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Index
Cover
Title Page
Contents
Mindsweeper: An Introduction By My Polish Cleaner
Epigraph
How To Eat Shit
How To Forgive A Bad Father
How To Disrespect A Good Mother
How To Envy Your Brothers
How To Live With Scrooge
How To Talk To People Nobody Talks To
How To Think Inside The Box
How To Do It Till You Go Blind
How To Misplace Loyalty
How To Bottom Feed
How To Plan Spontaneity
How To Become Progressively More Embarrassing
How To Excel In What You’re Not Good At
How To Be A Tour Guide With No Sense Of Direction
How To Get Into The Closet
How To Google Yourself Silly
How To Marry Vocation And Desperation With Best Man Balls
How To Be A Bass Player With No Sense Of Rhythm
How To Dine Out On A Beating
How To Write A Summer Smash In A Cold, Damp Bed-Sit
How To Pleasure Humanity Inappropriately
How To Make A Tit Of Yourself
How To Tarnish The Dog’s Bollocks
How To Make NME Your Enemy
How To Lock Yourself In Prison
How To Learn What You Really Think
How To Enjoy Hangovers More Than Getting Drunk
How To Bring A Bad Joke To Life
How To Blow The Dream Gig
How To Invent Bad Karma
How To Look A Gift Horse In The Mouth
How To Teach Someone a Lesson You’ll Never Forget
How To Present An Award To A Band You Don’t Like
How To Crash In Tinsel Town
How To Clone The Gene Of Misfortune
How To Lose Sight Of Yourself
How To Go From Chateau To Shit-hole
How To Dance In The Darkness
Conclusion: Everything The World Has To Offer Is Best Experienced With An Inappropriate Mindset
How To Take Happiness Lightly
How To Pick A Fight With A Word
How To Tell The Truth Badly
Epilogue: How To Clean Up Shit
Copyright
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