Mind Your Body

3 The 10 × 10 Deserve Level Test

The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.

—WILLIAM JAMES

To follow, apply, and sustain the Core Concepts for Optimal Success described in the last chapter, you need a clear understanding of the overall quality of your life right now. That’s where the 10 × 10 Deserve Level Test comes in. This intensive self-assessment tool—made up of 10 essential categories, or deserve levels, and a simple rating system—will provide you with the answers that are necessary for effectively practicing and sustaining the 10 Core Concepts for Optimal Success.

Author Louise Hay popularized the concept of “deservability,” describing it as the idea that if you believe at your innermost core you don’t deserve to have what you wish for, then you block it from manifesting. The flip side is that if you do believe at the deepest level that you deserve something, then you will do what it takes to make it happen, and it will manifest. I’ve taken this concept and paired it with a quantifiable rating system to provide a quick and effective way for you to see the level of your deservability in any area of your life—your deserve level.

You become what you think you deserve to be.

Joel’s Jargon

A DESERVE LEVEL is a rating of self-worth, self-respect, and self-esteem for a given category in your life. It’s the blessing or permission you give yourself based on what you believe you deserve in your life.

Desiree and the Deserve Level Concept

In 2010, Desiree, a successful business owner, came to me wanting to improve her health and lose weight. At the first session with a client, I start by having a conversation to collect a history. (Since training sessions are limited to an hour, there is no time to have clients complete a full test—that is an added benefit of Mind Your Body.) I began by asking Desiree about her work and daily schedule. Desiree told me that she frequently traveled for work, and since she was dedicated to working out and performing optimally on her job, she took pains to find five-star hotels with fitness centers. Desiree never skimped on giving herself a comfortable, cozy, rejuvenating place to stay. Desiree stuck to her luxury-sleeping environment and steady workout schedule because she believed unequivocally that they enabled her to perform at her best, and that she and her business deserved nothing less. Interestingly, when I turned the conversation to food, the discussion soured.

To say that Desiree had subpar nutritional habits would be like saying deep-fried Twinkies are a little bad for your health. Desiree’s daily diet included sugary sodas, fast food meals, vending machine snacks, and quick-mart chips and candy bars. The kicker was that she also smoked cigarettes. These actions clearly stated that Desiree didn’t deem her body worthy of healthy, nutritious, and sustainable foods (or fresh air).

I saw immediately that Desiree’s deserve levels were all over the map. Desiree made sure to get in a workout no matter where she was traveling, but she sabotaged any healthy fitness gains with fattening empty foods and smoking. I could see that the first step in our training would be to enlighten and educate Desiree as to how her goals to lose weight and get healthy became snagged on the contradictions in other areas of her life. I introduced her to the 10 × 10 Deserve Level Concept and explained how to use the 1-to-10 rating system to identify her deserve levels.

I first asked her, “How important is it for you to have a comfortable place to relax and sleep at night?”

“10,” she said.

“And how important is it for you to exercise?”

“10. I never miss my workout,” she said.

Next I asked, “How important is it for you to lose weight?”

Again “10” was the response.

Then I asked, “How healthy did you eat yesterday?”

“2,” she mumbled.

We discussed what she’d been eating, and her deep-down reasons for why she was eating this way, and she agreed that her typical eating plan put her at a 1 or 2 in the nutrition category, which was an obstacle to losing weight and improving her health.

When I pointed out the extreme imbalance in her habits, she was truly surprised. I asked her if she thought she deserved to eat healthy to reach her goals. “Absolutely!” she said.

Seeing the numbers helped Desiree clearly understand the discrepancies. She realized she wasn’t nurturing her insides by eating healthy, which was much more important than 1,500-thread-count sheets. This awareness, along with other techniques to improve awareness, empowered Desiree to change her value system about nutritional habits, and she increased her nutritional deserve level to a 9. She still stays at plush hotels, but today Desiree has ditched the sodas and smokes, and now prioritizes eating healthy foods just as much as exercise. Not surprisingly, Desiree is now at a healthy weight and full of energy and passion for her life!

Think about it: if I had told Desiree to focus on fitness before addressing her nutritional and health issues, she would have remained out of balance, and any weight loss wouldn’t have been sustainable. All the exercise in the world couldn’t counteract the effects of smoking and the junk-food-junkie lifestyle she was leading. When you don’t address what is out of balance, you can’t make changes stick. Desiree might have seen short-term results in her fitness if I had focused on improving her exercise technique or given her eating tips, but by addressing the mindset underlying why she ate the way she ate and why she smoked, her motivation became much stronger, and she was empowered to take control of her life and health.

Your deserve level is the conviction with which you say, “I deserve this!” in response to the questions in the test. Deeply believing that you deserve something is where true budge-proof motivation comes from; it’s what makes possible incorporating and achieving the 10 Core Concepts.

The quiz is broken into 10 categories that are intimately intertwined with your level of mental, physical, and nutritional health. Each plays a critical role in making the difference between a miserable or a magnificently balanced life.

What You Need

You’ll need to set aside at least forty-five minutes of uninterrupted time to complete the test. And since you’ll return to this test repeatedly throughout the program, you may want to make copies of the pages. Have a notebook and a pen handy in case you want to jot down any creative thoughts. Remember that there are no wrong answers. The aim of the 10 × 10 Deserve Level Test is to shine light on areas where you excel, as well as on areas that need nurturing, attention, and development. There will be fluctuations. You will rate high in some categories and low in others. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses; this is normal. Right now you are just determining a baseline. Answer the questions from the perspective of what a good friend or someone with whom you are close would say. If you come upon a question that you can’t immediately answer, pause, take a few deep breaths, and quiet your mind. Let the answer come to you. Then proceed.

How to Rate Deserve Levels

Numeric rating scales are useful because they are an objective way to quickly and clearly communicate what areas of your life most need attention. A rating of 10 is perfect, as good as it gets, or of extreme importance, while a 1 is the worst it can get or extremely unimportant.

Rate each question or statement on a scale of 1 to 10:

10 = Absolutely yes! Always or absolutely the strongest or most important.

1 = Absolutely no! Never or absolutely never, zero, zilch.

Rating	Your Level	You Might Say
1 to 3	Extremely low deserve level	• “It’s probably not going to happen for me.” • “It’s not something I think about.” • “It’s so bad that I block it out.”
4 to 6	Low deserve level	• “I’ll definitely get to it, but I’m not going to do it today.” • “I’ll do it tomorrow for sure.” • “When I have the time I’ll do it.”
7 to 8	Moderate deserve level	• “I’m doing a great job, but I don’t want to break too far out of my comfort zone.” • “I meet my goals 75 percent of the time.” • “I feel good about this.”
9 to 10	High deserve level	• “Success is mine! I’ll accomplish it without a doubt.” • “I’m doing amazing with this.” • “I love this area of my life.” • “I deserve all the good the universe has to offer.”

Important Note

I’ve included Desiree’s ratings in the first two categories to give you an illustration of how to do your own scoring. See how much higher she scored in fitness than in nutrition? You can see how imbalanced these two categories are—and how she needs to optimize her nutritional deserve level to begin to see more success in her life. You can also see the importance of looking for lower ratings within each category by looking at Desiree’s fitness deserve level.

See how Desiree rated a 7 on variety and a 6 on stretching? This tells me that she needs to work on these areas to reach her optimum fitness level.

Remember, you don’t just want to have all 10 categories as balanced as possible; you also want to optimize within each category and strive for all 9s and above.

1. Fitness

Having a strong deserve level in regard to fitness doesn’t necessarily mean that you always look forward to your workout. There may still be days when it’s hard to get started, but when you have a strong fitness deserve level, you deeply desire what exercise gives your body and brain. You move, and move often, because you clearly understand that exercising your body will ultimately make you feel better, mentally and physically. The questions here will address how you feel about exercise, how often you do it, and what types of exercise you do.

I can physically do whatever it takes to accomplish my goals. I know my body is strong.

Rate Your Life

A quick and effective way to take the temperature of how you are doing with just about anything is to use a 1-to-10 rating system. For example: How tense are you? How hungry are you? How bored are you? How happy? How sad? How tired? Just be aware that the rating scale will need to be adjusted depending on what you are asking. For example, if you ask, “How tense am I?” and the answer is 10, then your goal is to lower it. On the other hand, if you ask, “How happy am I?” and your answer is 1, then you’ll want to raise it. So sometimes a 10 is good, and sometimes it indicates that a change is needed. Adjust the scale to work for you. Ask what rating you’d like to reach, and think of action steps you can take to get there. When you get in this habit, everything you experience, think, or feel is within your control.

Fitness Deserve Level	Desiree’s Ratings	Your Ratings
How strong is your desire to improve your body?	9
How good do you feel about the quality and variety of your workouts?	7
How confident are you that you can avoid injury in your workouts?	8
How strongly do you feel that fitness improves your overall health or feeling of well-being?	10
How important is strength training to you?	9
How easy is it for you to balance on one foot?	9
How important is stretching to you?	6
How important is cardiovascular exercise (workouts that get your heart pumping) to you?	8
How successful are you at consistently working out each month, including this past month?	8
When you exercise, how hard do you work, motivate, and push yourself?	8
Total (add up all 10 ratings) 9+7+8+10+9+9+6+8+8+8=	82
My fitness deserve level (divide above total by 10): 82/10 = 8.2 (round to 8)	8

2. Nutrition

Eating should promote health, but it should also be a pleasure as well as a mindful activity. Someone who scores a high deserve level for nutrition is sensitive to what hunger, satiety, and fullness feel like, and respects the body’s hunger signals. A high-deserve-level eater doesn’t let emotions dictate eating and, equally important, doesn’t let eating dictate their emotions. What you put into your body influences how you think and feel, and can certainly hamper or help your energy level and your desire to exercise.

Today I will . . . eat healthy, feel healthy, be healthy.

Nutrition Deserve Level	Desiree’s Ratings	Your Ratings
How important is healthy eating to you?	7
How successful are you at eating nutritious food?	2
How successful are you at drinking the right amount of water each day?	3
How are you about making time for meals and eating at a relaxed pace?	7
How easy is it for you to prepare nutritious meals?	2
How confident are you in your knowledge of healthy foods and your eating habits?	3
How confident are you about stopping when you feel full?	2
How strongly do you feel about nutrition’s ability to improve your overall health and feelings of well-being?	9
How often do you eat well-balanced meals?	2
Do you avoid skipping meals on most days?	4
Total (add up all 10 ratings) 7+2+3+7+4+2+3+2+9+2 =	41
My nutrition deserve level (divide above total by 10): 41/10 = 4.1 (round to 4)	4

3. Family and Friends

These are the people who offer you emotional support and comfort, warmth and nurturing, protection and security. Research shows that both family and friends can improve your health, reduce mood disorders such as depression and anxiety, and increase your life span. Having a group of people you trust—people you can laugh with, share difficult times with, and who are there for you—is essential to living a balanced, happy life. Supportive friends and families encourage your dreams, and you encourage theirs. How fulfilled and satisfied you are with your friends and family situation will determine your deserve level for this category. Acknowledging your current situation is a starting point for making changes and getting the support you need. Sometimes your family is incapable, and that is okay. You can find friends who become your family.

You are an average of the five people you surround yourself with.

Family and Friends Deserve Level	Your Ratings
How important is family to you?
How would you rate your connection with family today?
How would you rate your friends and family’s support for your life choices?
How satisfied are you with the quality of your relationships with friends?
How good do you feel about how many times you saw or talked to your family and friends this past month?
How happy are you with the status of your top five relationships?
How encouraged do you feel when talking to loved ones about your goals?
How free do you feel to express your troubles to family and friends?
How free do you feel to be yourself with family and friends?
How satisfied are you with the quality of your relationships with family and friends?
Total (add up all 10 ratings)
My family and friends deserve level (divide above total by 10)

4. Nest

Your home is meant to be your haven, a place you look forward to coming home to. A high-deserve-level home feels like a sanctuary, a peaceful place you can retreat to, a relaxing environment in which to rejuvenate and recharge. Your bedroom should be restful, dark, and serene, a place where you can rest. A healthy neighborhood is one where you feel safe, where you’re comfortable taking strolls, where you know your neighbors at a friendly level. You’ll assess how refuge-like your habitat is, and you’ll become clear on whether you need to make improvements.

It’s not about the size of your house—it’s about the happiness in your home.

Nest Deserve Level	Your Ratings
How important is it for you to have a living space that lifts your spirit and makes you feel fabulous?
How walkable and friendly is your neighborhood?
How satisfied are you with the quality of water and air in your home and neighborhood?
How true are the following statements? I can’t wait to go home; I love it there.
I spend less than two hours a day on a screen (computer, iPad, smart phone, or television) at home.
I use my bedroom only for sleep and intimacy, and it is a tranquil, nurturing haven.
My house is clean and clutter-free; when I look for something, I can find it easily.
I have a personal sanctuary in my home where I can unwind and find peace.
My home inspires creativity; it’s rejuvenating and inspirational.
I have a peaceful and respectful relationship with my neighbors.
Total (add up all 10 ratings)
My nest deserve level (divide above total by 10)

5. Spiritual Condition

Spirituality is an intensely personal and sensitive issue for some people, so let me begin by saying that I’m not touting any specific religion or belief system. I use the word spiritual because I find it to be an accessible and user-friendly word for many people. You can replace it with any term that fits for you—God, Buddha, Allah, higher power, presence, being, nature, Mother Earth, the divine, and so on.

The core of a high spiritual deserve level is the ability to believe in something larger than yourself—a higher power or higher perspective, a set of morals or beliefs that propels you toward being your best self. Some believe that their higher power is outside themselves, others feel it is inside, and still others believe it is both—there are no wrong answers here. For many this includes identifying, applying, incorporating, and ultimately living by your primary values. Some people describe this as living on a higher path by honoring integrity, honesty, respect, love, tolerance, kindness, serenity, courage, and grace. For some, attending a spiritual group, church, or temple fits the bill, while others find spirituality by communing with nature or listening to music.

Being spiritual means being in touch with something larger than you—inside and out.

Spiritual Condition Deserve Level	Your Ratings
How important is it for you to have a connection to something larger than yourself?
How comfortable do you feel when discussing your spiritual ideas with others?
How often do you sit quietly and let your thoughts freely flow (go to a house of worship, pray and meditate, commune with nature, go on retreats)?
How successful were you at nurturing and practicing your spirituality this past month?
Do you experience a genuine connection to your spirituality as you understand it?
How important is it to you to build your character and live by a moral code?
How true are the following statements? I feel secure and satisfied with my spirituality.
I know clearly in my heart what my relationship is to my higher power or God as I understand it, him, or her.
I have a strong and clear code of spiritual or moral values or guidelines.
I find the world and existence to be full of wonder and mystery.
Total (add up all 10 ratings)
My spiritual condition deserve level (divide above total by 10)

6. Work

How you spend your days, what your interactions with other people involve, and your level of stress and demands can all play a role in how you feel in your life. If you have a work deserve level of 10, then your place of business is a nurturing, invigorating, and inspiring environment where you look forward to spending your days, and you work with people you find enjoyable, stimulating, and helpful. If this isn’t the picture of your work life—if your work leaves you feeling exhausted, without enough time or energy left over to exercise or cook healthy meals, or if demands from an overbearing boss have you feeling stressed and defeated, then at some level you have accepted that this is all your work life has to offer. The questions here will help you identify how satisfying your work life is right now.

If you can’t figure out your purpose, figure out your passion, and it will lead you to your purpose.

—BISHOP T. D. JAKES (PARAPHRASED)

Work Deserve Level	Your Ratings
When you wake up in the morning, how much do you look forward to going to work?
How stimulated do you feel at your job?
Do you feel that you are becoming increasingly knowledgeable about your work duties?
Are you working at the level you deserve? (Have you advanced or received promotions you sought?)
Does time fly while you’re at work?
Do you get to tap into your “best self” at work?
How much do you enjoy the people you work with?
How much do you respect your co-workers?
How true are the following statements? I never fantasize about another career or job.
My job is exciting and stimulating. It rarely produces anxiety.
Total (add up all 10 ratings)
My work deserve level (divide above total by 10)

7. Attitude

Your mindset is your mental perspective, the general flavor that makes up your viewpoint, but that still doesn’t encompass all that makes up your way of thinking. A high attitude deserve level is positive, proactive, and grateful. I’ve discovered a fantastic way to get a quick read on a person’s mental frequency: I ask, “What were the top five feelings you experienced most this past week?” I find this instantly produces an accurate picture of a person’s demeanor. The questions here will help you get a core understanding of this deserve level. The good news is that your temperament can change lickety-split with the right tools.

Everything we do is infused with the energy with which we do it. If we’re frantic, life will be frantic. If we’re peaceful, life will be peaceful. And so our goal in any situation becomes inner peace.

—MARIANNE WILLIAMSON

Attitude Deserve Level	Your Ratings
How would you rate your self-worth?
How happy or optimistic would you say you are?
How much control do you feel you have over your temper?
How much do you enjoy the flow of your thoughts and emotions?
How often do you have fun and laugh?
How true are the following statements? When a new opportunity arises, I am happy and excited.
I rarely worry about making choices or decisions. I easily make decisions, and I can make changes happen.
I rarely feel agitated or anxious.
I am rarely numb, paralyzed, or on autopilot.
I’m not easily swayed by the emotions of others.
Total (add up all 10 ratings)
My attitude deserve level (divide above total by 10)

8. Finances

I would like to say that money is not important, but it does offer options. The more we have of it in this society, the more freedom we have to make choices. This can be a good or a bad thing. If you have an abundance of money that comes to you without a lot of stress or anxiety and meets your needs effectively, then you have a high deserve level in this area. This is a subjective measure. What matters here is having enough money for you. If you are constantly worried about paying your bills or accumulating debt, you may need to look closely at this deserve level.

I am constantly manifesting growth and change, and increasing my awareness of abundance.

Finances Deserve Level	Your Ratings
How financially secure would you feel for the next ten years if you had to stop working?
How easy is it for you to pay your bills on time?
How satisfied are you with your retirement plans?
How easy is it for you to save money automatically each month?
How organized are your finances?
How true are the following statements? I don’t worry about having enough money.
I’m satisfied with my earning capacity and financial status.
I don’t have any debt to worry about.
I have enough money to do what I want whenever I want to do it.
Money comes to me easily.
Total (add up all 10 ratings)
My finances deserve level (divide above total by 10)

9. Hobbies and Interests

When people spend time doing things that make them feel good, it activates areas of the brain that improve the way they feel about life in general and make them feel happier. Having an enjoyable interest not related to work or responsibility enhances creativity, memory, and focus. Regularly making time for leisure activities can improve brain chemicals involved in memory, motivation, mood, and impulse control, such as serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine. All this gives you more energy for exercise and eating right. Plus, a boost in serotonin has been shown to reduce sugar or carb cravings.

Hobbies are how we adults “play,” and you can gain benefits from just about anything—knitting, gardening, playing tennis, volunteering at an animal shelter, drawing, playing or making music, surfing, fishing, golfing, playing cards, learning to dance, cooking, scrapbooking, mentoring a child, visiting museums, garage sale shopping, going to concerts, hunting, archery, learning to do magic, origami, meditation, yoga—even keeping chickens.

Hobbies and Interests Deserve Level	Your Ratings
Rate how quickly and satisfyingly you can finish this statement: I can’t wait to get better at . . .
How true are the following statements? I am comfortable with how I spend my free time.
When someone asks me what I do outside of work, I am comfortable answering.
I am always wanting to try something new.
I always have plenty to talk about at social gatherings.
I weekly make time for certain leisure activities.
My hobbies are relaxing and rejuvenating.
I implement my creative passions and desires.
My regular schedule includes time for my hobby every week.
I can easily tell you what my hobbies are.
Total (add up all 10 ratings)
My hobbies and interests deserve level (divide above total by 10)

10. Dreams

Having an abundance of hopes, goals, desires, and aspirations is a sign that you value yourself because it shows that you prioritize what you want for yourself. Having a bucket list of things you want to do before you leave this blue and green globe is a sign of great physical and mental health. This category’s questions will give you an indication of how much value and intention you give to your goals. I believe we are all unique, beautiful beings with a divine purpose. I find it troubling when I see talented people not nurturing or sharing their gifts with the world and those they love.

A happy person is not a person with a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.

Dreams Deserve Level	Your Ratings
How easy is it for you to implement goals?
How successful are you at living out your dreams?
When you have new thoughts, do you often act on them?
How satisfied are you with the last week in terms of living out your dreams or doing something on your bucket list?
How often do you think outside of your comfort zone?
How important are your dreams and goals to you?
How much value and effort do you put into making your dreams come true?
How much progress have you made in accomplishing your dreams in the last two years?
How true are the following statements? When someone else talks about their dreams, I get excited and support them.
I can easily tell you what my dreams are.
Total (add up all 10 ratings)
My dream deserve level (divide above total by 10)

Calculating Each Deserve Level Category

You should have finished answering all 10 questions in each of the 10 categories. Now, take a moment to add up the ratings within each category and divide by 10. This will give you an average deserve level for each category (you’ll find sample numbers for the first two categories here and here). If you get a number with a decimal, round your score up or down (round 8.5 up to 9, 8.4 down to 8). These numbers reveal your personal strengths and those areas needing attention, so you can create a plan for a well-balanced, fulfilling life. I encourage you to be entirely honest when answering the questions to get the best results.

Calculating Your 10 x 10 Deserve Level Test Score

1. Input each category deserve level

Now I want you to transfer your deserve level ratings for each category to the box at right in the column titled Average Rating. This shows all your deserve levels in one place, which begins to reveal how you need to prioritize your program. In Desiree’s sample column, you can see that she needs to work first on nutrition and then, since they are a tie, on her spirituality and hobbies.

2. Calculate your adjusted ratings

Now, before you go any further, I want you to knock down each deserve level rating by one point. Input these numbers into the right-hand column labeled Adjusted Rating. Why would I be so cruel? I find that most people exaggerate scores. They tell me they drink tons of water, but when I examine them closely, I find they could actually drink a few more glasses. When they tell me they eat a healthy diet, they often leave out the Snickers bar they grabbed at the gas station on the way home. So, to get really real, subtract one point from each score. This is your true score for each category.

3. Figure out your overall deserve level

It’s now time to get an overall average. As you will see, Desiree has a 6 as her overall score. Add up your ten ratings next to Desiree’s sample ratings in the column labeled Average Rating and divide by 10 to arrive at your overall deserve level. Now do the same for the Adjusted Rating column. This is your overall adjusted deserve level. These two averages provide a picture of what you presently feel you deserve in your life.

You Can’t Change What You Refuse to Confront

I have a longtime client I’ll call Barry who is tremendously successful in the movie industry. When he decided he wanted to hire a fitness trainer, he had “his people” set up our first appointment. Little did I know at the time, but it would take two more attempted appointments before we connected face-to-face.

I arrived at the first appointment, was greeted by Barry’s assistant, and was led directly into his personal office, where I sat and waited. And waited. While I sat, I looked around the room at walls and shelves that were covered from ceiling to floor with trophies, awards, and pictures of my new client with some of the most popular celebrities in the trade. Thirty minutes went by before the assistant returned, apologizing that Barry was stuck in meetings.

After more than two decades of training people, I’ve learned to tell when someone is playing games, and I knew right away that Barry was a master game player. Not with me, mind you. Barry was playing games with himself.

I knew that, as successful as he was, if he really wanted to get out of a meeting, he’d get out of the meeting. Obviously, he wasn’t really and truly ready to get started with training.

On our third attempt, Barry did arrive at the meeting, fifteen minutes late. He apologized and then started talking in a rush of run-on sentences about why he was overweight, how it was so uncomfortable when his legs rubbed together, how embarrassing it was when he went to get fitted for clothes, how he always thought people were looking at him like he was “a big fat pig,” how he didn’t have time to exercise, and how he was worried about his health.

I’m not a big talker during sessions. And I have a rule that clients are allowed to talk only while they are exercising. I’m there for action, so that I can provide results in a time-efficient manner. After about five minutes, I stood up. I had heard all I needed to hear. He had confirmed something I’d already suspected: he was out of shape for a reason—too much talking, not enough action. I could tell that Barry was out of his comfort zone. He was used to being the boss, in charge of all interactions.

After a few more minutes of rambling talk, I stopped him and let him know that I’d heard him by summarizing his lengthy monologue. Next, letting him know that I valued his time, I suggested that we get going on the workout, but first I looked him square in the eyes and asked, “Do you have the body you want?”

“No, I don’t,” he said.

I explained to Barry that his choices had helped create his current physique, and I told him that I was going to show him how to uncreate it.

“Do you feel like you deserve to be in amazing shape?” I asked.

“Yes,” he answered.

I told him to stand up and copy my warm-up movements, explaining my rule about talking only while moving.

Then I talked to him about his work category and asked him where it was on a scale of 1 to 10. I thought he’d say 10, but he surprised me by telling me that it was 100! So I asked about how he’d rank his deserve level for fitness, nutrition, and overall health. He told me that he didn’t want to die.

“So you only want to change your habits enough so that you don’t die?” I asked.

“That’s right,” he said.

I explained to Barry that this would translate into a 1. I explained that we needed to get his deserve level above this minimal level or he wouldn’t see any lasting change.

He sat with a perplexed look on his face.

“Does your wife like your body?” I asked.

He dropped his head, and with the first real emotion I’d seen, he said, “No!”

“Well, it sounds like you enjoy making your wife unhappy by being overweight and not doing anything to change it,” I said.

He immediately said that his busy schedule never gave him time to think about his weight, but I countered that I have many clients who are just as busy.

Then I lowered the boom. I told Barry that if he meant what he said about having no time to work out, we should stop now instead of wasting each other’s time. I explained my deserve level concept, adding that if he wanted to change his health, he would have to believe that he deserved to change his health by making it a priority, just like his work. I explained that he had plenty of wiggle room with his work deserve level, since it was at 100 (an unhealthy high). I knew Barry could afford to give up a few points to fitness and nutrition, but the decision was up to him. He said he couldn’t.

“What do you want from me, Barry? Why am I here?” I asked.

He didn’t answer. I told him that we could start with one session a week, and he needed to be on time or he’d owe me $1,000 for the missed appointment, since it would be taking time away from someone who really wanted it. He agreed.

It took some time for Barry’s deserve levels for health to move from a 1 to a 2, then from a 2 to a 3. It is still slow going, but at least he is seeing positive change. And a 3 is definitely better than a 1.

Recently, I asked Barry what fitness rating he’d like to reach, and he said that a 4 would be good. When I asked why he didn’t want to take it higher, he told me that he felt it was all he could do. Barry wouldn’t budge even after I explained that this would be like a gym rat whose job is in jeopardy because he refuses to stop taking long lunches at the health club.

We all get to define, expand, or limit our own reality, so Barry’s change is slow and plodding. It’s sad because he can’t see that his work life would actually improve if he took time to exercise, because he’d have way more energy, a better outlook, and a lot less stress—and his work would never even fall close to a 10.

Don’t be a Barry. You can let some of your overachieving categories come down so that you can raise up areas of your life that are depleted.

I still work with Barry. At each session we chip away at his deeply ingrained thinking, but it’s a challenge. Sometimes being the best of the best at something can detract from other important areas of your life. That’s why Mind Your Body is all about finding overall balance along with overall success.

Final Analysis: Self-Reflection

Now that you have all your numbers in order, I want you to take a break. Go get a glass of water, do a few stretches, or take a short walk around the block. Come back after fifteen minutes with your notebook and a pen, when your senses are fresh and revived.

Good. Now, go back and review your numbers, then answer the following questions in your notebook.

1. Your overall score

Take a look at your current overall adjusted deserve level scores. You want to have a 9 in each category, and ultimately, by the end of this book, a 10. If you are lower than that, and it’s rare that someone starts at the high end, it tells you that you have some work to do. I’m not trying to be a downer; raising awareness is the first step to successful change. Knowing is a good thing. Usually the pressures of life don’t allow time to step back and reflect. By looking at all these dimensions of your life at once, you can see if you are in balance or if some areas need more attention. Take a moment to reflect on how you feel about these scores and how you’d like them to change. Write your thoughts in your notebook.

2. Your three bottom scores

Do you see any extreme fluctuations in your scores? For example, if your work is a 10, but family and friends are a 2, it indicates that there is some balancing to be done.

A. Take the three lowest-scoring categories and write them in the first column. In the second column put the rating for each category, and in the last three columns write down the top three feelings you have about these scores. If other feelings come up, you can add them below or on a separate sheet of paper.

Lowest Categories	Rating	Feeling	Feeling	Feeling
1.
2.
3.

B. Now ask yourself, why do you want to feel these feelings? You can’t say, “I don’t” because you and only you allow your scores to be at this level; this is your choice. So dig deep and analyze your feelings to figure out how you are feeding them. Jot down any thoughts in your notebook.

Important note: While we are in control of the vast majority of our feelings, thoughts, and behaviors, some situations and medical conditions call for professional help. This book is not intended to be a substitute for professional therapy or needed medical attention. If you have or suspect that you are suffering from any serious emotional, medical, or physical issues, including major depression, severe anxiety disorder, alcoholism, abusive relationships, untreated diabetes, heart disease, or other symptoms, I encourage you to consult your physician or health care provider to obtain professional medical advice.

C. Do you get attention from others in some way that is actually hurting you in other ways? If you work long hours, for example, maybe it is because you get kudos from the boss, even though it is zapping your home life.

D. Do you honestly believe you deserve better in these areas in your life?

E. On a scale of 1 to 10, how motivated are you to change these scores?

F. If not a 10, why not? Remember, if you don’t prioritize your goals or believe you deserve change, chances are good that you won’t attract change to you.

G. Write three simple actions you can do now, one for each category. These should be small actionable steps that you can take today to improve your numbers in these areas. You might say, “I will leave work at six P.M. today so I have time to exercise or spend time with the family.”

H. How likely is it, on a scale from 1 to 10, that you will take these actions today?

I’m not suggesting that you fix every low score today, but this is a beginning to how you can address areas of your life consciously and mindfully each morning, each day, and each week of your life. When you choose to take control, you’ll be amazed at how quickly you see positive changes flow into your life.

3. Your Three Top Scores

Now let’s take the same steps with your highest adjusted categories by writing them in the first column after this paragraph. In the second column, put the adjusted rating you scored for each, and in the last three columns write down how each of these scores makes you feel. If other feelings come up, add them.

Highest Categories	Rating	Feeling	Feeling	Feeling
1.
2.
3.

A. Again, consider why you want to feel these feelings. Figure out why these ratings are where they are. Do you get attention from others for these categories? In what way? Do you believe you still deserve better in these areas of your life? For example, maybe your fitness rating is an 8, but you’d still like to see it move up.

B. On a scale of 1 to 10, how motivated are you to pump these scores up even higher than you thought possible? Why?

C. Write three actions (one for each category) that you can take today to improve your numbers or attention in these areas.

D. How likely is it, on a scale from 1 to 10, that you will take these action steps today? Write down three ideas for how you will make these actions happen.

Be a victor, not a victim. Lose the wishbone and get a backbone.

4. Your Four Middle Scores

After you’ve reviewed your highest and lowest categories, you will be left with four categories. These are your middle scores.

Write three actions (one for each category) that you can take today to improve your numbers or attention in these areas. Write them in your notebook.

5. Final Step: Post Your Intentions

You now have 10 action steps for your 10 categories. Prioritize your actionable steps from easiest to hardest (this is supposed to be subjective). In your notebook, list what you think will be least challenging (“I can do this in a few minutes”) to most challenging (“This is really out of my comfort zone”).

Easiest

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

Hardest

Write a short version of these on a sticky note, and put them in a row on your desk. For example, if the first item in your list says, “Cleaning stacks of papers off my bedroom floor,” then your sticky note would say, “Clean stacks.”

When you have all 10 sticky notes in a row on your desk, put this book down and start doing your tasks. After you do the first one, throw away the sticky note, until all 10 notes are in the trash. Throwing away each note gives you a sense of accomplishment and helps you move forward feeling less weighed down, so by the time you have gotten to the hardest one, you have built up confidence and have a flow going. Don’t come back until all 10 are off your desk.

Final Words

Now that you’ve established where you are and where you’d like to go, it’s time to get into the design of Mind Your Body. We’re going to start on the next page by diving into the murky waters of your mind. I’m going to show you the traits of a successful mind and the tools to get one of your own. Put on your thinking cap and turn the page.