Log In
Or create an account ->
Imperial Library
Home
About
News
Upload
Forum
Help
Login/SignUp
Index
Cover
Title Page
Dedication
Epigraph
Contents
Day 26
Problem #1: All I want for my birthday is for you to know what I want for my birthday without me having to tell you.
Problem #2: If I like him, he’s probably gay.
Problem #3: Who am I, and when did I gain a pound?
Problem #4: You’re my best friend, and I love you to death, but fuck you. Just kidding, I love you. Just kidding, I hate you. Call me.
Problem #5: My vagina is bullshit.
Problem #6: My major in college was picking my major, with a minor in being really bored.
Problem #7: I’m too pretty to be crying right now.
Problem #8: My first trip to jail was not nearly as fun as I thought it would be. Supercute mug shot though.
Problem #9: I hate my horse.
Problem #10: Sorry for texting you ninety-three times last night.
Problem #11: My grandmother is milking the shit out of this one.
Problem #12: My waxer knows me better than I know myself.
Problem #13: It’s 5:15. How much weight can I lose by 8:00?
Problem #14: I miss you, unless you miss me, in which case I’m over you and into me being me.
Problem #15: I’ll eat anything, as long as it’s gluten-free, dairy-free, low-carb, low-fat, low-calorie, sugar-free, and organic.
Problem #16: He’s not a doctor, a lawyer, or a prince.
Problem #17: I need a therapist to talk about the problems I’m having with my therapist.
Problem #18: My dad’s girlfriends are the best. Without them I’d have no one to scream at and blame everything on.
Problem #19: When you say, “Get a job,” I hear, “I hate you.”
Problem #20: Maybe people would take me seriously if I weren’t so hot.
Problem #21: Every job I’ve ever had is the worst job I’ve ever had.
Problem #22: I’m never drinking again, except for the occasional glass of white wine, vodka sodas, on holidays, or my birthday month.
Problem #23: I bottomed out at Barneys.
Problem #24: I surrender, aka excerpts from my rehab diary.
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Copyright
← Prev
Back
Next →
← Prev
Back
Next →