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Index
Cover
Title
Copyright Notice
Copyright
Dedications
Table of Contents
Acknowledgments
Foreword
Author’s Note
A Note on the Organization of This Book
Disclaimer
Jesus’ Dickheads
Holden Caulfield in Middle Age
How to Send Me Hate Mail
The Child on the Train
Unfair
The Inevitable Blackness That Will Engulf Us All
How DRM is Like Guantanamo
Leviticans
A Quick Note to About-to-be-Married Gays and Lesbians
The Permanent Underclass
The Terror of Bad Chocolate
The Existential Plight of Chester Chipmate
Best Calendar of the Millennium
The Stupidly Obvious Phrase of the Day
Ten Years Ago Today
Fred the Cult Leader
What My Jesus Would Do
Meeting Authors (and Me)
Why I Breed
Point of Privilege
Lazy People Irritate Me
Best Vision of Hell of the Millennium
Pointless Impeachment
A Vegetarian Moment
The Lie of Star Wars as Entertainment
Loathsome Dot-Com Whiners
What Authors Know About Their Characters
Best Cheese of the Millennium
On the Creation Museum
Oh My God! They Look Just Like Us!
Why We Grieve
I Hate WE
Multiple Identical Nephews
On Carl Sagan
Things One Should Not Forget
Breastfeeding God
Fun With the GMH
Mr. Nice Guy
They Shoot People, Don’t They?
I Hate Your Politics
Parents Are The Worst Things to Happen to Kids
I Am Married
The Meaning of Life
Why Clinton Won’t Resign
Bush Snorted Cocaine
The World Is Laughing
Celebrities: Ruining Everything
10 Things Teenage Writers Should Know About Writing
Thinking About The God Delusion
Best Emotion of the Millennium
Purity Balls
Best Gay Man of the Millennium
Why Christmas
Ayn Rand: Mom!
Things to Know About Clones
Unasked-For Advice to New Writers About Money
When Stupid People Do Stupid Things, And Then Do Even Stupider Things
Adorable Little Punks
The Problem With Parents
The Election and Kerry’s Shoes
Christopher Robin Is Out There in the Woods
I Refuse to Believe 9 Out of 10 Republicans Are Complete Tools
Al Kisses Tipper: A Nation Swoons
Mowing Life Lessons
Y’all Want Wood
Being Poor
Shaming the Poor
What to Know Before You Ask Me to Read Your (Unpublished) Work
Super Gay Happy Fun Hour!
The Final Judgment on The Final Countdown
Fatherhood and Pie
“Rules” Woman Getting a Divorce
Felix Has Come Down in the World
The Dictator of Writing Announces His Decrees, Part 1
The Speckless Sky
Football With Jesus
Standing Up for Dubya, Such as it is
The New Sesame Street Characters Suck
Best Personal Hygiene Products of the Millennium
Torture
The Coming War
The Best End of the World
Addendum
Tor Books by John Scalzi
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