MISE EN
PLACE: the
EPICUREAN’S
APOCALYPTIC
TOOLKIT
When it comes to entry-level preparedness, there are two items that any survivalist worth their salt should have: the survival tin and the bug-out bag. The survival tin is a small and highly portable kit that contains a variety of emergency and potentially life-saving tools aimed at securing food and producing fire. The bug-out bag—also known as the BOB, grab bag, battle box, and Get Out Of Dodge (GOOD) bag—is an enhanced version of the survival tin, stocked with tools, equipment, and sustenance for short-term survival.
For those who thoroughly enjoy the act of eating and cringe at the thought of a flavorless fight for survival against the undead, the typical survival tin and bug-out bag offer little more than bland victuals. But with a few simple additions and tweaks, these two pillars of preparedness can go from bland to bam! While desperately clinging to a small scrap of hope that the human race might survive the zpoc, there is no overestimating the morale-boosting power of a good meal.
The Savory Survival Tin
The survival tin is typically a small, sturdy, and ideally waterproof container stocked (and usually stuffed) with supplies that will help attend to the most basic of human needs: that is, fire, food, and water. Regardless of where you are when the SHTF (a common abbreviation used among preppers to affectionately refer to poop and fans colliding), a simple survival tin, tucked into a pocket or purse and carried on your person at all times, will offer you the means to stay warm, cobble together a meal, and ensure you have safe drinking water in the event of an unexpected undead survival emergency.
Often, Altoids tins are used to house these basic survival supplies, due mostly to their low cost, pocketability, and availability at most convenience and grocery stores. There are, however, a wide variety of housings available in the survival supply market, of varying sizes, levels of durability, and usability.
SURVIVAL TIN STANDARD FARE
Bandages
Button compass
Duct tape
Emergency tinder (cotton ball, Tinder-Quik™ tabs, etc.)
Flint and steel
Medicines (antibiotics, pain relievers, etc.)
Mini LED flashlight
Water purification tablets
Weatherproof matches
SAVORY SURVIVAL TIN
SAVORY ADDITIONS TO THE STANDARD FARE
Here are a few additions for a more comestible, zpoc-friendly survival tin. Though it might seem impossible, all these items can be tucked (with a little work on optimizing space) into a standard Altoids tin.
SURVIVAL CAN OPENER
When the initial outbreak has passed, humanity has fallen, and all perishable foods have long since disappeared, canned food will be one of those relics of the world that once was—a hard to open, nonperishable relic. That’s why a survival can opener is a must-have—it is super small (and sharp!) and tuck easily into your tin.
RANGER BANDS
Ranger bands are black rubber bands made from bicycle tire inner tube. They are extremely strong and versatile, most often used to bundle things together or provide additional grip for knives and other handles. But the hands-down best thing about ranger bands is that they are very flammable and an excellent backup for when dry tinder is not available. To avoid taking up space in your tin, slip them around the outside. (Bonus! They can help keep your jam-packed tin closed tight.)
FOOD-FRIENDLY MULTI-TOOL
The durability and usefulness of even the priciest multi-tool will of course have its limits, but it’s an essential item that will come in handy in any number of ways. The bottle opener on many models will be essential for scavenged beverages. A pair of tweezers will be most useful for deboning fish, or plucking feathers when hunting, or poking vent holes into tinfoil for steaming food. Other useful features to look for: scissors, gut hook (for gutting fish and small game), and screwdriver.
SNARE WIRE
During the undead uprising, you will, at some point, have to hunt for meat. And unless you like the idea of taking a page out of Cormac McCarthy’s The Road and eating your fellow man, snare wire will come in handy for trapping a variety of animals. It’s also an excellent tool for general day-to-day survival—hanging pots over a fire, for example. Fifty feet of 24-gauge brass wire should do the trick.
FISHING KIT
You may not immediately find yourself near some good fishin’ when the zpoc hits, but eventually a small rudimentary fishing kit may prove useful indeed. In a mini 1¼-inch resealable bag, you can comfortably store 3–4 small hooks, 3 swivels, and 1 lure. Also include 50 feet of 20-pound (or heavier) tested fishing line. (Wondering about the pole? Grab a stick and learn how to attach it in the Fishing skills section (page 32).
TIN FOIL
Tin foil can be used in many a cooking application and is most useful in making pouches for roasting or steaming in fire embers (more on that in Apocalyptic Cooking Methods on page 41). A 12-by-12-inch sheet can be neatly folded down into a square perfectly sized for your tin. More should be stashed in your bug-out bag.
HERBS & SPICES MINI KIT
Who wants basic survival to be bland? By including a few small packs of herbs and spices, you can survive in a world teeming with the undead without forsaking flavor. Salt, pepper, cayenne, thyme, smoked paprika, curry powder, or any of your favorite flavor enhancers can be packed into labeled mini ¼-inch resealable bags. You can also include a packet of sprouting seeds (see Sprouting for Food page 143) for an easy way to get a quick nutrient boost.
The Flee with Flavor Bug-Out Bag
A standard-issue bug-out bag (BOB) is a pack that contains supplies for 72 hours of survival in emergency situations—water, shelter, high-calorie foods, a medical kit, and provisions for fire making. Because an undead epidemic will mean the end of life as we know it, the BOB outlined here is equipped with longer-term wasteland survival in mind. Put together a few and tuck into accessible spots in your home, car, and workplace to ensure you will always have a bag at the ready when the zekes strike.
In selecting your BOB, go for a high-quality bag with an internal frame; external frames are better for heavy loads, but they also offer grabby undead hands more opportunity to latch on to you. Look for features like weatherproofing on zippers and rain covers, well-thought-out storage compartments and pockets, and attachment loops for tools and weapons. And pack light! Your bag should be no more than ⅓ of your body weight—not only because you will be on the move for long periods of time, but also so you have room to store any tasty treasures you pick up along the way.
BUG-OUT BAG BASICS
FLEE WITH FLAVOR BUG-OUT BAG
Can opener
Fishing kit
Flexible plastic cutting board
Portable water-treatment system
Resealable food bags
Snare wire
Tin foil
FIRE:
Fire axe
Fire gloves
Flint and steel
Tinder
Weatherproof matches
SHELTER:
Emergency “space” blanket
Lightweight tent
Plastic tarp
GETTING AROUND:
Binoculars
Compass
Flashlight
MISCELLANEOUS:
Clothing
Duct tape
Hand-cranked emergency radio
Medical kit
Paracord with guide for survival knots
Rubbing alcohol
Toiletries
FLAVORFUL ADDITIONS TO A BASIC BOB
In addition to the bug-out basics, consider these food-friendly additions to your pack:
CUSTOMIZED MAPS
A good set of maps is essential for the Bug-Out Bag. Pick up maps covering your home city/town, plus maps for a 20–30 mile radius around you (you will need a decent catchment area for scavenging and supply runs) and additional maps for any potential Long-Haul Bug-Out Location (page 306). Enhance these maps by clearly labeling useful destinations for hunting and foraging (apiaries, community gardens, parks, and other green spaces), scavenging (residential neighborhoods, hotels, hospitals, schools, prisons, food-producing factories, etc.), and other places that won’t be everyone’s first stop when stockpiling or scavenging.
FORAGING FIELD GUIDE
Foraging is a crucial skill for any zpoc survivor, so you will need to familiarize yourself with the most abundant and ubiquitous edible and medicinal plants in your area. Pick up a field identification guide particular to your geography. (See also Foraging at the End of the World, page 102, for an introductory North American guide.)
KNIFE SET
Knives will be among your most-used tools on the run—for everything from building shelter, crafting tools, butchering game, and, of course, dispatching walkers. It would be wise, therefore, to have (at the very least) a set of four knives in your bag: three hunting knives and one survival knife. One hunting knife should be used expressly for zombie killing and self-defense when in low-density skel situations, and it should be stored securely and separately from the others to avoid cross-contamination. Another hunting knife should be used only for butchering game and cutting meat, and the third for all other non-meat-related food purposes, while the survival knife can be your all-purpose multitasker.
BLADE SHARPENER
Knives will not be of all that much use to you when their edges inevitably wear down, so a blade sharpening solution is another must-have for the bug-out bag. The most bang for your buck will be a two-sided sharpening stone (with fine and medium grit) supplemented with an angle guide (to help keep consistently angled strokes while sharpening) or alternatively a crock-stick sharpening system (pictured on page 37).
MESS KIT
A mess kit is a small, compact, and lightweight set of cooking implements for one, typically including a small pot, frying pan, bowl, and cup. The lightest and most durable mess kits are made from titanium; however, they are also the most expensive. Stainless steel is middle of the road for price, weight, and durability.
TIP: Fill the empty space in your mess kit with items from your food kit like rice or pasta, your survival seasoning kit, bouillon cubes, etc.
EMERGENCY STOVE
While there are other small compact ways of cooking during the zpoc (see Apocalyptic Cooking Methods on page 41), an emergency stove is essential, as it will provide a reliable backup when needed materials aren’t available or building a fire isn’t possible. Invest in a sturdy but light model that folds down to a compact size, can be easily refueled while burning, and allows for enough ventilation to feed the fire the oxygen it needs.
TIP: Have an extra pack or two of trioxane or other solid fuel tabs for times when fuel and kindling are scarce.
THERMOMETER
A nondigital food thermometer is a practical addition to your bag—it can be used to check the doneness of meat or in other post-apocalyptic cooking endeavors like cheesemaking!
LOCKPICK KIT
A must-have for Living Off the (Waste) Land (page 237) when you will likely need to force your way into abandoned houses, schools, restaurants, grocery stores, hospitals, and other places that might be harboring food (see Scavenging on page 21).
Allspice
Bouillon cubes
Cayenne
Cinnamon
Cumin
Curry powder
Fennel and mustard seed
Garlic powder
Rosemary
Sage
Salt
Smoked paprika
Star anise
Sugar
Thyme
Vanilla beans
Wasabi powder
Whole peppercorns
SURVIVALIST’S SEASONING KIT
Be sure to assemble an enhanced edition of your survival tin’s spice kit—include a wide variety of dried whole spices and seasonings in small resealable baggies. See Survivalist’s Seasoning Kit Suggestions above for suggestions, but tailor your choices to suit personal tastes.
NONPERISHABLE FOODSTUFFS
Injury, weather, scarcity, and, of course, being trapped in a particular place by a flesh-hungry undead mob could easily prevent you from hunting, gathering, or scavenging. Therefore, it would be prudent to have a few lightweight nonperishables on board just in case: resealable bags of rice, small pasta, and all-purpose flour can be tucked into nooks and crannies (like in your mess kit). Additional nonperishables like high-calorie emergency food bars, tea bags, instant cocoa pouches, oatmeal pouches, and the highly durable Mexican sugar piloncillo are smart additions as well.
MINI SEED VAULT
With an eye toward long-term survival, put together a mini survivor seed vault: a variety of seeds that can be used to grow food. Purchase nonhybrid (also known as open-pollinated or heritage) seeds, which will allow you to harvest seeds generation after generation (see Seeds!, page 139). Procure the seeds of fruit and vegetable varieties that are typically grown in your area and throw in a few varieties that grow well indoors—cherry tomatoes, spinach, lettuce, radish, eggplant, thyme, sage, and parsley. You can also earmark some of those seeds specifically for sprouting—a reasonably quick and easy food source chock-full of nutrition (see page 143).
BARTERING ITEMS
When S-Really-HTF and the social conventions we now enjoy are just a distant memory, it would be prudent to have a few “high-value” items on hand that can be used to barter with fellow survivors. Include items like cigarettes, instant coffee packets, 1-ounce mini bottles of liquor, antibiotics, painkillers, toothbrushes, and surgical masks (should the plague be airborne).