* I’m still, like, twenty-seven.

* I have benefited from working at places where you can steal bottles of wine without anyone noticing. When you are young, loot alcohol whenever possible. I don’t mean from stores, but just, like, if someone takes you to their house and you’re not into it, but they seem rich, one hundo percent “borrow” some booze. Or if you don’t finish a bottle of wine at a restaurant, put that shit under your shirt and take it with you. (Best if you’re already drunk when doing this. Stealing is easier while drunk.)

* Please note that this recipe can be used not only on your parents, but also on other people you’d like to manipulate. For example, invite your landlord over for dinner. Let her see just how in need of help you are, and how much you are trying. She won’t cover your rent, but maybe she’ll let you slide for a few weeks, or forever, or maybe she’ll fall in love with you. Who’s to say? Anything is possible.

* You can enjoy this Sundae even if you are not evil, but why not go whole hog. Live your life, I say.

* In the case of multiple juices or mixers, split the amount so that the total makes 3 parts.