Constructive Wallowing · How to Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them by Gilbertson, Tina -- Read -- Imperial Library of Trantor

Index

Title Page Copyright Contents Introduction: The Wonderful World of Wallowing

What Would You Do If You Lost Everything? Natasha Dan What If You Have Everything and Still Aren’t Happy? Be Where You Are What Does Wallowing Look Like? How to Use This Book Summary

Part I. DIP YOUR TOE IN THE WATER

Chapter 1: Wallowing Is Mostly Allowing

How You Cope with Anything Is How You Cope with Everything Quiz

Scoring

You Can’t Wallow Unless You ALLOW

On Becoming Whole

The Benefits of Wallowing The Escalation Cycle

Figure 1. The Escalation Cycle Figure 2. The Constructive Wallowing Cycle

Finding Time to Wallow Summary

Chapter 2: The Accidental Wallower: My Story

Getting Over a Happy Childhood

Lessons from the School of Hard Knocks

Ditch That Backlog! Summary

Chapter 3: Emotions: What You Don’t Know Can Hurt You

Feelings vs. Emotions “Negative” Emotions

Every Feeling Has Value

Having Feelings in Public Wallowing Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry

Table 1. Some Ways to Deal with Feelings

Name That Feeling! Feelings vs. Thoughts The Substitution Test

Table 2. Some Feeling Words Exercise

Feelings vs. Behavior Good People Have Bad Feelings Too How Hurting Heals The Life Cycle of a Feeling How to Let Painful Feelings Go You Can’t Choose Your Feelings Summary

Part II. DIVE IN

Chapter 4: 11 Good Reasons to Wallow

Reason #1: You have no choice Reason #2: It may be good for your health Reason #3: Get your energy back Reason #4: If you can’t feel bad, you won’t feel good

If You’re Not Wallowing, You’re Not Living

Reason #5: You’re never more alone than when you abandon yourself Reason #6: What we don’t acknowledge, controls us Reason #7: You’ll feel better sooner Reason #8: It’s natural Reason #9: We all have something that needs healing Reason #10: What doesn’t kill you makes you…confident! Reason #11: Improve your relationships Summary

Chapter 5: The T-R-U-T-H Technique

Self-Criticism: As Effective as It Is Enjoyable The Antidote: Self-Compassion Change Your Life from the Inside Out The T-R-U-T-H Technique

T: Tell yourself the situation R: Realize what you’re feeling U: Uncover self-criticism T: Try to understand yourself H: Have the feeling Constructive Surrender

Make It Work for You Tips for Dealing with Sadness, Anger, or Fear The Secret to Your Success Summary

Chapter 6: Constructive Wallowing in Action

The Inconsiderate Neighbor A Disappointing Vacation A Loved One with a Scary Diagnosis “I Can’t Get Over What Happened” Midlife Crisis To Know You Is to Love You Your Turn The T-R-U-T-H Technique Worksheet

Part III. FLOAT LIKE A BUTTERFLY

Chapter 7: The Daunting Dozen: Top Twelve Wallowing Worries

Courage Worry #1: My feelings might be wrong Worry #2: I don’t want to be negative Worry #3: It’s no use dwelling on the past Worry #4: If I feel it, I have to do something about it Worry #5: I’m being self-indulgent Worry #6: I’m just making myself feel bad Worry #7: I should be grateful it’s not worse Worry #8: My feelings are draining and/or toxic Worry #9: I don’t want to feel this way for the rest of my life Worry #10: I should try to forgive, not hold on to my anger Worry #11: I don’t want to cry Worry #12: What if I can’t stop the feelings once they start? Summary

Chapter 8: Your Wallowing Workout: Ten Activities for Heart and Mind

Nature or Nurture?

Activity 1: Feelings History Table 2. Some Feeling Words

Self-Compassion

Activity 2: Practice Loving Yourself Activity 3: Letter of Forgiveness to Yourself Activity 4: Letter of Apology to Yourself

Getting in Touch with Feelings

Activity 5: Relaxation

Belly Breathing Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Activity 6: Art Project Activity 7: Listen to Your Heart Trust Your Heart

How to Connect with Your Heart Daily & Weekly Exercises

Activity 8: Know Yourself Activity 9: Talk About Feelings Activity 10: Weekly Feelings Chart

How to Use the Chart

Table 3. Weekly Feelings Chart

The Quiz, Take Two! Summary

Chapter 9: Wallowing Questions & Answers

1. Is there such a thing as NON-constructive wallowing? 2. What if I can’t cry? 3. Should I really wallow in GUILT? 4. What about anxiety? Should I wallow in that? 5. I believe in the Law of Attraction. How can I wallow in negative feelings without attracting negativity? 6. Will wallowing help me feel better about a situation I can’t change? 7. What if I always have the same feelings in every relationship I’m in? 8. If feelings are never wrong, why do they sometimes change when we get new information? 9. Why can’t I just change my feelings by changing my thoughts? 10. Why do some feelings seem to last so long?

Figure 3. Perceived feeling duration Figure 4. Actual feeling duration

11. How do I cultivate compassion for myself without feeling phony?

Compassion Heals

Summary

Chapter 10: How to Choose a Therapist

What Feelings-Friendly Therapy Looks Like Where to Find a Therapist Questions to Ask before You Begin

1. What’s your approach to therapy? 2. What’s your approach to dealing with negative feelings? 3. How would you work with me?

Summary

Epilogue: Your Journey Begins Afterword Acknowledgments Notes Bibliography About the Author

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