Don’t Take It Personally!

Contents

Sometimes You Don’t Know What Hit You

Part One: Zeroing In on the Problem

1 Maybe I Can’t Name It, but I Know It When I Feel It

The Many Faces of Rejection

2 I Wouldn’t Talk to Someone Else the Way I Talk to Myself

Self-Rejecting Messages

3 Tiptoeing through Minefields

Communication Breakdowns

4 If You Care about Me, You’ll Read My Mind

Expectations and Disappointments

5 I Never Want to Be Hurt Like That Again

Avoiding the Pain

Part Two: Identifying Those Old Hurts

6 You’re More Trouble Than You’re Worth

Subtle and Not So Subtle Messages

7 Grandma Passes Down More Than Just Her China

Cultural and Generational Messages

8 Eating the Leftovers

The Power of Mealtime Messages

9 Friends Today, Gone Tomorrow

Peer Rejection Messages

Part Three: Making Changes, Moving On

10 One Foot In and One Foot Out

Learning to Depersonalize

11 Just Who Do You Think You Are?

Keeping Boundaries Clean and Clear

12 Emptiness Is Just Space, It Need Not Be Painful

Needs versus Neediness

13 You Mean I Really Have a Choice Here?

Learning about Options

14 I’m Gonna Hone My Imperfections!

Turning Stumbling Blocks into Building Blocks

Acknowledgments