WHERE DOES A BABY BELONG? We believe that most of the time, young babies should be in the arms of their parents, wherever their parents may be. That’s why we’ve become great advocates of the baby sling, a simple cloth baby carrier that holds an infant close to Mother or Father’s body. You use the sling when you go out, and you use it around the house as well. It’s like wearing your baby—which is why we call this parenting style babywearing.
The beauty of babywearing is that you are, literally, attached. Baby is held in the baby sling and goes around the house with you as you sort through the junk mail, make beds, or start supper. When Mom or Dad goes out for a walk, baby does, too, but he is carried in the sling, not wheeled in a stroller. Baby becomes a part of your regular activities. The payoff is that the two of you are learning about and enjoying each other all the time.
We enjoy collecting stories about babywearing in other cultures. After returning from the island of Bali, one of our patients told us about witnessing a ground-touching ceremony. Balinese babies are worn in a sling for the first six months of life. Mother or some other member of the extended family wears the baby all day long. Baby is out of someone’s arms only when sleeping, and even then, baby sleeps next to the mother. The baby literally does not touch the ground for the first six months. Then a ground-touching ceremony is held, and for the first time baby touches the ground, in a ritual that acknowledges that baby will soon be learning to crawl and eventually won’t have to be carried by mother.
Babywearing, like other parts of attachment parenting, is not a new idea. For centuries women in various cultures around the world have carried their babies in different kinds of slings and shawls. Experience taught these women that babies are happiest in the arms of their mother or another person who cares about them. Buggies and strollers are relatively new inventions, in use only in modern times, when “experts” have advised women not to “spoil” their infants by paying too much attention to them.
Over the past two decades, we have learned a lot about babywearing. Our education started with the birth of our fourth child, Hayden, who simply was not happy unless she was held. Through the years, we have experimented with different types of carriers and have taught many new parents to use soft front baby carriers, beginning in the newborn period and continuing well into toddlerhood. We’ve observed a long parade of babywearing families over the years and have come to believe that babywearing is an old idea whose time has come. The option of bringing baby along in his familiar place on Mom’s or Dad’s hip or cuddled near Mom’s breast makes it possible for parents to stay in touch with baby in the midst of their busy lives. We’ve found that the baby sling, in particular, is easy to use and very versatile.
There are a number of different kinds of baby carriers on the market. In our experience, a sling-type carrier is the easiest to use, the most comfortable, and the most versatile. The baby sling has a simple design patterned after the slings used in many traditional cultures, which are used to tying an infant to Mother’s back or hip or to holding a tiny baby near Mother’s breast. A sling can be used for older babies and toddlers as well as for newborns, and it slips on and off easily. Baby can ride in many different positions, and in most positions baby enjoys eye contact with Mom or Dad.
Baby slings come with directions for using them at different ages and stages of your baby’s development. Use these suggested positions as a starting point, then fine-tune your sling-wearing style to suit yourself and your baby.
Newborns are most comfortable in the cradle hold or the snuggle hold. In the cradle hold, baby rides sideways across your body, aligned with the lengthwise direction of the sling. Baby can ride in a horizontal position or semi-upright, with his head peeking over the top railing. If you put the sling on backward, the sling’s shoulder pad can help to steady your newborns head.
In the snuggle hold, you carry baby vertically, his head between your breasts and his tummy against your abdomen. Hold baby up on your chest and pull the top edge of the sling out and up over baby as you ease his bottom into the pocket. Then cinch in the tail of the sling to snuggle baby securely against your body. Tiny babies may like to keep their feet tucked inside the sling. Older babies can sit in the sling with their feet hanging down.
Here are some points to keep in mind as you learn to use your baby sling:
See the list of resources (page 177) for information on where to buy a baby sling and how to wear it.
In 1989 I (Bill) spoke at a conference attended by parents from all over the world. One day, as I was wearing baby Stephen in a sling, I stood next to two women from Zambia who were also carrying their babies in slings. I asked them why parents in their culture carried their babies on their bodies most of the time. One woman replied, “It makes life easier for the mother.” The other woman responded, “It’s good for the baby.” These women went on to describe the feeling of completeness that babywearing gave them and added that keeping their babies with them reminded them of their importance as mothers. These mothers have taken to heart their cultural tradition, which has taught them that something good happens to women and their offspring when they wear their babies.
Babywearing.
Over the years we have continued to study the beneficial effects of babywearing. We’ve talked with hundreds of parents about why they have embraced this style of parenting. They always come back to those two simple, yet profound, benefits cited by the two mothers from Zambia: Babywearing does good things for babies, and it makes life easier for mothers. But they also describe many specific ways that babywearing benefits their families. Here are some ways that modern parents use babywearing to simplify their lives and enjoy their babies more.
Parents in my practice often report, “As long as I wear her, she’s content!” Even parents of fussy babies find that their complainers seem to forget to fuss when they’re held in the sling. This is more than just my own impression. In 1986, a team of pediatricians in Montreal studied ninety-nine mother-infant pairs. Half the parents were asked to hold their babies for at least three extra hours a day, even if the babies weren’t crying or fussing, and they were provided with baby carriers to help them do this. The other parents were the control group, and they were not given any specific instructions about carrying. After six weeks, researchers found that the infants who received the extra carrying time cried and fussed 43 percent less than the noncarried group.
Further evidence comes from anthropological studies of infant care in other cultures. In cultures where babies are worn or are in adult arms much of the time, prolonged periods of infant crying are unheard of. Studies of babies in Western culture have measured infant crying in hours per day, but in cultures where babies are held most of the time and they sleep next to their mothers, total daily crying can be measured in minutes. We tend to think that it is normal for babies to cry a lot, but in other cultures this is not the norm. Babywearing gives parents in “more advanced” cultures an opportunity to discover what these other cultures have known for a long time: Holding or wearing your baby saves you from having to put up with a lot of crying.
SLING TIME FOR STRESS TIME
Once our sling babies were past the “fussy toddler hanging onto mom’s leg” stage, we stopped carrying them around in slings before naptime and bedtime. But we kept one sling handy even after our toddlers had turned two. We found that there were times when misbehavior called for “time in” the sling rather than “time out.” A few minutes in the sling calmed a child who could no longer control herself in the face of life’s challenges. When one of our toddlers was, well, just being a toddler, we would announce, “You need sling time.” Reconnecting with Mom or Dad in this old, familiar way would melt away stress and boost the child’s confidence. A few moments of babying the baby inside that assertive two-year-old made her easier to live with.
Babywearing is especially helpful in those early months for colicky babies who, it seems, save up all their energy for a long blast of crying in the evening. These “P.M. fussers” can fray the nerves and shake the confidence of any parent. But if you plan ahead for this “happy hour” and take baby for a walk in the sling, you may be able to forestall the crying. The fresh air and the motion calm baby and help him sleep. And you get some exercise, which puts you in a better mood for whatever happens later.
I find the sling is an apartment dwellers savior. Crying pierces walls. The sling keeps my baby quiet for my student neighbors.
When describing the benefits of babywearing, you could say that familiarity breeds content. For a baby to be content, he must be organized. This means he can pay attention to some stimuli and block out others. He can stay in a quiet, alert state for an extended period of time. He can focus on nursing when he’s hungry and can fall asleep when he’s sleepy. The womb takes care of these things automatically for babies. Food comes into their bodies continuously through the umbilical cord. They are never too cold or too hot, and their legs and arms seem to be under control, because there’s no room to fling them out. They hear Mother’s heartbeat, feel her breathing, and are rocked by the gentle motion of her body. Mother’s rhythms are baby’s own. Birth temporarily disrupts baby’s sense of organization in the womb. Without the support of the womb, baby can’t remain calm. This is why babies like to be swaddled. But with babywearing, the newborn has an external regulating system. Father’s rhythmic walk recalls the womb experience and calms baby. Cuddled next to his mother’s body, baby hears her heartbeat, beautifully regular and familiar, and senses her breathing. These parental rhythms become baby’s own, and the sling itself controls baby’s arms and legs, so that baby’s own movement doesn’t upset him. As babies get older they still need to return to the familiar feeling of being close to a parent’s body, especially when they are in new places or meet strangers. With a secure seat on Mom’s hip or chest, baby is less fearful of new experiences.
Babies are not used to being alone and still. What may happen if the baby spends most of his time lying horizontally in a crib, with parents coming into the room only for feeding and comforting and then leaving again? The newborn will eventually find ways to become organized, to fit into his or her new environment; but without the regulating presence of the mother, babies develop behaviors that take a lot of energy that could better be used to grow, such as fussy crying, purposeless, jerky movements, or self-rocking behaviors that are behaviors of disorganization. Even sleep disturbances can be an indication that baby’s physiology is disturbed by an unnatural distance from mother.
LIFE IN MOTION:THE VESTIBULAR CONNECTION
Babywearing benefits the infant’s vestibular system. This is what controls a baby’s sense of balance. Three tiny structures, like carpenter’s levels, are located behind the middle ear. One tracks side-to-side motion, another up-and-down motion, and a third back-and-forth motion. Every time baby moves or is moved, the fluid in these “levels” moves against tiny hairlike filaments that vibrate and send messages to the brain. The data collected in this way are used to keep the body in balance.
The gentle motion a baby experiences during babywearing stimulates the vestibular system, and scientists are finding that this stimulation helps babies breathe and grow better, regulates their physiology, and improves motor development. This is especially true for premature infants. Some babies recognize on their own that they need vestibular stimulation. When deprived of it, they often attempt to put themselves into motion and develop self-rocking behaviors.
Infants who are carried a lot, especially those who ride along with Mom in a baby sling during her daily activities, get lots of vestibular stimulation. They move with Mom in all directions. Compare this to spending hours in a horizontal position in a crib or playing on the floor. Critics of babywearing sometimes suggest that it doesn’t give infants sufficient opportunities to move about on their own. They forget that a baby in a sling is making constant adjustments to his mother’s motion, especially as he gets older and sits upright in the sling.
As a psychologist, I see a lot of older children and adults with sensory-motor integration problems. I wonder if babies who were worn in a sling, because they feel so included in the sensory world of the parents, grow up with a greater capacity for making appropriate sensory-motor adaptations.
If infants in slings spend less time crying and fussing, what do they do instead? Sleep? No, they learn! Contented babies spend more time in the state called quiet alertness, the behavioral state in which they are best able to interact with other people. And, of course, when babies are worn, adults are right there to interact with them. Baby is intimately involved in Mom and Dad’s world. Baby can study her mother’s face and watch how it changes. She can see what her mother sees, hear what she hears, even share her emotions. This is how babies learn the subtleties of human expression and body language. Babies also learn more about their environment while carried in the sling. The view is constantly changing, and because they’re near adult eye level, the view is also more interesting than it would be from a buggy or stroller.
Baby watches the dishes go in and out of the water in the sink. He peeks in the mirror when Mother combs her hair. He moves with Dad as he bobs up and down doing laundry and swoops back and forth with the vacuum. He views the bedroom from every angle as Mother puts clothes away or arranges books or pillows. These are all learning experiences for baby.
It’s no surprise that researchers have reported that babies who are carried more are more responsive to visual and auditory stimulation. A stimulating environment is important to brain growth in babies. Interesting experiences cause neurons in the brain to grow, branch out, and connect with other neurons. Babywearing helps the infant’s developing brain make the right connections as Mother helps baby filter out unimportant information. Baby stores her experience of the world in the developing brain as patterns of behavior. Think of these patterns as thousands of short movies that are rerun in baby’s brain when a similar situation reminds her of the original film clip. For example, mothers often tell me, “As soon as I sit down in the rocking chair with my baby, he squirms into a horizontal position, turns his head to the breast and gets excited about nursing. I can’t get my bra open fast enough!” Or, “She likes to be in the sling and ‘loads’ herself by adjusting to different positions.” So, don’t rush to enroll your baby in lots of classes. She’ll learn a lot by just literally hanging around with you all day.
Here’s an excerpt from our journal about one of our babywearing observations:
Like breastfeeding, babywearing allows baby to practice his innate desire to mold his body to the contours of his mother’s body He keeps moving and adjusting himself until he feels comfortable. In doing so, he learns that practice makes perfect. The more he tries, the more comfortable it becomes, until he settles in a position that feels right to him. A baby lying flat on his back in a bassinette, playpen, or crib much of the day is deprived of that comfort level and the joy of earning it. In those early weeks of squirming to mold to the just-right contours of his mothers body, the newborn begins to develop the capability to satisfy himself and create a comforting world around himself, especially when it is so predictable. The detached baby, on the other hand, does not get that “Ah, life is good” feeling. The AP baby begins life with a high standard, has a goal to shoot for, and conceivably could spend the rest of his life trying to keep that standard up. The unattached baby has no standard to shoot for or motivation to keep his standard up. His norm is less.
Sling babies talk better. We’ve noticed that they seem more attentive, clicking into the conversations as if they were part of it. Because baby is up at voice and eye level, he is more involved in conversations. He learns a valuable speech lesson—the ability to listen.
SCIENCE SAYS:
Carried babies cry less.
Researchers at Stanford University found that babies settle best when held by caregivers who move in all planes of motion (up and down, side to side, and back and forth), and they cry less than babies who are only rocked side to side. Babywearing enables a caregiver to provide vestibular stimulation, moving in all three planes while carrying baby rather than standing and rocking from side to side.
Normal ambient sounds, such as the noises of daily activities, may either have learning value for the infant or disturb him. If baby is alone, sounds may frighten him. If baby is worn, these sounds have learning value. The mother filters out what she perceives as unsuitable for the baby and gives the infant an “it’s okay” feeling when he is exposed to unfamiliar sounds and experiences.
A mother who is a speech pathologist once described for us all the ways in which she thought babywearing contributed to infant language development. Here’s what she said:
As a speech pathologist, I feel that using the attachment style, especially the use of the sling, has greatly contributed to our children’s abilities to communicate. My husband and I used the sling from about one month to one year with both of our children. They were always exposed to adult conversations, listening from birth to their parents’ voices and those of others. When they were able to sit upright in the sling, they began watching speakers use turn-taking and eye contact to communicate. Children’s emotions develop when they listen to intonation patterns connected to happiness, sadness, frustration, and so on. By viewing the speaker’s mouth up close, children learn to imitate correct speech movements for accurate articulation patterns. When they’ve been attachment-parented, they start practicing words and sounds at an early age. When language develops early, children have the ability to “store” many more memories at an earlier age. All these patterns contribute greatly to early communication skills. Our six-year-old is bilingual and would like to add a third language. He recently told me he wanted to learn French so he could “talk to even more people.” No one can be sure that the sling and other attachment-parenting components are the reasons our children have turned out so well and speak so well thus far, but if we have another child, I sure wouldn’t want to take a chance and not use these helpful techniques.
Talk about keeping a close eye on your baby! With baby sitting right under a parent’s nose, a babywearing parent spends more time relating. Since parents are baby’s first and most important teachers, all this interaction makes your baby smarter. Baby learns much in the arms of a busy person.
We carried her in the sling wherever we went, and we talked to her, sort of like a running commentary, as we washed dishes, walked along the beach, visited the bookstore, prepared food, talked to the neighbors and pets, went shopping, visited the zoo, and so on. Oftentimes people looked at me like I was crazy, talking to a baby as I did, but I just smiled and continued to comment on the lovely red apples or the loud airplane. We spent much time reading books together. She began talking very early. My goal was never to create a superbaby or to drill ABC’s or 123’s into her early, as some education-anxious parents are apt to do. I simply wanted to show her the fascinating world on a daily basis, and she has responded in turn by being fascinated by colors, sounds, textures, numbers, music, new people, and new places.
The two Baby B’s of breastfeeding and babywearing naturally go together. Babies need to travel with their food supply, and babywearing makes it easier. In fact, there are many situations in which a baby sling helps feedings go better.
BEST BABYWEARING OSITIONS FOR BREASTFEEDING
As you experiment with babywearing positions, test out different ways to breastfeed in the sling. Try them out while you’re alone with your baby at home and you won’t feel so awkward the first time you try breastfeeding in the sling while surrounded by friends or extended family.
In our experience, the clutch hold is the easiest way to breastfeed a fairly young baby in the sling. Shift baby into a sideways position on the side of your body away from the sling’s rings. Baby’s head is in front of the breast, supported by the padded edge of the sling, and baby’s legs are curled up beneath your arm on that side. Use that hand to hold baby’s back and head close to your breast, and use your opposite hand inside the sling to support your breast as baby latches on. You can usually let go of your breast once baby is nursing, but continue to support his back and neck with your other hand to keep him in close to you. If your baby needs extra help learning to latch on, use the clutch hold to give yourself a good view of what baby is doing at the breast. The sling can help you keep baby’s body bent so that he can suck better. Baby can’t arch away from the breast in this position, and his chin stays down, which relaxes his jaw for better sucking.
As your baby gets older and more skilled at breastfeeding, you can switch to using the cradle hold in the sling. Baby’s head will be in the pocket of the sling, away from the shoulder rings. Turn baby onto his side so that he can latch on without turning his head. Use the arm on that side to support baby, since the sling alone probably won’t hold baby close enough to the breast to maintain a good latch-on. Slip your other hand inside the sling to support the breast while baby latches on. In the early weeks, you may need to continue to hold your breast with this hand, or prop it up with a cloth diaper or hand towel to keep it at the right level for baby to maintain the latch-on.
To burp baby while babywearing, shift baby into the snuggle hold (upright against your chest). The upright position, plus the gentle patting on his back, should help baby burp. You may have to lift baby up and drape him over your shoulder to put pressure against his tummy.
The most common mistake beginning babywearers make is wearing their baby too low. Baby should ride at around breast level, with the rings just below your collarbone. Start with a higher position, and lower it until it feels right for you. The various holds may feel better higher or lower, depending on each wearer’s proportions.
Babywearing makes discreet nursing easier. Babywearing enables you to nurse discreetly when you are away from home. Many breastfeeding mothers worry about how they will feed their baby when they are in public places. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with breastfeeding on a bench at the mall or even in a pew at church. You don’t have to hide the fact that you are breastfeeding your baby. But many mothers feel more comfortable nursing in public when both breast and baby are out of sight. The baby sling makes this easy. Simply pull the sling up over baby’s head, and your baby has her own private nook. The sling helps support baby’s weight, so that you can nurse comfortably even while standing in the checkout line in the grocery store. Waiting—whether it’s in a store or at the doctor’s office—is much easier if you can calm and feed baby.
Babywearing satisfies the frequent nurser. There are times when babies like to nurse frequently—for example, when they are going through a growth spurt, when they aren’t feeling well, or during the late-afternoon fussy period. Breastfeeding while babywearing makes life easier for Mom when baby wants to nurse constantly. Tuck baby into the sling, and you can still walk around the house while nursing. You can get simple chores done or play with your preschooler.
Breastfeeding discreetly.
Babywearing organizes problem suckers. Some babies breastfeed better on the move than when they are still. Tense babies (such as those with a tight latch) and archers (those who dive backward and arch their back while pulling off the breast) often breastfeed much better in the sling. It coaxes their bodies into a curved position, chin down toward their chest, which makes latch-on easier. The walking motion blocks out other stimuli. As baby’s body relaxes, so do the sucking muscles. With the sling and a bit of walking, a baby who is fighting sleep or for some other reason refusing the breast can be “tricked” into latching on, sucking, and relaxing.
Babywearing helps the slow-to-gain-weight baby. Babies who are close to their mothers nurse more often and gain more weight. When we encounter a breastfeeding baby who is gaining weight slowly, we encourage the mother to wear the baby in a sling for at least several hours a day and breastfeed frequently. Mothers report that babywearing entices their babies to feed more frequently and in a more relaxed way, and we have seen weight gain increase dramatically. This breastfeeding-while-babywearing technique is especially valuable with babies who were born early and those who need more stimulation to get them to eat more.
Anthropologists have observed that in cultures where mothers wear their babies or hold them most of the time infants may nurse three or four times in an hour. The fat content of the milk is higher when the time between feedings is shorter, so it makes sense that feeding more often produces better weight gains. You may not nurse your baby every fifteen minutes while he’s in the baby sling, but if you are wearing your baby it will be easier to read and respond to his feeding cues. As another perk, when baby is near the source of milk and comfort, he does not have to use much energy to get Mother’s attention; he can use this energy to grow instead.
Remember, for an AP baby, home is where Mother is, but there’s no reason Mother has to be stuck at home. After a few weeks of nesting-in at home, you’ll probably be ready to go out and meet the world once more. You don’t have to become a recluse in order to stay close to your baby.
SCIENCE SAYS:
Carried babies are more connected.
In a 1990 study from the Columbia University College of Physicians, child-development researchers studied attachment with a group of inner-city mothers. They divided the mothers into two groups. One group received soft baby carriers and were encouraged to carry their babies and have a lot of physical contact. The other group received infant seats. The close-contact mothers were shown how to use the carriers. The study was begun while the mothers and their infants were postpartum in the hospital. When the babies were three months of age, the close-contact mothers were more responsive to their babies’ cues than the less-contact group. When the infants were studied again at thirteen months of age, the close-contact babies were more securely attached to their mothers.
Shortly after the birth of Stephen, I was experiencing the “when will I get my wife back?” feelings common to postpartum dads. One night I said to Martha, “Honey, how about a date? Let’s go out to dinner.” Martha was just about to object when we both looked at the baby sling draped over the couch and had the same idea at the same time: “Let’s wear Stephen to the restaurant.”
Babies in slings are usually quiet and content. This makes them much more acceptable in adult surroundings, such as nice restaurants. You can keep your baby quiet and content while you’re out by breastfeeding him in the sling. Patrons in a restaurant much prefer a discreetly breastfeeding baby to one who is crying and fussing because he is not attached to the breast. The sling is the key to taking your baby places where being a baby and acting like a baby are not socially acceptable.
Breastfeeding while babywearing.
Our most memorable breastfeeding-in-public experience was the morning that Martha wore Stephen (almost two) on national television on Phil Donahue’s talk show. Stephen watched contently for fifteen minutes, then breastfed and slept in the sling for forty-five minutes as we discussed the benefits of attachment parenting. We are sure that what the audience saw made more of an impression than what we said. This experience made us brave, so we decided to see a Broadway show while we were in New York. We went to the Cats box office to purchase tickets and saw a sign that read “No Infants Allowed.” Undaunted, we asked for the manager, and while Martha was wearing Stephen, I very politely said, “Please, we would love to see your show. I guarantee Stephen will be quiet, and if he does fuss, we’ll exit within a millisecond of the first peep.” The manager let us in, and Martha and I enjoyed Cats while Stephen didn’t make a peep. Later when we went to thank the manager, he confided, “There was something about the look of your baby that made me want to take a chance.”
When Stephen was two months old, we were invited to a black-tie affair. Rather than decline the invitation, as new parents usually do, Martha wore Stephen in a fashionable sling, and we all had a great time. During the three-and-a-half-hour affair, Stephen nestled peacefully in the sling and nursed on need. Obviously, the other guests were puzzled and watched us, no doubt wondering, “What’s that she’s wearing?” Eventually, we could see them conclude, “Why, it’s a baby. How cute!” By the end of the evening, as the other guests noticed how content we were with our babywearing arrangement, there was an air of acceptance throughout the room. Our formal babywearing had achieved not only social approval, but social admiration.
I think one of my favorite tools of attachment parenting is wearing my baby. The first year I wore him in the sling all day. I could take him with me anywhere. My husband and I went on a ski trip with thirteen other people when our son was six months old. We were the only ones with a baby, and a few people were concerned about the fact that we were bringing him. We were able to go out at night with everyone. He hung out in the sling, and I was able to nurse him without anyone knowing what I was doing. They just thought he was sleeping! No one was awakened in the middle of the night by a crying baby since he slept with us and all I had to do was roll over and take care of his needs. After the trip was over, they all said what a “good” baby he was—even after we were stuck in an airport for eight hours and then had a five-hour flight!
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Having a “pouch baby” has caused some conflict with certain family members. On our first trip back home, my family just couldn’t understand why we chose to carry Kristof in a sling and nurse him wherever. God forbid sharing our bed with him! Everyone kept trying to get me to put him down and “get him out of that thing.” They also couldn’t understand why we just didn’t let him cry. On our next trip home, they all saw that I was still carrying him and how happy he was, and they stopped bugging us.
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My son is now thirteen months old, and I still use my sling every day. Yesterday we had an extremely challenging day, and I was able to put him in the sling and calm him. He slept for two hours. I was able to pamper myself with a little shopping. When he awoke, we were both renewed and able to conquer the challenges of toddlerhood together.
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I am often told that this is the hard way of parenting. But, really, in the long run, I think it is so much easier!
Babywearing also makes traveling easier. When baby is worn close to Mom or Dad, the sights and sounds of airports, hotels, big cities, or wilderness retreats are not frightening. Babywearing makes it easier for babies to transition from one place to another. While you are standing in line at the airport or walking through a crowd, a baby worn is secure, happy, and, above all, safe. If you’re traveling with a toddler, babywearing not only keeps your little one from wandering away, it boosts her up into the adult world, where there are interesting things to look at. Think how the world must look from a baby’s seat in a stroller. She has a good view of the floor and adults up to their knees. People seem much bigger than she is. Worn on your hip in the baby sling, she enjoys your attention and also gets to see all the ads, signs, and merchandise displayed at adult eye level.
Babywearing also keeps a toddler close to your side in any situation where a free-roaming toddler may not be safe, such as when babies begin to walk and dart out from your protective arms to explore their environment. Busy shoppers or travelers often don’t watch out for little people. (Have you ever noticed that a walking or wheeling toddler’s face is at the exact level that people let their cigarettes dangle?) Wear your baby or toddler up in your arms at a safe level and relax. He won’t go anywhere without you.
Babywearing is as useful at home as it is in stores and airports. If you keep the baby sling on a hook by the door, you’ll remember to use it when you go out, but even better is to put it on when you get dressed in the morning. When baby wakes, you change his diaper and put him in the sling. Then you can make breakfast together, do a load of laundry, take a morning walk, or vacuum the living room. Later in the day, babywearing allows you to make dinner, even if baby is fussing and needs to be held. At night, you can put baby in the sling and take a relaxing walk through the house to ease baby off to sleep while you tidy the nest for the next day.
Babywearing makes it easier to enjoy dinner with your spouse at home. Over the years, Martha and I made a point of scheduling a once-a-week dinner at home for just the two of us. We’d put the younger children to bed and have a late supper together. However, in the days when there was a new baby in the house, this often turned out to be dinner for three. One of us would wear the baby in the sling, and we could usually eat and talk while baby stayed quietly attentive to our conversation, or stayed lulled to sleep so we could finish.
Babywearing at home helps parents survive all the times when babies just can’t be happy anywhere but in the arms of an adult. If your baby seems to be asking for your attention all the time, put him in the sling and go on with your usual activities. You may not get as much done as you did before you had a baby, but you’ll be more productive than you would be if baby continued to fuss.
I feel like having the sling bronzed.
With baby cuddled near you in the sling, you can give your toddler or preschooler focused attention while meeting your baby’s need for closeness. It’s easier for an older sibling to share you with the new baby if your hands and eyes are free to focus on her and her activities. While feeding and holding baby in the sling, you can read a book to a sibling, supervise art activities, or cheer from the sidelines at a soccer game. Baby needs the physical sensation of being close to you; siblings need your mind. The baby sling allows you to give your body to your baby while talking and playing with baby’s older brother or sister. This will make it much easier for the sibling to accept the presence of the new baby.
Breastfeeding our new baby in the sling gives me an extra pair of hands to play with and enjoy our toddler. This has done wonders to lessen sibling rivalry, and it allows me to mother both children well.
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A sibling says: I wish I could be in the sling. My little brother loves being carried in the sling. He seems so relaxed. The stroller seems so noisy.
Oftentimes, babies are not ready to sleep when parents want them to sleep. This sleep-inducing technique is a lifesaver for weary parents; it’s peaceful, struggle-free, and it works.
As bedtime approaches, put your baby into the sling in the cradle hold, the snuggle hold, or if your baby is older, the hip straddle (see Babywearing Basics, page 66). For most babies, the forward-facing kangaroo carry is too stimulating to induce sleep; for others it’s the only one they’ll accept. Then wear your baby around the house. You can do some simple jobs, talk quietly to your spouse, or just stroll through your home until baby is lulled to sleep. If baby is fighting sleep, go for a walk outside. Ten minutes outside in a sling is usually worth forty-five minutes of rocking indoors.
Keep baby in the sling even after his eyes have closed and he has drifted off, until you can tell by his limp arms and regular breathing that he is in a deep sleep. Then walk slowly to the bed, bend over, and ease yourself out of the sling while you put baby down on the mattress. If baby starts to stir, he may need to be in physical contact with you a while longer. Put baby back in the sling and lie down with him, letting him drape across your chest with his head nestled into your neck (see the illustration on page 149). The rhythm of your breathing will soon ease baby into a deep sleep. Then roll over carefully, deposit baby on the bed, and slip the sling over your head and quietly slip away.
This practice of wearing down is like having a secret formula that you can use to wind baby down to sleep even when he is hyperstimulated. Putting baby in the sling contains his energy. The gentle motion of your walk, the familiar position, and your hand on his back are all familiar cues to relax. Wearing down will help you relax, too, since you can be pretty certain that this technique will get baby off to sleep shortly.
In many cultures, mothers carry their babies with them while they work. “Work and wear” is not the usual practice for mothers in American culture, but it could be. Mothers in our pediatrics practice who work outside the home have tried babywearing on the job and report that it works very well until about six months of age, when babies grow more mobile. We’ve also had our office staff take this approach to baby care while on the job. Mom can get her work done while baby listens in and observes. Babies find the adult world of work very interesting.
Babywearing works better with some jobs than others. We’ve known mothers who sold real estate, demonstrated various products, or worked in baby stores with baby riding in the sling. These mothers felt that being attached to their babies was important, so they found a way to make babywearing work for them on the job. We’ve even known teachers who have worn their babies to classes for the first few months after returning to work. (These teachers are teaching wonderful lessons about parenting along with their usual subject matter!) If your employer is not too keen on this arrangement, ask if you can give it a two-week trial period, and promise that you’ll reevaluate this choice regularly as baby grows. Most people are amazed at how productive mothers can be when they know that baby is safe and secure in the baby sling.
ATTACHMENT TIP
Babies learn a lot in the arms of a busy caregiver.
BABYWEARING IS ATTACHMENT INSURANCE
Leaving baby with a substitute caregiver is hard for an AP mom. You don’t want to be away from your baby, and you know how important it is for baby to feel secure in the arms of someone who cares about him. Insisting that your baby be worn in a sling for two or three hours a day ensures that he gets a daily dose of high-touch, responsive care while you’re away.
When babies are accustomed to having their mother around, accepting a substitute caregiver may be difficult. Yet even attached mothers need the occasional break, especially if they are blessed with a demanding, high-need baby. Babywearing can give your baby many of the familiar comforts of Mom, even if he’s being worn by someone else.
Jason is so happy when he is in the sling that I feel comfortable leaving him briefly with a sitter. Sometimes if I’m in a hurry, I greet the sitter at the door, transfer Jason to her while in the sling—sort of like the transfer of a baton in a relay race—and she takes over the wearing. He forgets to fuss, and I feel better knowing his routine is not disrupted.
AP babies adapt better to substitute care if the sub uses the tools of attachment parenting. Grandma or the sitter can’t breastfeed, but she can respond promptly to cries, lie down with baby at naptime, and wear him in a sling as much as possible. Sling babies are used to first-class care and don’t take kindly to being down graded. Techniques such as wearing baby down to sleep will help substitute caregivers duplicate what Mom does.
Our toddler calls his sling his “little house.”
BABYWEARING FOR THE NEXT GENERATION
When adults wear babies, we let our children know that babies are important and that they belong with their parents. We teach our children—and other children, too—that big people care for little people and that babies are fun to be around. When you wear your baby, you are modeling a parenting practice that others will imitate. When you bring your baby with you in the baby sling, other parents will feel more comfortable keeping their babies with them. Your own children will practice babywearing with their dolls and teddy bears.
My family commented on how Zoe was always moving when she was in the sling, doing a “sling dance.” Now, twenty-two-month-old Zoe has her own sling. She puts it on by herself and puts animals, dolls, and whatever is around in the sling. Then she begins to sway like I did with her for so many months. She often decides that her sling friends need to be nursed and will offer them her breast. My favorite part is when she says, “More, please,” speaking for the animals, as if they were asking to be switched to the other side.
Babywear for day care. One of my patients had a high-need baby who was content as long as she was in the sling. When the mother had to return to work when her baby was six weeks old, I wrote a “prescription” for her day-care provider, stating that this baby needed to be worn in the baby sling three hours or more daily. This mother felt much better about leaving her baby, knowing that the substitute caregiver understood the baby’s need for close physical contact with an adult.