Log In
Or create an account ->
Imperial Library
Home
About
News
Upload
Forum
Help
Login/SignUp
Index
Acknowledgments
Introduction
CHAPTER 1.
THE MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY… Cocktails!
The Bloodbath
The Arnold Bomber
The Dirty Dudetini
The Knucklehead
The Numbskull
The Get Busy
CHAPTER 2.
BEATIN’ THE MEAT Meat Substitutes
Basic Seitan
My Balls
Pretend Italian Sausages
Pretend Breakfast Sausage Patties
Tempeh Bacon
Pretend Canadian Bacon
Tempeh Chorizo
CHAPTER 3.
THE SECOND MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY, AFTER COCKTAILS Breakfast
Mostest Ultimate-est Breakfast Sandwich in the History of the Universe
Hangover Hash
Sexy’s Scramble
Morning Benediction
Avocado Toast
The Big One
The Real Man’s Quiche
Sailor’s Oatmeal with Glazed Walnuts
The Almond Brothers Breakfast Bar
Smoothness
CHAPTER 4.
SPOON-FED Soups
New England Blam Chowder
Cauliflower and Roasted Fennel Soup
Country Veggie Soup
Minestrone
Onion Soup
White Bean and Kale Soup
Peanut Butternut Squash Soup
Harvest Vegetable Soup
Sambar
CHAPTER 5.
GO FORK YOURSELF! Salads
Et Tu, Tempeh?
The Karate Chop
The Grilled Cobb
The Beet Down
Curry Fried Tofu Salad
The Girlfriend’s Favorite Salad That She Constantly Asks Me to Make and Won’t Shut the Hell Up About
Southwest Slaw
Marinated Eggplant Pasta Salad
Chickpea Party
Seared Hearts of Palm Salad
CHAPTER 6.
HANDHELD Sandwiches
The Seitan Worshipper
The S.I.L.F.
The Quote-Unquote Tuna Melt
The Portly Fellow
The Fat Ass
Bourbon Tempeh Sliders
The Beany Tahini Burger
Black Bean Burger with Kajillion Island Dressing
CHAPTER 7.
THE DINNER BELL Entrees
Spaghetti and Balls
Lasagna Fauxlognese
Stuffed Shells Puttanesca
Oyster Mushroom Risotto
Grilled Seitan Caponata with Lemon Pilaf
Colonel Schmolonel’s Fried Seitan with Mashed Taters, Gravy, and Greens
Barbecue Ribz with Smoky Elbows and Cheeze
Crabby Cakes over Succotash
Grilled “Fish” Tacos with Corn and Jicama Salad
Seitan Steak ‘n’ Fries
Mexicali Quinoa with Black Lentils and Pretend Chipotle Sausages
Jambalaya
Shepherd’s Pie
CHAPTER 8.
PIZZA!!
Basic Pizza Dough
The Mario
The Luigi
Pretend Sausage and Peppers
The B.L.A.T.
Three-Cheeze Pesto
The Mush-a-boki
CHAPTER 9.
SNACKAGE
Nachos Venti
Tater Skinz
Creamy Onion Dip
Golden Beet Hummus
Buffalo Wangs
Boomin’ Shroomers
Gargantuan Guac
Jalapeno Poppers
Juanito’s Salsa
Pico de Gallo
La Carga de la Madre
Homemade Refried Beans
CHAPTER 10.
CONDIMENTS AND SAUCES
The Crazy Shit and the Crazy Shit Vinegar
Barbecrazyshit Sauce
Kajillion Island Dressing
Dreamy Tahini Dressing
Balsamic Glaze
The Tomato Killer
Fauxlognese Sauce
Peanut Sauce
Sour Creaminess
Chili Topping
Seitan Seasoning
Scramble Seasoning
Blackened Seasoning
Parmesan Topping
Hollandaze Sauce
Cashew Ricotta
Not-zzarella Sauce
Smoked Cheddar Sauce
Not Yo Mama’s Cheeze Sauce
Basil Pesto
BONUS CHAPTER.
WE ALL SCREAM!! Ice Cream
Nilla
Raspberry Hibiscus
The Green Goblin
The Sailor’s Peanut Butter Rum
URLs for Accompanying Videos
Index
About the Author
← Prev
Back
Next →
← Prev
Back
Next →