Step #4: Listen to Your Body—a Powerful, Yet Little-Known Health Secret
Long before it was fashionable to discuss the mind-body connection, Louise published her book Heal Your Body, in which she talked about health conditions and the probable thought patterns behind them. In the ensuing years, more and more scientific evidence has cropped up to prove the mind-body connection, yet it still seems so mysterious to many people.
You probably were not taught to listen to your body or even your feelings. In fact, if you go back to your childhood, you may remember being told that you were wrong about things you felt. Perhaps you were told not to feel something: “Don’t be sad,” or “You’re not hurt.” Maybe you were told that you were “too sensitive.” If you had the typical upbringing, you likely got the message that concrete evidence, science, and proof were more important than how you felt or what you thought you knew.
“I listen with love to my body’s messages.”
— Louise
Dreams, instincts, intuition, and extrasensory perception (ESP) used to be relegated to the “woo-woo” or considered “airy-fairy”; and knowing in advance that something would happen was called a “coincidence.” Yet studies show that more than 50 percent of U.S. adults believe in ESP and psychic or spiritual healing, even though science does not confirm its existence.1
We know from Chapter 3 that we get “gut feelings” all the time for a very good reason—a reason science didn’t know about until the 1950s. And our bodies give us many other clues about what is right or not right for us, if only we’ll listen. Gavin de Becker, author of The Gift of Fear, explains intuition as the brain looking at something and processing it so quickly that conclusions are drawn without the person understanding how or why. Whatever the reason—intuition, ESP, your inner voice, or the “inner ding” as Louise calls it—this is something we all have.
De Becker also points out that the root of the word intuition (tuere) means “to protect” or watch over.2 Life loves and protects us at all times. Listening to our inner guidance is a beautiful way to trust that Life always takes care of us, and it’s a way that we can take loving care of our bodies.
The Still, Small Voice Inside
Intuition operates in mysterious ways. Did you ever have a time when you just “knew” something? Perhaps you were thinking of a friend just before she called out of the blue. Or you had a dream that later came true. Maybe you got “a feeling” about something or made a seemingly innocent decision, and it ended up saving your life. That’s the power of intuition.
Michael Lomonaco was head chef at New York City’s Windows on the World, at the top of the World Trade Center. On September 11, 2001, he had a noon appointment to get his glasses repaired, but for some reason, he decided to see if he could go in before work instead.3 The first plane hit the World Trade Center while he was in the lobby, so he was able to get out safely. Had he gone right to work, he may not have survived.
While many stories of intuition involve dramatic life-or-death events, it’s also at the heart of countless day-to-day decisions that guide people’s lives. For example, Oprah Winfrey, who continues to make the Forbes most powerful celebrities list, says that while she listens to proposals, data, and reports, all of her successful decisions have been made by intuition or from the heart. As she says, “When you don’t know what to do, do nothing. Get quiet so you can hear the still, small voice—your inner GPS guiding you to true North.”4
This still, small voice is what Louise has relied on throughout much of her life. When asked if she always heard her inner ding, she said no, it was something she actually had to practice. In fact, when Louise was first learning to listen to her intuition, she used a pendulum, which is a weight (oftentimes a crystal) suspended on a string or chain, to help her access her subconscious mind. (When first using a pendulum, you learn how it moves when the answer is yes or no, and then you can ask questions. The idea is that your subconscious will affect the way the pendulum moves. If you’re not sure how to trust your intuition, using this tool can help you see the guidance you’re receiving.)
Louise started out using her pendulum to make simple decisions, like what food on a restaurant menu would be most healthful for her body. Over time, she continued to play with using the pendulum and realized she could get the same feeling without it. She said that there were times when it appeared that her inner ding was wrong at first glance, yet in the long run, it was that “wrong” choice that acted as the pathway to the choice that was right for her. She ultimately learned to trust her inner ding deeply, and even more so, trusted Life to guide her to the right thing at the right time.
Ahlea always knew how to listen and see into people. While she was sometimes punished for saying the things she knew (which no one had told her, and no one believed she could know), she continued to believe in her inner guidance. This is not a typical path for children, so it was clear that this gift Ahlea had was very strong in her life. As a teenager, she went to work in the radiology department of a hospital, where she got to test and confirm her ability to see into bodies by reading x-rays and observing how patient cases progressed. She went on to further learn about what she was seeing in bodies by studying anatomy and physiology and doing an anatomy lab with the cadaver of a deceased person who had chosen to donate his body to science. In this way, she could have the full sense of what human bodies need and what influences good health.
Heather had some connection to intuition growing up, too. Yet although she was mildly aware that she was using it to be successful in her job, where she often had to predict which products and processes would become popular in global companies in the future, she had largely abandoned listening to her own body. Instead, she was focused on doing her job well in a fast-paced company, which often meant not listening to her body and just pushing forward to get things done. There were times she had a “bad gut feeling” about something, and even described it as such to her boss as they contemplated acquiring a company—but while she was proven correct a year later, these feelings had little credence in the corporate environment.
Everything changed when Heather started working with a life and business coach. Her coach would ask Heather to describe the feeling she was having and then find out where she was feeling that emotion in her body. For at least a month, all Heather could feel was pain in her abdomen. This was in her initial stages of recovery from bulimia, and she felt like this “feel into your feelings” thing was hard to trust because all she felt was the same pain in her gut, over and over again.
With continued practice, though, Heather became aware that there were emotions behind that pain. They were scary for her to look at because they were about her job and how it was not right for her. Listening would mean a major upheaval in her life, including leaving the corporate world, selling her house, and building a new life somewhere else with her husband. It was much later that Heather realized she got a lot of intuition in her gut that almost had a “sick” feeling in it. However, once she understood it was just information, the sick feeling would leave immediately. She realized how long she had made herself sick by not listening all those years.
As Heather discovered, physical symptoms are the body’s way of talking to you. This is especially true if you’re ignoring other signals in your life and continuing on a path that is not right for you. As you learned in Chapter 2, when you are not making loving choices for yourself, your body will often speak to you in symptoms. Remember, your body knows how to heal and it wants to heal—it just needs your loving care to support the process.
Certain people, called physical sensors, can be so sensitive energetically that they pick up on symptoms that other people are having and feel them in their own bodies. Other people are emotional sensors, or empaths, and feel the emotions of others very strongly. The first thing to do if you are (or think you may be) one of these people is to stop, take deep breaths, and ask your body if this symptom or feeling is yours or if it belongs to someone else. If you feel that it belongs to someone else, ask what it has to tell you. Once you know it’s not yours, it will typically start to dissolve.
People who are energetically sensitive in these ways often tell stories of being “sickly” children until they realized that the symptoms and/or emotions were intuitive messages and learned to work with their sensitivity. One very effective technique is to say, “Thank you, body, for giving me this message. It belongs to someone else. I lovingly release it from my body, and I send loving energy to them and to myself.”
If you find that the symptom is in fact yours, the simple act of listening to that symptom and giving it your love can make a huge difference. Ahlea has her clients put their hand on their body where the symptom is, ask it what it needs, and then just listen. While you may not hear anything in the beginning, the body responds to the fact that you are listening. As you tell your body how much you love it and that it’s safe with you, your body hears that and relaxes. You may feel the intensity of that symptom come down a bit. For example, if you have a great deal of pain, you may feel the pain soften. Some have felt it completely dissolve.
When Ahlea was 16 years old, she got an intuitive message to stay home from her after-school job. While she was not sure why she was getting this message, she listened and stayed home. That day, her horse got stuck in a fence and would have died had she not been there. As she released him from the fence, she massaged his body where he had hurt his neck, feeling where the tissue had tightened up and giving it loving energy. Her horse began to breathe deeply, and she could feel the tissue releasing under her fingers.
Ahlea has noticed that the tissues and organs in our bodies release in just the same way when we stop, breathe deeply, listen, and respond with loving energy. If you have any troubling symptoms, practice doing this and see what happens.
Listening for What Your Body or Your Life Wants
Intuition, or your inner voice, is there to support you in moving toward your highest good. While symptoms are just one way your body speaks to you, there are many other ways your body or your life could speak to you. Additionally, each person is different when it comes to how they get these signals.
Here are some ways your inner guidance may signal you:
— Feelings. Some people refer to them as “gut feelings,” or getting a “bad vibe” or a “good vibe.” You may not know what the feeling exactly is, though: it could be very vague, like something that just feels bad, uncomfortable, or “not right”; or wonderful, uplifting, or “right.”
— Emotions. Similar to feelings are emotions, yet to some, they have subtle differences. You may experience an emotion that seems to come out of the blue. Perhaps you have thought of something or someone right before that emotion came up. Or maybe you walked into a place and felt the emotion. While emotions, like symptoms, feel as if they’re really yours, remember to check to see how this emotion is speaking to you. It may be telling you that something is or is not aligned to your greater good.
Years ago, for instance, Heather was walking along and suddenly felt depressed. Her first thought was, I haven’t been depressed in years, so why am I feeling this way? As she tuned in, she realized that it was not her emotion—it had come from a woman she’d just passed, who was sitting on the porch and talking on the phone. Heather sensed some things about this woman and her life and sent her the energy of love. The depression immediately went away. At that point, Heather began to think about all the years she had depression, wondering what really belonged to her and what she was picking up from others. As you can see, if we don’t learn to tell the difference, we can be caught up in or hold on to emotions that are not our own.
— ESP. Extrasensory perception is a category of intuitive abilities that includes telepathy (the ability to read people’s thoughts), clairvoyance (the ability to see what is happening somewhere else), precognition (the ability to predict the future), retro-cognition (the ability to see things that happened in the past), psychometry (the ability to touch something and pick up information), and mediumship (the ability to channel spirits).5
— Symptoms. This could be any physical sensation, such as tingling, chills, fatigue, energy, pain, “pit in the stomach,” aches, lightness, and so forth. One of the easier ways to notice this is to see how you feel when you’re with different types of people. Notice if you feel normal (that is, as you usually do), energized (or uplifted), or drained. If you consistently feel drained with certain people, look more closely at how you feel about them—you may find that they are not right for you. Some teachers refer to these people as “energy vampires.” We like to think of them as not being aligned to what you need in your life.
— Thoughts. Sometimes you may think of something and it’s actually your intuition guiding you. An example of this is when Heather first started recovering from bulimia, she would notice that she’d think of food when she wasn’t feeling physically hungry. She judged this as old, disordered eating behavior, as if she “could not stop thinking about food.” Within a week of watching her thoughts around this, she realized that within 30 minutes of having a thought about food, her blood sugar dropped so drastically that she was in blood-sugar emergency. At that point, her body was so hungry that it felt like no amount of food could solve the hunger. Overeating can be very common as a way to get the body back into comfortable balance when blood sugar has gotten too low.
What was happening is that Heather’s digestive system hadn’t healed enough for her body to get the right signals of hunger at the right times. A bloating in her small intestine sent a signal of fullness when her stomach was actually hungry. What she realized is that her body was compensating for her digestive issues by using her thoughts to send the “time to eat!” signal. She began to eat when she’d think of food, and this worked beautifully until her digestive system healed.
See, our bodies love us! When we judge the signals we’re getting as “wrong” or “bad,” we lose the opportunity to allow our bodies to guide us to better health.
— Words. Louise has always been incredible at listening to the words people use and understanding how they play out in their thoughts and beliefs. She has seen the relationship between how they speak and how things happen in their lives.
Listening to the words you use, along with the words other people use, is another way you may get an intuitive hit on what is working or not working for you. For example, do you find yourself saying things like “This is so hard,” “I can’t stand this,” “The body starts breaking down at the age of 40,” or “They’ll never accept me”? If you’re saying things like this, it may be time to look at your belief systems and see how you can change them so that you can love yourself more. In Chapter 3, you learned that the inability to digest life can create health challenges. So remember to use loving words—your body is listening. Listening to your words, using affirmations, and doing mirror work can help shift the thoughts you think and the words you use into more loving ones.
— Dreams. For some people, signals come in dreams. Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, believed that dreams tapped into the unconscious mind. According to some researchers, he may have been right. In one study, amnesiacs with no conscious memory of their past would have memories of their past when they dreamed. Studies like this have led scientists to believe that when dreaming, we are accessing parts of our brain that we don’t often use in our waking lives.6
If you’re unsure of what steps to take in your life, ask yourself before bed to have a dream about the next best step you can take. Another great way to work with your dreams is to write them down when you wake up and ask yourself what meaning they have for you. There are many books on dream interpretations that you can use if you want to learn more. At the same time, make sure you practice paying attention to these interpretations so that you can learn the language of your dreams.
— Patterns. Some people get signals through recurring events: Perhaps someone tells you about a book they love, then two more people tell you about it. This kind of pattern could be a signal to check out the book. Or maybe you keep having the same experience over and over again, but in different situations. For example, one of Heather’s clients had a pattern of being the expert or helper in every relationship. She had very few equal relationships because all of her friendships and even her significant other seemed to rely on her for her strength, knowledge, and support. When she came to Heather, she was exhausted with adrenal fatigue and felt that no one would ever be there for her.
Notice the patterns that keep happening in your life, whether they’re circumstances that occur, things people keep telling you, or situations you keep finding yourself in. These are signals that can help you take action in your life.
If you get any of these signals, or even others that are not mentioned here (remember, everyone is unique and special in how these signals show up!), get curious about them. Ask what they want you to know. You are starting a conversation, and learning a new language that no one has ever taught you. The more you listen, the more you’ll understand what your body and your life are telling you.
Over time, you’ll learn to trust these signals and may come to find that life feels a lot easier. Think of a car with no dashboard—no speedometer, no gas or temperature gauges. How would you know how fast you’re going, when you need gas, or when the car is overheating? Know that you have an inner dashboard that you can learn to read as easily as you read the dashboard in your car! It may take time, and that’s okay. You are on a beautiful journey of discovery with your body, so allow it to unfold at its own pace. (The exercises at the end of this chapter will give you some ideas for how to teach yourself the language of your body as you go.)
How to Listen to Your Body and Inner Voice
We want to stress how important the simple act of listening—being aware of the signals guiding you in your life—is. You don’t have to know what to do about those signals right away. Trust that Life will continue to show you the way. Even if you only get one little step at a time, that is all you need! You don’t have to figure everything out all at once, especially if you trust Life to show you the next step as you’re ready for it.
When you’re learning to listen to your body, it’s important to get still and quiet. As you first start to listen, the signals you get may be very quiet, like a whisper, or very vague, like a slight feeling or symptom. The more you tune in to that signal, though, the more clear it will get.
As you begin to practice, here are some tips that may make listening to your intuition much more successful:
— Focus on being present and aware. Pay attention to what is happening in the moment and drop any thoughts about the past or the future. The more you’re aware of this moment, the easier it is to tap into how you are feeling. Think of it as taking a moment to put your radar up and scan the environment, noticing exactly what is happening, and then noticing how you are feeling. This is the best way to develop your intuition. And there’s a bonus: being in the present moment reduces the stress of mind chatter and worry about the past or the future while you’re doing something else in this moment. Multitasking is stressful, and many people are on autopilot while they are moving through life because they are constantly focused on the past or the future instead of being in this moment now.
— Develop a relationship with yourself—think of it as dating yourself. Think about going on a first date: You don’t know much about the other person, what they like or dislike, how they behave, or whether you will “click” with them. You are just getting to know them and might feel a little uncomfortable. It’s likely that you are really listening to what they say and watching their body language.
Sometimes thinking of this process as a first date is helpful because if you don’t yet have rapport with yourself, it can take time to get comfortable and get to know how your body responds as you communicate with it. By the second or third “date,” you’ll feel more comfortable. Maybe communication is a little easier. You may have started to recognize the signals or language your inner voice speaks.
— Get quiet and still. You might want to begin by setting aside some time in your day so that you can get quiet and still. Choose a space where you won’t be disturbed for a period of time. You can use this time in any way that supports you. At first, you may want to spend time in meditation, clearing your mind of all chatter and focusing on not thinking at all. As you reduce mind chatter, you can invite your inner wisdom to speak to you in whatever way it chooses.
Another option is to do Ahlea’s listening meditation at the end of this chapter. This allows you to focus your attention on your body in specific ways and tune in to any symptoms or signals that come up, learning what they have to tell you.
Or you can ask yourself a question and remain quiet, seeing what shows up. If you don’t hear anything right away, that’s okay! Just tell yourself that you are open to hearing an answer in the right time and space. As you stay open, you may find that an answer comes to you at another time during the day, in a dream you have, or in something another person says. Life works in magical and mysterious ways, and if you trust that answers will come, they will!
Remember, simply asking and being open to an answer in the perfect time and space is all that is necessary. You may be guided to do your own entirely different process during your quiet time, so go with whatever feels most supportive as you learn to listen to your inner guidance.
— Tune in to your body during the day. It can be great practice to check in with your body as you do various things throughout your day. For example, on your commute to work; in a meeting; as you’re making a decision; when you’re with friends, family, or pets; or as you plan your schedule. Tune in to your body to see how you feel during these activities. Look for signals that may be telling you what is right or not right for you. Be willing to take more time for a decision if you aren’t feeling right about it and want to sit quietly to learn more. Tuning in to your body allows you to get very present and aware in the situation, which can heighten your intuition.
— Keep an open, judgment-free mind. Because everyone’s intuition works in different ways, it’s crucial that you stay open and avoid judging the signals that you get. It’s best not to judge the importance of a signal, whether it’s big or small, clear or vague, or the way it shows up. Stay open and curious as you learn the language of your inner wisdom.
— Keep a journal. Journals are wonderful because you can record your experiments and the results. Have fun with this! Write down what you learn about yourself and document the language of your inner voice. With time and practice, this language or the signals you get may change, and journaling can help you pay attention to how things progress. It can also help you to remove doubt by focusing on the successes you have with your intuition, particularly as time goes by. Sometimes it’s with the passage of time that we can look back and see the true wisdom of our intuition.
— Start small and build. Start listening to your inner guidance in ways that feel easy for you. These are very simple steps that will tell your body that you’re listening and that it matters. Here are some examples:
— Practice, practice, practice. The more you tune in to your inner guidance and the more you follow it, the easier it is to understand how your body and life speak to you. The signals tend to get clearer and it becomes easier to trust your inner guidance. This practice goes a long way in trusting Life.
What Could Get in the Way of Listening to Your Body or to Life
There are many things that could get in the way of listening to your inner guidance. First and foremost being that we aren’t taught to listen. On top of that, we live in a world that currently values science, evidence, and things that can be immediately observed … things that other people can see as well. Intuition does not work that way. It’s subtle, it speaks its own language, and it is different for everyone.
And if you really think about it, many companies today are making products that are not healthful for our human bodies. If we were all running around listening to our inner guidance, these companies would be out of business in no time. For example, how would the fashion, cosmetics, and weight-loss industries survive if we all loved our bodies and were happy with our size and the way we looked? How would pharmaceutical companies survive if we started looking at symptoms as signals and shifted to more loving thoughts and actions, thereby getting healthier on our own? These are the very companies that put out ads that teach us not to love or trust ourselves, but rather to look outside ourselves.
The good news is that we can begin to listen more, to accept who and where we are right now and pay attention to the signals that allow us to move into what supports our overall well-being.
There are other reasons we may not be able to hear our inner voice very well. Some examples are:
— Pain. When you have physical pain, that may be the loudest “voice” that draws your attention, making it seem difficult to listen to your body or hear your inner guidance. Just like Heather’s story of always going to the pain in her lower abdomen when her coach asked her to feel into the emotion in her body, you may find that you can’t find anything underneath the pain at first. Continue to listen to your body. You may find that the pain lessens, or you may be able to feel emotions underneath the pain. Loving your body by listening to and loving that area of pain is the perfect way to start learning its language. Put your hands on that area of your body or visualize it and surround it with love.
— Being too busy or not taking time for yourself. If you overschedule yourself with work or friends or family, leaving little time to be still, you are less likely to take the time to listen to yourself. Taking this time is important, especially at first. When you’re overbooked, you have little time to place awareness on your body, to meditate, or to develop a rapport with your inner guidance. Giving yourself time to get to know how your intuition works is one way you can love yourself more. It’s also a beautiful way to get some much-deserved rest and replenishment.
— Addiction. One of the outcomes people have when addicted to alcohol, drugs, sex, food, negative thinking, or any other pattern is that it numbs them from feeling. This is a very big subject and beyond the scope of our book, but we want you to know that listening to your inner guidance and focusing on loving yourself is one of the key steps you can take in recovering from an addiction, even if it feels challenging at first.
— Sugar and junk food. In Chapter 5, you will learn more about how sugar and junk food mess with your brain and body. From addiction to brain fog, fatigue, and reduced willpower, sugar can rob you of energy, attention, and focus, making it challenging to hear your inner voice. As you begin to eat foods that work for your body, you will get even more clear messages from your intuition.
— Fear. One type of fear is worrying that once you start listening, there will be so much emotion that it be too much for you to take. We have never seen this to be the case in all of our work with clients and students. Instead, what we see is that when you look inside with love, your body responds to that love. In his book Change Your Thoughts—Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao, Dr. Wayne Dyer said: “I know that we humans are like the rest of the natural world and that sadness, fear, frustration, or any troubling feeling cannot last. Nature doesn’t create a storm that never ends. Within misfortune, good fortune hides.”
Another type of fear is that you might not like the answer because it could mean you have to overhaul your life in ways that make you uncomfortable (such as leaving a bad marriage). Even if something feels scary for you, it’s important to remember that your inner guidance wants what is in your highest good. Typically, if you ignore one signal, another arises and another, getting louder or stronger each time until you listen. If you become aware of a step you’re afraid to take, consider working with a practitioner or seeking support from a friend who can be there for you. Ignoring your inner voice won’t make it go away. Listening, on the other hand, can put you on a more glorious path.
Yet another type of fear is when something happens that makes you question following your inner voice. Perhaps your inner guidance told you to talk to someone and they were rude to you, or told you to eat a certain way and you began to gain weight. Or maybe you followed your intuition about a business deal and it fell through. What we see oftentimes is that these results occur when you still have a lot of doubt. It’s almost like you’re on the fence. You trust your inner guidance, but a big part of you (maybe in the back of your mind) doesn’t believe it will work. Life has a way of showing us what we believe. So if you follow your inner guidance and things go wrong, there are two possibilities: (1) that the “wrong” result is actually a blessing in disguise that is setting the wheels in motion for the right thing to show up, or (2) you still have doubt, and Life wants you to examine that doubt so you can learn to trust more.
No matter which situation you are in, you are being offered an opportunity to listen again. Ask yourself if you have doubt. If you don’t, practice trusting (or being open to trusting) that Life has an important plan for you and it’s all working out for your greatest good. This is the perfect time to say one of Louise’s favorite affirmations: All is well. Everything is working out for my highest good. Out of this situation, only good will come. I am safe. Louise says that she has said this affirmation hundreds of times on some days, and it’s always helped her trust Life.
As long as you don’t judge the current situation too quickly, you may find that there are great lessons and blessings for you there.
— Negative media programming. This can include ads on television or the radio, in magazines, or online; or it could be movies, books, TV shows, gaming, or any type of experience that serves to separate you from love. In particular, we recommend that you reduce or avoid media that makes you feel like you are not good enough or programs that have a great deal of violence, mean behavior, or other negativity that leaves you feeling sad or unsafe. One way to assess this is to check in with your inner body and just see how you are feeling, then check in again after engaging with an ad, TV show, movie, game, or other media. Notice how you feel. If you feel bad, sad, or like the world is a terrible place, we recommend you choose something that contributes to feeling good instead. What you focus on continues to grow—so if you focus on media programming that makes you feel bad, you’ll continue to reinforce those messages in your life.
— The discovery that the result isn’t perfect. Perhaps you didn’t get the exact result you wanted when you followed your intuition. You may automatically think that it’s faulty, but this could not be further from the truth! Life brings you things in the right time and space.
For example, Heather’s client Beth was offered a job with a salary lower than what she wanted. While it required Beth and her family to move across the country and her husband to relocate his business, Beth’s inner voice said to take it anyway. Within two months, her boss felt she was doing such a good job that she gave her a raise. While the salary was still not exactly what Beth wanted, she realized how great she felt being so valued in the new company. She loved the work and colleagues, and she had better work/life balance. Had she questioned her intuition and focused only on salary, she feels she would have missed out on her dream job.
— Concern that others don’t see visible results. Sometimes when you’re following your intuition, you may question it because the results aren’t visible. This happened with Heather’s client Jordan. Jordan’s wife died when he was in his late 20s, and his grief caused him to question everything in his life. He began to listen to his inner voice and realized that he was not doing work he loved. While in the grieving process, he left his job and started studying Reiki (a Japanese healing method for relaxation and stress reduction) and taking yoga teacher training. His family and friends began to worry, feeling that he was getting too much into woo-woo practices and not being serious anymore. But over the next two years, Jordan felt happier than he had ever felt before. He missed his wife, but at the same time, he was grateful that he found himself through the process of his grief. He did question why other people didn’t notice how much better his life was, though, as they continued to judge him and think he was “doing nothing.” The people in his life could only seem to ask him when he was going back to a real job.
Four years after his wife’s death, Jordan had a successful business in the healing arts. He had gotten a great deal of media attention for his work and became well known for helping other people overcome grief and loss. He finally realized that, had he listened to everyone else three years earlier rather than sticking to his intuition, he would have given up too early and possibly returned to a corporate lifestyle that didn’t work for him.
Sometimes results happen from the inside out. In the wintertime, when we think a tree looks dead, there are actually amazing things happening inside. In a process that even scientists call magical, the cells inside the tree transform so that they can live and thrive through the winter. If we just looked at the tree, we might think nothing was happening and then become surprised in springtime when it blooms again. Like Jordan, if you trust your inner guidance and trust how you feel, it doesn’t matter what others see on the outside.
— Worry about disappointing others or “shirking” responsibility. What if your inner guidance tells you to do something that disappoints someone, or you have to leave in the middle of an important work meeting? Ahlea had this happen to her several years ago. She was working with a client when she got a strong intuitive hit to go home. She had a paying client in the middle of a session—but since Ahlea trusted her intuition, she apologized to her client and went right home. When she arrived, she found that her small dog had gotten into a box of raisins and was eating them. Raisins are toxic to dogs and can cause kidney failure. Ahlea was able to save her dog because she listened to her inner voice. Her client was perfectly fine with being rescheduled, especially given that Ahlea’s intuitive gift was one of the big reasons she was working with her!
While we recognize that it could be difficult to decide what to do when your inner voice conflicts with responsibilities you’ve committed to, we recommend that you learn to love yourself enough to listen and follow your inner guidance anyway. Just as Ahlea did, you’ll learn how to talk to people about why you need to renegotiate a commitment. The more comfortable you are with making loving choices for yourself, the easier it will be to renegotiate with others.
— Lack of support from family and friends. It’s not uncommon to make changes in your life that your friends and family don’t understand. Earlier in the book, we talked about how humans tend to resist change for a variety of reasons. When you change, your spouse, family, or friends may also feel resistant to the changes you are making. They may worry that you’re going to change so much that your relationship with them will change, too. Or they may feel jealous or miss the “old you.” If you begin to listen to your inner guidance and your friends or family put you down for doing so, recognize that this is their fear—it’s about them, not you.
Part of listening to yourself means having the courage to commit to yourself; that is, what your heart wants. In the beginning, you may not fully trust your inner guidance, so it is easier to fall off track when family or friends become naysayers. Instead of agreeing with them and abandoning your inner voice, see if you can instead become curious and open to experimentation. Dip your toe in the water. Take a step in the direction of listening to your inner voice and see what happens. Keep in mind that if you have a lot of doubt, you can create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead, keep an open mind and have fun experimenting. You can even start by choosing to listen to your inner voice about something that is less important to you so that you don’t have a lot at stake, like Louise did with her pendulum at restaurants. The more you see how your intuition guides you, the more you will trust it.
Remember, instead of taking what your friends and family say personally, recognize that naysayers often have their own very personal reasons for not supporting others. These reasons do not have to take you off track for developing a strong inner guidance system.
Exercises for Learning to Listen to Your Body
Psychologists and relationship experts teach people that one of the keys to better relationships is to make sure the other person feels heard. This is because it’s more common that people listen to each other through a filter of their own experiences and emotions, without fully hearing the person speaking.7
The thing is, no one else can understand you the way you understand yourself. No one lives in your skin and in your experience the way you do. And no one else knows how to love you the way you know how to love yourself. This is why it’s very important to listen to your inner voice. You are the only expert on the planet on you. On your deepest hopes, dreams, and desires. Since we are most often taught to follow rules and care about others before ourselves, it’s very common to not know what we want.
Chances are, you’ve listened to others for too long. The more you listen to your inner voice, the more you can give yourself the love, kindness, and understanding that only you know you need. The more you commit to giving yourself what you need, the easier it becomes to ask others for it, too.
And the more your needs are met, the more you begin to trust life. This whole process starts with you loving yourself enough to listen. And then loving yourself even more by taking action on what you feel guided to do. Knowing that you have this inner guidance system that you can trust makes it easier to remember that you are loved, protected, and watched over by Life. That is the gift of your intuition.
The exercises below will help you learn how to listen to your body, which is truly the key to trusting yourself and your life.
1. Affirmations
The following affirmations are a great way to let your body know that you are listening. Use these for mirror work and throughout the day:
I listen with love to my body’s messages.
My body is a glorious place to live, and it always guides me to my highest good.
I trust my body to guide me.
Life loves me. I am safe trusting my body.
I appreciate my body’s wisdom.
I am at peace with my inner guidance. No person, place, or thing
has any power over me, for I am the only thinker in my mind.
I know how to love myself.
I am safe. I willingly and lovingly release old concepts and ideas.
I am an open channel for the good to flow in and
through me—freely, generously, and joyfully.
I choose the thoughts that glorify my being.
I know what is true for me.
I am a unique individual, and I respect my individuality.
My inner wisdom is my own unique approach to life.
It is safe to listen to my body and my intuition.
Life loves me. My body loves me. I am always guided and protected.
Life supplies everything I need.
I am guided to what is in my highest good in the right time and space.
I nourish myself by taking in new ideas.
I recognize my own true worth.
The point of power is in the present moment. The more
present I am, the more I tune in to my intuition.
Hi, body, we can change. I want to hear you—let’s be friends. I want to love you.
2. Listening Meditation
There are few things as satisfying as really feeling heard or felt. When our best friend or partner truly listens to us, knows us, gets us, and loves us, it nourishes us on such a deep level.
The following meditation was designed to take you on a journey through your body, deeply listening along the way. In Ahlea’s healing practice, she often sees or hears what people’s bodies are trying to tell them. The biggest pattern she sees is that people’s bodies feel unheard and even frustrated. Think about how you feel when you’re in a conversation and feel unheard or shut off—it’s not uncommon to feel hurt, angry, or unacknowledged. Your body feels this way when you don’t listen to what it wants to tell you.
Remember, listening effectively occurs when a person is in a state of loving nonjudgment. As you listen to yourself in this state, notice how nourishing it feels. There is no need to fix, change, or figure anything out. You are simply being with your body in a state of love.
As you take time to do this meditation, think about what it’s like to spend time with a loved one, perhaps your partner, child, or dear friend. If they were having trouble, you’d want to listen to them, support them, and soothe them with a compassionate heart. You deserve to do the same for yourself.
Sit or lie comfortably in a quiet location and turn off any distractions, like your cell phone. Close your eyes and settle into your body, taking deep breaths and letting go of what happened today with each exhale.
Come into the present moment and gently wiggle your hips, making adjustments to relax your body more deeply. Feel yourself relaxing more with every breath.
Now bring your attention to your right baby toe. With all of your attention, focus on your toe and really feel it. Wiggle it a bit to get even more sensation into your toe. Notice how it feels: feel the skin, bones, and muscles.
Move to your left baby toe with the same attention, and then bring your awareness to all of your toes on each foot. Feel the life and energy in your toes and as you wiggle them, feel how responsive they are.
Bring your awareness to both of your feet. Feel the power of your feet and arches, all the bones and muscles, your ankles. As you feel this, thank your feet and toes for all that they do for you. Is there anything they want you to know? Listen for a moment and notice if you get any signals.
Now feel this attention and appreciation move up your ankles and into your legs. Feel the muscles and bones in your calves, shins, knees, and thighs. Feel the warmth and circulation of your blood. Now move your attention to your hips, where your leg bones attach to your pelvis. Take a moment to feel your feet and legs together. Relax them and give them love and gratitude for carrying you through life. Is there anything your legs want to tell you? Listen for any signal that comes.
Move your focus from your legs to your pelvis, lower abdomen, and buttocks. Notice the bones and how they support you. Feel the energy of love surrounding and nourishing this area of your body, bathing your sex organs and nourishing your intestines. Feel the powerful protection from the bones and muscles in your lower body and lower back. You may feel a difference in the energy of the bones, muscles, tissue, and organs. Bathe them in your love and ask them what they want you to know. Remember, you are not here to fix, change, or figure anything out, just to listen with love.
Now bring your attention to your abdominal area, just before your chest. Feel the strong bones of your spinal cord, up the back of your body. Feel the soft tissue, muscle, and digestive organs. Place your hands on your abdomen, near your belly button, and surround it with love, feeling your breath moving your hand up and down. As you touch your abdomen, thank it and feel the warmth of that love spread. Let your body know you are ready to digest life with ease. Ask your abdomen and chest what it wants you to know.
Now bring your hands to your chest and connect to your heart. Feel your heart pumping with love and strength, bathing your body with nourishing blood. Acknowledge your heart with love and ask what it wants you to know.
As you move your attention upward, feel your shoulders, arms, hands, neck, throat, jaw, face, ears, eyes, and right up to the top of your head. Relax this whole area. Relax your shoulders, arms, hands, neck, jaw, and mouth. Relax your scalp, forehead, and ears. Relax your mind. Allow any tightness or burdens to release as you exhale. Bring in love and relaxation as you inhale, and feel it spreading throughout this area of your body. Now ask, “What do you want me to know?”
As you bring your awareness to your whole body, every part, inside and out, tell your body, “I want to know you more. I want to love you more. I am ready to listen. I’m doing my best to listen. It’s okay if it takes time. Thank you, body, you are a masterpiece. I know you love me and are always protecting me. I know you know how to heal. Is there anything else you want me to know right now? Thank you, body. I love you, body.”
This meditation is a beautiful daily practice that nourishes your whole body with love. Yet you can also do this with just one part of it if you want to go deeply into that area. The more you practice listening, the more your body will share its messages with you. Remember, every story your body has to tell you is part of your love story. Your body always keeps you safe and guides you. Together, you know what true love is, and together, you heal. The more you listen, the more you can nourish yourself lovingly in all ways.
In the next chapter, we will provide a variety of guidelines on how to choose and prepare healthy foods. We will give you some easy and fast options, along with tips for fitting healthy eating into your life. And we will keep reminding you to take time for yourself.
There is something magical that happens when you take time for yourself. You don’t lose in other areas of your life—you actually gain. You will find out how much Life loves you and wants you to have a healthy, nurturing, nourishing existence. If you allow it, Life will show you how to do this at your own pace, and how it can be more rewarding than you’d ever expect.
♥ ♥