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Index
Cover
Title Page
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Table of Contents
Introduction
Chapter 1: The Hilarious History of Inhumation
The First Burials
Not-So-Final Resting Places
City of the Dead
Catacombs
The Terracotta Army
Drinks Are on the Dead Guy
Undead Burial Precautions
Burn, Baby, Burn
Interior Decorating for the Creepy
Postmortem Photography
Stiffs and Science
Death Is a Hairy Situation
Smell Good or Die Trying
The Number One Postmortem Beauty Tip
The First Mausoleum
Self-Mummification
Suttee Is Sucky
Hanging Around after Death
Funerary Cannibalism
Mortal Combat
Can’t Touch This
Does This Mask Make Me Look Dead?
The Original Frankenstein’s Monsters
Chapter 2: Death Around the World
Superstitions from Six Feet Under
I’m Too Sexy for This Coffin
One Last Joyride
Funeral Fashion
Body Exposure
Tower of Silence
Death Is for the Birds
You’re Standing on Grandma
The Never-Ending Funeral
The Predeath Party
King Me
The Search for Skeletons
Making a Splash in the Afterlife
The Least You Can Do
Stripper Funerals
Dead Dance Party
Fantasy Coffins
Postmortem Marriages
Saying Goodbye to Fido
Chapter 3: Not-So-Solemn Superlatives
The Most Popular Cemetery Name
The Largest Cemetery
The Funniest Cemetery
The Most Expensive Patches of Dirt in the World
The Most Expensive Coffins
The Largest Funerals
The Fastest Hearses
The Most Beautiful Tombstones
The Most Bitter Cemetery
The Smallest Tombstone in the World
The Largest Tombstone in the World
The Most Violent Funeral
The Most Expensive Funeral
The Largest Coffin
The Longest Funeral Procession
The Most Visited Cemetery
The Most Expensive Hearse
The Classiest Pet Burial
The Most Important Funeral
The Oldest Cemetery
The Least Dignified Funeral
Chapter 4: The Future of Funerals
Swimming with the Fishes
When Social Death Meets Actual Death
Coffins and Computers
Diamonds Are Forever
Environmental Expiration
The Organic Afterlife
Dead Doggy Duplication
Go Out with a Bang
Art Is Dead
The Very Cold Hand of Death
Renewable Energy—Cremation Style
Woebegone Webcasts
Fat Funerals
Digital Remains
Plastination
Stuffing Man’s Best Friend
Can You Hear Me Now?
Precautions for the Completely Paranoid
Ashes to Apogee
Chapter 5: Crazy One-Offs
Nightmare Naptime
My Parents Went to a Funeral and All They Brought Me Was This Dumb Skull
The Saddest Shakedowns
Dining with the Dead
Urns Are So Outdated
Like Taking Candy from a Corpse
Coffin Contests
Gallows Humor
Corpse Couture
Love after Death
The Cadaver Synod
The Fine Art of Faking Your Own Death
The Only Way Funerals Could Get Any Worse
Crashing Your Own Funeral
Drive-Thru Funeral Homes
Modern-Day Mummies
Terrible Getaway Vehicles
Crazy Cremations
Real-Life Weekend at Bernie’s
Where There’s a Will …
The Vagina Carver
The Weird World of Obituaries
Frozen Dead Guy Days
Would You Like a Coffin with That?
Nothing Is Certain but Sports and Funerals
One Foot in the Cage
About the Author
Copyright
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