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Index
Cover Title Page Copyright Page Contents Parting Shots
Introduction 1. Diplomacy as Caricature
Part I: NORTH
Austria The Netherlands Iceland Switzerland Finland Germany
Part II: SOUTH
Nigeria Senegal Liberia Brazil Argentina Bolivia Uruguay
Part III: EAST
India Pakistan Nepal Mongolia Thailand Japan Vietnam Indonesia
Part IV: WEST
United States Canada Nicaragua Honduras Jamaica Barbados Puerto Rico
2. Settling Scores
‘A disconcerting feeling of being watched by critical and potentially unfriendly eyes in London’ ‘A harsh and boastful note has crept into British diplomacy’ ‘How does the “blustering buffoon” sign off for the last time?’ ‘Today’s applicants to join the European Union will find Europa’s paps all but dry’ ‘Men have forgotten God; that’s why all this has happened’ ‘Departing from international humanitarian law even just a little is like being just a little bit pregnant’ ‘Bullshit bingo’
3. Cold Warriors
Russia Czechoslovakia Poland China Afghanistan Cuba
4. Friendly Fire
‘How poor and unproud the British have become’ ‘The all pervading snobbishness of English life … the basic idleness of British workers … and lazy managers’ ‘Someone in the Office once told me I was regarded as an “eccentric”’
5. The Camel Corps
Saudi Arabia Iran Egypt Jordan Syria The Lebanon Kuwait Tunisia Libya
6. Now, If I Were Foreign Secretary …
‘Our world is dying’ ‘A betrayal of that history which others in the world … will neither understand nor forgive’ ‘The Bosnian poison has circulated in the veins of the UN’ ‘Time to look at the legalisation of drugs’
7. Privileges and Privations
‘A really good man for Bogotá’ ‘My first experience as Her Majesty’s Ambassador was to shave out of a kettle’ ‘I hope that my successor will unearth no such skeletons of mine’ ‘Each slice of smoked salmon being folded round a gold half-sovereign’ ‘The Embassy staff have kept up their water-skiing despite the proximity of explosions’ ‘“You aren’t paid for doing things: you are paid for being here”’ ‘Our specific calling’s snare is drink’ ‘… who now closes both his career and this impossibly long sentence’ ‘I am not the man I was’ ‘Most foreigners in Vietnam, diplomats or not, are on the verge of insanity’ ‘In the event of your marriage you would be required to resign’ ‘Our predecessors earned more; and their day ended earlier’ ‘Free housing, reasonable pay and not too much to do’
8. The Sun Sets on Empire
‘Sweetmeats, Christmas cakes and fat goats … a far cry from the Foreign Office canteen. All this will pass one day’ ‘If you asked the Chinese Singaporean why he was put on this earth he would without hesitation reply: “to make money”’ ‘For the first time since the Dutch swept the Medway, our country was despised’ ‘The new niggers in the woodpile … must be the still surviving colonialists’ ‘Neither the Minister nor the Permanent Secretary have been educated beyond primary level’ ‘We abandoned our subjects to a motley crew of mountebanks, criminals and even monsters’
9. Envoi
‘Those doughty but elderly denizens of Whitehall, Sir Awkward Precedent and Sir Sacrosanct Principle’ ‘To her courage … I owe my life’ ‘My valedictory is: “Thank you”’ ‘I don’t want my last words … to be words of complaint’ ‘Without her nothing would have been possible’ ‘Marriage turned out to be a package deal that included a job’ ‘A witness of the mischief of the times’ ‘A miserable reward for 32 years of hard work’ ‘For thirty five years, at home and in eight countries overseas, we have done everything together’ ‘Farewell then, Valedictory Despatches’
Illustrations Notes on the Material Index of Diplomats Index of Countries Footnotes
3. Cold Warriors
Page 169 Page 171 Page 174
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