The You I've Never Known by Hopkins, Ellen -- Read -- Imperial Library of Trantor

Index

Cover Dedication Acknowledgments To Begin Ariel

Home I Can’t Remember Yeah, On Paper Once in a While I Might Say Indecency It’s Saturday Night Discovering the Reasons Dad’ll Have to Get Over It I’m a Rectangle I Just Graduated from Tacos Speaking of Bolts By the Time We Pull Chairs See, One Thing I’ve Never Met Her I’ve Met Monica’s Mom Wait, Wrong Logic Suggests As We Start to Circle Syrah Isn’t Finished We Quick-Time

Maya Ariel

October 9, Six A.M. I Slide Out of Bed That Being the Case I Expect Her I Wake Again I’m Confused All Laughter What a Strange Exchange But Then Comes Omelet Finished I Expect Zelda Awesome She Holds Up One Hand Zelda Ducks Them, Too Hard Question Once the Others Leave I’ve Been Old Enough But as It Turns Out Damn, Damn, Damn Except for a Slurp She Celebrated

Maya Ariel

I Don’t Get a Car Dad’s Lame Attempt I Pick a Horror Flick To Start With I Want to Be In the Car Uncle Drew My Jaw Drops The Confession Bushwhacker? It’s Nothing New They Could and They Did Over the Years But It Won’t Today My Gut Reaction I Don’t Dare Dad Will Never As Dad and I Go Inside One Thing Math Is Good For By Morning I Wake Late Without Monica’s Persistence Case in Point Not Exactly a Problem School Isn’t So Bad Today Hillary Grantham Today, However After Practice Afraid Beyond This Fear I Don’t Share

Maya Ariel

Almost Three Weeks Speaking of Eyes So, Naturally I Command After We Eat What Fun Is That? I Spy Something The Mare Argues We Crest a Small Rise He Asks He’s Comfortable Okay, That Was Weird I’m Glad The Ranch Mucking Stalls

Maya Ariel

Headed Home Again He’s Got a Point The Danger I Have a Hard Time Gabe Steers the GTO Rules Out I’m Thinking And Now I Need More to Drink By the Time Rapid-Fire Q & A Begins I Admit I Would Those Exceptional Eyes My Head I Kissed a Boy My Second Kiss The Worst Thing Either Way Who Knew?

Maya Ariel

There Are Dreams The Dream I Cycle Back Through What Pops That Was That So Far As I Work I Didn’t Know Especially Because He Looks at Me To Be Fair This Day She Makes Me Promise Straightforward It Comes Close He Agrees We Are I Make an Executive Decision Pretty Sure Hillary’s Father Utter Garbage The News Crews Leave Suddenly I’m Very Glad

Maya Ariel

Life Just Got Weird Hillary Looked Awful Then Her Attention Turned Fragile I’m Feeling That Way The Last Comparison These Sentiments All I Know One of the Hardest Things My Brain’s Relentless Monica Sprints Over I Also Do My Damn Best Something Shifts The Whole Time On Our Way The Other Kids Laugh I Don’t Care Who’s Looking When We Get to My House We Don’t Find Corpses No Freaking Way! Every Argument Excellent Point The Suggestion I Won’t Argue That Thinking About Dad I’ve Dreamed About This Kiss This, My Third Kiss It Also Excites Me But First Things First I Tell Him I Don’t Offer Gabe The First Thing I Hesitate And “This” Driven by Instinct Crash Landing

Maya Ariel

Altered I’m Desperately Trying Until Recently A Few Years Ago So, No Even Beyond the Triad That Transparency Today Is Gobbler Day He Grunts At Zelda’s We’ve Been Borderline For Now Apparently Brining Works I Stay in My Chair And That’s the First Time Wordlessly Gabe Will Probably Be a Keeper After a While Dad Played Busboy? Actual Kindness Between the L-Tryptophan Home Again Not on the Couch I’ve Lost Track Condom, Right We Take Our Time Eventually

Maya: For Casey Ariel

I’ve Got a Problem After Gabe Left Look at Me Dad Still Isn’t Home At Least Not Right This Minute I Don’t Add the Part We Reach the Triple G How Do You Feel at Home We Talk for Twenty Minutes They Were Killed All I Know About 9/11 We Change the Subject It’s a Natural Break Just Stating the Obvious All That I Am She’s Human After All Job Offer Assured Once Again We Wrap It Up Such Loyalty

Maya: For Casey Ariel

December Delivers Short Days Dad Holds Grudges What Hurts Most Sometimes, in Fact Crybabies But Everything’s Better with Wheels I Even Baked the Cake I Leave the Cake Careful The Mom Unit Is Gone Don’t Kiss Me, Don’t Kiss Me It’s a Grudging Exodus That Sounded Vaguely Ominous Suddenly, Forcefully Gabe Sizes Up the Situation Up Close He Bends Over What I Hold Very Close Monica Holds Me Close Funny How the Brain Sounds Way Too Adult

Maya: For Casey Ariel

Last Night No Judgment Monica’s Beauty What I Can Say What I Can’t Say Or Maybe From Tip-Off to Halftime Coach Rallies Us But as I Shower If He’s Here We Cut Back I’ve Just Been Invited I’m Thinking That Over Denial Why Now? Leering Faces Dad Looks More I Can’t Watch My Name I Drive Pertinent Question I Stop the Car Upset There’s One More Message Where Do I Go Now? The GTO The Feeling Must Be Mutual Awesome Complicated My Sonora Anchor The Word Trying to Process I Don’t See How It Can Mom I Leave Zelda Oh, How I Wish Dad’s at the House I Lift My Hand Make It Personal Spin Makes Sense One Question Answered The End Dressed-Down I’m Glad I Do Lies, Lies, Lies I’m Shredded The Words Pierce I Sink Into Resolve Goose Bumps Lift I Turn Up the Radio Musing Flashback Real Time Dark Out Here That Cracks Me Up Yeah, Except Deliberate I Jerk the Door Open He Left Me Behind He Starts the Car I Hang Up Gabe Reaches Across That Stops Him Cold Abuse? He Starts to Sputter The Exchange I Assure Him I’ll Wrestle with That Beneath the Cool Glare I Cry into His Shirt Asi Es La Vida Am I Hungry? Post Posole She Seems Almost Reluctant At Least I Manage Laughter How Do I Answer? I Don’t Love Gabe Panting Bulldozed The Truth This Revelation Sinks Like Lead Gaslighting Which Begs the Question I Fall Back Again Apparently As I Lie Here Sunday Morning Better Is a Relative Term Wow As Accurate Fortuitously I Hand Over the Reins Hillary Nods Understanding I Would Never Have Believed I Drive Home Slowly The Driveway Is Empty He Didn’t Leave I Still Can’t Quite One Week Not One Word Saturday Morning Quick Decision Wonder If That’s True I Get to the Restaurant Wordlessly Luckily Over Cheeseburgers and Fries That Circles Us Around We Avoid So Far, So True Evil? It Can’t Be True My World As Pissed As I Am God, I Want to Be Angry Now I Pull My Hand Away Dollar-Store Teddy Bear? I’ve Never Seen Pictures Outside As I Drive I Read for Hours Boo The Sudden Insight I Close My Journal No More Tonight Postscript

Maya’s Journal: For Casey Author’s Note About Ellen Hopkins Copyright

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