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Index
Cover
Title Page
Dedication
Contents
Introduction
Part One
How to Use The Grief Recovery Handbook
Chapter 1
Grief and Recovery
Staying Open to Grief
Grief Recovery: How Does It Work?
An Incomplete Past May Doom the Future
Chapter 2
Confusion About Stages
What About Anger?
Common Responses
Getting Over or Getting Complete
When Is It Time to Begin to Recover?
Suicide, Murder, AIDS, and Other Tragic Circumstances
The “G” Word
Survivor: Another Inaccurate Word
There Is Nothing Wrong with You
Chapter 3
We’re Taught How to Acquire Things, Not What to Do When We Lose Them
We’re Taught Myths About Dealing with Grief
Participating in Your Own Recovery
Loss of Trust
Practice Makes Habits
Chapter 4
They Don’t Know What to Say
They’re Afraid of Our Feelings
They Try to Change the Subject
They Intellectualize
They Don’t Hear Us
They Don’t Want to Talk About Death
Professional Distortions
They Want Us to Keep Our Faith
Chapter 5
Enshrine or Bedevil?
We Want the Approval of Others
“I’m Fine” Is Often a Lie
We Begin to Experience a Massive Loss of Energy
We Experience a Loss of Aliveness
Part Two
Chapter 6
Who Is Responsible?
Your Second Choice: Partnership or Working Alone
Finding a Partner
Chapter 7
Initial Partners Meeting
Making Commitments
First Homework Assignment
Review Thoughts and Reminders
Second Partners Meeting
Chapter 8
Short-Term Relief Doesn’t Work
Identifying Your Short-Term Energy-Relieving Behaviors
Second Homework Assignment
Third Partners Meeting
Chapter 9
Compare and Minimize
Loss History Graph Examples
What Goes on the Loss History Graph
Third Homework Assignment: Preparing Your Loss History Graph
Time and Intensity
Learning from Your Loss History Graph
Fourth Partners Meeting
Part Three
Chapter 10
How to Identify What Is Incomplete
Choosing a Loss to Complete
More Help Choosing the First Loss to Work On and Questions about Other Losses
Chapter 11
The Relationship Graph Is Different from the Loss History Graph
Completing Is Not Forgetting
Accurate Memory Pictures: Your Part
Truth Is the Key to Recovery
Even Long Illnesses End in Unfinished Business
Hopes, Dreams, and Expectations
The Relationship Graph
Fourth Homework Assignment: Making Your Relationship Graph
Dawn of Memory—the Death of an Infant
Fifth Partners Meeting
Chapter 12
Apologies
Victims Have Difficulty with Apologies
Forgiveness
Significant Emotional Statements
Fifth Homework Assignment: Putting It All Together
Sixth Partners Meeting
Moving from Discovery to Completion
Final Homework Assignment: The Grief Recovery Completion Letter©
Important Note
Final Partners Meeting: Reading Your Letter
What Does Completion Mean?
Stuck on a Painful Image
What About New Discoveries? Cole’s Window Story
More Help with Relationship Graphs and Completion Letters
Chapter 13
Cleanup Work
Part Four
Chapter 14
Start with Relationships You Remember
Other First Choice Concerns: Hidden or Disguised Choices
Chapter 15
Death or Absence of Parent from an Early Age
Infant Loss and Infertility
Alzheimer’s—Dementia
Growing Up in an Alcoholic or Otherwise Dysfunctional Home
Unique Loss Graphing Situations: Faith, Career, Health, Moving
Moving
Miscellaneous Tips
The Final Word
The Grief Recovery Institute: Services and Programs
Acknowledgments
About the Authors
Books by John W. James
Credits
Copyright
About the Publisher
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