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Imperial Library
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Index
Cover
Title Page
Dedication
Epigraph
Author’s Note
Preface: You Are Not Alone
Do You Have What It Takes to Be a Teacher?: A Quiz
If People Talked to Other Professionals the Way They Talk to Teachers
Part I: Preschool, Elementary School, and Middle School
Chapter 1. How I Came to Teach Preschool
Chapter 2. Other Vehicular Styles of Parenting
Chapter 3. All Your Children Are Broken
Chapter 4. It’s Cooking Day at Preschool!
Chapter 5. A Letter from Your Child’s Teacher, on Winter Holiday Gifts
Chapter 6. Middle School Parent-Teacher Conference Night, in Internet Headlines
Chapter 7. How I Imagined My Teachers Conversed about Me When I Was Thirteen
Chapter 8. Memo to Parents and Legal Guardians Re: Our Updated Schedule for Spirit Days at Mapledale Middle School
Part II: High School
Chapter 9. How I Came to Teach High School
Chapter 10. The Unspoken Rules of the Teachers’ Lounge
Chapter 11. An Alphabet for the School at the End of Beach 112th
Chapter 12. Student Essay Checklist
Chapter 13. A Conclusive Ranking of the Students at Hogwarts by Order of How Much I Would Enjoy Teaching Them
Chapter 14. Dear Parents: We’re Going with a ‘Hamilton’-Centered Curriculum This Year!
Chapter 15. Somewhat More Free
Chapter 16. Random School Motto Generator
Chapter 17. The Other Class
Chapter 18. A Field Guide to Spotting Bad Teachers
Chapter 19. Paulie
Chapter 20. It’s Your Twenty-Minute Lunch Period!
Chapter 21. To Stan, with Love
Chapter 22. Field Trip Rules
Chapter 23. Teachers Reveal the Holiday Gifts They Actually Want
Chapter 24. I’m Going to Make It through the Last Faculty Meeting of the Year by “Yes, and…”-ing It
Part III: College
Chapter 25. All Part of a Plan, Maybe; or, How I Came to Be a Professor
Chapter 26. If Bruce Springsteen Wrote about Adjuncts
Chapter 27. On Adjuncting
Chapter 28. Classic College Movies Updated for the Adjunct Era
Chapter 29. A Brief List of What Students Have Called Me
Chapter 30. On Student Evaluations
Chapter 31. My Ideal Student Evaluation Questionnaire
Chapter 32. Worst, Weirdest, and Best
Chapter 33. A Short Essay by a Student Who Googled the Professor Instead of Reading ‘Jane Eyre’
Chapter 34. Moral Quandaries for Professors
Chapter 35. I See You.
Chapter 36. An Incomplete List of Sources I Have Seen Plagiarized
Chapter 37. I Know You’re Asleep Right Now, but Please Get Back to Me ASAP
Chapter 38. Sports Analogies for Academics
Chapter 39. “Why Did I Get a B?”: An Answer in Four Fables
Chapter 40. Taught
Chapter 41. Everyone Who Attends Must Converse
Part IV: A Few Last Tidbits for the Cool Kids Who Like to Hang Out in My Room after School Is Out
Chapter 42. My Last Pieces of Good Advice for New Teachers and Professors
Chapter 43. How I Imagine Retirement from Teaching Will Be at Seventy-Two
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Credits
Copyright
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