Week 7—Upgrade How You Reward Yourself
Every single thing that your subconscious does is because it thinks it’s helping you to stay alive. It hates change, it loves routine, and it loves its perceived rewards. There are two areas of reward to consider: (1) the reward of the release of dopamine, (2) the perceived rewards of behaving in a certain way.
Here is a common example: My client Alice was in her early sixties. She was inexplicably in pain all the time. She didn’t have arthritis, she didn’t have fibromyalgia, she didn’t have celiac disease. She had been tested for everything under the sun, and her doctors put her on pain medication with no real diagnosis. Alice ached with genuine pain all day, every day. When I asked her conscious mind during our first consultation, “What are all the reasons why you want to get rid of this pain?” her laundry list was a mile long.
“So I can garden, feel better, stop taking these pills, go for walks, play with my grandkids, stop worrying my family, live pain-free, cook, read or watch TV while focusing on the plot.”
When I asked Alice’s conscious mind what are all the reasons for why she would want to hold on to the pain, she looked at me incredulously and said, “There is not one reason why I would want to hold on to this pain.” And I know that that is what her conscious mind believed. However, when I asked her subconscious mind what was the reward it was receiving from being in pain all day, every day?
“My kids and grandkids won’t come and visit me every weekend if I’m healthy,” Alice said.
Do you see how massive this subconscious perceived reward is? If the belief is that by being healthy Alice would be all alone and never get to see her grandkids, why would Alice’s subconscious ever allow her to become healthy?
I’ve seen this same pattern in countless clients.
How does one transform a belief this powerful that has been running the show automatically in the background for years? In Alice’s case, the reward of releasing the pain has to be greater than getting to see her grandkids every week. That’s a tall order! For example, letting the subconscious know that Alice wants to garden isn’t going to cut it. It’s not a big enough reward when compared with the prospect of loneliness. We had to make it crystal clear to Alice’s subconscious that, yes, rather than seeing her grandkids every weekend, if she were healthy and comfortable (not in pain), it might be cut down to once a month. But without pain, she would live longer and get to spend more time with her grandkids overall!52 She would increase her chances of getting to see those kiddos graduate high school, and get married, and even have babies themselves.
This point tipped the scales for Alice, and after a handful of hypnotherapy sessions, her pain went from an average of eight out of ten to an average of two out of ten.
Alice’s experience illustrates that your subconscious has been clinging on to a reward that it believes is better than the reward you’ll receive when you lose weight. That is one of the biggest reasons for why the weight has stayed put in the past despite all your efforts. That belief has to change.
Sugar: The Ultimate “Reward”
From our earliest memories, sugar is associated with all things positive: birthday cakes, a lollipop when you’re a good little kid, ice cream when you come home with all A’s on your report card, treats to help you stay quiet when your parents need a break. All this sugar releases dopamine into the brain.
With all this conditioning paired with dopamine being released, one’s subconscious mind has no idea that sugar could be anything other than good for it. But, of course, we know that’s not true. Sugar is not our friend. According to an article by NPR,
The key player in the reward system of our brain—where we get that feeling of pleasure—is dopamine . . . Guess what happens when we eat sugar? Yes, those dopamine levels also surge . . . too much sugar too often can steer the brain into overdrive . . . And that kickstarts a series of “unfortunate events”—loss of control, cravings and increased tolerance to sugar. All of those effects can be physically and psychologically taxing over time, leading to weight gain and dependence.53
The takeaway is pretty clear: if you’re sensitive to sugar and inclined to indulge in a super-sugary treat, do it rarely and cautiously. Otherwise, there’s a pretty good chance that your brain is going to start demanding sugar loudly and often. And you’re better off without that extra voice in your head.
We all know the damaging effects of too much sugar consumption include weight gain,54 energy loss,55 acceleration of cognitive decline,56 acne,57 type 2 diabetes,58 and much more.59
This week’s section in the bonus resources has an additional hypnosis recording that will help you navigate the slippery slope of sugar addiction. Robert, a long-time Grace Spacer, discovered from listening to this recording that he didn’t have sugar addiction and that he simply needed to break down a bad habit of getting ice cream while walking home a few nights per week. Alice, on the other hand, was surprised to discover from the session that she felt controlled by sugar and that she needed to let go of it completely in order to feel free. She’s since thrown away all sugar in the house. (Visit www.CloseYourEyesLoseWeight.com to listen and determine where you are on the scale.)
I really like this passage from Bright Line Eating by Susan Pierce Thompson: “When The Curious Case of Benjamin Button came out, Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett were on Oprah, and a fan who happened to be a chef . . . asked them what they most loved to eat. Both movie stars sat there, stumped. After several awkward moments, the best Cate Blanchett could muster was ‘A bowl of rice is nice sometimes.’ Brad Pitt chimed in with, ‘Yeah, food’s not really on my radar screen.’” Thompson uses this story to explain her method of understanding how strongly your brain reacts to the reward value of addictive foods. On Thompson’s 1 to 10 susceptibility scale, Blanchett and Pitt would clearly score in the low susceptibility range (1 to 3). “If you’re in the midrange (4 to 7), you may think of yourself as being somewhat challenged by food. If you’re highly susceptible (8 to 10), you’ve probably struggled with your eating and/or your weight for years, if not decades.” Thompson declares, “Here’s the simple truth. Plans based on moderation DO NOT work for people who are high on the Susceptibility Scale.”60
I’ve found that my hypnotherapy clients who land on what Thompson deems as the mid-to-high susceptibility scale often require more conditioning than their lower-range counterparts when it comes to overcoming a feeling of deprivation or missing out, but once that breakthrough happens, the feeling of freedom is absolutely paramount.
Wherever you land on the sugar-addiction scale or the susceptibility scale, letting the subconscious know that sugar (and carbs, dairy, etc.) are not all good is incredibly powerful in breaking the cycle of feeling powerless over foods that can be addictive.
It’s common to hear extremes like, “Don’t create negative associations with any foods; everything’s good in moderation” (which is unhelpful to those who can’t moderate), and “Anything other than organic broccoli is evil, treacherous poison” (which is unhelpful to those who have suffered from an eating disorder, including orthorexia—a medical condition in which the sufferer systematically and obsessively avoids specific foods in the belief that they are harmful). I will provide a wide range of suggestions that will help you reprogram your unique subconscious mind, based on your level of susceptibility, knowing that moderation does not work for everyone. It will be up to you to choose the affirmations that resonate most with your unique needs.
Sugar and Kids
Before we became parents, my husband and I made a lot of lofty declarations about all the sugar our kids would never, ever eat and the screens they would never, ever watch. How strong our convictions were! We hadn’t yet sat through hours of screaming car rides or birthday parties where our little one would be the one toddler without frosting on their cheeks, crying that they want what the other kids are having, and realizing the carrot sticks we brought in the diaper bag weren’t going to cut it this time. While we do limit sugar and screens a lot (they’re not in the house), rather than avoiding them altogether and “demonizing” them to the point that we have sugar-and-phone-crazed teenagers rebelling against their parents’ “antiquated ways,” I took a page out of a dental hygienist’s book. My dental hygienist friend told me that when her four kids were young, and she wanted them to behave, she would say, “If you’re really, reallllly good, I’ll let you brush your teeth when you get home!” When they pulled into the driveway of their home, four little rockets would shoot out of the back of the minivan, clambering over each other to be the first at the sink.
It’s never easy knowing exactly what to do as a parent. It seems like whatever decision we make, there will be angry trolls on the internet vehemently disagreeing with that choice. But keep in mind that a big part of programming the subconscious mind in a helpful way is to program positive associations with helpful things. So if your kiddo does have sweets every now and again, do your best to make sure it isn’t a big deal and that they aren’t a reward. Here are some helpful alternatives that have worked for us: “If you’re realllly good, I’ll read you your favorite book when we get home!” “I have a special treat for you! It’s apple slices with almond butter!” My son gets excited about this special treat of apple slices with almond butter because I get excited when I tell him about it. And if he does have a cupcake at a birthday party, he’ll take a few bites and toss the rest. Sweets are not a big deal for him one way or another, which will make it much easier for him to make healthful decisions as an adult. It will be the same with your kids. And you’re doing great already. Simply the fact that you’re even considering the ways in which you talk about and present food to your kids, how it could be impacting their subconscious minds, is absolutely fantastic. Your little ones will thank you for it later.
We can’t stop addictive foods from being addictive. They either naturally are or have been engineered that way to elicit responses in the brain that say, “I need more!” What we do have control over is our ability to avoid addictive foods in the first place so we don’t crave them later. We also have control over changing our idea of what an actual reward for good behavior is.
In what world would you reward yourself with something that makes you sick? Is diabetes a reward? Is heart failure a reward? Is high blood pressure or high cholesterol a reward? Of course not, but these are the effects of regularly eating unhelpful, addictive foods, including sugar.
The solution is to rewire our brains to see foods that lift us up, foods that give us energy, foods that make us feel amazing, as the reward. In this week’s hypnosis recording and self-hypnosis practice, that is exactly what you will do. The reward will no longer be what tastes good for one second and releases a fleeting dopamine hit. The reward will become nourishing your body with fuel that lifts you up. The reward will become eating foods that provide you with energy and long-term health. The reward will become spending time hiking when you’re 85 or playing with your great-grandkids when you’re 102 (like my nana is!).
The definition of poison is “a substance that is capable of causing the illness or death of a living organism when introduced or absorbed.” It is not overdramatic to say that many “foods” were created in labs with the sole purpose of being addictive (certainly not with the purpose of having any nutritional value). These are poisonous. Lab-made foods might not be immediately lethal, but they’re not contributing to a longer life span. Together, we will not let advertising or fake food trick us into “rewarding” ourselves with poison any longer. You deserve to consume life-giving foods.
In fact, you don’t have to reward yourself with food at all! When your kids do a great job at school, reward them with stickers or a trip to the movies (bring your own helpful snacks). Reward yourself with a massage or get yourself a new journal. This week’s hypnosis recording will also help you to get excited about rewards that have nothing to do with eating so food can go back to being simply fuel for your body. Take a nice, deep letting-go breath now and recognize that your body is a magnificent machine. You’re a Porsche or a Maserati or a Tesla. You don’t put crappy low-grade fuel into a Porsche. You decide now and forever to prioritize putting the highest quality fuel into your beautiful body.
Aversion Therapy
Aversion therapy is a type of hypnotherapy designed to make patients give up an undesirable habit by causing them to associate it with an unpleasant effect. This is especially effective when it comes to food. For example, imagine a table of sugary treats . . . crawling with hideous bugs. This does not create or manifest bugs in the real world, but it does create a powerful subconscious association with sugary treats being gross and undesirable. After a lifetime of conditioning and associations such as sugar equals birthday parties and rewards for good behavior, aversion therapy can be powerful in resetting the subconscious as to what is helpful or unhelpful to put into our bodies.
That said, for someone who has a history of orthorexia, this would potentially be triggering and not be anywhere near as helpful as focusing on the nourishing aspects of food. If a client of mine does not have a history of orthorexia or body dysmorphia, I have found that using aspects of aversion therapy can have powerful and positive results quickly. Know yourself, know what’s right for you, and choose your hypno-affirmations accordingly. My team and I have labeled all bonus materials that use aversion therapy in case you prefer to skip it.
Homework
A.Practice self-hypnosis three times a day, every day this week (right before breakfast, lunch, and dinner). Turn to page 20 for a reminder of how to do self-hypnosis or head to www.CloseYourEyesLoseWeight.com to follow along with a tutorial video.
Week 7 Hypno-affirmations—Rewiring “Reward”
•I only consume foods that make my body feel loved for the long term.
•A true reward makes me feel great for the long term.
•A true reward supports my health for the long term.
•A punishment is something that hurts. Unhelpful foods are a punishment.
•I reward myself with healthy, nourishing foods.
•I am worthy and deserving of rewarding myself with _____________________________ [insert helpful activity that is not eating].
B.Listen to the “Week 7—Rewiring Reward” hypnosis recording every day for the next week here: www.CloseYourEyesLoseWeight.com.
C.Use your journal pages daily to stay motivated, log your progress, and determine which pick-me-up hypno-affirmations you’ll benefit from most.
Feels good, doesn’t it? Choosing long-term joy and satisfaction over one-off dopamine hits that punish your body? I am so proud of you. Let’s keep it going. In the pages ahead, I’ll teach you how to avoid triggers that can lead to relapse, plus how to make helpful choices when facing temptation.
52 Kristin Hayes, “Why Living in Pain Will Eventually Kill You,” VeryWell Health, May 28, 2019, www.verywellhealth.com/why-living-in-pain-will-eventually-kill-you-3972227.
53 Eliza Barclay, “Why Sugar Makes Us Feel So Good,” NPR, January 16, 2014, www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2014/01/15/262741403/why-sugar-makes-us-feel-so-good.
54 V. S. Malik et al., “Sugar-Sweetened Beverages and Weight Gain in Children and Adults: A Systematic Review and Meta-analysis,” American Journal of Clinical Nutrition 98, no. 4 (2013): 1084–1102, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23966427.
55 Donna Sprujit-Metz et al., “A High Sugar, Low Fiber Meal Leads to Higher Leptin and Physical Activity Levels in Overweight Latina Females as Opposed to a Low Sugar, High Fiber Meal,” Journal of the American Dietetic Association 109, no. 6 (2009): 1058–63, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2768570/.
56 Paul K. Crane et al., “Glucose Levels and Risk of Dementia,” New England Journal of Medicine 369, no. 19 (2013): 1863–64, www.nejm.org/doi/10.1056/NEJMc1311765.
57 Alicja Kucharska et al., “Significance of Diet in Treated and Untreated Acne Vulgaris,” Advances in Dermatology and Allergology 33, no. 2 (2016): 81–86, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4884775/.
58 Sanjay Basu et al., “The Relationship of Sugar to Population-Level Diabetes Prevalence: An Econometric Analysis of Repeated Cross-Sectional Data,” PLoS One 8, no. 2 (2013): e57873, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3584048/.
59 Jillian Kubala, “11 Reasons Why Too Much Sugar Is Bad for You,” Healthline, June 3, 2018, www.healthline.com/nutrition/too-much-sugar.
60 Susan Pierce Thompson, Bright Line Eating: The Science of Living Happy, Thin, and Free, Carlsbad, CA: Hay House, Inc., 2017, 66-69.