Newly armed with fortified mental and physical instruments to handle interactions in the legal context more productively and with less reticence, it’s time to begin stepping into the legal community as our refreshed authentic selves. But instead of “just doing it” and jumping in full-throttle, we need a consciously crafted plan. To reconfigure our mental, physical, and emotional approaches to interpersonal, performance-driven, and public speaking challenges, psychology experts recommend developing a measured “exposure” agenda: a thoughtfully designed gradual sequence of interactive scenarios chronologically ordered from least stressful to increasingly more high-stakes. Our transformation into our more empowered quiet selves is not an overnight makeover, but a reconditioning process. In this chapter, we will become acquainted with the “exposure” concept and design a pragmatic exposure agenda. In Chapter 10, we will construct personal pre-game and game-day routines for each genre of exposure event and tackle the anticipated scenarios one at a time.
WHAT IS “EXPOSURE”?
Flowers describes the notion of “exposure” as follows:
Sometimes, the very things that hurt and scare us also offer a healing balm. In regard to shyness and social anxiety, this means finding healing by turning toward and looking within interpersonal relationships. In the parlance of psychology, this is called exposure, and it’s an important part of cognitive behavioral therapy for the treatment of shyness.374
Drs. Markway, Carmin, et al. define exposure as “the process of facing your fears, rather than avoiding situations that engender them.”375 Now, before you face-scrunch and say, “Um, exposure sounds to me like a twisted version of ‘just do it.’ I’m out of here …,” let me reassure you. This exposure process will not even remotely compare to past external pressure to barrel into public interaction, push through anxiety, and gloss over mental and physical discomfort, feigning triumph. The approach is quite the opposite.
There is a critical distinction between confronting one’s resistance in a measured, consciously aware manner versus all-out “just do it” anarchy. An effective exposure involves mindfully stepping into a law-related interpersonal interaction (for example, a Socratic questioning, a negotiation, or an oral argument), noticing the automatic swell of the often scary mental and physical responses, purposefully making subtle changes in mental, physical, and behavioral reactions, lingering in the episode long enough for the undesirable reflexive reactions to at least begin to recede, and ideally completing the event in a calmer state. Flowers explains that, within each exposure event, individuals “approach and stay near the edge of [the] social anxiety and fear deliberately.”376 The goal is to shape a new connection with challenging emotions and their triggers.377
What differentiates this process from the “just do it” mentality is the individual’s level of personal awareness, intention, and reflection throughout, and the strategic gradual nature of, the experiences. We no longer are cavalierly donning our favorite neon sneakers and zip-lining across a ravine to prove our grit to ourselves and everyone else. Additionally, we flip the power dynamic; instead of these events happening to us, we deliberately enter into them with refreshed resolve. These scenarios now serve our purpose, not someone else’s. Each episode is an experiment in our personal power amplification process.
Flowers describes the incremental slope of the process as follows:
First you come up with a list of social situations that are likely to elicit anxiety or shyness, and rate the severity of the anxiety, fear, or avoidance they’re likely to provoke. Then you arrange the situations in a hierarchy from least to most distressing and begin to intentionally expose yourself to these situations to build tolerance, beginning with a low-ranked item.378
The ideal exposure agenda reflects a thoughtfully constructed stair-step-like progression, rather than a haphazard series of abrupt confrontations of all shapes and sizes foisted upon us. We start with the least daunting law-focused interpersonal exchanges and progressively work up to more intimidating ones.379 Experts emphasize that “gradual practice [is] clearly superior to taking on the most frightening tasks early on … [Individuals] want to be challenged, not overwhelmed.”380
Regardless of the exposure type, the critical ingredient is staying in the exercise long enough “to feel the rise and fall of anxiety symptoms.”381 Flowers notes: “[I]n most cases, once a strong reaction has happened, it can take fifteen or twenty minutes for the body to physically assimilate all of the self-calming hormones and chemicals it has produced and once again find its steady state.”382 For each exposure to contribute to a long-term holistic mitigation of anxiety toward performance scenarios in the legal arena—rather than undermine this aspiration—we must dwell in the temporary discomfort, and implement the planned mental and physical adjustments (designed in Steps 2 and 4) until our anxiety begins to dissipate to a manageable degree.383 If we exit the event at DEFCON 1 stress levels, unfortunately our trepidation toward these experiences can be exacerbated, rather than mitigated.384 Hilliard agrees: “If you quit while your sympathetic nervous system is on full blast, with your heart racing and your breath speeding, you don’t get to experience the relief of anxiety reduction. You don’t have the opportunity to develop the trust that things will work out.”385 This principle is why many attempts at “just do it” fail and can have further detrimental effects on introverted, shy, and socially anxious law students and lawyers. Instead, here we cultivate self-awareness before the event, pay attention to mental and physical nuances in the moment, make conscious adjustments to power us through the experience, and self-reflect afterward.
Drs. Markway and Markway reassure individuals that “[f]acing your fears can be powerful, especially when you stay in the situation long enough to learn that you can cope with it and that a catastrophe isn’t likely to occur.”386 Law students and lawyers who embrace this process will start to realize that the unpleasant mental and physical reactions always subside.387 Fortified with a well-planned exposure agenda, we learn to trust our system. Gradually, we become more comfortable lingering in the experience, recognizing (and riding) the rise and fall of the automatic mental and physical responses, replacing past negative messages with new prompts, adjusting our physical stance to traffic energy productively, and noticing the welcome retreat of the pulse of anxiety and the restoration to a calmer state.
In psychology terms, the end result is “habituation” and “desensitization.” Habituation is the lessening of the natural or innate response to a given trigger,388 or in other words, the “diminishing of a physiological or emotional response to a frequently repeated stimulus.”389 Desensitization is the “extinguish[ing] of an emotional response (as of fear, anxiety, or guilt) to stimuli that formerly induced it.”390 My wonderful former therapist, Barbara Roberts, described habituation as “controlled exposure” and desensitization as “reduced reactivity.” Drs. Markway, Carmin, et al. explain that “[w]ith repeated, properly executed exposures, your body begins to react more calmly in a situation that used to make you nervous.”391 This mindful incremental approach is distinguishable from the “just do it and you’ll get over it” mentality.
Regarding habituation and desensitization, I do not endorse that we extinguish all emotional responses—only the personally harmful ones. Author on public speaking anxiety M. F. Fensholt reminds us that “[c]reativity and emotional sensitivity are two positive traits often shared by people who experience anxiety.”392 The legal profession needs more creative and empathetic law students and lawyers who feel. Rather than numbing ourselves, by exercising mindful awareness, we can channel our emotional sensitivity in a healthy direction to interact within the legal community with clarity, insightfulness, and impact.
CRAFTING A GRADUAL EXPOSURE ITINERARY
For an exposure agenda to succeed, experts consistently highlight the importance of conscientiously calculated increments. Drs. Markway and Markway emphasize that the “key to successful exposure treatment is to go slowly and don’t take on more than you can handle.”393 After a series of successful exposures (and recovery from occasional ghastly ones), we become more adept at the cycle: noting the arrival of the intense thoughts and feelings, addressing them with awareness and authority, making mental and physical adjustments, pressing onward, and completing the scenario. With each success, we reframe our attitude. We shift our mindset: Wow, yes, I can be an impactful quiet lawyer. Likewise, with each speedbump, we hone and sculpt the exposure plan further. The profound beauty of this process is that we redirect all the negative and destructive energy we formerly expended resisting, avoiding, reacting, and self-shaming into positive and constructive power; “[e]nergy and attention that formerly had no place to go can now be channeled.”394
Exercise #6
Start listing the kinds of interpersonal interactions in the legal context that spark reticence or anxiety in you, at mild, intermediate, and intense levels. Don’t worry about organizing them in any order yet. First, simply call to mind a variety of law-related situations that stoke internal discomfort. For example, for a law student, one might be: “Getting called on in a law school class and questioned in a Socratic Q&A.” For a lawyer, a stressful event might include: “Arranging and participating in a conference call with opposing counsel to negotiate a discovery plan for a case.”
Next, after you have identified general scenarios, envision three situations within that type of interaction, with varying degrees of pressure, stress, or stakes. Be specific in your descriptions of each potential event: name the professor, lawyer, colleague, client, or judge; state the location; identify the members of the audience; note the subject matter; describe the forum and format.
For instance, for a law student, three scenarios that involve the Socratic Method, offering varying degrees of associated hesitation or anxiety, might include:
1. Getting called on in Torts class (with a smart and firm but compassionate professor, and a subject I understand the best out of all my law school subjects) on a day I know I will be on-call so I can mentally prepare and maybe even talk to the professor in advance [still scary, but less so than No. 2 and No. 3].
2. Getting called on in Contracts class (with an intimidating professor, and I don’t understand the subject matter as well as Torts) on a day I know I will be on-call so I can prepare [scarier than No. 1, but less so than No. 3].
3. Getting cold-called in Criminal Law class (with an extremely intimidating professor, and I don’t understand Criminal Law yet at all), with no advance notice [scarier than No. 1 and No. 2].
Or, in the law office context, consider these three alternative versions of the conference call scenario:
1. Arranging and participating in a conference call to discuss changes to discovery deadlines with reasonable opposing counsel on a case that is running smoothly [still intimidating, because you need to change some agreed-upon dates, but less scary than No. 2 and No. 3];
2. Arranging and participating in a conference call to negotiate a discovery plan with uncooperative opposing counsel who has a habit of fighting over everything [more intimidating than No. 1, but less so than No. 3];
3. Arranging and participating in a group conference call with more than one challenging opposing counsel [more intimidating than No. 1 and No. 2].
Overall, list at least five exposure categories and two or three different scenarios within each category. If you are not sure where to start, try these prompts:
One-on-One Interactions That Trigger Anxiety
1.
2.
3.
Group Interactions That Trigger Anxiety
1.
2.
3.
Scenarios Involving Socratic-Style Q&A
1.
2.
3.
Scenarios Involving Negotiation or Participation in a Potentially Adversarial Exchange
1.
2.
3.
Oral Argument or a Law-Related Presentation
1.
2.
3.
Scenarios in Which You Must Be the Center of Attention (e.g., a job interview or client interview)
1.
2.
3.
Set the list aside. When you return to the list later, organize the items into a chronological progression from least anxiety-producing, to medium stressful, to most daunting. Consider writing each scenario on a flash card and then moving the cards around, shuffling and repositioning them into a logical escalating order. Envision a stair-step progression. After we start the exposure journey, we can always adjust, swap, and modify the events in the chronology. In fact, we might need to undertake several exposure agendas before fully tapping into our authentic lawyer voices. With each milestone we surpass, we amplify.
Here are three sample exposure agendas to get your wheels turning.
Sample Law Student Exposure Agenda (for Students Interested in, or Leaning Toward, a Career in Litigation)
1. Make an appointment with an approachable teaching assistant to engage in a one-on-one discourse about a legal topic of your choice.
2. Make an appointment with an approachable law professor during office hours to engage in a one-on-one discourse about a legal topic relevant to that professor’s course.
3. Make an appointment with a more intimidating law professor during office hours to engage in a one-on-one discourse about a legal topic relevant to that professor’s course.
4. Raise your hand in a class taught by an approachable professor, to voluntarily answer a single question.
5. Volunteer to be on-call on a specific date in a class taught by an approachable law professor.
6. Prepare for and deliver a two-minute oral argument before a classmate or teaching assistant about any topic (legal or otherwise) you are interested in (with no judgment, interruptions, or feedback).
7. Prepare for and deliver a two-minute oral argument before a single professor about a legal topic you are interested in (with no judgment, interruptions, or feedback).
8. Prepare for and deliver a two-minute oral argument before a single professor and an opponent, about a legal topic you are interested in (with no judgment, interruptions, or feedback).
9. Prepare for and deliver a three-minute oral argument before a single professor and opponent, about a legal topic you are interested in (with intermittent questions and feedback).
10. Prepare for and deliver a five-minute oral argument before a panel of three judges and an opponent, about a topic you selected and briefed (with intermittent questions and feedback).
Sample Law Student Exposure Agenda (for Students Interested in, or Leaning Toward, a Career in Transactional Law)
For a law student who is more interested in transactional work than litigation, the second half of the exposure agenda above could be replaced with a mock client interview, a mock client counseling session, a presentation to a mock client about deal terms, a mock negotiation with a teammate, and a mock solo negotiation with opposing counsel—each with time limits.
Sample Lawyer Exposure Agenda
1. Make an appointment with an approachable supervising attorney to engage in a one-on-one discourse about a legal topic related to a client’s case.
2. Make an appointment with a more intimidating supervising attorney to report the results of an assigned research project.
3. Participate in, and speak at least once in, a group meeting within the law office.
4. Interview, or gather case or transactional facts, from a client on the phone.
5. Interview, or gather case or transactional facts, from a client in person.
6. Provide an advisory opinion on a legal matter to a client on the phone.
7. Provide an advisory opinion on a legal matter to a client in person.
8. Participate in a conference call with cooperative opposing counsel.
9. Participate in a conference call with more difficult opposing counsel.
10. Conduct a deposition or a negotiation in-person.
11. Perform an oral argument in court, or if you are a transactional attorney, perform an oral presentation concerning a transaction.