impact our colleagues and team. Our best plans and approaches are counterproductive.

Years after my own round pen experience, I (Susan) coached Bridgette, a senior manager for a technology company. Bridgette struggled on a project in which she was partnering with her boss. It was not going smoothly.

I opted to use a round pen in my coaching. For Bridgette that meant a session involving a horse with a halter and Bridgette holding the end-lead line connected to the horse. This connection to the horse via the lead line helps the leader (in this case, Bridgette) recognize that her internal feelings are transmitted via the line to the horse (who is a stand-in for the team). For example, when Bridgette is tense, her grip tightens. The horse feels this tension and reacts. I’ve found this type of coaching to be the quickest way for a leader to get a sense of her leadership communication, impact, and effectiveness.

As Bridgette interacted with the horse, the horse crowded her. Bridgette stiffened her body, hunched her shoulders up to her ears, and she could hardly breathe. First, I suggested she take a breath and feel her feet. Bridgette chuckled because she didn’t realize she had been holding in her breath. Her energy shifted, and she looked more relaxed.

Second, I suggested she let the horse know what a comfortable distance would be, meaning set a boundary by turning toward the horse and using her energy and her body to back the horse out of her space. Because Bridgette was now more grounded in her body, she could use the lead line to effectively communicate her physical space boundary. Success!

The next goal was to partner with the horse to create movement, much like a dance, moving the horse forward and back. Holding the lead line and facing the horse, but to the side of its head, Bridgette stepped forward toward the tail of the horse. The horse backed up. Bridgette stepped backward, and the horse came toward her. She played around with this movement, and each time the horse responded immediately.

Finally, I suggested she lead the horse by shifting speeds, and communicate the desired goal and when to stop. I watched her attempts.

What was most interesting, and illustrative to Bridgette’s current work situation, came up as she led the horse. It didn’t go well. Bridgette would start with a clear goal in mind. She looked serious and would stride ahead with purpose, and as she moved, the horse would begin to move. But, at some point it pulled backward against her with increasing pressure. Bridgette did manage to bring the horse along, but the task was exhausting!

I stepped in and modeled what I had seen her do with the horse. Watching, Bridgette said, “I see what I’m doing. I’m so focused on getting to my goal that I’m dragging the horse along.”

“Yes,” I replied. “My story is that in your goal-focused mind you’ve lost contact with your own body and, as a result, with the horse. You can’t expect to move a 1,500-pound animal if you don’t even inhabit your own 150-pound body.”

I suggested she pause during the process to connect to herself first. Bridgette paused. She took a breath, felt her feet, and grounded into her whole body. The horse visibly relaxed, and when Bridgette again attempted to lead the horse, he easily followed.

Bridgette recognized the impact of focusing only on her goal, and she discovered the power of pausing and connecting to herself before simply pushing on—or, in this case, pulling or dragging. This simple session made a profound shift for Bridgette. She recognized that at work she was so focused on the goal of a project—driving for the deadline—that she missed the connection to herself and her boss. No wonder he kept resisting her ideas!

In life and in leadership, it is easy to focus on the vision, goal, or milestones. But this emphasis comes at the expense of noticing what is happening internally. When you lose connection with yourself, you lose connection to others and miss out on the impact you can have on them.

Have you, like Bridgette, ever been too focused on driving your own agenda? Have you ever been like me; so overcome by what you feel that you’re not being congruent? Focusing on a goal is not a bad thing. The key is to remember yourself in the midst of achieving that goal, and to be aware of the larger arena or context you are operating within. When you include the entire landscape, both inside and out, you’ll be surprised how graceful and easy it is to accomplish that goal you have been striving for so hard. When you pause, when you become congruent, when you connect to your ME, your leadership improves.

Have you ever felt better when you blamed someone else for a problem? I know I have. But playing the blame game undermines your influence. Read on to find out how, and what you can do about it.