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Index
Praise Title Page Dedication So You Got Knocked Up? - (Getting Pregnant) Honey, Your Sperm Really Do Work! - (Pregnancy Tests) Barf-O-Rama - (Morning Sickness) Niagara in My Pants - (Vaginal Discharge) Psycho Chick - (Hormonal Rage) Holy Shit, I Think I Hard-Boiled My Baby! - (Taking Hot Baths) Granny Panties - (Letting Go of the G-String) I Can Either Pee on You or You Can Get the Hell Out of My Way! - (Frequent Pee Breaks) Passing Stonehenge - (Constipation) Is It a Penis or a Vagina? - (Finding Out the Sex) Can I Have a Mustard Sandwich with Pickles, Anchovies, Peanut Butter, and a ... Where in the Hell Can I Find a Muumuu? - (Nothing to Wear) Freddy Krueger Ain’t Got Nothing on Me! - (Dreams) Is That an Apple on Your Rectum, or Are You Just Happy to See Me? - (Hemorrhoids) Hi, Porn Star! - (Engorged Breasts) Ready and Squeeze . . . Your Kegels - (An Exercise for the Vagina) Well, It’s Not 1972 Anymore! - (Baby Boomers Explaining How It Was in Their Day) Did a Sewer Tank Explode, or Did You Just Fart? - (Gas) Hands Off, Dude! - (Strangers Touching Your Belly) I Can’t See! I’m Bleeding! I Can’t Stand It! - (Weird and Painful Bits and Pieces) www.ihavetostopbuyingbabyshit.com - (On-Line Baby Stores) Is It Hot in Here or Is It Just Me? . . . It’s Just Me - (Hot Flashes and ... Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH! . . . I’ll Take Another One of Those, Please! ... The Crying Game - (Hormonal Blues) So, Anyway, Like I Was Saying . . . Wait, What Was I Saying? - (Wandering Mind) Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who’s the Prettiest Pregnant Lady of Them All? ... It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! . . . No, It’s a Really Swollen Pregnant Lady! - ... The McRib Sandwich - (Back Pain) Headaches - (Headaches . . . Duh) That Ain’t My Ass! - (Cellulite Gain) No, Not Yet! I’m Not Ready for This Yet! - (Premature Labor) Poopin’ on the Table - (The Dark Side of Delivery) The Blue Twinkies - (Your Swollen Vagina) Die, Model Bitch, Die! - (Hating Skinny People) OOOOH! I Think I Felt the Baby Move . . . or Maybe It’s Just Gas - (Baby Kicks) Organizing Freak - (Your Nesting Instinct) Breathing for Dummies - (Lamaze) What the Fu*k Are These? - (Stretch Marks) I Just Need to Lie Down for, Like, Five Minutes . . . Okay, Maybe Three Months ... Pig in the Pasture - (Sex in the Ninth Month) The Moment of Truth - (Labor and Delivery) Let Me Repeat - (Husband No-No’s) Copyright Page
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