Chapter 1

Natural Is Beautiful

IN THIS CHAPTER

Putting an end to natural hair stigma

Examining your beliefs about natural hair

Unleashing the beauty of your natural hair

This chapter is about helping you feel your absolute best. That’s all that matters, as far as I’m concerned. Your hair is an extension of your personality, your energy, your heart. I want you to be able to take care of your hair and style it in all the ways that make you feel like your best self — or help you do that for someone else. This chapter can help you have the healthiest hair possible, as well as the best relationship with your hair.

There are so many reasons we can feel negatively about our hair. People with curly, natural hair have not been seen as a thing of beauty for so long. Black women especially have been conditioned and treated like they are unattractive for having natural hair, and some women have internalized this hatred and adjusted their hair accordingly. A client of mine recently pointed out how she and her close friends often feel great pressure to process and straighten their hair due to their experience with men and dating and other negative influences within the community. So many men have been conditioned to want and be attracted to a particular representation of beauty because of the relentless standards set by the media. We have seen straight hair put out as the normal, acceptable standard for so long that it’s shaped entire generations. This, too, is trauma.

Unhealthy beauty standards have been ingrained in Western culture by systems underpinned by totally toxic ideas. But the time has come to heal. You need to reclaim your power and your beauty, and move beyond self-hatred. Refuse to buy into the toxicity. Refuse the negativity and trauma.

This chapter promotes being really honest about who you are and only surrounding yourself with people who see you, support you, and celebrate you. This is your moment. This is the natural and curly haired community’s moment to step into the spotlight.

Smashing the Stigma Surrounding Natural Hair

Okay, look. I don’t want to spend time and energy on what the natural and curly hair community has or doesn’t have. I’m here to focus on building our community up, to help lift us up. That’s how we celebrate ourselves.

But the truth is the truth. Those of us who have natural hair already know it. But maybe you’re someone who doesn’t have textured hair and you’re reading this book to understand a loved one. If you don’t already know, people who have natural and curly hair regularly face discrimination, misunderstandings, and misconceptions about their hair, all based in centuries-old racism that plays out in media, workplaces, and schools, among other institutions.

Unfortunately, you can find so many examples of the systemic discrimination that Black and Afro-Latinidad people who have natural hair face. One national news story that absolutely enraged me when I saw it back in 2019 still stays with me today. Before his wrestling match, a 16-year-old high school student in New Jersey was told by officials that his hair covering didn’t meet “regulation standards.” They presented him with an ultimatum: Cut his dreads or forfeit the match. Without so much as a word from his coach, the athletic director, or any other staff member from his school, he faced the decision alone.

And there, in front of a whole gymnasium of his peers and members of the community, an official cut off his dreadlocks. He went on to win the wrestling match that day, but the humiliation of having his hair carelessly cut off due to policies that do not represent everyone equally may never fade.

This student’s natural state of being was deemed unacceptable and deserving of immediate destruction. And this scenario, in some form or another, plays out in schools and workplaces across the country, literally every day.

How dare they perpetuate this level of hatred and trauma on children — and adults!

The natural and curly hair community faces unfair treatment and downright stupidity from some people and systems. Because these prejudices are so deeply ingrained, society as a whole can find even recognizing them difficult, let alone combating them.

But I’m not going to stop trying. I’m here with this book to do my part in stopping the stigma; in building the natural and curly hair community up; in saying enough to the discrimination from others and the way we internalize it ourselves.

It’s time to stop. And it’s time to heal. And that means everyone.

So, if you need support in your own healing journey, you have it here. And if you’re a parent of a textured-haired child, you need to know the reality of prejudices and racism, and then smash this stigma for your child (or other loved one). Natural and curly hair is beautiful and glorious (see Figure 1-1).

From the moment your child who has textured hair is born (or the moment you become their guardian), celebrate their beautiful hair at every turn. I talk more about how to be your child’s hair advocate in Chapter 11, but that advice is good for all ages.

And if you have natural hair — or you want to wear your hair in its natural state but are fighting against these negative forces — then I’m here to tell you something:

They might be powerful, but you are more powerful!

Photography by Wardell Malloy with crowdMGMT

FIGURE 1-1: Natural and curly hair is versatile and beautiful.

Laying the naysayers to rest

I don’t want to give any attention to the myths that people hold onto, especially because we’ve all dealt with combating them. And frankly, if someone continues to hold onto anything negative, that’s on them.

My best advice is to not pay any attention to people who have anything negative or misinformed to say about natural and curly hair. Of course, if you want to engage and educate others — particularly if they’re coming from a place of honest ignorance — that’s up to you. But my personal advice is to not even waste your time or energy with anyone who’s willfully ignorant or just plain rude.

The best way to lay any myths to rest is to go out and live your best, happiest hair life. Don’t listen to anyone who says you or your child can’t do something with your or their hair. Don’t listen to anyone who tries to make you or your child feel inferior. Never forget that textured hair grows beautifully out of the scalp the way it’s meant to.

Embracing today’s changing attitudes

Attitudes toward hair texture are gradually changing for the better. Natural hair is seeing a golden age right now, where it’s represented and presented in the proper light. More products and tools specifically for natural and curly hair are available in retail stores nationwide.

Even while the media celebrates and spotlights others copying natural hairstyles, the bias still persists. I mean, we still see stories in the news on the regular that report about school officials not allowing students to wear natural or protective styles, like the one I share in the section “Smashing the Stigma Surrounding Natural Hair,” earlier in this chapter.

But you can also see individual and mass efforts — amplified by social and other broadcast media — to dismantle these discriminatory policies.

At the forefront of a legislative effort is the CROWN Act, created by the CROWN Coalition and passed into law first in the state of California in 2019. CROWN stands for Creating a Respectful and Open World for Natural Hair. The CROWN Act works to “ensure protection against discrimination towards race-based hairstyles by extending statutory protection to hair texture and protective styles, such as braids, locs, twists, and knots in the workplace and public schools.”

Although the CROWN Act was recognized in California and followed by many other states, I personally feel we should all do our job to support this movement to pass the law on a federal level so that this discrimination against hair can be dismantled once and for all (see Figure 1-2).

© elnariz/Adobe Stock

FIGURE 1-2: Natural hair has a place in all workplaces.

Understanding Your Own Natural Hair History

Because this country has exhibited so much discrimination towards natural and textured hair throughout its history, people can harbor generational trauma around their hair. I talk more about this in Chapter 11. As a hair stylist, I’ve seen it all. Children who can’t sit through hours of washing or braiding because their guardians are too rough for their tender heads. Grown adults who still flinch when it comes to certain tools because they experienced so much pain when they were younger. People of all ages constantly feeling shame or pressure to change their hair in some way that doesn’t feel quite right or acceptable to them.

Many of my adult clients struggle with the fact that they were raised being told that their natural hair was not good hair. This could mean people told them in words. Or maybe their parents made girls get their hair straightened to “look better” to society. I have multiple clients who have clear memories of getting their hair straightened by using a hot comb every week for church so that it would look “presentable” — as though their natural hair wasn’t.

In these ways, many Black and Afro-Latina women have hair-related trauma stemming from their childhood, which unconsciously taught them to hate something about their hair. This unconscious negativity can make you feel less than, and you don’t even realize it.

And then those girls grow up and pass on the same hair trauma or prejudices to their own children. I remember one of my clients saying she caught herself commenting on her daughter’s edges, wanting them to lay down as flat and straight as possible. For what? For some outside beauty standard that’s based on the idea that what you have isn’t good enough? It was a moment of awareness for my client, and she’s working through it to heal so that she can better herself and her child.

Don’t get me wrong; I don’t hate straight hair. I love all hair types. I love helping people achieve straight hair in healthy and successful ways if that’s what they want. (I give you some tips and tricks for straightening your hair in Chapters 8 and 9 of this book.) But I take issue with the fact that, so often, straight hair is deemed beautiful, but curly and natural hair isn’t. Newsflash: It’s all beautiful! And I’m here to help you embrace whatever style you want (see Figure 1-3).

© Svitlana/Adobe Stock

FIGURE 1-3: Wear your afro (or whatever style you want) with pride!

Getting Comfortable with Your Natural Hair

If you’re just starting to transition away from a relaxer or another chemical process to grow your hair out into its natural state, congratulations! I know changes can sometimes be tricky, but I’m here to help you through it. Whether you’re going to get the big chop (cutting all the processed hair off to start fresh, which you can read more about in Chapter 3), or simply stop using relaxers and let your strands gradually grow out, I’m here to support you through all the in-between stages while you get to where you’re going.

You may find it exciting to see what emerges while you let your locs do their own thing. I go into detail in Chapter 3, but here are a few tips to get started now. You can make it a great experience by

• Giving yourself grace and patience to trust the process: Some days will be more challenging than others, but it’s a learning process.
• Spending quality time with your hair every day: Try new products and tools to see what your hair responds to the best.
• Taking note of the hairstyles that other people are wearing: What do you like? What makes you feel happy? Again, not everything looks the same on every person or works the same way, but you can use this time to try anything you want.
• Accessorizing: Try out different scarves, turbans, headbands, or clips.
• Joining groups online or in real life where you can celebrate natural hair, as well as trade hair care tips and tricks

If you need a big chop, or you simply want some professional insight and ideas, book an appointment for a consultation and/or cut with a professional hairstylist. We can provide you with a huge asset and support while you grow out your hair and discover more about your unique strands. If you need a little guidance on selecting a stylist, check out Chapter 6.

Learning the vocabulary

The language of natural and curly hair evolves every day. New styles, trends, and techniques emerge all the time, and so does how we talk about natural and curly hair. You may already know and use a bunch of these terms, but if you’re just starting out and need to get up to speed on the basics, check out this quick starter vocabulary list:

• Big chop: Cutting your hair very short to remove any processed hair and start fresh to grow out your natural hair.
• Co-wash: When you use conditioner instead of shampoo to wash your hair.
• Curl pattern: The natural shape of your hair strands.
• Elasticity: Your hair’s ability to return to its natural shape after you manipulate it, such as pulling, stretching, or heating it.
• Morning routine: What you do to your hair every morning after you wake up to get ready for the day. You might spend every morning moisturizing or hydrating, co-washing, and/or styling. See Chapter 5 for more on getting your routine set.
• Naturalista: Someone who’s proud of their natural hair. They thrive on keeping it in its natural state without straightening, perming, or using chemicals or excessive heat.
• Nighttime routine: Similar to your morning routine, except you get your hair ready for bed by massaging your scalp, moisturizing, setting, and covering it with a scarf. You can find more on that in Chapter 5, as well.
• Porosity: How well your hair can absorb and retain moisture. Turn to Chapter 2 for how you can test your hair’s porosity at home.
• Slip: Lubricating products, such as conditioners, that make moving combs or fingers through your hair much easier and without friction.
• Transitioning: When you stop applying relaxer to your strands and start growing out your natural hair, gradually trimming off the processed ends of your hair.
• Twist out: Unlike braids, for a twist out, you twist two sections of hair together, rather than a braid’s three. When you take twists down, the resulting twist out creates either a loose wavy pattern or tighter curls, depending on the number and size of the twists. You can choose from many variations of twist outs. Visit Chapter 9 for more.
• Wash-and-go: When you style your hair using only your hands or wet brush and product after you wash it and let it air dry. Visit Chapter 9 for more on wash-and-go’s.
• Wash day: The day you wash your hair. For natural hair, wash day comes around about every seven to ten days. I cover all the ins and outs of making the most of wash day in Chapter 4.

Characterizing hair types

Hair type is the actual curl pattern that you see when you look at your hair. Types go from 1 to 4. The lower the number, the looser the curl pattern. The higher the number, the tighter the curl pattern. Also, each number is paired with a letter that describes the width of your hair. In this book, I talk about Types 2c to 4c.

The reason we talk about hair types and textures so much is because every type and texture (hair texture is how your hair feels when you touch it, such as coarse, thick, fine) needs slightly different hair care and styling to feel and look its best. As a stylist, I know what someone who has 3c hair needs to help their curls come alive and how their needs are different from someone who has 4c hair. The hair care profession has made everything nuanced and specific because we’ve figured out so much over time. Determining your (or your loved one’s) hair type can help you source the right products, tools, and techniques for your personal strands.

To figure out your hair type, flip to Chapter 3.

And now, a word. Or maybe several.

I recognize that some people don’t feel comfortable with this system because it puts the least-textured hair first on the list and the most-textured hair at the end of the list. But you can choose to start your healing right here. If this hair typing system bothers you, you can simply not use it and not pay it any attention. For me, the system makes sense, and provides direction and organization for hair care, so I’ll leave it at that.

When it comes down to it, the hair typing system is all perspective. And if you don’t like it, I encourage you to try not to let others determine your thoughts and opinions. Take control over what you want for your hair and life. That’s what true healing means.

Putting some thought into your style

When it comes to styling your natural and curly hair, I want to encourage you to really take time to think, observe, and sit with what you want. Your hairstyle is about you, and you alone. Do what makes you happy.

If you don’t know where to start in choosing a new style, do what I do sometimes when I’m working on a new design for a client or upcoming photo shoot. Go out and look around at what others are doing:

• Go to the bookstore or newsstand, and look at hair magazines to see what’s looking fresh.
• Google the latest hair trends.
• Check out social media and see what your favorite influencers are doing.
• Refer to Chapters 9 and 10 in this book for hair styling ideas.

All of these methods can give you great ways to find inspiration and ideas for your own personal style.

Also, really stop and consider how others impact you. If “I woke up like this” is your theme song and daily mantra, do whatever you want to, haters or not. But if you know a weird look, shady side eye, or whisper will bother you, this is the time to think through that and choose something that won’t make you feel small. Instead, do what makes you feel comfortable. Your hairstyle should make you feel proud, self-assured, and free no matter where you are (see Figure 1-4).

© Getty Images/John Wiley & Sons, Inc.

FIGURE 1-4: A quick and easy workplace style.

In addition to getting in tune with what your heart wants, also consider certain logistics and practicalities, such as how much time and effort you want to spend on your hair. If you have a lot of time or don’t mind a commitment to daily upkeep, go for that higher maintenance style. But if you’re pressed for time in the mornings or don’t have the resources for weekly salon visits, keep it on the simple side. You might also want to ponder what your local climate is like. Is it humid and hot? Dry and cold? Make sure to take that into consideration when choosing a style and the care that goes with it. Visit Chapter 6 for more on how the environment can impact your hair.

Just remember: The world is your oyster. Everyone finds figuring out new things a little hard at first, but that doesn’t mean you’re not up for the challenge. The more you practice creating a specific style, the easier it becomes. I applaud you for trying new things and embracing your hair in all its glory.

Keeping your hair in tip-top shape

All beautiful and healthy hair starts with the right care and maintenance. Everyone’s hair is unique, so you have to experiment to find a routine that’s perfect for you. What works for your friend or cousin, or even your sister, may not work for you, but all great hair care routines include a few basic steps:

• Wash day: The day you wash your hair, and it typically takes hours. You need to set aside a full day usually to give proper attention to your locs. I run through this wash-day routine in detail in Chapter 4.
• Morning and nighttime routine: I cover these routines in more detail in Chapter 5, but here’s the bottom line: You typically need a daily routine that’s split up between the morning and evening. In the morning, you style and protect your hair from the elements. At night, you need to keep your strands protected from sleeping and prime them for the next day.
• Protective styling: You can use many styles to protect your hair from constant touching and the climate to keep it healthy.

Considering the best tools and products

All great hair care and styling requires the right tools and products. But with so many brands out there, how do you know what to get? It can take some time to figure out what your (or your child’s) hair specifically needs. On top of that, you may find it tricky to determine which products and tools truly work. Companies make all kinds of claims to get you to buy their products, but how can you tell which ones are legit?

In this book, I devote two full chapters to this topic: Chapters 7 and 8. If you need product recommendations and reviews, feel free to skip straight there now.

I know it can seem like you have to acquire a lot of tools and products at first, especially if you’re new to the curly or natural game, but just start with a few tools. Then add more along the way. Just go slowly and try things out. Some tools and products won’t feel right or do what you want. So get rid of them (or give them to someone else to try). When you find something that makes your hair feel and look how you want, keep it.

You can also ask around to your friends and family members to see what they like. You don’t get a guarantee that what works for them will work for you, but it at least gives you a good way to find things to try. Just keep an open mind and don’t get discouraged.

Today’s retail stores are more fully stocked than ever with multiple products and tools for natural and curly hair — plus, the Internet gives you a never-ending treasure trove of options.

If you need somewhere to start, here’s my list of basic tools that you should have in your hair care and styling collection:

• Brushes: You need one to detangle and one to dry. If you want one that does both, you can look into paddle brushes, but they don’t necessarily work well for all hair types and texture.
• Wide-tooth comb: Perfect for detangling and separating your hair.
• Fine-tooth comb: Use this comb to create sleek hairstyles and remove scalp buildup on wash days.
• Rat tail comb: Helps you style. Use it to part and section your hair like a pro.
• Hair pick: Especially important for big, voluminous styles, such as afros.
• Hair ties: Use silicone or cloth-covered scrunchies for when you want to wear your hair up.
• Satin or silk bonnets, scarves, and pillowcases: While you sleep, these materials reduce friction and help preserve your style longer.

You might want to try other tools, as well, such as hair dryers, curling irons, flat irons, and hot combs. Because they all involve heat, you need to be a little more cautious when you use them. I go into great detail in Chapter 8 about how to use these tools safely and when to go to a professional.

As for products, those are even more personal, and finding the right ones can take more trial and error than finding the right tools. And you can feel so overwhelmed when you look at all the different bottles, jars, and formulations.

Here’s a guiding principle to live by when choosing hair products: Water is the most important ingredient of all. All of your products should have water (sometimes listed as aqua) as the first or second ingredient.

Here’s a rundown of basic products to have in your collection:

• Shampoo: Use a clarifying shampoo to deeply clean your hair, as well as a moisturizing shampoo to moisturize it.
• Conditioner: Use conditioner that you rinse out after shampooing, as well as detangling (or leave-in) conditioner that you can use to comb out tangles and keep your hair moisturized. You can also use detangling or leave-in conditioner to co-wash your hair on non-wash days.
• Edge control: This gel-like product helps you keep flyaways down around the hairline.
• Oils: Use oil to keep your scalp and hair healthy and moisturized. You can find all sorts of different oils that do different things, so take your time to figure out what works the best for you. You need to experiment, but I walk you through some ideas, and a lot more info about products in general, in Chapter 7.

People who have natural or curly hair shouldn’t wash their hair every day because it can dry out your curls. It’s different for everyone, but I recommend washing once every seven to ten days.

If you want guidance on how and when to use all of these products, turn to Chapter 4, where I talk all about wash day in detail.

Styling your crown and glory

Okay, this is the super fun part. The part where anything goes. Because curly and natural hair is incredibly versatile, if you can dream it, you can do it (or, you can hire someone to do it for you).

Whether you want braids, twists, a mohawk, an afro, extensions, or wigs, it’s all possible. Yes, some hair textures and types are more cut out for different styles than others, but really, you have no limits. Your hair is your crown and glory. Your true expression of self. Your celebration of your heart and what you want to say to the world.

And you can change it as often as you like.

Styling isn’t just about looking good, though. You can use low-maintenance protective hairstyles for times when you need to give your locs a reprieve from constant wear and tear.

Using protective styles periodically can help you keep your hair healthy and happy, as long as you don’t leave them in too long.

To find the step-by-step of all your favorite styles — protective and otherwise — head to Chapter 9.

If you’re a guardian of a child who has natural and curly hair, and you need a quick crash course on how to style their hair, turn to Chapter 12.

Reshaping the Natural Hair Narrative

Throughout my eight years as the hairstylist for former First Lady of the United States Michelle Obama, I got to see different types of beauty from around the world, and I witnessed firsthand how her presence in the White House gave other women of color permission to feel beautiful and helped reshape how a nation and the world see beauty. I watched little girls, little boys, and even grown adults take her in: The complexion of her skin, her powerful stature, and the always-changing hairstyle. She provided the representation that everyone needed to see to enhance their perspective on beauty.

She was in a position of power and exposure that no other person had in that moment. And her very presence in the White House challenged the beauty standards that don’t serve us as a community. And I feel her presence in the White House smashed traditional beauty standards, and we continue to grow from there.

That kind of energy changes a world. And with this book, I hope to carry that energy on. You, me, and all the different kinds of beautiful people out there are better than what some arbitrary beauty standard says. We’re bigger than ourselves when we hold each other up. And we’re more powerful — beyond unstoppable — when we embrace our natural beauty, from root to tip.