Notes

Chapter 1: A Young Woman’s Longings

1. Christian Smith et al., Lost in Transition: The Dark Side of Emerging Adulthood (New York: Oxford University Press, 2011).

Chapter 2: Safe Havens

1. David Kinnaman, You Lost Me: Why Young Christians Are Leaving Church … and Rethinking Faith (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2011), 118.

2. This is a paraphrase of Jung’s “All haste is of the devil.” See Aniela Jaffé, From the Life and Work of C. G. Jung (Am Klosterplatz, Einsiedeln, Switzerland: Daimon Verlag, 1989), 132.

3. Annie Dillard, The Writing Life (New York: HarperCollins, 1989), 25.

4. Donald S. Whitney, Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life, rev. ed. (Colorado Springs: NavPress, 2014), 15.

5. Tim Herrera, “The More You Use Facebook, the Less Happy You’ll Be: Study,” Newsday, August 15, 2013, www.newsday.com/news/new-york/the-more-you-use-facebook-the-less-happy-you-ll-be-study-1.5899902.

6. This quote is from the 1984 edition of the New International Version of the Holy Bible.

Chapter 3: The Other Side of Pain and Suffering

1. “Jesus answered: ‘Watch out that no one deceives you’” (Matt. 24:4).

2. “My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge” (Col. 2:2–3).

3. The book of Deuteronomy.

4. See Job 5:18; Psalm 103:10–14; Proverbs 3:12; Isaiah 48:10; Lamentations 3:33; Hebrews 12:5–6; and 1 Peter 5:6.

5. C. S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain (New York: Macmillan, 1962), 81.

6. “Remove the dross from the silver, and a silversmith can produce a vessel” (Prov. 25:4).

7. “God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you’” (Heb. 13:5).

8. See 1 Chronicles 29:11–12; Psalm 97:1–6; Habakkuk 3:19; Romans 9:21; and Ephesians 1:11–12.

9. “My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge” (Col. 2:2–3).

10. Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn, Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2009).

11. Kenda Creasy Dean, Almost Christian: What the Faith of Our Teenagers Is Telling the American Church (New York: Oxford University Press, 2010), 139.

12. Philip Yancey, Prayer: Does It Make Any Difference? (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2006), 221.

Chapter 4: The Power of Comfort

1. Dan Kimball, They Like Jesus but Not the Church: Insights from Emerging Generations (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2007).

2. David Kinnaman, You Lost Me: Why Young Christians Are Leaving Church … and Rethinking Faith (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2011), 21.

3. Christian Smith et al., Lost in Transition: The Dark Side of Emerging Adulthood (New York: Oxford University Press, 2011), 151.

4. Catherine Marshall, The Helper (Waco, TX: Chosen Books, 1978), 136.

5. Kenda Creasy Dean, Almost Christian: What the Faith of Our Teenagers Is Telling the American Church (New York: Oxford University Press, 2010), 3.

6. Pam Lau, “To Christian Women under 40: We’re Sorry,” Her.meneutics, August 2013, www.christianitytoday.com/women/2013/august/to-christian-women-under-40-were-sorry.html.

7. Barna Group found that two-thirds of evangelical women over forty describe themselves as deeply spiritual, compared to about half of those under forty. Although 47 percent of young women do not see themselves as deeply spiritual, they still consider themselves leaders. They are more likely than us, their mothers and their grandmothers, to take on these leadership roles. This study was conducted by Barna Group in April 2010 and included telephone interviews with 603 women who described themselves as Christian and had attended a Christian church service at least once in the past six months. Data analyst Pam Jacobs provided this information for me.

Chapter 5: Acting with Understanding

1. Gary Cross, “Jaded Children, Callow Adults: What We Lose When We Expand Adolescence,” Chronicle of Higher Education, March 10, 2014, http://chronicle.com/article/Jaded-Children-Callow-Adults/145117.

2. Joan D. Hedrick, Harriet Beecher Stowe: A Life (New York: Oxford University Press, 1998).

3. Eugene H. Peterson, Leap over a Wall: Earthy Spirituality for Everyday Christians (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1997), 82.

4.Erwin Raphael McManus, Chasing Daylight: Seize the Power of Every Moment (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2002), 10–11.

Chapter 7: Relating with Compassion

1. Through Joseph, the Lord brought seventy individuals into the land of Egypt (Exod. 1:1–6). The people became numerous (v. 7) in the midst of suffering (vv. 8–12) and were led out of Egypt as a large multitude of about two million people (12:37–38).

2. Henri J. M. Nouwen, Donald P. McNeill, and Douglas A. Morrison, Compassion: A Reflection on the Christian Life (New York: Doubleday, 1983), 4.

Chapter 8: Conversations about Sex

1. “What I’m really trying to say is I want the deepest, darkest, sickest parts of you that you are afraid to share with anyone because I love you that much.” On the November 2, 2009, episode of It’s On with Alexa Chung, Lady Gaga said this concerning the lyric “I want your psycho, your vertigo shtick/Want you in my rear window, baby you’re sick” in her song “Bad Romance” (The Fame Monster © 2009 Interscope Records).

2. See Proverbs 5:19; Song of Songs 5:10–16; and 1 Corinthians 6:17; 7:3–5.

3. Timothy Keller and Kathy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God (New York: Dutton, 2011). See chapter 8, “Sex and Marriage,” for an excellent discussion of this topic.

4. See Genesis 2:24; Psalm 63; 1 Corinthians 6:17–20; and Ephesians 5:31.

5. In Galatians 2:20, Paul said he had been crucified with Christ. It didn’t mean he had no personality, personal goals, or interests. What trumped all those was “Christ who lives in me” (ESV), leading and directing him moment by moment. Living in Christ is our most powerful identity.

6. First John 3:1, 3, and 6 don’t teach sinless perfection, but they do indicate that a child of God will stop sinning habitually to please God. It’s our job to keep reminding the young women of their position in Christ. Once they truly know Christ, they will want to live pure lives.

7. See Deuteronomy 33:12; Song of Songs 2:16; Ephesians 1:3–6; and 1 Peter 2:9.

8. I talked extensively with Kayin Griffith, formerly the assistant director of spiritual life, inclusion, and student leadership in the spiritual life department at George Fox University for seven years. She and her colleagues interacted with students regularly about this issue.

9. I spoke in depth with Kayin Griffith about this issue as well. See previous endnote.

Chapter 9: Building Close Friendships and Working Hard

1. This is a paraphrase of Romans 12:3 (ESV).

Chapter 10: Loving Well So Others Can Truly Live

1. Caleb was who he was at the end of life because he gave himself totally to God (Josh. 14:6–12).

2. See also Nehemiah 9:17, 31; Psalms 86:15; 103:8; Joel 2:13; and Jonah 4:2.

3. R. C. Sproul Jr., “What Is Hesed?,” Ligonier Ministries, May 4, 2013, www.ligonier.org/blog/what-hesed/.

4. This quote is from the 1984 edition of the New International Version of the Holy Bible.