Contents

1 IT’S NOT WHAT YOU’RE THINKING

2 JUST SO YOU KNOW…

3 WHAT DID I DO?

4 SPARE ME

5 TELLY DEAR,

6 A FEW THINGS MUM COULD HAVE AT LEAST ASKED KATHLEEN TO BEAR IN MIND

7 I ALMOST DIED,

8 NO ONE’S WHO YOU THINK THEY ARE

9

10 BY COMPARISON, EVEN BESS LOOKED NORMAL

11 JUST SO YOU KNOW PART II

12 I’M TRYING TO BE REASONABLE HERE

13 HE GROWS ON YOU

14 EVERYTHING GORGEOUS NICK SINGH SAID TO ME THAT NIGHT

15 EVERYTHING I MEANT TO SAY TO GORGEOUS NICK SINGH THAT NIGHT

16 EVERYTHING I ACTUALLY SAID TO GORGEOUS NICK SINGH THAT NIGHT

17 MY DREAM COME TRUE

18 IGNORANCE IS BLISS

19 THE GOOD BITS

20 MY DAILY ROUTINE

21 IT CAME AS A SHOCK

22 BITSIE AND THE GREEN-EYED MONSTER

23 AN EXCITING NEW SHOPPING EXPERIENCE!

24 THIS IS HOW IT WORKS

25 EPISODE 10: BITSIE’S BIG SURPRISE

26 I WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP

27 IT WAS BOUND TO COME TO THIS

28 IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE

29 HE DESERVED IT

30 REVENGE IS SWEET

30 LETTER BOMB

32 WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED?

33 THE FACTS OF LIFE

34 LIFE WAS SO MUCH EASIER IN DREEMLAND

35 THE GUY WAS A MANIAC

36 THE END OF THE WORLD AS I KNEW IT

37 SOMEONE OLDER AND WISER

38

39 GOOD IDEAS COME FROM THE STRANGEST PLACES

40 IT WENT TO HIS HEAD...

41 SOMETHING TO REMEMBER

42 NOW SHOWING AT A BRAIN NEAR YOU

43 THE GREAT VAN GURP

44 YOU’D THINK HE’D HAVE NOTICED

45 A LITTLE DEMONSTRATION

46 NOT THE SOLUTION I WOULD HAVE CHOSEN, BUT IT WORKED

47 SOME ADDED COMPLICATIONS

48 RUNNING ON EMPTY

49 EVERYONE HAS A BREAKING POINT

50 WHAT GOOD WOULD THAT DO?

51 I JUST WENT FOR IT

51 I CAN COME UP WITH DUMB IDEAS AS WELL AS THE REST OF THEM

52 SEE?

53 FOR SALE: ONE SLIGHTLY USED KIDNEY

54 JUST LIKE ON THE HEALTH CHANNEL

55 MORE OR LESS THE WAY IT WENT

EPILOGUE: THEN WHAT HAPPENED?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR