chapter nine
Happy-Plus-One
You can never get enough honest, pure love in your life. It’s good for the heart, the soul, and your health! Countless studies have found that people in happy relationships have overall better health in several different ways. In fact, a Carnegie Mellon University study found they’re less likely to get sick. Researchers at the State University of New York found that happily married people had the best blood pressure, and Ohio State University researchers found that people in positive relationships healed more quickly, physically. Other studies have linked long-lasting relationships to a longer life.
So, whether you’re dating, have a life partner, are married, or just want to bring more za-za into the bedroom, here are a few Happy-Go-Yoga ways to invite more moments of love into your life with your significant other or another person of great, loving significance.
In this chapter:
Two for Devotion
■ love
■ connect
■ calm
■ inspire
Two hearts beating as one… that’s really how you feel about each other. Sit close to each other and feel your devotion—hand in hand, heart to heart.
Happy-Go-Yoga
1. Sit next to your significant other, pretty closely. Your legs might even be touching.
2. Place your inside hands, the ones closest to each other, on your own heart energy centers (the center of your chests).
3. Feel your palms spread across the center of your chests (perhaps you start to feel a heartbeat).
4. Connect your outside palms, the ones farthest from each other, to each other.
5. Relax, especially at the shoulders, and breathe.
6. Close your eyes and feel the connection.
About Two for Devotion
There are fewer words in our language that describe the depths of the heart, like devotion. Just saying the word inspires feelings of deep love, commitment, and connection. Happy-Go-Yoga’s Two for Devotion is a blend of one of the best-known expressions of devotion in all of yoga, Hand Gesture of Devotion (Anjali mudra: AHN-juh-lee MOOD-ruh) and a partner yoga technique. Your upper arm muscles, as you hold this pose, are challenged (sometimes you’ll feel it in just a few minutes). At the same time, you’ll give your hands, fingers, wrists, and arms some extra flexibility. Two for Devotion is a hand shape to show respect and a connection to each other’s hearts. When you put your hands together, your hearts are brought together in a pure place, and you transfer more love to the other person with each breath.
Dinner and Dancing
■ connect
■ focus
■ love
It’s date night at that Mexican restaurant you’ve been dying to try, and one of you is texting and checking email (maybe both of you). Don’t be that couple. Use this pose to disconnect from everyone but each other.
Happy-Go-Yoga
1. As you face each other, make sure your feet are solidly on the floor.
2. Switch phones with your person.
3. Holding the other person’s phone, put both your hands behind your back with tops of your hands touching your back.
4. Scoot a little forward, so you’re more toward the edge of your seat (but not falling off).
5. Keep your rear ends in your seats, and twist at the ribs so that your right shoulders are moving toward each other and your left shoulders are moving backward.
6. Feel your chest and heart space expand, from shoulder to shoulder.
7. Gaze into each other’s eyes as you twist.
8. Match your breath here: Inhale a little more in the twist, and on the exhale, see if you both can twist more but still breathe easily.
9. Change sides, together, matching your breath as you move.
10. Repeat steps 5 through 8 on the other side.
About Dinner and Dancing
Once upon a time, when couples made a date, they went on the date and talked to each other. Now, it seems couples are on the date but also chatting with everyone else on their phones. Happy-Go-Yoga’s Dinner and Dancing gives you a way to get out of the phone and into a conversation by making the phone take a backseat (literally). You’ll also loosen neck muscles and stretch the shoulders and chest. Your gaze helps you practice focusing on just one thing… the adorable person sitting across from you. Dinner and Dancing is a combination of a pose that opens the heart energies and twists the body called Rotated Triangle Pose (Parivrtta Trikonasana: puh-VRITT-tuh TREEK-oh-NAH-suh-nuh), and the arm movements from the traditional Mexican Hat Dance (yes, that’s what I said). Not only does Dinner and Dancing support a true connection on your date, but twisting can also help you digest. And, after you digest dessert, some real dancing might be in order, now that you’ve warmed up with the Mexican Hat Dance.
Lover’s Lift
■ refresh
■ love
■ strengthen
■ inspire
■ balance
It’s been such a long day that falling face-first into your pillow and into a deep sleep is your first desire, but your partner has that loving gaze. You realize you must rise to the occasion. Use this pose to refresh for love. (Or, use it anywhere you need a quick jolt of energy for something equally important!)
Happy-Go-Yoga
1. Face each other and stand comfortably in your socks or bare feet.
2. Inhale, and lift your arms above your heads, reaching high.
3. At the same time as you do step 2, lift your heels off the ground to balance on the balls of your feet.
4. Exhale, and lower your arms and heels at the same time.
5. Repeat steps 2 through 4 two more times, or more if you need more energy.
About Lover’s Lift
We may not be diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, but we’ve all been totally exhausted at times. Love doesn’t have to suffer. Lover’s Lift helps give you more energy on the spot, so the words “Not tonight, honey” don’t come out of your mouth. It’s Happy-Go-Yoga’s version of Mountain Pose in the Viniyoga tradition, a small part of that practice’s prescription to address actual chronic fatigue syndrome. You can do it together to strengthen your calves, ankles, and feet with the lift in the legs. Raising your arms helps open your chest for more breath, while taking more breath into your body helps feed it with refreshing oxygen. The arm motion also helps encourage blood flow throughout your body (yes, everywhere). After Lover’s Lift, you should be a little more awake, so proceed… as desired.
Eternal Flame
■ relax
■ love
■ connect
■ focus
■ calm
Even though you’re hanging out by candlelight, and the stage is set for romance, you can’t really get your mind off other things. Plus, you’re a little tired, too. Use a candle flame to steady and clear your mind from the day’s activities, then gaze at each other with full, loving attention and added eternal intimacy.
Happy-Go-Yoga
1. Darken the room.
2. Light a candle and place it on the floor or a low table safely, so it will be slightly below or at the level of your eyes.
3. Sit on the floor; use a cushion for comfort if you like.
4. Try to put slightly more than 1 yard of space (1 meter) between your gaze and the flame.
5. With your posture upright but relaxed, and your shoulders soft, gaze at the candle together.
6. Breathe normally and calmly for about thirty to sixty seconds; try not to chat or blink (you’ll probably feel tears start to form, but resist blinking your eyes as long as possible).
7. Close your eyes gently. Stay quiet. You might have the candle’s image still in your mind.
8. After a few breaths with your eyes closed, when the candle image goes away, reopen your eyes and gaze deeply, with a clear mind and soft heart, at your partner.
9. Repeat steps 5 through 8 twice more if you’d like.
About Eternal Flame
If the eyes are distracted, often the mind is, too. Eternal Flame is a variation of Trataka (TRUH-tuh-kuh), the concentrated gazing practice in Hatha yoga. Gazing at the candle helps you to focus, both physically and mentally, and holding steady to the point of tearing cleanses the eyes (think eyewash). Smooth breathing with soothing lighting can also calm and center you. Traditionally, this is done with a small oil lamp, which can be steadier than a candle, but a candle is fine, too. Eternal Flame can also be done as a cleansing practice for your mind, helping you detox from a busy day and be fully present for your significant other in that moment.
Snore Ignore
■ calm
■ relax
■ relieve
■ love
The noise next to you is epic. You didn’t realize such a snore could come from the same darling face that kisses you good night. It’s keeping you awake, and you know that’s not good news for the next day. To continue to feel loving toward this noisemaker next to you, you have no choice. You must Snore Ignore.
Happy-Go-Yoga
1. On your back, bring your knees close into your chest or press your feet into the bed so that your knees lift the covers.
2. Let your knees fall, together, toward your snoring person, and let your face look the other way.
3. Let your arms be open to the sides (above your shoulders or below, depending on room on the bed and your comfort), and have your palms face up to keep the chest open for breathing room.
4. Inhale fully and exhale fully.
5. Inhale through your nose more slowly and softly, and pause gently at the top of your breath without straining.
6. Exhale slowly through your nose to let your breath out (more like a content sigh, not a big, huffy sigh).
7. At the same time as in step 6, surrender to the twisting of your body, like you could sink into the bed.
8. Repeat three times, letting go and deepening your twist with each breath release.
9. Switch sides: send your knees to the other side and shift your gaze the other way.
10. Repeat steps 5 through 8.
About Snore Ignore
Snore Ignore is a combination of a reclined twist, Jathara Parivartanasana (juh-TAR-uh par-EE-var-tuh-NAH-suh-nuh), and a calming, stabilizing breath called Complete Method Breath (Sama Vritti Pranayama: SAH-muh-VREE-tee). Together, they help to turn on our internal quieting and calming systems when the real noise around you (aka epic snoring) is going strong. Snore Ignore’s breathing helps soothe the nerves. As you twist, you gently release the worry that this noise will never end. If you do use a pillow, it can help encourage deeper reception of total relaxation, as in Restorative yoga, a type of yoga practice that reduces overstimulation and allows our bodies to release on a much more profound level. When your partner is in deep sleep, and the noise matches that intensity, Snore Ignore can be your own restful solution, so you are still inclined to call your s.o.“Darling” in the morning. The good news… at this point, at least someone is getting some sleep. And if all else fails… earplugs.
Soul Mates
■ relieve
■ love
■ connect
■ de-stress
Your S.O. (significant other) is complaining of lower-back tightness. Nothing too serious, but you sure wish you could dissolve your beloved’s discomfort. The longer it goes on, the more you feel your person’s pain too. Perhaps your loving, healing hands can help—partner up for a little relief in the comfort of your home.
Happy-Go-Yoga
Give your person these directions:
1. On a soft surface, come to hands and knees, with your palms facing down, fingers pointing forward, and the tops of your feet on the floor.
2. Position your knees in one of two ways to ensure room to breathe:
Option A: Directly under you so your shins are parallel
Option B: Slightly wider so your shins make a V shape with your toes together
3. Sink your rear end back toward your heels (they might almost touch) and walk your hands farther forward. Support your forehead with a blanket or pillow.
4. Inhale and imagine that breath is filling your lower back, creating a dome-like effect, without moving your body.
5. Exhale and feel gravity relax you into the floor.
6. Keep breathing.
You do this:
1. Stand behind your person, near his or her toes.
2. Widen your feet to feel stable in your stance.
3. Place the heels of your palms on the back of your person’s pelvis with your fingers toward you.
4. As your person breathes out in step 5, press straight down gently and make sure your hands don’t slip!
5. After several breaths, release your hands very slowly (this is important).
About Soul Mates
They say soul mates can feel each other’s emotions and sensations even as they’re in different bodies. If your partner is hurt, you can’t help but feel a little hurt, too. You’re that connected. Happy-Go-Yoga’s Soul Mates enables you to help alleviate discomfort from one of the most common complaints in our world today: lower-back pain. As your partner takes Child’s Pose, or Balasana (buh-LAH-suh-nuh), he or she is gently stretching the hips, thighs, and ankles while calming the brain and relieving stress. As you press down gently on the back of the pelvis, you encourage a lengthening and widening of the spine, which gives the vertebrae and discs some breathing room. Sometimes our upright ways (sitting, standing) can make things feel compressed and tight down there. Your palms can also be a gentle massage for your soul mate’s lower-back muscles as you press down. Make sure you’re calm too, because you want to transfer as much healing from your heart and hands as possible.
Pillow Talk
■ connect
■ balance
■ relax
■ love
■ relieve
Both of you have just flopped into bed, and it’s the first chance you’ve gotten to connect all day long. Take some time to share what’s going on with each other while finding some physical relief, too.
Happy-Go-Yoga
1. Lie on your sides together, facing each other.
2. Prop your heads up with your bottom hands, and try not to sink into your shoulders.
3. Keep your legs lengthened, or bend both knees slightly to help you balance on your side.
4. Firm your tummy without holding your breath.
5. Press the palm of the opposite hand into the bed space between the two of you to help you roll the upper shoulder open and create more room across the chest.
6. Breathe and imagine even more spaciousness across your chest, maybe even moving your shoulders wider and away from each other.
About Pillow Talk
There’s a sense of closeness when you share intimate moments to wind down the day. Happy-Go-Yoga’s Pillow Talk and its bonus version combine two yoga poses: Side-Reclining Pose (Anantasana; AHN-un-TAH-suh-nuh), and a variation of Half Moon Pose called Ardha Chandra Chapasana (ARD-uh CHUN-druh chuh-PAHSS-uh-nuh). As you firm your tummy, you strengthen your core by staying in the side balance. As you prop up your head with one hand and press into the bed with the other, you’ll broaden across your collarbones. Breathing deeper, you open up the heart space and the ability to give and receive. In the Bonus version, by holding onto your foot or ankle and pressing backward with it, your shoulder opens up to reveal even more of your heart. The front of your hip and thigh get a stretch, too, which helps you let go of pent-up emotions. Now that you’ve let it all out with your trusted person, the pillow is right there so you can drift off to sleep together under a peaceful moon.
We’re Easy
■ connect
■ love
■ calm
There’s a little push-pull in every relationship, but we don’t always know when we’re pulling and when we’re pushing. Make things easier on yourself and each other, by creating greater communication around the push-pull. Bind in yoga to bond with one another.
Happy-Go-Yoga
1. Make sure you are comfortable as you sit side by side in cross-legged seats.
2. Let your shins and feet relax. Leave space between your heels and your pelvis.
3. With the hand that is closest to the other person, cross at the forearms and place your palm on the other person’s knee.
4. Wrap your other arm around your back by bending at the elbow and letting the back of the hand rest against your lower back, or even deeper, into the hip crease that is closest to your person.
5. Together, inhale, and sit up taller.
6. Together, exhale, and feel your chest expand as you move the front of your shoulders backward.
7. Inhale, and feel the other person sit up taller.
8. Exhale, and feel your heart stay lifted and open.
About We’re Easy
We’re Easy is Happy-Go-Yoga’s take on Sukhasana (soo-KAH-suh-nuh), or Easy Pose. On its own, this pose uses breathing and stillness in the shape to help calm your brain, strengthen your back, and stretch your knees and ankles. With the partner connection, you share the desire to help each other feel grounded, too. Add in the arm bind, and both of you get a stretch across your chest and shoulders, while your hearts are encouraged to be bigger, together. Yogis believe the ultimate peaceful and happy place is where we experience a balance of effort and ease in anything we do. As you take this pose together with your person, you might need to adjust and accommodate each other. At the same time, you help each other find ease… especially when in a bind. Isn’t that what true partnership is all about?
Joined
■ connect
■ love
■ relieve
■ relax
Everyone says you two are joined at the hip. What if you were really joined at the hip to help each other relax and feel good, plus have each other’s back at the same time?
Happy-Go-Yoga
1. Sit with your backs to one another, feet on the floor.
2. Link arms at the elbows.
3. Person A: Breathe in. Person B: Breathe out.
4. Person A: Breathe out and fold forward. Person B: Breathe in and lean back smoothly without lifting anything off the floor.
5. With the next breath, Person B: Breathe out and fold forward. Person A: Breathe in and lean back.
6. Keep breathing and seesawing your bodies as a unit, so your bodies and breathing are quite literally joined.
About Joined
In Happy-Go-Yoga’s Joined, you combine a partner yoga version of Easy Pose or Sukhasana (soo-KAH-suh-nuh), the same one you did in We’re Easy (here). This time, you’re arm-in-arm for the ride. When you lean forward, you’ll strengthen your core and back muscles, and when your S.O. leans backward on you simultaneously, it’s a nice stretch across the chest and shoulders. There’s hip opening and spine alignment for both of you, too. When you switch, you return the favor to the other person. Seesawing back and forth in Joined helps couples use physical movement to create more awareness around how one person’s actions affect the other—or, the push-pull effects of working and living together. Joined is Happy-Go-Yoga’s way of helping us understand that joining forces and working together helps bring balance to both people in any situation.
One
■ connect
■ relax
■ calm
It’s been so long since either of you have had a moment to breathe. Between work, the kids, and everything else, quiet moments have become a total luxury. You don’t have to plan an entire date night to steal some quality time together. Find just a few minutes to come together as one, and make this One moment special.
Happy-Go-Yoga
1. Sit down, cross your legs, and face each other.
2. Hold hands, and rest your arms on your own legs.
3. Slightly move your shoulders back, to keep from slumping over your heart. Instead, think of your heart getting bigger, filling your chest and sending love toward the other person.
4. Gaze into each other’s eyes softly.
5. Soften your gaze even more with the next breath.
6. Close your eyes.
7. As you both inhale and exhale separately, notice the other person’s breathing rhythm.
8. Bring a more calm, rhythmic, and slow quality to your own breath.
9. Notice whether that helps change the breath of the other person.
10. Start to synchronize your breathing with each other, inhaling and exhaling together with ease.
11. Open your eyes and gaze at each other again.
About One
One is not a lonely number when your hearts are “as one.” This Happy-Go-Yoga pose sets up a moment to really focus on one another. As you sit facing each other, automatically there’s a connection… and your lives become one in this action. And, when you send positive feelings to another person, it creates a chain reaction of happiness, according to the National Institutes of Health. It’s also very powerful and intimate to look at each other without saying a word. When you close your eyes, the relaxed breathing helps calm each other by consciously producing the body’s natural relaxation response, which, according to many medical studies, can help lower blood pressure and reduce stress to boost life span. As you fine-tune this pose, you’ll also fall into a rhythm with your S.O.’s breath, helping the energy flow more smoothly between the two of you… until your energy becomes One.
