USE YOUR WORDS

The Phrases That Make All the Difference

Whether or not you actually utter those two little syllables—“I do”—words of commitment, love, gratitude, joy, and hope will fill your wedding. They will be printed on marriage contracts or programs, spoken during your ceremony, and whispered to you on the dance floor. Some of the most meaningful will be private interactions with your new spouse or cherished guests. Others will be proclaimed publicly, for all to hear, giving your wedding its own personality. When it comes to the words you choose—as your vows, the readings in your ceremony, the lyrics to your first dance song, a toast you make, or even a wedding hashtag that helps guests share photos on social media—it’s easy to make sure they’re auspicious. And unlike clothing, flowers, or cake, words, while priceless, don’t cost a thing, which is pretty darn lucky…

VOWS THAT WOW

Marriage vows may be the greatest proof that magic words exist. As soon as they’re uttered, not one, but two, people are transformed. To reflect this fact, Polynesian wedding ceremonies end with the priest giving the couple a shared “marriage” name to reflect their new identities as spouses—a popular choice is Herenui, which means “big love.” Whether your vows are traditional or original, spoken by you or by an officiant, or even enacted physically as you walk around the sacred fire in a Hindu ceremony (see this page), or the altar in an Orthodox Christian one (see this page), the promise you are making is life changing.

If you’re having a traditional ceremony within an organized religion, then your vows are likely already provided for you. If you’re writing your own vows, you may still want to draw on blessings from the marriage rite of an established religious tradition, whether it’s your own, your spouse’s, or a culture whose words speak to you. (See this page for more on rituals and blessings.)

Many traditional Western ceremonies have the couple recite simple standard vows, but leave room for creativity by letting them pick ceremony readings. For Catholic weddings, some readings need to be from the Bible. For non-biblical readings, you have options ranging from ancient texts to modern pop songs. If you’re not sure where to start, go to the couples whose marriages you admire most, and ask what was read at their wedding. That’s definitely something old—and something borrowed (see this page)!

You could also look to poetry or prose by your favorite author or a writer from your cultural tradition, whether you quote her work or his love letters. (Who can forget F. Scott Fitzgerald’s note to Zelda, “You are the finest, loveliest, tenderest, and most beautiful person I have ever known and even that is an understatement”?) Or select a text that is significant to you, even if it’s not “romantic” per se; many couples quote the ruling on Goodridge v. Department of Public Health, in which the Chief Justice of the Massachusetts Supreme Court made same-sex marriage legal in the state, arguing that “the decision whether and whom to marry is among life’s momentous acts of self-definition.” Whatever vows you choose, if they’re particularly meaningful to you, you may want to have them printed for guests to follow along or to save as a keepsake.

YOU SAID YOU WANTED A LOVE SONG?

Written and spoken words will add meaning to your day, but music will provide a soundtrack to everything from your ceremony to your last dance. Again, look to your cultural history and your own personal history to bring eloquence to your choices—if you and your dad danced to a favorite song when you were little, make that your father-daughter number. Here are some songs that scream—no, sing—good luck.

“ALLELUIA” Mozart’s composition from Exsultate Jubilate is ideal for a religious ceremony or to add profound emotion to a secular one.

“AMAZING GRACE” The old spiritual makes a beautiful processional or musical selection for the ceremony, and nods to how amazing love of all kinds is.

“AT LAST” Etta James’s bluesy ballad is a go-to for a reason; it celebrates the arrival of true love, or a happy ending that comes better late than never.

“GOD ONLY KNOWS” The Beach Boys’ song is a (catchy) meditation on luck and love.

“THE LUCKIEST” This tune by Ben Folds sings the praises of joining up with your one and only.

“LUCKY” Jason Mraz croons about what it’s like to fall in love with your best friend. Spoiler alert: the title pretty much sums it up.

“MAYBE I’M AMAZED” Paul McCartney’s song, which describes the feeling of disbelief at having found a soul mate, is a touching first dance choice to express how lucky you feel.

“ODE TO JOY” The title of Beethoven’s soaring composition says it all.

“YOU’RE JUST TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE” Whether you go for the Frankie Valli original or the sultry Fugees remake, this number is an ode to long-awaited love.

“WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD” Being grateful is half of being lucky, making this homage to the globe and all the people in it a spot-on choice for a first dance or parent-child number.

TOASTS WITH THE MOST

Toasts have been an expression of affection since ancient Greece—The Iliad includes a scene in which Odysseus drinks to Achilles’s health—and the reason we toast with our right hands held out in front of us may come from the Greeks raising wineglasses to the sky to praise the gods. Another theory holds the custom dates to the belligerent Middle Ages, when a raised arm showed that the person toasting had come in friendship and didn’t have weapons concealed in his clothing. One exception to the no-weapons rule laces a champagne toast with luck: sabrage, the act of opening a bottle of bubbly with a ceremonial saber, is said to have started in Napoleon’s army, when the soldiers wanted to celebrate a good outcome in battle, but remains popular at weddings—especially military ones—today. Even if there's swordplay involved, the spoken words are the most memorable aspect of any toast.

Raising a toast can be intimidating, but many cultures already have beautiful phrases for wishing newlyweds—or their loved ones—all the luck in the world. Some come from sacred texts, others are part of an oral tradition. When choosing texts, find something that makes you think, “Yes, that’s exactly what I feel,” then worry about its provenance. A commonly quoted “Apache Wedding Blessing”—“Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter to one another”—actually originated with the 1947 novel Blood Brother and became famous in the 1950 movie Broken Arrow. That shouldn’t keep you from including it in your wedding ceremony if it resonates—inspiration can come from any number of places—although you’ll probably want to cite its source accurately. Following are some culturally specific toasts and texts you can impart to guests, print on favor tags, or share with a nervous best man eager to toast you both.

From a Speaker to the Couple

Most of the toasting pressure will fall on other people—traditionally, that’s your parents, if they’re acting as hosts of the evening, the best man, and maid of honor. If an attendant asks you, “What should I say?” tell him or her to abstain from politics and exes, and offer these traditional expressions of congratulations as inspiration.

AFRICAN “May your love be like the misty rain, gentle coming in but flooding the river.”

ARMENIAN “May you grow old on one pillow.” Or “May your joys be as bright as the morning and your sorrows but shadows that fade into the sunlight of love.”

BIBLICAL “May you live to see your children’s children” (Psalm 128).

ENGLISH “May your joy be as sweet as the spring flowers that grow, as bright as a fire when winter winds blow, as countless as leaves that float down in the fall, as serene as the love that keeps watch over us all.”

GREEK “The heart that loves is always young.” Or consider Plato’s “Love is the joy of the good, the wonder of the wise, the amazement of the Gods.”

HAWAIIAN “May you never thirst again.”

HINDU This passage from the Brahma Sutra celebrates the contagious nature of the couple’s happiness: “When the one man loves the one woman, and the one woman loves the one man, the very angels desert heaven and sit in that hour and sing for joy.”

IRISH “May the road rise to meet you. May the wind be always at your back, the sunshine warm upon your face, the rain fall soft upon your fields, and until we meet again, may God hold you in the hollow of His hand. May God be with you and bless you. May you see your children’s children. May you be poor in misfortune, rich in blessings. May you know nothing but happiness from this day forward. May pure be the joys that surround you. May true be the hearts that love you.”

JEWISH This marriage quote is attributed to the Hasidic rabbi Baal Shem Tov: “From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven, and when two souls that are designed to be together find each other, their streams of light flow together and a single, brighter light goes forth from their united being.”

PERSIAN Rumi’s thirteenth-century “Blessing the Marriage” poem: “This marriage be wine with halvah, honey dissolving in milk / This marriage be the leaves and fruit of a date tree / This marriage be women laughing together for days on end / This marriage, a sign for us to study / This marriage, beauty / This marriage, a moon in a light blue sky.”

WELSH “Wishing you a house full of sunshine, hearts full of cheer, and love that grows deeper each day of the year.”

From You to Your Guests

Guests love it when newlyweds express their affection for each other, and one or both of you should feel welcome to give a toast sharing your joy, thanking everyone for coming, and marveling at all the loving people in your lives. Here are some culturally specific ways to do that.

ARMENIAN “May your joys be as deep as the ocean and your misfortunes as light as the foam.”

BIBLICAL “The Lord bless you and keep you! The Lord let his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you! The Lord look upon you kindly and give you peace!” (Numbers 6:24–26).

IRISH “Friends and relatives, so fond and dear, ’tis our greatest pleasure to have you here. When many years this day has passed, fondest memories will always last. So we drink a cup of Irish mead, and ask God’s blessing in your hour of need.” The traditional response to this toast is as follows: “On this special day, our wish to you, the goodness of the old, the best of the new. God bless you both who drink this mead, may it always fill your every need.”

JEWISH A simple l’chaim, or “to life,” works beautifully, whether as a blessing from you to your guests or vice versa.

SCOTTISH “Wherever you live in the world so wide, we wish you a nook on the sunny side, with much love and little care, a little purse with money to spare, your own little hearth when day is spent, in a little house with hearts content.”

TAG, YOU’RE IT

Some couples ask that no one snaps photos during their wedding, but most want to see as many pictures as quickly as possible. If that’s you, come up with a hashtag so that photos posted on social media are easy to find. Try a few versions that combine your names (#BeckysGetting Murrayed, if Becky Mickel is marrying Danny Murray), use the date (#LuckyThirteen, if you’re making it official on the 13th), or make a pun involving the locale (#HappilyMauied, for a destination event in Hawaii). If you’re not using a hashtag, a fun and/or auspicious tagline can be printed on programs, welcome bags, menus—any place type is welcome.