Sometimes you feel like an alien, whether you are sixteen or sixty-six—like you don’t belong, like nobody understands you, or that it seems as if everyone is out to get you. I bet you wonder how the heck you got on this planet, or whether those adults in your house are really your parents, or if your children were plopped here by some unseen force, or that you’ve been dumped on this planet for the purpose of one big cosmic joke. When people talk to you it sounds like gibberish. For some kids and adults it feels like you’ve always been out of sync with the rest of the world, or perhaps lately you’ve felt like disaster has turned your self-esteem upside down and inside out. Regardless of your age, your body is changing, your mind is changing, and the world around you is changing. You want to scream and make it stop! Not only are you changing inside out, you are also changing from the outside in—when I was a kid, I used to think that it would have been far better if I’d just been born an adult and skipped all those years between one and twenty-one. The older I got, the more I considered dropping some more years—say, birth occurs at thirty, a nice magickal number. Unfortunately, the world doesn’t work that way.
Magickal parents know how tough these levels of change can be. In the Craft, depending on the group, rites of passage are written and performed for the growing child and young adult. (From my ancient standpoint, a young adult can be as old as twenty-six.) The cycle begins with a wiccaning or saining (like a baptism) soon after the birth of the baby. In this ceremony the baby is blessed with the four elements and Spirit is asked to watch out for the child through his or her growing years. When puberty graces you with its presence, a second ceremony is performed, called a rite of passage. There is more than one kind of rite of passage, which means that these three words are a catch-all phrase for special ceremonies written and performed for certain events in your life from puberty to death.
Rites of passage ceremonies can be long or short, flowery or serious, ceremonial or tribal. They can be quiet and solemn or noisy and filled with drums and shouts of delight. Again, this depends upon the personality of the child and the family environment. The main purpose of this type of ceremony is simple: to help you cope with what you’ve already done, what’s happening now, and what is waiting for you around the bend of your future. For young adults, rites of passage can include puberty, when you reach middle school, when you reach high school, when you turn eighteen, or when you reach the golden ring of twenty-one.
If you decide to become a magickal person, you are always going to be different. Let’s face it, the world as we know it contains people that don’t understand who or what we are, and don’t want to, either, which hurts sometimes. You will be able to do things naturally that others can’t even imagine. If you stick with your magickal studies, you may always feel that you are a member of some obscure, alien nation. I know I do sometimes, and I’ve been in the Craft a long while. In adulthood you may pick and choose your friends related to your interests, but you will still have to associate with the rest of the world, and even adults have trouble letting go of people who don’t support them.
Feeling like you are different from everyone else is normal, whether you are magickal or not. People do crazy or subtle things to be noticed. The important point here is that we need to funnel this urge to be different and be accepted in a positive way. Gossip, bullying, or violence isn’t the answer, especially if you are a magickal person, regardless of your age. The adage Ever mind the rule of three, what you put out comes back to thee is a very real lesson in the Craft. It means that what you do (in your thoughts, words, and actions) affects in a positive or negative way what you will receive. The adage is a reminder of what you can expect if you screw up.
What happens if you don’t live in a magickal family or aren’t part of a magickal group, which means there isn’t anyone to help you out by performing a rite of passage? How can you reap the advantages and protection provided by such a rite? Do it yourself.
This section contains a belly blessing (for a pregnant mom) and a wiccaning (for a newborn or young child). The teen rite of passage for young adult can be used whenever you feel appropriate. I have also included a discussion on death and the crossing ceremony. Finally, I have added a graduation ceremony that can be used for any type of advancement, like leaving middle school, high school, college, or even graduating from Army boot camp! Immediately after this rites of passage section is a complete discussion on ritual; therefore, if you are new to the Craft, you may wish to read over those passages as well before actually performing any of the rites of passage ceremonies.
Belly Blessing Ceremony
I’ve included this ceremony in the hope that this book grows with you over the course of your magickal life, and to encourage your family to celebrate together, regardless of everyone’s individual religious choice. This ceremony is for the pregnant mother and the protection of her forthcoming child. In some Wiccan circles the belly blessing is the equivalent of a baby shower plus ritual. Perhaps your mom is going to have another baby, or your older sister would like to do something really special to honor the conception of her child; or you may wish to throw a magickal shower for a friend.
Supplies: One large white pillar candle and one smaller blue votive candle (to signify mother and child); five white votive candles (for the points of the pentacle); holy water; a red candle; incense (your choice); masking tape; gifts for the prospective mother.
Instructions: Before the ritual, cleanse the area with the four elements. Stack gifts for the mother by the altar and cleanse with burning sage or other incense. Place the white pillar candle in the center of the altar with other supplies close by. Set the red candle in the south section of your altar. Light. With the masking tape, make a large pentacle on the floor, with the pentacle pointing up toward the altar. Place a white votive candle on each point of the pentacle. Cast the circle, call the quarters, invoke deity, then cut a door and bring the mother into the circle, anointing her head and saying:
May you be cleansed, consecrated,
and regenerated in the names of
our Lord and Lady. So mote it be.
Remember to seal the door and take care that no flowing hemlines touch the candle flames on the pentacle.
Have the mother light the white pillar candle (the mother candle) and tell her to utter a silent prayer to Spirit for a safe, successful birth and for continued protection for her child. The blue candle represents the baby. Have her light the blue candle from the white candle, asking for special gifts and protection for the unborn. With the blue votive candle in her hand, lead her to the points of the pentacle. Ask deity for a blessing for the mother and baby, then light the pentacle candles from the blue candle, visualizing the exchange of energy from deity to mother. The points of the pentacle represent Love, Good Health, Strength, Harmony, and Wisdom. Note: You may wish to print these words on a tent card and place them near the respective candles so that everyone, including the mother, knows what you are asking for.
Return to the center and ask for blessings from deity by holding the blue candle toward the heavens. Place the blue candle on top of the white candle, saying:
As we are one with the Lord and Lady,
so this mother and baby are one.
Hold both hands on the stomach of the mother, and say:
May they remain healthy and safe throughout the birthing process. May no evil, real or
imagined, penetrate the sanctity of the love between mother and child, and may they
be protected in this world and
in the worlds we cannot see.
If there are others present, they can also add their blessings.
At this point you may wish to read the Charge of the Goddess (page 5) or you may like to recite the Thirteen Powers of the Witches (page 3). Give the mother the gifts. Close the circle in the normal way. Allow the blue candle to burn continuously until it goes out, or snuff it out with your fingers and give to the mother to continue burning at home.
Wiccaning Ceremony
A wiccaning/saining ritual welcomes a newborn into the “world family,” providing protection for the infant as he or she grows in the material world. A wiccaning ceremony can be done soon after the child is born or can occur later in the year. Sometimes when parents join the Craft they ask the high priest or priestess to perform a wiccaning ceremony for children anywhere from birth to ten years old. You may live in a household where your mom and dad would be delighted if you do a wiccaning for your new sibling. If this is the case, here is a simple ritual that the family can do.
Supplies: General altar setup of the four elements; illuminator candles; a new baby blanket; and eight thirteen-inch-long ribbons. Carefully sew the ribbons onto the blanket, thinking of what they stand for as you sew. Each ribbon’s color stands for a special gift:
White: The gift of spiritual success and free will, and the purification of Spirit.
Silver: The gift of psychism and the love of the Goddess.
Blue: The gift of communication and
intelligence.
Green: The gift of healing and attunement with nature.
Yellow: The gift that all needs will be met in
a positive way and that joy be a constant companion.
Gold: The gift of wisdom and discernment.
Red: The gift of courage, laughter, and right action.
Purple: The gift of communication with your guardian.
Choose the ritual format in which you feel your family would be most comfortable.
Instructions: Cleanse the area with the four elements. Stack any physical gifts for the baby by the altar. At the core of the ritual, bless the baby with holy water (just a touch), saying:
May you be cleansed, consecrated, and regenerated in the name of our Lord and Lady (or Spirit). May your feet always walk the path of love and enlightenment. So mote it be.
The pass the four elements over the baby, asking each for love and empowerment in his or her forthcoming life.
Place the blanket around the baby, saying:
Welcome back, little one!
May the Mother’s blessings shower thee
with the love of family and friends
by my hand on your head I empower thee
in this Circle that never ends.35
I give you these gifts of life
and enchantment—
Touch each ribbon as you repeat the gift, then hold your hands over the baby and envision all the gifts coalescing into a ball of light that surrounds the baby. Draw an equal-armed cross over the baby, saying:
These gifts are yours to keep or to discard
when you come of age to understand them.
May you use them wisely. So mote it be.
If there are other gifts to be given to the baby, do so now, then close the ritual in the normal way.
Teen Rite of Passage
Supplies: One full-length mirror; your favorite incense; water; salt; a single white candle; soft music; a gift for yourself. I realize there are all sorts of tools we could use here (the chalice, the wand, the athame, etc.), but the most important idea in a rite of passage is your communion with Spirit. Tools are an earthly thing and fun to use, but here we are focusing on raising your personal vibratory level to create a positive future life path. Besides, you can’t always have your tools with you (like in the gym locker room), so learning to work with what you have (your own true self) is not a bad thing.
preparation: As much as you probably don’t want to, please clean the room where the ritual will take place. Dust and dirt harbor negative energy. Sit down and think about the gifts that you feel you need to manifest a positive future for yourself. Write these things on a piece of paper. You will ask for them in the ritual. A note on the blessings: Asking to win the lottery is not an option. This ritual is designed for requests such as raising your self-esteem, finding courage, learning to like yourself, helping your talents to grow, walking in wisdom, and so on.
timing: New moon.
Instructions: There are three segments to this ritual, the beginning (which is preparatory in nature), the middle (which is the guts of what you want to do), and the end (which closes things up in a magickal way). If you have read other books about the Craft, or are involved in a magickal group, you might discover that rituals and ways to do things are different. If you are more comfortable with what you have learned somewhere else, by all means incorporate those practices into this ceremony. The most important backdrop for any spell or ritual is the necessity for undisturbed privacy. This can be really tough, especially if you share a room with a sibling or your family feels that your personal space is really Grand Central Station, meaning what’s yours is a free-for-all. If this is the case in your house, you may want to perform this ritual outside by a lake or a stream (which means you don’t need the mirror or you can take a small one with you). That’s okay, too. Whatever works for you is what is important here. If you do choose to work outside, follow the normal rules of safety—don’t go wandering around in the dark alone (daylight will be just fine) and stay away from places that you know are dangerous. If you have a magickal friend, you might want to take them with you. Perhaps you could perform the ceremony together.
Set the mirror and all the elements either in the center of the room or at the north corner of the room (both are acceptable). Take a bath or shower, which cleanses the mind and spirit as well as the body, then practice a grounding and centering exercise before you begin (see page 238).
Part One: One by one, carry the four elements around the room in a clockwise direction beginning with the salt (representing earth), followed by the lit incense, then the lit candle, and finally the bowl of water. As you walk, say the following:
The Witch, the magick, the fire (or earth, or air, or water, matching the element you are carrying), the power—be one, be one, become.
A bit of explanation here. With this chant and the pattern of movement, you have done the following:
• Created sacred space.
• Called the elements.
This might be different than what you have learned elsewhere. In some ceremonies, creating sacred space and calling the elements may be two different functions, with calling the elements (or quarters) occurring after you cast the circle.
From the north quarter at the outside edge of the room, walk clockwise in a spiral until you reach the center of the circle (use at least three passes or up to seven to reach the center of the room). As you are walking, hold your index finger out and down as if you are drawing a circle in the air as you move. The only problem with this visualization is if you think of the circle as a line (which it isn’t)—rather, the circle will encompass you like a bubble, above your head and below your feet. As you move, say:
The Witch, the Spirit, the circle of power—
transform, transmute, become!
As you reach the center of the circle, say the chant one more time in a loud (if you can) and powerful voice as you raise your arms to the ceiling (or sky). Stamp your foot on the ground, and say: “This circle is sealed!”
A few things might happen here, so let’s talk about that. You may experience any of the following:
• A rush of hot or cold energy from head to toe.
• The jitters (like you get before a big game or a school play).
• A tingling sensation in the limbs or fingers.
• A neat, peaceful feeling.
• Sweaty palms.
• An empowered feeling, like you can take on the world.
None of these reactions are bad and none of them lead to something scary. All of them are natural. You can ground and center if you feel wobbly or nervous. Take nice, deep, even breaths before you move to part two of the ritual.
Part Two: Set the candle in front of the mirror so that you can see your reflection and that of the candle clearly. Look in the mirror and say:
Lord and Lady (or Spirit), one comes seeking a rite of passage (name what sort of passage
you desire, for example: into the world
of puberty, middle school, high school,
adulthood, etc.).
Look at yourself hard in the mirror.
That seeker is myself. I bring my hands
(hold them out), my heart (cover your heart with both hands), and my own true self
(open your arms out and hold palms faceup as if you are carrying something). I ask your blessings upon this journey of change (lift your arms, still palms up, toward the sky).
Close your eyes and allow yourself to feel the love of the universe around you. When you feel you are finished, open your eyes.
Now look at the reflection of the candle in the mirror, and ask Spirit (or the Lord and Lady) for the blessings you listed earlier. Take your time. Say them one by one. Will them to happen as you stare into the flame. When you are finished, take a deep breath and relax. Hold your hand over the gift you’ve prepared for yourself. Ask for the blessings of Spirit upon the gift, that it may be imbued with the special power of universal love.
Part Three: Thank Spirit (or the Lord and Lady) for their presence and their gifts. Starting at the center of the circle, walk in a counterclockwise direction, spiraling out of the center, and say:
Return from the center, return to beyond,
return to the elements, return to the dawn.
With blessings of peace, with joy, and with love, return to our Lady, who smiles from above.
A note here about mirrored reflections. Sometimes we are afraid to look into a mirror at ourselves because we don’t like what we see (like that zit on your nose) or because you’re not built like a movie star or an action figure. Rather than wishing to be something that we aren’t, know that you chose that body, those eyes, and that hair for a darned good reason before you ever got to the Earth plane. Yes, yes, I know about genes and all that stuff, but many Witches believe that you had far more control over who and what you are rather than being stuck with the luck of the genetic draw. If you chose those hips, you must have had a good reason. If you decided on straight hair rather than curly, that, too, was a part of your inner wisdom. Considering that each set of parents can create over 10,000 variations to their genetic code, this isn’t as far-fetched as you might think. It’s okay to want to improve yourself—after all, that’s why we’re here in the first place—to learn and grow, change and become in a special way; however, mentally beating yourself up because you aren’t as handsome as Harold or as beautiful as Lisa isn’t in the game plan. You’ve got more important things to do! Besides, did it ever occur to you that the cute dip in your nose, or those freckles, or your unusual ears are there so that the most important people in this life will recognize you? No kidding. Some magickal people believe that we choose certain physical traits as prearranged symbols so that we can find each other on the Earth plane. It’s okay if you don’t believe this, but it sure is interesting to think about, isn’t it?
Death
Witches believe that when a person or pet passes away, they still have the ability to hear you and be with you. This doesn’t mean they are “stuck” and can’t go on, it just means that Spirit provides the deceased with the ability of lending love and support to those who are still living until they realize in their hearts that death is not the final chapter, only a new one. Most Witches believe that once the deceased individual has given some type of farewell, the spirit of the person goes to a truly wonderful place beyond our realms of understanding called the Summerland. In the Summerland we grow strong again, review what we did in the last life, learn new things, and choose (or not) to return to the Earth plane once again. This belief is called reincarnation, where we are born, live, die, and are born again—the sacred cycle of life and death.
When dealing with death, the people left behind need some type of closure, especially if the death was a sudden one. It is thought by some that there is a resting time from death until the person is able to communicate with you, and for some this time will be longer than others. The condition of your emotions also has a lot to do with their ability to communicate with you. If you are extremely upset, or believe that dead is dead is dead, with no hope of a message, then they may not be able to get through for quite a while.
The American public does not deal well with death, although we watch giant-screen movies of murder and mayhem, read mystery books by the truckload, and never miss America’s Most Wanted. When it comes into our own back yard, however, we seem to be at a loss as to what to do. Some Wiccans have ancestral altars or shrines where they honor deceased friends and relatives on a regular basis. Mine is a shelf on my desk that contains several photographs. On Samhain and other times of the year when I feel moved to do so, I will light a candle and say a prayer for their continued growth and love in the spirit world. Sometimes I just look at the pictures and honor their gifts to me, or place a favored candy or flower next to a particular picture. I am forever reminded that the only thing that is constant are the good things that we do, the love in our hearts, and the way we conduct ourselves in daily life.
Wicca is a religion of freedom and you will find this in our funerary rites and crossing rituals. There is no one specific way to conduct either. And where other religions require the wearing of black, Wiccans normally wear white, which means that we honor Spirit and we honor the new birth of the individual who has passed away.
Although the funeral and the crossing can be the same thing, they can also be separate ceremonies. The funeral is conducted for the grief of the living and the crossing is done to ensure that the loved ones find their way safely to the other side of the veil. The reason for separate ceremonies, sadly, is that although the deceased may be Wiccan, his or her family may follow a different faith and insist on doing it their way. When this occurs, the crossing is a separate matter done by coven members and close friends who had no problem with the faith of the Witch. Sometimes Wiccans are buried with their measure taken at the time of their initiation, the original candle ends from that ceremony, and a few of their favorite tools.
Crossings are also done in honor. For example, your aunt may not have been Wiccan, but you would like to do something to honor her passing in a way that is separate and private.
The ritual below is designed to help you and your family or friends deal with the separation that you have experienced by the loss of a loved one (including pets). If you need a full funeral rite, or a crossing format, you will find them in my book Halloween.
Ceremony of Remembrance
when to perform: This is entirely up to you and should be done when you feel ready. Some covens prefer the full moon, where others find the new moon more appropriate. If you are really into magickal timing, you might want to think about the following:
1. When the moon is in Pisces (ruled by Jupiter and Neptune; both are considered spiritual energies).
2. In the hour of Jupiter, Venus, or the moon. (See the planetary hour section in Part 3 under Astrology to learn how to calculate planetary hours.)
3. On Monday (the moon), Thursday (Jupiter), or Friday (Venus).
Supplies: A bell (or drum); a candle (of the person’s favorite color) for the altar; eight votive candles for the positions of the eight holidays on the Wheel of the Year (see diagram on page 104); a needfire candle (which will be the first lit); the deceased’s favorite flowers; a picture; a cauldron; a bottle of holy water; the person’s favorite drink and favorite food. Have a box of tissues handy (it is perfectly healthy to cry). Music, if you think this is appropriate. If possible, dress in white. Make a list of your deceased relatives and friends (this will be explained further in the body of the ritual). Optional: Illuminator candles.
preparation: Cleanse the room with the four elements. Set up the altar with your choice of Wiccan tools. Set the cauldron (for transformation) in the center of the circle or the altar. Place the flowers, candle to the deceased, fire candle, picture, and food on your altar or on a table. Place the votive candles in their appropriate places around the room (you can put place cards by them if you forget which holiday goes where), or you can place everything on a large table (like a dining room table), turning the table itself into the altar. Devote the altar through prayer, light the fire candle, then mix the energies on the altar with your hands. Seal with an equal-armed cross.
the ritual: Light illuminator candles. Cast your magick circle and call the quarters. If there are others in the room, stand in a circle holding hands. Invoke the Lord and Lady using any of the invocations in this book or one you have written yourself.
Stand in front of the picture, and say:
As the sacred Wheel of the Year spins slowly, blessing us with the gifts of transformation, so does the cycle of life, death, and rebirth also turn, allowing us to fulfill our destiny.
Say the person’s name three times loudly. Then say:
Even though you have gone beyond the veil, we know that we can send these blessings to you.
Light each of the sabbat candles, repeating the name of the sabbat aloud, and then saying a gift that you are sending to the loved one—such as love, peace, harmony, rest, happiness, safe journey, and so on—with the flame of that candle, with the following procedure: Light the Yule candle from the fire candle. Carry the fire candle clockwise around the circle and place on the altar. Stand in front of the Yule candle and give the Yule blessing (below), then light the Candlemas candle from the Yule candle. Carry the Yule candle around the circle in a clockwise direction and replace in the Yule position. Stand in front of the Candlemas candle, give the blessing, then move to the Ostara candle, and so on. In this way each sabbat candle is lit from the last, beginning with Yule and moving around the circle in a clockwise direction, which builds the energy to send to the deceased. Blessings might include:
Yule: May the love of the divine be with you.
Candlemas: May your guide light your journey.
Ostara: May you find joy in your rebirth.
Beltane: May you receive our love and blessings.
Midsummer: May you find wisdom and empowerment.
Lammas: May you find forgiveness for all things.
Mabon: May you be purged of all unhappiness.
Samhain: May you rest in peace.
Pick up the Samhain candle and stand before the altar. In your own way, ask Spirit to carry your blessings to the individual. In the case of a pet, you might also ask that the spiritual caretaker of animals also be present to ensure the safety of the animal’s spirit. Say the deceased’s name three times, then light the pillar candle in front of their picture with the Samhain candle, and envision all the energy and blessings built into the ritual being released into their arms.
If you wish to move the deceased individual into the realm of your personal ancestral dead, you will now make the first offering by verbally listing your lineage and adding the person’s name to the list. Each time you say a person’s name, you will sprinkle holy water into the cauldron. If you do not wish to add them to your ancestral pantheon, you will still state the names of your ancestors but you will not add the deceased person’s name—you will say their name later. If you are facilitating this ceremony for someone else (say the family of a friend), they need to give you a list of beloved friends and family who have passed away. It is this list you would intone during this portion of the ritual. The litany might go as follows:
I honor my great grandfather, Harold Crossing.
I honor my great grandmother, Mabel Crossing.
I honor my great grandfather, Charles Taylor.
I honor my great grandmother, Lucy Taylor.
I honor my grandmother, Christine Crossing.
I honor my grandmother, Louise Taylor.
I honor my uncle, Patrick Taylor.
I honor my pet, Joey.
I honor the Lord and Lady.
May they continue to bless the living
as well as the dead.
Add the deceased’s favorite drink to the cauldron, honoring the newly deceased (this would be a second time you said their name if you added them to the ancestral pantheon). For example, “I honor my friend, Randy Boyer. May Spirit carry this act of honor to him. So mote it be.”
When you are finished, thank Spirit (and the caretaker of pets, should the deceased be an animal), release the quarters, and then release the circle. Lay the food and flowers outside. Pour the contents of the cauldron on the ground. If you can, allow the candle(s) to burn completely. If your parents say that you aren’t allowed to have candles in the house, then perhaps they will sit with you while you perform the ceremony. If you are in a college where there is a chapel, perhaps you could petition for use of the area.
Are They Really Gone?
Well, no. Sort of, but not exactly. Obviously they aren’t here in the physical anymore, but that doesn’t mean they can’t communicate with you and can’t help you if you’ve managed to dig a massive pit for yourself. Eventually, you may have a dream that they are okay, or receive a gift that reminds you of the deceased, smell their favorite perfume or aftershave in the room, or suddenly think of them out of the blue. In truth, they are communicating with you. If you open your mouth and start talking to them, they will hear you. The best book I have ever read on the subject is Journey of Souls by Dr. Michael Newton, and I recommend this book to individuals of every faith when they have lost someone dear. It is an amazing read.
Death of a Pet
The passing of a beloved pet is difficult to bear, and often occurs in the home. At first you would say, “Of course it would happen there”—however, this creates circumstances with which the humans of this century are not necessarily familiar. Many times, when people pass, they are in the hospital or they have been taken from us as a result of an accident, and the dying process may occur elsewhere. A pet, especially if he or she has a social personality, will most likely choose to leave while you or someone in the household is present and aware that the time for the journey has come. Even though extremely ill, some pets have been known to wait until their human friends have returned from vacation. The experience of watching a pet pass to the next world can be frightening and certainly emotionally upsetting. Our connections to our pets are so deeply ingrained that it feels like we have lost a beloved friend, sibling, or, in the case of adults, a child, and can be just as painful as if a person has died. You know there is nothing more you can do, and anger and frustration can rise to the surface that may result in an unexpected emotional avalanche that can affect you for days, months, or even years, depending on how much time you have spent in this world with your pet. Everyone must work through the passing at their own pace. There is no right way to deal with death. Each of us must come to terms with the cycle of life in their own time.
Many parents shield their children from the passing of both people and pets, but now that you are older you may choose to be present at the passing. Today, many veterinarians have arrangements that include coming to your house to help a pet on the journey, if they have been really sick. The most important thing you can do is mentally (or verbally, if you can talk) tell the pet that it is okay to go to the next world, send him or her loving energy, and have the courage to say goodbye. Crying is not babyish or stupid. Some Witches sage the area to create sacred space, and light white candles to help the pet move on; however, if you feel you are too upset to do these things, that’s okay too. They will go to the right place regardless of what you do. If you feel very weak or like you are totally going to lose it, take a deep breath and mentally ask for help. When my beloved sheltie died I thought I would go insane, but I wanted to be strong for my kids. I took a deep breath and asked Spirit to help me—I really needed something right then! Immediately I was filled with the most pure, loving energy I have ever experienced, which enabled me to get a grip on my emotions and help my children through that difficult time.
Your family might be very helpful, or appear totally unfeeling. If they are not sympathetic it is probably because they may not understand the depth of your despair, or because they, too, don’t know how to handle the passing of a beloved friend. All sorts of reactions may occur, from tears to arguments over silly things or dumb comments from siblings like, “Gee, Richard, it’s only a stupid rat.” There is nothing you can do about another person’s response to death, but know in your heart that the passing was beautiful and filled with light and love. Death didn’t come with a face of horror, but with splendor and peace, because death is the transition, not the event.
When the pet has gone on, you will want to bury him or her. Parents will often whisk the animal away for several reasons, and you might want to be aware of their logic before you lose your cool. Above all, they want to protect you and your feelings. The longer the animal is visible, the harder this emotional moment is for you, hence the more emotional it is for the parent. Not only are they upset at the loss, they are upset that you are upset. Their basic instinct is to protect you, and they will assert their right to do so. Too, since younger children are so used to holding stuffed animals, some find no difficulty in hanging on to the deceased pet. Therefore, if your younger sibling loses a pet, you might want to keep this in mind. Gently reassure them that the spirit of the animal is no longer there and give them time to physically and emotionally let go. Although you may think this strange, I believe that Spirit made the body in such a way as to decompose quickly on purpose so that we will not want to try to mistake it for the essence of the person. This is another reason that parents may wish to remove larger animals (cats and dogs) immediately. Your parents may insist on handling the burial, or they may allow you to participate. It helps to put toys and other favored objects with the body, and close the box (if you can) by yourself while saying goodbye. At this point you can hold a private ceremony or allow the burial to take place and then perform a ceremony. It all depends on how you feel.
Sometimes your pet will return a few days or weeks later in the form of very clear memories, a familiar sound, or you may think that you see your pet in one of his or her favorite places. You may have vivid dreams of seeing your pet in a happy situation. Although most individuals put such an experience down to wishful thinking, many magickal people believe that your pet is letting you know that he or she is okay.
Simple Passing Ceremony
for a Pet
(In honor of Buddy the rat)
Supplies: One purple candle; holy water; an Oreo cookie; one favored pet toy; stalks of fresh mint. Note: Purple is the color associated with the dead. The Oreo cookie, with its white and black coloring, stands for the darkness before the First Mother and the light of Spirit. (It also happened to be Buddy’s favorite food.) Mint is used to banish negative energy as well as provide protection for the spirit of the deceased during his or her journey to the Summerland.
Instructions: Band the stalks of the mint together with string or a rubber band. Lightly crush the mint, once, in your hand. Dip the mint leaves in the holy water and sprinkle over the altar, then sprinkle around the area in a clockwise direction. Return to the altar. Sprinkle the candle (avoiding the wick). Hold the candle in your hands and close your eyes. Think of your pet being happy in an environment that he or she loved. In your mind, surround your pet with favorite toys and food. Know that your pet is safe and in the arms of the Goddess and God. Focus loving energy into the candle. Take a deep breath, relax, and open your eyes. Place the candle back on the altar and light, saying:
I love you and I release you to the happy,
loving place where your spirit belongs.
Allow the candle to burn completely. Bury mint, candle end, food, and toy on your property, or place on the grave.
The day after your pet has passed away, you may not feel so good physically. You might experience a headache or an upset stomach, feel listless, want to sleep a lot, or be just plain sad. You may feel like you are walking in a dream world. All these things are natural and will pass quickly.
I’ll leave you with a parting thought on this subject, and you can do with it what you like. Given the research of Dr. Michael Newton and his newest book Destiny of Souls, it is highly possible that you were there, on the other side, to welcome your pet. Dr. Newton believes that although a large part of our spiritual essence is in the physical body here on Earth, there is a portion of our spirit on the other side that does function, and provides a connection between the part of us here and the part of us there. He came to this conclusion by interviewing hundreds of subjects while they were under hypnosis and discovered that husbands, wives, and relatives still living will sometimes be present to welcome us on the other side at our own passing. If this is indeed the case, then your pet has not lost your loving energy at all, and he or she was not alone when crossing the veil. You were there.
Graduation Ritual
Supplies: Choose a pillar or taper candle in either your favorite color or, if you are into astrology, you might want to match the color of the planet that ruled the day you were born. I was born on Tuesday, so my power color is red. If you know the day you were born, you can find your power color on pages 188–190. You will also need something that signifies your advancement—something you have earned. This could be a certificate, a badge, a hat, and so on. Other supplies include two sheets of laminating plastic (you can buy this at an office supply store) that are used to protect papers, photos, cards, etc.; a card wishing yourself success; one dried flower that matches either your power color or the desire for success and honor (see floral table beginning on page 280); a photograph of yourself; a cornmeal or painted pentacle on a large ceramic dish, or a picture of a pentacle on a piece of 8 by 11-inch paper; your favorite incense; scissors.
timing: Full moon (representing harvest) or the new moon (representing beginnings).
setup: Cleanse, consecrate and empower all supplies (see Part 4). If you are using cornmeal, then you will most likely want to perform this ritual out-of-doors, where you can draw a large pentagram on the ground with it. If you are using the pentacle plate or the pentacle on a piece of paper, you can set either of these items on your indoor altar. Place what you have earned in the center of the pentacle (this would be the hat, sash, certificate, etc.). Set the power candle at the top point of the pentacle. With careful thought, write a secret wish to yourself on the inside of the graduation card.
ritual: Light the incense and carry around the room or sacred area. Cast the circle and call the quarters. Walk to the center of your pentacle and stand in the God position.
Concentrate on your image of the God in your mind and feel yourself filling with the power and strength of the Master of the Universe. Take a deep breath and open your eyes. Stand in the Goddess position, opening your arms to the gifts and enchantments of the Mistress of the Universe. Feel Her move through your body. Take a deep breath and lower your arms, welcoming your connection to all that is.
Hold the power candle in your hands and think about your wondrous accomplishment. Be proud of yourself! Believe that the pathway ahead will be filled with joy and opportunity. Light the red candle in honor of your present success and to draw future positive energies toward you.
Peel the backing off of one of the laminated sheets. Artfully place the card of congratulations, flower, and your picture on the sticky side of the sheet. Once you are satisfied with the arrangement, peel the backing off the second laminated sheet and place it on top of your creation (sticky-side down and smooth side on top) to form your magickal success packet. As you smooth out the bubbles, believe that this smoothing process is helping to level out the road ahead. When you are finished, trim your new success packet and put in a safe place. Thank deity for all that you have accomplished and the help that you have received along the way. Be sure to ask for future success for yourself and for anyone who has assisted you. Dismiss the quarters and release the circle. If possible, allow the candle to burn completely, then bury the cool end somewhere on your property. After the ritual, store any memorabilia from the recent past and carefully pack it away.
When you reach the next milestone in your life, repeat the ceremony and make a new packet. With a paper punch, punch a hole in the top of both packets and tie them together with a ribbon that matches your power color. As your successes continue to grow, these packets can work together to launch you into the type of lifestyle that you imagine for yourself in the future.