Jon Kabat-Zinn, a physician and world-renowned mindfulness educator, describes mindfulness as “the awareness that emerges through paying attention on purpose, in the present moment and non-judgmentally to the unfolding of experience moment by moment.”1 While that’s comprehensive, it isn’t necessarily something that resonates with adolescents. I prefer to talk about mindfulness as the ability to create mental space that allows us to slow down for a moment and assess.
The human brain is amazing and efficient and works to make connections, assumptions, and decisions almost before we are consciously aware of them. While that is sometimes really handy (such as when you’re driving and a pedestrian darts out in front of you), it can be a little scary (such as when you eat half a pint of ice cream and can’t really remember tasting it).
Mindfulness means that we are not multitasking, that we are making a conscious choice to align our physical actions with our thoughts, and that we are aware of how our emotions are driven by thoughts and vice versa. Learning to be open to what we smell, hear, say, feel, and taste instead of being miles away in our heads while we perform daily tasks is mindfulness. Understanding which of our subconscious beliefs and judgments is driving those actions and acting only after discerning the truth of those beliefs and judgments is mindfulness.
One way to get into the space of mindfulness is by asking questions. If you feel a particularly strong emotion for one reason or another, a knee-jerk response, stop and ask yourself, What am I feeling right now? Often, simply calling out the emotion is enough to open the door to that space where you can rest a beat and assess the situation. As emotions come to us, it is natural to unconsciously build stories to justify or explain them or rationalize our reactions. Mindfulness is about simply noting the feeling without labeling it as good or bad or acting on it right away.
If what you feel is uncomfortable or unpleasant (jealousy, anger, frustration), you can choose to ask, Why am I feeling this way? There may not be a ready answer, but it is a good reality check to at least ask. Because adolescents are so often at the mercy of their emotions, if they can begin to examine the stories that their emotions conjure up, they can gain new perspectives that will enable them to curb some of their strongest reactions.
Mindfulness relies on curiosity and acceptance, both of which lead to increased self-awareness and openness. When we are committed to practicing mindfulness, we are less likely to engage in negative self-talk that limits our belief in our own abilities.
In these lessons, students will begin to see mindfulness as a powerful tool to help them focus, relieve stress, and even bolster their immune systems.2 They will understand how to use mindfulness to decrease aggression and negative stress levels, improve academic scores,3 and help them feel more connected to their peers and family members.
Mindfulness isn’t something anyone does continuously. Sometimes it feels good to daydream, and other times, to get everything done, we have to go on autopilot, and that’s OK. However, in times of high emotion, when we feel overwhelmed, if we have trained our brains to slow things down and create space, we can keep from reacting automatically in a way that might cause harm to an important relationship or ourselves. The more we practice it, the easier it gets.
Before starting your first lesson on mindfulness, introduce the concept with this short video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6T02g5hnT4.
“You are no bigger than the things that annoy you.”—Jerry Bundsen
Objective: Students will be introduced to the idea that the way they think about the world is directly related to the way they interact with the world. They will learn ways to redirect their thoughts and energies toward positive outcomes and possibilities instead of letting their brains do what they are prone to do, which is to worry and look for the negative things that could happen at any given time.
Tools:
• Discussion Prompt (5–10 minutes of introduction, 20+ minutes of discussion)
• Mind v. Body activity (10–20 minutes)
• Leaves Falling in a Stream meditation (5 minutes)
Discussion: Ask students to close their eyes for a minute and listen. Ask them not to think about ice cream, whatever they do. Describe an ice cream cone to them, even as you remind them they are not to think about ice cream. You might talk about the crisp, fresh waffle cone and the ice cream becoming shimmery at the edges as it begins to melt, threatening to run down the side of the cone. However you detail the image for them, let them know they are not to imagine ice cream while their eyes are closed.
When you’re done, have the students open their eyes and talk to them about what it’s like for our brain to NOT do something we tell it not to do. To not think about ice cream, our brain first has to identify what ice cream is, but by then, it’s too late—we’ve already thought about ice cream. The trick of banishing an idea from our head is to replace it with something else instead, because our brain doesn’t make much of the word not when it’s paired with something else. Had you told them to think of spaghetti instead of ice cream, many of them would have been successful at not picturing ice cream.
This is a great illustration of how our energy and thoughts work. Energy has no agenda or goal, it just goes where it is pushed, placed, created, or sucked; therefore, when we spend our energy railing against or resisting or trying to deny something, we are actually giving that thing energy. Ask students to imagine a brick wall. Have them think about banging on it, kicking it, and pushing it. They’re giving that wall their energy but not really getting anywhere. Their energy is simply bouncing off of that wall and making them more frustrated.
Now ask students to shift their attention to the sky above the wall. Ask them to focus on the thing that lies on the other side of the wall. Maybe by focusing on the thing they want that is on the other side they can think more creatively about how to get there. Can someone boost them up and over? Can they enlist others’ help? Maybe they will get so caught up in the moment, looking for shapes in the clouds, that knocking down that wall or getting over it isn’t nearly as important anymore.
When we choose to use our energy against something we don’t want, it often feels bigger to us. We end up testing this thing, defining it, bouncing our energy off of it, and sometimes, that helps us decide how important it is to us to banish it. Often, turning our energy toward the thing we do want (like replacing the image of ice cream with spaghetti) becomes the way to a solution.
Key Point: When we focus on moving toward a goal, the parts of our brain that solve problems and think creatively are activated. When we focus on avoiding something, our fear centers are activated, and that shuts down the parts of our brain that think clearly.
Discussion Questions:
• Encourage students to talk about a time when they have focused on avoiding a particular outcome (i.e., not losing a lacrosse game) and what that felt like. Was it hard to focus? Were they panicked? What kind of self-talk was going on in their minds?
• Now have them talk about what it feels like to laser in on a positive outcome instead (i.e., winning that game). Does that feel different in any significant way in either their body or their mind? Does it affect the way they strategize or their self-talk?
• Have each student take a moment to quietly think of or write down at least one place in their life where they can make this shift right now.
Activity: Mind v. Body Worksheet (see Appendix A)
Meditation: Leaves Falling in a Stream
Read the following to students, pausing to let them remain still and quiet several times throughout. The entire meditation should last approximately five minutes.
Close your eyes and take two slow, deep breaths in and out through your nose.
Try to empty your brain of all thought and realize how hard it is to do. Even if you can manage it for a minute or two, it’s normal for our brains to get sucked back in to reacting to something you hear or how your seat feels or worrying about an assignment or test you have tomorrow. It’s pretty rare for anyone to be able to empty their head of all thought for very long, but this visualization can keep you from getting caught up in them for a few minutes and give your brain a rest.
Imagine you are sitting near a stream. Take a minute to picture the surroundings—maybe it’s a shady forest or a sunny meadow. The stream can be wide or thin, deep or shallow, loud and gurgling or quiet. There is something large nearby that you can lean against—a rock or tree or bench. Sit for a minute and flesh out the scene.
Every time you have a thought, imagine it as a leaf falling from a nearby tree and slowly fluttering down to land in the water. As it comes into your line of sight—as you have the thought—notice it, watch it land, and see it float downstream from you. Don’t chase it. Don’t name it. Just notice it, and let it go.
There may be times when you have fifty thoughts in a minute and others when there are only a few, or one at a time. Let them all go. They are leaves in a stream. Sit for a minute and practice watching them go without describing them. Just notice.
When you’re ready, take a very deep breath through your nose, and open your eyes.
Optional:
Ask students to reflect on the meditation and what it felt like, either to the group or in a journal. Let them know that this exercise changes their brain waves and effectively gives their brains a break from the constant work they do all day long—like resting during a physical workout.
“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”—Maya Angelou
Objective: Students will learn to stop and analyze their anger before reacting. They will see that anger is a derivative emotion that stems from an overactive fear response and learn strategies to interrupt those reactions.
Tools:
• Discussion Prompt (5–10 minutes of introduction, 20+ minutes of discussion)
• Alternative Pathways activity (10–20 minutes)
• Take Your Emotional Temperature meditation (5 minutes)
Discussion: Ask students to think about the last time they were really angry. Have them try to analyze what it was that made them so upset and take a minute to see if they can get to the root cause. It can be helpful to ask a series of “why” questions to continue digging deeper and deeper.
One way to illustrate this is to have students imagine letting a pet dog outside for a moment. The dog races off after a squirrel out into the street and nearly gets hit by a car. Most people would chase after the dog, screaming, and many would be angry with the dog and want to punish it for that behavior, or we would direct anger at the driver of the car. When we really think about this situation, we realize our anger stems from a fear of the dog getting hurt, and the desire to punish the dog comes from wanting to prevent them from ever doing such a thing again.
Ask students to reflect on whether other “unpleasant” emotions also come from fear. When we are judgmental of someone is it because we are afraid? Is being afraid in this way either because we feel we aren’t as good as they are or because we are a lot like them and we wish we weren’t? Often, when we see something bad happen to someone else, our brains try to make us feel better and safer by making a list of all the reasons that could never happen to us (because we are better/smarter/luckier than that person).
Discussion Questions:
• Ask students if they can trace a strong feeling of rage or anger back to a specific fear. Is anyone willing to share an example?
• Have students talk about examples in the news or their own community or families where a disagreement erupted because of someone’s fear. Can they brainstorm ways that the situation could have been different if the fears were addressed without anger?
• Ask whether there are other difficult emotions that students think are related to fear.
Activity: Alternative Pathways (see Appendix A)
Meditation: Take Your Emotional Temperature
Read the following to students, pausing to let them remain still and quiet several times throughout. The entire meditation should last approximately five minutes.
Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Let it out through your mouth. Think about the primary emotion you’re feeling right now. It might be hard to separate some of them out, and if it is, it’s OK to just note all of the emotions you’re feeling right now:
bored anxious worried restless sad peaceful happy
angry frustrated
Can you see the words in your mind, floating against a black background, shifting and changing? Is there one that stands out more than the others? Try not to get caught up in the story behind the emotions or explain why or try to figure it out. Just note what you’re feeling more than anything else. If there is one word that stands out more than another, focus on it, and see if you can feel where that affects your body. If you’re angry or frustrated, maybe it shows up as tightness in your chest. If you’re happy, maybe there’s a warm glow in your belly. Don’t think about why you feel the way you do or judge whether it’s good or bad; just notice it.
Why does your emotional temperature matter? Because our brains work so quickly to react to situations we are in that, depending on the temperature, we will say and do different things.
Think about how slowly things move when it’s cold. Imagine your thoughts and words like honey. When your emotional temperature is cool (peaceful, joyful, happy, etc.), you are more likely to react to a new or unexpected situation with curiosity and optimism. You are less likely to jump to conclusions.
When it’s warm, honey runs quickly. If you are feeling anxious or fearful, angry or frustrated, you are more likely to assume bad intent or negative outcomes. Your reactions are swift and decisive.
Think about a time when someone said or did something to you and you reacted out of anger or fear. Can you think of another time when you were feeling happy and peaceful and a similar incident occurred except this time you were calm and able to handle it?
When you’re ready, take a deep breath and open your eyes. Write down the top two or three emotions you’re feeling at this moment. That is your emotional temperature. At any given time, you are feeling a collection of different things, but there are always one or two that are more prevalent than the others. You can take your emotional temperature anytime you want to by just taking a moment to breathe and tune in to what you’re feeling.
“Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.”—Rumi
Objective: Students will be taught to recognize that their brain is always making up stories in order to make sense of the world. Often, we react emotionally to certain situations, and our minds race to keep up by filling in the gaps in our knowledge so that we can try to understand why we feel a certain way. They will learn that stopping to ask themselves what they don’t know (what their brain is assuming) is a powerful way to remain calm and relaxed in a situation that is frustrating.
Tools:
• Discussion Prompt (5–10 minutes of introduction, 20+ minutes of discussion)
• Dream Analysis activity (10 minutes)
• Basic Mindfulness meditation (5 minutes)
Discussion: Tell the students the story of a mother who headed into the bathroom and didn’t notice that the toilet paper was all gone until it was too late. As she sat there, fuming, she remembered all the times she had reminded her children to replace the toilet roll when they were the one to finish it.
The mother stormed out of the bathroom intending to round up her kids and lecture them about being disrespectful and never listening to her and found her youngest child mopping up a puddle of iced tea from the kitchen floor. The startled child looked up to see his parent holding an empty cardboard tube in her hand and apologized instantly—saying he had left the bathroom in search of another roll of toilet paper but tripped and spilled his drink and got distracted as he cleaned up the mess on the floor.
The mother’s anger instantly deflated, and she felt awful as she realized that the story she had made up in her mind about her lazy, disrespectful children was completely untrue. The only “truth” was that there was no toilet paper in the bathroom. The rest of the backstory was completely fabricated in her mind.
Discussion Questions:
• Ask the students to think about a time when they made assumptions about someone else and accused them of something based on those assumptions. Can they see how we often tell ourselves stories about why other people do things and put ourselves in the role of “good guy”?
• Are there times they can think of when they were accused of doing something they didn’t do or that they had a perfectly good reason for doing something? What was their reaction? Did they get defensive and angry?
• Ask that the next time they find themselves getting angry with someone, they take a moment to remember this discussion. Can they ask themselves whether there might be information they don’t have?
Activity: Dream Analysis (see Appendix A)
Meditation: Basic Mindfulness Meditation
Read the following to the students, pausing to let them remain still and quiet several times throughout. There is much less instruction in this meditation, so students should be given ample opportunity to sit quietly and practice coming back to their breath. The entire meditation should last approximately five minutes.
Find a comfortable position to sit in and close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths to clear your mind and settle in. As you relax, choose one thing to focus on—it can be the in-and-out cycles of your breath, a particular word, or a picture of something in your mind. Notice how that focal point feels—warm or cool, soft or supportive, centering, peaceful. Here is where it gets hard not to let your brain take over and create a story about why or who.
If your mind does start to wander, just gently bring it back to that one focal point. Repeat the word in your mind or count your breaths. No stories. No judgment. No getting upset with yourself for how often your mind wanders.
Sit like this quietly for a minute, bringing your mind back to your focus as many times as you need to. Pretend that you are outside your mind, just watching how it works and noticing its tendencies. Maybe today it is fairly quiet and compliant, or perhaps it really wants to distract you. Just notice, and bring it back.
When you’re ready, take an extra deep breath, and open your eyes.
“No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched.”—George Jean Nathan
Objective: Students will learn about the effects of strong emotions on constructive discourse. They will examine ideas of conflict and power.
Tools:
• Discussion Prompt (5–10 minutes of introduction, 20+ minutes of discussion)
• Knot Journaling activity (10 minutes)
• Different Perspectives meditation (5 minutes)
Discussion: Functional MRI (magnetic resonance imaging) is a tool researchers and physicians often use to look at the brain while we are awake and going through our normal activities. It is possible to determine which portions of the brain are most active or inactive during certain tasks or emotional states, and these studies have shown that the more intense our emotions are, the less we are able to listen effectively. That means that the more upset we are about something, the less likely we are to really hear what someone else is saying. We might think we understand what they are saying, but the portion of our brain dedicated to processing auditory information is hampered by our brain’s emotional centers.
This is important information when we think about what happens when we are in conflict with someone. It is also important to note that it is possible to disagree with someone without being in conflict with them—think about conversations you might have with a friend or family member about music or the kind of food you prefer. Generally, disagreement doesn’t involve a strong emotional response, but conflict does. That is because conflict is about power.
We are either in conflict with someone because we are actively trying to influence them in one way or another (i.e., we feel as though we have power), or we are defensive because we are feeling as though they have power over us and we are trying to shift the balance. When a power struggle starts, often the issue or the goal takes a back seat to the desire to win, and because the listening centers of our brain are not working properly when we are emotionally triggered, it is difficult to think about how to find a mutually agreeable solution.
Discussion Questions:
• Have students discuss their perspectives on the difference between disagreement and conflict. Do they feel different, sound different, and/or look different?
• Can students identify how disagreement turns into conflict and provide examples? Is it possible to move back from conflict to disagreement?
• Ask students to talk about the kinds of conflict they encounter most in their lives and whether they can imagine ways to dial down the emotion so as to get to a place where they can hear what the other person is saying. What are the overriding emotions they feel when they’re in conflict with another person? Does it depend on the person?
Activity: Knot Journaling (see Appendix A)
Meditation: Different Perspectives
Read the following to students, pausing to let them remain still and quiet several times throughout. Students should be given ample opportunity to sit quietly during the meditation and sketch the scene in their mind. The entire meditation should last approximately five minutes.
Find a comfortable seat and close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths in and out to clear your mind of any random thoughts.
Imagine you are inside a cabin surrounded by trees. You are lying on the floor in front of the fireplace when you hear the sound of rushing water. You think it must be raining, but it doesn’t matter. You are warm and comfortable, and the roof is strong.
Now, imagine that, instead of lying on the floor, you have moved to a comfortable chair in the corner. Maybe you’re reading a book or just daydreaming. You still hear the sound of rushing water, and you look out the window to see only blue sky. Your idea of what is happening is much different at this point. You know the sound is not rain. However, you still aren’t worried because there is no water visible inside the cabin, so you know you’re safe. Maybe you decide that there is someone outside using a hose.
Finally, imagine standing in the doorway to the cabin, looking out at the beautiful forest, when you hear the sound of rushing water. You can see that it isn’t rain nor is someone using a hose, and if you take a step out onto the deck, you realize that what you’re hearing is actually the sound of cars driving past on the wet road just up the way.
Sit for a moment, and let yourself move from the floor to the chair to the doorway and acknowledge how your perspective changes as you move. Think about how this is true for all of us in a relationship; that we each have a unique way of looking at the world, and that uniqueness determines how we interact with each other. Often, when we are in conflict, we fail to recognize our own limitations in viewpoint and think that our way of seeing things is the only way to see them.
When you’re ready, take a deep breath, and open your eyes.
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”—Maya Angelou
Objective: Students will learn to pay attention to the words they use to express strong emotions. They will think about why we exaggerate and how it can make unpleasant situations feel worse than they are.
Tools:
• Discussion Prompt (5–10 minutes of introduction, 20+ minutes of discussion)
• Superlatives Journaling activity (10 minutes)
• Basic Mindfulness meditation (5 minutes)
Discussion: Don Miguel Ruiz is the author of the book The Four Agreements, which can help us understand the things we do out of habit that can make life more difficult. The Four Agreements gives us a framework for breaking those habits and building stronger relationships with ourselves and others. The first agreement is, “Be impeccable with your word. Say only what you mean.”
The use of words like always, never, nobody, and everyone is common in everyday language (these words are known as superlatives), but when we stop to think about the way they are used, it is important to note that they are very rarely accurate. When we complain, “Nobody ever lets me choose” or “Everyone hates me,” it may seem harmless and obvious that we don’t really mean every single time, but using words in this way sends a signal to the emotion centers in our brain that a situation we find ourselves in is permanent and we are powerless to change it.
Nelson Mandela famously said, upon his release from prison, “It is not my custom to use words lightly. If twenty-seven years in prison have done anything to us, it was to use the silence of solitude to make us understand how precious words are, and how real speech is in its impact on the way people live and die.”4 Public personalities use superlatives as a tactic to spur people to action, such as how Hitler convinced his followers that all Jewish people were evil. These kinds of words reduce complicated issues to either/or, all-or-nothing scenarios, and obscure the nuances and mitigating circumstances that are really present and help us to find common ground.
Discussion Questions:
• Have students explore reasons why they might use words like never/always or nobody/everyone. Does it have to do with strong emotions? Are the words helpful when trying to convince someone else to do something (or not do something)? Is it simply a habit?
• Students can also talk about how they respond to people who tend to exaggerate things. Is it harmless, or does it have the effect of making it harder to take them seriously?
• How powerful are words? Are there times when we think they aren’t powerful at all? Can students cite examples of both in their own lives?
Activity: Superlatives Journaling (see Appendix A)
Meditation: Basic Mindfulness meditation
Read the following to students, pausing to let them remain still and quiet several times throughout. There is much less instruction in this meditation, so students should be given ample opportunity to sit quietly and practice coming back to their breath. The entire meditation should last approximately five minutes.
Find a comfortable position to sit in and close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths to clear your mind and settle in. As you relax, choose one thing to focus on—it can be the in-and-out cycles of your breath, a particular word, or a picture of something in your mind. Notice how that focal point feels—warm or cool, soft or supportive, centering, peaceful. Here is where it gets hard not to let your brain take over and create a story about why or who.
If your mind does start to wander, just gently bring it back to that one focal point. Repeat the word in your mind or count your breaths. No stories. No judgment. No getting upset with yourself for how often your mind wanders.
Sit quietly for a minute in this state, bringing your mind back to your focus as many times as you need to. Pretend that you are outside your mind, just watching how it works and noticing its tendencies. Maybe today it is fairly quiet and compliant or perhaps it is really wanting to distract you. Just notice and bring it back.
When you’re ready, take an extra deep breath, and open your eyes.
“When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.”—Roy Disney
Objective: Students will be prompted to think about how their everyday choices reflect their values (or not) and how to be more intentional about living in alignment with the beliefs that are most important to them.
Tools:
• Discussion Prompt (5–10 minutes of introduction, 20+ minutes of discussion)
• Personal Crest activity (10 minutes)
• Walking the Path meditation (5 minutes)
Discussion: Tell the students the story of a teacher who asked her classroom of middle school students to show him or her their Instagram posts for the last six months. They were all assured that the content would remain confidential and that it would not be used to punish or stigmatize anyone.
As the teacher went through each account and made notes, the students were asked to jot down a few words that indicated what they wanted to be known for—sports ability, dedication to academics, being the “funny one,” and so on. The teacher met with each individual student to compare notes, and in nearly every case, the student was surprised to hear what the teacher believed was most important to them, given their social media posts.
One girl, upon hearing that the teacher identified her most deeply held values as her physical appearance and having fun, told the teacher that she was a straight-A student who aspired to be a cancer researcher. Another student said that her most deeply held values involved family, despite the fact that all of her Instagram posts featured her by herself.
Discussion Questions:
• Ask students to think about whether their own personal values are well defined or not. Have they changed over time? Who informs their values?
• Have students discuss whether or not it’s important to engage in actions that reflect their individual values throughout the day. Is it possible to tell if someone isn’t living their values? Does it change how we feel about people if we hear them saying they believe in one thing and their actions show differently?
• What happens when we call others on their actions or language not matching up with their stated values?
Activity: Personal Crest (see Appendix A)
Meditation: Walking the Path
As you talk students through this meditation, be sure to pause often and allow for many quiet opportunities for them to practice coming back to the breath. This entire mindful moment should last anywhere from five to ten minutes.
Find a comfortable position, and softly close your eyes. Take a deep breath to clear any stray thoughts from your mind.
Imagine that you are entering a brightly lit building and, once inside, you see several paths stretching out in front of you. There is no rush to choose one, so you can stand and observe as long as you want to. Overhead, there are signs pointing to different areas where you can dance and sing, where you can choose to spend time quietly reading, where you can join loved ones, or pursue activities that are important to you, such as sports or gaming or art.
As you begin to move down one path, signs from the paths you didn’t choose flash in front of you from time to time and side routes open up as possibilities. You can decide whether to shift your path or not at any time. If you feel you’ve chosen a path that isn’t really fitting anymore, create a new one in your imagination to step onto. Name it. Notice what it feels like and what you think about as you step onto it. Take a minute to think about how you decide which path is the right one for right now.
Stop for a minute, and see if you can decide what one of your most deeply held values is. Is it family or hard work? Creativity or social justice? Rest or laughter? When you have one key value in your head, imagine a path opening up before you that nurtures that value and lets you move forward.
See all of the other signs fall away as you take a few steps forward, and think about what it feels like to be on this path that represents your true self and something that is incredibly important to you. Sit with that feeling for a minute before taking another deep breath and opening your eyes.
NOTES
1. Kabat-Zinn, Jon. January 2017. “Me Me Me.” Video retrieved from https://www.mindful.org/jon-kabat-zinn-defining-mindfulness/.
2. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4940234/.
3. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5405439/.
4. Mandela, Nelson. February 11, 1990. “On Release from Prison.” Cape Town, South Africa.