The Body as a Map
Learning to listen to the messages your body is giving you
In this chapter we’ll be covering the correlation between our emotions and physical conditions in the body—specifically, of course, in terms of fertility. We will be looking at the top ten physical conditions and their emotional causes to give you an idea of what messages your body has for you. Since unexplained infertility falls under this umbrella as well, even if you don’t have a physical condition or dis-ease per se, this info will still apply to you.
I’m going to present a different concept that I don’t expect you to believe right away but would like you to be willing to entertain. In my research throughout the years, I’ve found that various cultures and teachers, from Traditional Chinese Medicine and Ayurvedic medicine to Edgar Cayce, Louise Hay, and Drs. Lissa Rankin and Bruce Lipton, talk about the correlation between your emotional system and where it shows up or manifests in your body. You can heal your body by changing your thoughts and dealing with the issue that is causing discomfort in your body.
When you have a condition that you’ve been told will never go away or is so painful each month that it makes you cry, it can be hard to think that by shifting your energy you can actually shift that physical condition. It can trigger some feelings of fear or anger for your brain, because it’s a little scary for your brain to believe that you could actually move forward from this. So if you get triggered, see if you can find what unhealed part of yourself that’s bringing up for you, because it’s an opportunity to heal it. You can decide not to act, but just know that the pattern will repeat itself. So see it as a great opportunity to move out of stagnancy and pain, and entertain that things could be different. Every condition mentioned in this chapter can and has been worked through by others, so it’s important to remember that you are just as deserving and capable as these women who’ve done it.
We can use the body as an indicator of what’s going on so we can deal with this issue on a core level and get where we want to go. We tend to go to war with our body when it’s not doing what we want. We become our body’s fair-weather friend when we don’t get the desired result. We feel as though we know best and get really pissed off when our body doesn’t follow suit. Why won’t it get on board? We feel that it’s betraying us. But really, it’s an elaborate, genius map or system trying to get our attention. Your body is brilliant and loving and just wants to show you that “Hey, there’s some stuff we need to work on. I’m going to keep on you until you work through it because it’s important for your growth.” It’s like that check engine light in the car we mentioned earlier. The problem is usually nothing terrible, but we should investigate/replace whatever is faulty if we expect the car to get us where we want to go.
The main points I want you to come away with are that your body is on your side, stop ignoring what it’s feeling, and get better at paying attention so you can figure out what it’s trying to tell you
We want to look at what our body is telling us as a gift rather than a pain in the ass … or knees or whatever. How could your body actually be trying to move you forward instead of holding you back? There’s always a reason. Can you come from an exploratory place to inquire and move forward rather than spinning your wheels and wishing it weren’t happening?
Certain areas of the body correspond to certain emotional issues. We see varying accounts of this in acupuncture, reflexology, and so on. Perhaps the most comprehensive guides that explain the correlations between the emotional cause and the physical issue are Metaphysical Anatomy by Evette Rose and the glossary in You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. The concept of there being an emotional cause for a physical issue is a key component of my work. It’s a great jumping-off point to find where my clients are stuck so I can hone in further.
For example, the knees have to do with your flexibility as a person. If the feet represent the path you’re on, the knees are the means by which you get there. The inability to bend and be flexible on your path will make it harder to reach your goal or destination. One of my friends blew out his ACL on a ski slope, and while, yes, the physical cause was the icy mountain, the injury was a signal of his inflexibility as a person. It was his way or the highway and his timeline, so the Universe said, “Okay, you’re literally on a slippery slope and you need to learn to be more flexible”—which he is nowadays, thanks to that incident.
Another common example is the back. You may know the saying “Get a backbone.” The back is your strength and supports your whole structure. The lower back is usually connected to financial fears or not feeling supported by money. This doesn’t always mean that you’re broke; it’s more about the fear of losing money or not having enough.
We’re going to hone in on fertility and the problem areas I see most in my clients, but I wanted to give you a broader idea first since most of us know someone with knee or back pain.
Open your heart and see if you can make peace with your body. If things have gone haywire, it’s because something needs to be addressed. You’re not broken or cursed. It’s not your fault or your body’s fault. It’s a gift. Your job is to hear, interpret, and act. This moves you forward much faster than being mad or fighting with your body or wishing it were other than it is. You will only keep your brain/ego happy by spending your energy fighting instead of moving forward.
Your body is ultimately what is going to be carrying this baby, so the sooner you reconcile with it and play for the same team, the sooner the munchkin can arrive. Try to come from a curious place rather than a frustrated, “hunting down the problem” place. We’ll get into why that’s important in chapter 4.
Exercise
Pick something that’s been bugging you physically. It doesn’t have to be something major, like PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) or your thyroid. It can be a headache or the toe you stubbed earlier today. Or, if you are in the unexplained fertility group, pick that and inquire where in your body that’s sitting and why.
Close your eyes and breathe slowly in through your nose and out through your mouth. See what thoughts or images bubble up without judging them. Ask your body: What is your message for me?
Be curious. You can’t get it wrong. Breathe into it and ask again. Take a second and write down your initial thoughts.
If you didn’t get anything, that’s okay! Doing this daily will help build that muscle, and you’ll be able to tune in to your body’s messages and move through the issues more quickly. The main thing is that you allow an answer to come in versus hunting down the most brilliant answer ever. Let it come to you. This is part of releasing control that we talked about earlier. Allow yourself to be supported by the Universe.
Let’s look at the ten most common physical issues in fertility, their emotional cause, and what you can do about them.
1. Hypothalamus and/or Pituitary Gland
Chances are, if you’re having hormonal issues, the hypothalamus and/or pituitary gland plays a part in it. The main function of the hypothalamus is to link the nervous system to the endocrine system via the pituitary gland. It is responsible for homeostasis (keeping the body regulated), body temperature, hunger, fullness, circadian rhythms, balance, and release of hormones.
The pituitary gland has many functions, but the front part of it is responsible for regulating the thyroid and adrenal glands as well as the ovaries. If there’s a problem with the connection here, some women won’t be able to cycle on their own or will have a hard time stimulating follicles.
What’s the Emotional Cause?
The hypothalamus and pituitary gland represent the control center of the brain. Sometimes the issue shows up as a result of an eating disorder, or as the result of a traumatic experience like abuse or surviving a natural disaster. If we are taught or we learn through our various experiences that we need to control things to be safe and take it to the nth degree, there may be an issue here. There is an extreme fear here of not being in control, and a need to clutch in order to control the only thing you can—your own body.
One of my clients was a bodybuilder. Traumatic past relationship experiences led to an eating disorder, which was perpetuated in her bodybuilding career. She felt out of control when her relationship ended, so she began to hypercontrol her body and what it was ingesting. When she began competing, she was hypercontrolling both the inside and the outside of her body, and her hypothalamus short-circuited, for lack of a better term. This resulted in her not getting her period for over seven years, until we started working together.
What Can You Do About It?
I’d recommend doing a brain dump and trying to find the point in your life where this need for control started. Did your parents get divorced? Did your boyfriend break up with you? Were you in a traumatic car accident?
Find how those situations where you thought you needed control were perfect and purposeful, and why you no longer “need” to hang on to the control. Actually write it out.
Then burn or shred the list as a symbolic letting go.
I also find Clary Sage essential oil by Young Living really effective in regulating the hypothalamus. Use it on the base of the brain stem (where the head meets the neck).
2. Thyroid
The thyroid regulates your metabolism, body temperature, endocrine system, and, most importantly in our case, the reproductive system. Problems here usually manifest in the form of hypothyroidism or Hashimoto’s disease. Many women don’t even know they have this and aren’t diagnosed until they’re tested. And even blood tests can be misleading, showing a normal thyroid level when it’s not. If the thyroid is malfunctioning, the likelihood for conception issues increases.
Major symptoms include extreme fatigue, muscle weakness, depression, and increased sensitivity to heat or cold.
What’s the Emotional Cause?
The thyroid resides at the throat chakra, which energetically concerns being able to voice your opinions and feeling that you’re being heard. When you have a thyroid issue, there’s likely something lacking in that department. If you’re not able to be yourself or fully assert your worth, there may be an issue here.
In addition, when we’re used to being good at things but we’re not good at getting pregnant, there’s some shame and a feeling that it’s not fair around that. The emotional issue manifests in the place where you’d voice it: the throat.
Sometimes it’s not just trying to get pregnant that sets off the thyroid. Some of my clients had abusive parents who humiliated them, and some are not where they want to be in their career and wonder when someone will see and value them.
What Can You Do About It?
If you’re looking for a nonmedical alternative, EndoFlex essential oil by Young Living is amazing. Put it on your back, across the bottom of your rib cage, and on your throat.
Try a red clover infusion (not tea or capsules) with a pinch of mint. This regulates the hormones and can help heal the thyroid. (Herbal infusion recipes are included in the Conceivable Tool Kit.)
Do a brain dump on when this emotional cause started for you. When did you notice these symptoms? What was going on in your life at the time? What has been hard to voice, or where do you feel not seen? What’s going on now that’s mirroring that feeling? Feel into all of these things and see if you can choose to let them go. You can write each one on a piece of paper, feel the emotion of it, decide that it’s no longer serving you, and then burn the paper.
Make a list of victories—things you have gotten to do, are good at, and have done well—so you begin to feel that getting pregnant is no different than those achievements. Place the list where you’ll see it every day, and focus on what you are good at so you can bring in more of that same energy. Take each victory on your list individually, close your eyes with your hand over your throat, and say each one three times.
Have a mantra—a simple sentence that you say over and over when you’re meditating, brushing your teeth, driving in your car, etc. The more you say it, the more it drops into your body and can be a great starter to realigning your thoughts. So try something like this: “It’s my turn now to be pregnant. I deserve it. I choose it.” Pick something that resonates with you and “speaks up” for what you’d love to happen.
My client Gemma developed a thyroid issue after two miscarriages. She was used to being good at everything, but now she felt she wasn’t good at getting pregnant. We worked together voicing and processing why everything was happening for a reason. Soon after, she was pregnant and the thyroid condition was nowhere to be found. It didn’t need to be present anymore because she had worked through the problem and understood why it was coming up in the first place.
3. Amenorrhea
This literally means the absence of blood, or not having a cycle. This condition can sometimes go hand in hand with the hypothalamus/pituitary gland situation we mentioned earlier.
What’s the Emotional Cause?
Several of my clients with this condition were female bodybuilders and/or had an eating disorder, or had survived a traumatic event like abuse or a natural disaster.
We talked about the fight-or-flight response that happens in your body when your brain is freaked out. This involuntary reaction happens when the brain perceives a threat to the body and prepares it to fight the threat or run from it. The heart, brain, lungs, and feet are required for this. The reproductive system is not. When you’re being chased by wolves, the last thing you need is to be menstruating or getting pregnant. It’s not in the interest of keeping you alive for those things to be happening at such a crucial time. We’re not chased by wild animals so much anymore, but our brain perceives threats just as intensely as if we were. It’s a survival instinct. When we feel utterly out of control in our life and are grasping at ways to control it, that is scary enough to your brain to cease functioning of the lady parts. And it will not turn back on again until it feels safe to do so.
When it’s an eating disorder, the mind-body cause is more the need to control things. Your life feels out of control, so what can you control? Everything that happens with your own body. Otherwise it tends to be more an issue of denying your feminine side. In the case of the female bodybuilders and extremely competitive women in general, they are in a masculine career and are forcing their body to extremes in weight and discipline, which is not conducive to carrying a child.
Some women with this condition have had some past trauma or abuse and it doesn’t feel “safe” to them to be feminine, so their body listens and retracts its feminine function.
Others have survived natural disasters—the ultimate in being out of control. My client Valentina survived a hurricane when she was eight years old. She lost everything and barely survived the ordeal. She understandably developed anxiety and OCD over the years, which was her brain’s attempt to have control over something when she experienced control of nothing. When she went into puberty, she never got her period—ever. Her body was still in enough shock from her experience at eight years old that her body deemed it not safe enough to menstruate. As we know, you need to be having a cycle to get pregnant, so this is what we worked on first. Two days after our first session, Valentina got her period. The things we talked about made her body feel safe enough to release and relax. There would still be more processing to do, but her brain feeling safe and supported allowed her body to resume normal functioning.
What Can You Do About It?
Clary Sage essential oil by Young Living is great for this condition. Several of my clients who hadn’t had a cycle on their own in years or ever got one just days later after using it. Apply it to your lower abdomen and at the back of your head (where it meets the neck).
Red clover and red raspberry leaf infusions can also help regulate your hormones and your cycle. There are no contraindications. (See the recipes in the Conceivable Tool Kit.)
Saying a mantra like “It’s safe for me to be a woman,” “I embrace my femininity,” “I’m safe,” “All is well,” or “I allow my healing” over and over can be helpful. Find something that resonates with you and put it on sticky notes everywhere so you’ll remember to say it constantly.
See if you can find the place in your past where the amenorrhea started and determine why it wasn’t safe or helpful for you to be feminine. What was going on in your life that caused you to feel unsafe or that triggered the fight-or-flight response without you realizing it? Write down all your thoughts around that time. Seeing it on paper can help your brain realize that it was an isolated incident and not a recurring threat. Thanks to the Law of Psychophysical Response, whether you’re going through a trauma or reliving the thought of it, it’s all the same to your brain. There’s a physical reaction for every thought. See if you can zoom out of your body and figure out why it was purposeful that it happened in the grand scheme of things. Can you decide to release those things either by writing down and burning them or by having some energy work such as reiki or acupuncture to help purge it?
Make a list of what makes you feel safe and why you’re actually okay, and feel into that list every day.
4. Low Egg Count/Poor Egg Quality
There’s a general freak-out that as we get older, the quality of our eggs declines and therefore there can be complications with the fetus. What is not taken into consideration is the health and mindset of each individual woman, which greatly affects the quality of her eggs. There’s also the freak-out that we lose 90 percent of our eggs by the time we’re thirty. But we’re born with one to two million eggs. So you’ve still got 100,000 left, at least. And remember, you only need one.
What’s the Emotional Cause?
This physical condition is one that is more heavily influenced by the beliefs of doctors and is generally accepted by society as being true —that we’re running out of time. We better hurry up or there’ll be no good eggs left! This one makes me crazy. We touched on it in chapter 1.
Ovaries represent the point of creation. When we are plugged into the belief that we’re running out of time, our count can in fact drop (like sand through an hourglass). When we lose confidence in our ability to create, our ways of creating literally diminish. Why are women in European countries giving birth to healthy babies much later in life? Partly because they don’t eat the same amount of processed shit that we do, and partly because they don’t have the same pressure from doctors that we do.
What Can You Do About It?
Don’t give in to the fear. Yes, there are some cases where there have been unhealthy births, but the fact is that it’s not the norm and there are other factors involved besides age.
Do a belief sheet on I’m running out of time. We want to work this through so that we realize it’s not true and we can let go of that energy and allow the body to do what we know it can—and what women in other countries are doing naturally into their early fifties.
Make a list of why you are capable of doing this—physically, mentally, spiritually.
Often when our egg count goes down, we are losing faith in our ability to create. So activating the sacral chakra, which is the creativity/children/relationship chakra, is helpful. Simply place a hand on your lower abdomen and close your eyes while visualizing a small orange ball of light spinning in this chakra. Slowly visualize it getting bigger and brighter and spinning faster until it has filled up your entire trunk.
You can also visualize whatever you think your eggs look like in there: glowing white or gold and multiplying—puffing up like popcorn. Don’t force it; just feel into the excitement that you’re able to shift this physical issue by shifting your thoughts.
5. Ovarian Cysts and Fibroids
Ovarian cysts are fluid-filled sacs that sit on the ovaries. Most of the time they’re harmless, but when they rupture it can be more serious. Symptoms include pelvic pain (before a period or during sex), fullness or heaviness in the abdomen, and a dull ache radiating into the lower back and thighs.
Fibroids are firm, rubbery masses on the uterine tissue. While almost never cancerous, they can wreak havoc with heavy, painful periods, prolonged periods, pelvic pressure, and constipation.
Both can affect the reproductive process.
What’s the Emotional Cause?
The ovaries and uterus represent the point of creation. This is literally where life is created. It’s also the location of the sacral chakra (see chapter 5 for more info), which represents relationships, creativity, and children. The mental/emotional cause for cysts and fibroids is hanging on to hurt or resentment about a situation. This usually involves wounds from past relationships, perhaps not getting closure or feeling like you wasted your prime baby-making years with that person. It can also be from a current relationship, if there’s been infidelity or a big issue that hasn’t really been dealt with. The relationship is most often romantic but can also include friendships, work partnerships, family, etc. Cysts and fibroids are both physically and energetically painful growths on your point of creation, and therefore they literally inhibit your ability to create (in this case, a child).
What Can You Do About It?
Trace back to when you got the cysts/fibroids (approximate if you don’t know for sure). Look at what was going on in your life at the time—relationships, breakups, difficult work relationships, anger at partner or self for “wasting time,” guilt (strict parents/religious beliefs around sexuality), etc. Look at all areas of your life at that time and do a brain dump on a piece of paper. Look through each sentence and ask if it’s serving you to continue to hold this in your body. Ask yourself why this challenging experience was purposeful. (It was—so see if you can figure out why, in the grand scheme of your life, it makes sense that it happened and what you learned from it.) Then either outside or safely in your kitchen sink, burn it. Burning the paper represents a ceremonial “I’m done and I’m choosing to move forward.”
Close your eyes and visualize a white or gold cord from your heart to the other person’s. Tell them how hurt you were. Say what you need to say—cry, yell, plead, etc. Then take a deep breath and see if you a can find a place where you can thank them for the lessons you learned from them and their part in your life. Let them know that you’re done and moving on, and you wish them well on their path. Cut the cord by making a chopping motion with your hand. (You may have to do this several times to really connect to the feeling of it.) Put a hand over your heart and fill the hole where the cord was with warm white light and then seal it off—sort of an energetic cauterizing so that the cord from that person can’t ever plug into or drain you again.
You can also try visualizing one cyst or fibroid at a time, and surrounding it with light. As you visualize it shrinking, say: “That relationship was purposeful. I release it with love and move forward.” Say this several times. Visualization is such a helpful tool if you can make it work for you. One of my clients got rid of ovarian cysts this way, another got rid of scar tissue from a previous procedure in her subsequent cycle, one increased her egg quality, and one doubled her dangerously thin uterine lining—all by using visualization. Sometimes playing soothing music and/or burning sage, incense, or a scented candle can help you keep your focus.
We often are not nourishing ourselves on this journey. We are in push or survival mode more often than not. So see if you can come up with five ways to nourish yourself. They don’t have to be epic, expensive things, but just little things you can do that are just for you. As one of these things, I’d suggest a linden flower infusion to reduce inflammation alternated with a red clover infusion to help regulate your hormones with zero side effects. (See the Conceivable Tool Kit for the recipes.)
My client Margot didn’t realize that she was still hanging on to hurt and resentment toward the boyfriend she’d had before her husband. He had been noncommittal and had cheated on her, and she was angry that she had wasted so much time on him. We worked on processing and releasing those feelings, and her cysts and fibroids were nowhere to be found at her next appointment.
6. Miscarriage or Terminations
Many women understandably have a really hard time with miscarriages, mostly because of the loss of something they really wanted; but also it’s still a hush-hush thing, and many women don’t realize how common it actually is. A surprising 10 to 20 percent of first pregnancies end in miscarriage, but most of us wouldn’t know that because it’s kept under wraps societally, and also because we can feel like a failure and don’t want people to know about our “shortcomings.” This unfortunately makes our grief and healing more difficult.
The same can be said of terminations. Most people do not reach out for support or even vent their feelings, which can lead to the following emotional manifestations.
What’s the Emotional Cause?
When we have had one miscarriage, it’s so hard not to be freaked out about the next pregnancy making it. It’s really easy to plug into the belief that because it happened once, it’ll happen again. We don’t know how to address the reason for the first one and are scared about having another one, so often the pattern of multiple miscarriages perpetuates. One of my clients had two miscarriages and then couldn’t get pregnant again. Her brain was deathly afraid of her body being in danger a third time, so it just shut down her reproductive and endocrine systems. When miscarriages happen, the mind-body cause is fear of the future and inappropriate timing. Initially you’ll think, “No, I was totally ready,” but I guarantee there was a reason, if you really investigate. The same applies to terminations. Not one of my clients took that decision lightly, but most never discussed it with anyone, leaving those feelings to fester in the body and leading to the physical problem of having difficulty getting pregnant now, whether it be due to guilt or fear of karma or punishment.
What Can You Do About It?
Inquire about the following:
Really do some searching of what your circumstances were. This will apply to both miscarriages and terminations (and the subconscious guilt we can still carry).
Write down the circumstances so your brain can really see why it didn’t happen. If there were multiple miscarriages, look at each one separately. Then look at your circumstances now. Theoretically there have been some changes and you’re in a better place now, and you can feel like it won’t repeat itself.
If it still feels scary, pull out a belief sheet and look at I miscarried before, so I will again, or, for a termination, I’m being punished for the termination by not getting pregnant now. They’re both not true, but I get why they feel true, so really feel into them. Don’t think the answers. Feeling is how you shift.
Why Is It Perfect?
So often in this process, if we think we should have been pregnant by now or if we’ve had a miscarriage, we can feel that this situation isn’t fair. We can feel that the Universe is against us and that it may never happen. Whenever we think something should be different from what it is, it’s not true.
That’s a tough pill to swallow for a lot of people, but it’s all kinds of true. If it should have happened, it would have. If it shouldn’t have happened, it wouldn’t have. We get a little rigid about what we think is a good timeline for our stuff to materialize, but our path is so much bigger than what we are consciously aware of. So we want to look at the situation from a curious, exploratory place and say, “Okay, here’s what is: I feel like I shouldn’t have had a miscarriage. But if I shouldn’t have, I wouldn’t have. I did. So what might be going on in my life or in my experience that would precipitate that?”
For example, perhaps you moved, you got a new job, your job was stressful, your husband was out of work, your relationship was rocky, you were overscheduled at work or in your life, etc. I guarantee you there’s something. Sometimes it takes looking at it on paper for your brain to go, “Ohhhhh, it couldn’t have happened before now. We had X, Y, and Z going on.” It’s important that you release the energy you have spinning in what should have been and direct it toward what you’d actually love. Then look at why now is the right time for you to get pregnant. You can use these two worksheets from the Conceivable Tool Kit: Why Wasn’t It The Right Time Before Now? and Why Is It the Right Time Now?
After some belief work and energy work and some coaching to work through why things had happened, my client was able to let go of the fear and get pregnant.
I find Valor essential oil by Young Living really helpful for fertility in general, but especially for alleviating miscarriage fear. Apply it to the base of your spine and the bottoms of your feet. I also recommend SARA and Release essential oils by Young Living. They’re great for processing past trauma and can help with releasing the stored trauma of miscarriage or termination. A Guide to the Best Essential Oils for Fertility is included in the Conceivable Tool Kit.
7. Endometriosis
With this condition, tissue that normally grows on the inside of your uterus grows on the outside and adheres to other organs, such as the ovaries. The endometrial tissue becomes trapped, surrounds these organs, and can’t be released with the normal menstrual cycle. Endometriosis can be very painful due to scar tissue and adhesions, and it can inhibit fertility. This is one of the more physically painful conditions and can be aggravated by too much sugar in the diet. Unfortunately, with their doctors’ grim prognoses, many women give up on the idea of having children naturally.
What’s the Emotional Cause?
The reproductive organs are located within the sacral chakra, which is the energy center of relationships/sexuality, creativity, and children. The uterus and ovaries represent the point of creation. They’re where creativity comes from, but also literally where life is created. Because of the areas the endometriosis surrounds, such as the uterus, ovaries (points of creation/femininity), and bowels (fear of letting go of what’s no longer needed), this condition represents your creativity or ability to create being surrounded or strangled. Emotionally this manifests as hanging on to disappointment, frustration, and insecurity. It also often involves blaming the self or someone else. You want to look at the areas in your life that the sacral chakra represents: relationships (sexual or otherwise), creativity, and children. Which of these areas carries those negative feelings for you? This can be tough to explore because, as some of my clients have said, “Why would I purposely put myself in this much pain? I don’t blame myself ! I blame God, or this disease,” etc. Because the physical condition is so painful, it can be hard to step back and look at the emotional cause objectively. I promise that there’s something for you to look at. Remember, it’s not about blaming yourself for “causing” the condition; it’s your body giving you a check engine light, albeit a painful one.
The fact that we can shift our physical condition by shifting our thoughts is amazing and empowering. Give yourself the opportunity to step back and look into the Petri dish of your life and discover what might correlate based on these causes. See the following for a starting point.
What Can You Do About It?
Write down all of your responses to the following questions. The process of writing helps you sort things out.
Really do some deep inquiry here. Write as much as you can about each area and give yourself the time to sit with it. Feel how hurtful these issues are and see if you can decide to be done with them. Then take your list and burn it as a symbolic “I’m finished with this.”
After you’re done, write down three action steps you can take to move forward, such as doing belief sheets on the topics that came up in your brain dumps, writing about why the things that came up were actually purposeful, or treating your body to an hour of pampering (bodywork, massage, etc.). Then actually go do those things!
Basil and Geranium essential oils by Young Living can help with the pain as you’re working through the mental and emotional causes.
You also might want to try a linden infusion (recipe is in the Conceivable Tool Kit). It really helps with the inflammation in the body and has been very helpful for my clients.
When you’re dealing with a physical issue as painful as endometriosis, it can be difficult to step back and see a way out of it. Our brain has a tendency to think that because something has always been a certain way, it will continue to be, or to simply accept a care provider’s verdict that we will never have children. You certainly can accept both of those mindsets, but know that I’ve had numerous cases of endometriosis disappear when my clients did some deep inquiry and processing.
My client Natalie had fibroids and endometriosis. In her case, the emotional cause was abuse and past partners not treating her well. She was scheduled to go in for surgery a couple of weeks after we started working together. We did some belief work and energy work. She really began to process some of her stuff in a way that she hadn’t been able to before. When she went in for the surgery, they removed two fibroids (down from the eight she originally had), and the endometriosis was nowhere to be found. The doctors couldn’t explain it. That is the power of doing this work. Clearing up our emotional baggage is key for moving our physical body forward.
8. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS)
As the name implies, polycystic ovarian syndrome is many cysts on an ovary, which can inhibit ovulation and is one of the leading physical causes of infertility. It involves the endocrine system, so the thyroid, pituitary gland, and hormones can be affected. Symptoms include prolonged or infrequent periods, excess hair growth, acne, and excess weight gain.
What’s the Emotional Cause?
Again, the cause of this condition can be kind of hard to hear sometimes, and we can feel under attack; but keeping an open mind, see where this makes sense for you:
It can be an amplified version of ovarian cysts, as already discussed (nursing old hurts from relationships, past or current). If we haven’t processed hurt or anger from a past relationship, or our current partner has done something that we haven’t forgiven them for, it can fester at this point of creation.
The cause can also be a denial of femininity and usually guilt, shame, or fear around sexuality or the genitals. It can often stem from abuse, or from your perception of what you’ve been taught about sexuality and plugging that into your programming. Some of the clients I’ve seen with PCOS were raised with very strong religious beliefs—and talk, thoughts, or actions around the genitals, sex, or sensuality are seen as sinful. So many women push down these thoughts, which manifests physically as PCOS. It can also happen if some abuse or perceived abuse happened and the girl didn’t know how to process it, so it was stored in her body this way. It often begins in the teen years when our thoughts and experiences about sex are being formed.
This syndrome can be the result of not fully processing a termination. Again, it’s not that we would ever consciously punish ourselves, but the body does react to our thoughts, and things can fester over time. If there’s hurt or guilt, it will manifest in the area where the situation happened.
PCOS can also manifest as little volcanoes of anger about a work situation, but more than likely it’s anger toward a current or past partner.
Since the cysts form on the ovaries, which represent the point of creation, they can result when our creativity is compromised. For example, my client Victoria wanted to go to art school, but her traditional parents insisted she go to engineering school. She harbored resentment for compromising her creative soul to please her parents, and so the cysts formed.
What Can You Do About It?
Go back and look at what happened around the time you started noticing symptoms of PCOS. Really dig.
Was it an isolated incident or a belief that something was “wrong”?
What can you tell that version of you now? Maybe how you understand how she felt, why this journey has been purposeful, and why it’s okay to release that. What do you understand about and empathize with the “you” of that time?
What can you let go of? What no longer serves you? Often we are hanging on to anger, judgment, feelings of being judged or not good enough, placing too much importance on what a partner said, etc.
Visualize the cysts being surrounded with light and shrinking while saying something like this: “It’s safe to be feminine, and I release those beliefs that are no longer serving me,” “This body is a beautiful gift. I embrace my sensuality, and my body functions the way it’s meant to,” or “I am balanced and calm and choose to be in the flow.”
The thoughts that are causing this condition are more than likely subconscious, so we really want to praise our body and embrace all of it, from the cramps to the cycles to the sexuality. If we are subconsciously ashamed or blaming our body, how can it perform well?
Red clover infusion and linden infusion are super-helpful in terms of regulating all hormones and relieving inflammation. (Recipes are in the Conceivable Tool Kit.)
Also, Oregano, Release, and SARA essential oils from Young Living have benefited my clients with PCOS.
9. Male Infertility (Low Sperm Count, Motility, etc.)
Male infertility occurs in 7 percent of men and accounts for 40 to 50 percent of infertility. It can be diagnosed if there’s low sperm production, abnormal sperm function/motility, or blockages that prevent the delivery of sperm. Health problems and lifestyle choices (including too much alcohol, soda, soy, and other foods) can play a role as well.
What’s the Emotional Cause,
and What Can You Do About It?
This is one of the trickier conditions for me to address when the woman is open to alternative methods and modalities but the man isn’t. We have to be crafty about how we address it. But it’s absolutely addressable.
I’ve found that male infertility is usually the result of one of four things:
Some men are cool with this, but for some, it is a blow to their male ego. Their psyche still harbors that primitive belief system where they hunt and you watch the nest. As discussed in chapter 1 (external factor #3), men need to feel that they are contributing in a significant way to the family. If it can’t be financially, see where else he can contribute (DIY projects, paying bills, taking out the trash, walking the dog). The key is to really communicate how helpful it is for you that he’s doing these things. Not only will he be more likely to do them without being asked, but it will rev up his opinion of himself, therefore translating to his morphology.
Is he in a job he hates? Is he not in the field he wants to be in? Does he secretly want to be something else when he grows up?
Encourage him to open up and share his dreams. Explore the possibilities of an advanced certification or a class that will move him toward that goal, or encourage a hobby that he’ll find fulfilling so his life is not just about the job. Your support will go a long way. Just as it is important that you be in your purpose rather than just a job, the same is equally true for him. If he is an insurance broker but really wants to work with animals, you must start helping him lay the groundwork, because he won’t do it on his own. He won’t even think of it as a real option. The two of you being lit up and filled with purpose is part of getting the baby here. It’s not taking time away from baby making, it’s literally helping to make that a reality. Don’t skip over this part.
Did one parent leave when he was younger? Did his parents get divorced, leaving him with unresolved guilt, sadness, and fear? Is he afraid of making a family because he doesn’t want that to happen to his children? It would be great if you could have a conversation with him about his concerns or encourage him to speak to someone about them. If he’s not up for that, see if he’d try acupuncture. It’s a little more mainstream than this work, and it’s not something he would have to bare his soul for. But it can reset his energy without him even realizing it.
This is pretty self-explanatory. Kids cost money, and he may have doubts about being able to provide for this munchkin. Whether the fears are founded in reality or not, it’s certainly important to reassure him. There’s the old saying “If we wait until we’re more financially ready, we’ll never have a kid.” It’s so true. There will always be a reason to delay. He’ll always feel like he’s not quite there yet. Remind him that sometimes you just have to leap, trusting the Universe to provide what you need when you need it.
Meet with a financial advisor, or if you’re good with money, break down for him how it could actually be okay financially. It is helpful for his brain to feel like you have a plan and that everything will work itself out.
Approach this from a heart-cracked-open place of “Hey, I totally get why you’re scared. I feel that too, but here’s some stuff I’ve figured out.” It can help put him, and therefore his body, at ease.
I’ve also found that Idaho Blue Spruce essential oil by Young Living dabbed on his ankles and the base of his spine or Valor essential oil on his feet and the base of his spine work well if he’s open to alternative suggestions. It can be done at night so he doesn’t have to worry about smelling woodsy!
If it’s your partner and not you who’s dealing with the fertility component, it can seem a little hopeless. But there are things you can do to move him forward. My client Chloe’s husband was dealing with low sperm count and motility. She was freaking out because she didn’t see how she could help the situation. He was in an unfulfilling job that he couldn’t shift at the time. Unbeknownst to him, she placed a piece of ruby-in-zoisite under his side of the bed. It’s a good fertility stone for both men and women. Stones are also conductors. They absorb energy and, luckily for us, can absorb some of our “yuck.” See the Stones and Crystals for Fertility 101 worksheet in the Conceivable Tool Kit to learn more about how they can be helpful in the fertility process for you and your partner.
Chloe would also casually put her hand over her husband’s heart every night in bed and think, I love you, you’re safe, and we can do this. Eventually he began to feel calmer and didn’t feel the need to drink as much beer, which, as we discussed in chapter 1, can decimate sperm count. And poof ! Pregnant! Incidentally, Chloe’s husband has been so fulfilled that they got pregnant again right before their baby turned one! This is just another example of how any condition can be changed by shifting your thought process.
The important thing to realize is that if your partner is going through this, it’s an opportunity for you to put your desire for a baby aside for a minute and focus on reconnecting with your partner. You guys are a team first and foremost. And you want to make sure your teammate is okay and that you’re giving him the best support possible so that he can be the best possible version of himself. Try to resist the urge to shuffle him through this process as fast as possible so that you can get to the baby. Date each other. Connect to each other. Believe in each other.
10. Unexplained Infertility
As the name implies, doctors can’t find a cause of infertility in these cases. This situation can be most enigmatic and frustrating. Because there is no clear problem, there is no clear solution. Many of my clients have said they almost wish they had a “legit” physical condition because they feel it would be easier to treat.
A myriad of factors can contribute to unexplained infertility, but I guarantee that it’s not because you had that cup of coffee or aren’t eating enough kale. Yes, it’s important to eat as clean as possible, but that’s not the reason you’re not getting pregnant. Sometimes we obsess about eating the right food and the right amount of it, and that can feed into our Type-A-ness and exacerbate the situation. Remember, there are people who don’t take care of themselves but are still able to get pregnant, so don’t go too crazy about the food component.
What’s the Emotional Cause,
and What Can You Do About It?
See if you are plugging into one or more beliefs that aren’t true, such as “I’m running out of time. I’m too old. I’m gonna be an old mom and die before my kid graduates high school. It should have happened by now. It was easy for my friend, so it should be easy for me,” and so on. If any of these sting, do a belief sheet on it so you can free up that energy to move forward.
Do you have fear around the birth process itself? That’s pretty common. The way birth is portrayed in the movies is scary, and many women we know have had traumatic births, so we think we will too. Even when women relay their normal birth stories, it can sound terrifying. So can the process of being pregnant, for that matter. Hemorrhoids? Gas? Constipation? Losing control of your bowels during labor? Yikes! If your brain/ego thinks labor is scary and disgusting and you might die, it will try to do you a solid and just avoid the whole situation. We want to find ways to become comfortable with the idea of birth and believe that the process can actually be beautiful rather than scary. To build your confidence around the idea of birth and actually get excited about it, look at the 2008 documentary The Business of Being Born and the book Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. I’d also recommend attending a doula or HypnoBirthing workshop. Even if you don’t want to teach or become certified in either of these modalities, they do an amazing job of helping you see birth as the amazing, empowering experience it’s meant to be. Watch HypnoBirthing videos on YouTube to see how calm, beautiful, and empowering the birth process can be.
Do you have any unresolved anxiety, body issues/eating disorders, or family issues? Do a brain dump, and list all of the things that come up, no matter how stupid or frivolous they sound. Circle the top three things that feel gross to you and do a belief sheet on them. If you harbor ongoing or unresolved issues, find someone to help you process them and allow your body to resume normal functioning.
Refer again to the list of fifteen external factors affecting fertility in chapter 1. These are often the reasons for unexplained infertility, especially having a stressful job and being a super planner. We’ll go more into the energy of why those things are not helpful in chapter 4.
When dealing with all of these issues, we will be tempted to say, “I’ll fix it once I’m pregnant.” Fix it now. Address what you can to get your energy moving forward.
This is where your automatic fight-or-flight response is getting triggered big time. Remember that when you have these stressors, whether they be external factors or internal beliefs, your body goes into survival mode. And since you don’t need your reproductive system when you’re about to fight or take flight from a situation, it slows or shuts down. If you are in the unexplained fertility category, I guarantee you that your brain is triggered about something. It might not be super-obvious to you, because rationally you’re pretty sure this isn’t going to kill you. But your primal brain doesn’t know that—and that’s who we have to convince. We can’t shut off this response just because we want to. There is no fooling the brain. So we have to really investigate what’s triggering it and figure out how we can create space and a feeling of capability in our life. Taking a deep dive into these things may seem invasive to your brain, but I promise you, it’s way less invasive and way less expensive than IVF.
Your body is waiting for you to trust it to do what women have done for millennia, what you were built to do. Unfortunately, so many of us connect to the fear of friends and family who had a hard time getting pregnant. Then we are fed dire announcements by media and doctors that once you hit thirty, getting pregnant is going to be hard, and even if you do conceive, your body’s a ticking time bomb that will produce a deformed baby, or you may die in childbirth. While I’m sure the people who tell us these things have the best of intentions, fear is instilled in us early on. As a result, we stop trusting our intuition and our bodies and start trusting someone who barely knows us to tell us what we are capable of.
We tend to give up all of our power to the doctors, to the condition, to the fear of what could be. You have much more power on this journey that you realize, and examining this condition from a different perspective is just one way to take back that power. Going inward to inquire and listen to your intuition will serve you immensely on this journey.
Nobody knows your body better than you. You just have to remember to plug in and hear what your body is telling you. Use a mantra like “I trust you” over and over, with your eyes closed and a hand on your belly. That would be a great daily practice. You and your body are on the same team. See if you can listen to what it’s telling you.