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Imperial Library
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Index
Cover Page
Title Page
Contents
Dedication
Author’s note
Part I
Terrifying childhood experiences
When I lost my first tooth
A conversation between the people who hid in my closet every night when I was seven
If adults were subjected to the same indignities as children
My top secret seventh-grade diary
Frogs
Middle-school telephone conversation
Bar mitzvah
Inside the cartridge: Duck Hunt
Deal with God
What I imagined the people around me were saying when I was…
How my mother imagined the police
Ninth-grade experiments
Part II
Choose your own adventure
Actor’s nightmare
Demands
Gotham City Hall
World’s oldest profession
Worst nightmare
The only e-mails I could receive that would justify the frequency with which I check my e-mail
An interview with Stephen Hawking
The final moments of the Titanic
Acupuncture school
Part III
The official rules of boxing
Secret Service
Logic problems
Time machine
Amusement
Opium wars
Marathon
All-you-can-eat buffet fantasy
The eleventh hour
Next move
Part IV
Match.com profile
Donors needed
Summers abroad
Being of sound mind
Moses
I think my teenaged daughter knows I read her diary
Last Supper
What I want my tombstone to say when I die of encephalitis next week
Thor’s Day
Part V
Free-range chickens
Dalmatians
Lab study
Herbert Hoover
Prehistoric life
Part VI
Everything happens for a reason
Intelligent design
Why do bad things happen to good people?
A miracle
Saint Agnes the martyr
God has a plan for all of us
Made for each other
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Also by Simon Rich
Copyright
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