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Imperial Library
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Index
Praise
Title Page
Dedication
So You Got Knocked Up? - (Getting Pregnant)
Honey, Your Sperm Really Do Work! - (Pregnancy Tests)
Barf-O-Rama - (Morning Sickness)
Niagara in My Pants - (Vaginal Discharge)
Psycho Chick - (Hormonal Rage)
Holy Shit, I Think I Hard-Boiled My Baby! - (Taking Hot Baths)
Granny Panties - (Letting Go of the G-String)
I Can Either Pee on You or You Can Get the Hell Out of My Way! - (Frequent Pee Breaks)
Passing Stonehenge - (Constipation)
Is It a Penis or a Vagina? - (Finding Out the Sex)
Can I Have a Mustard Sandwich with Pickles, Anchovies, Peanut Butter, and a ...
Where in the Hell Can I Find a Muumuu? - (Nothing to Wear)
Freddy Krueger Ain’t Got Nothing on Me! - (Dreams)
Is That an Apple on Your Rectum, or Are You Just Happy to See Me? - (Hemorrhoids)
Hi, Porn Star! - (Engorged Breasts)
Ready and Squeeze . . . Your Kegels - (An Exercise for the Vagina)
Well, It’s Not 1972 Anymore! - (Baby Boomers Explaining How It Was in Their Day)
Did a Sewer Tank Explode, or Did You Just Fart? - (Gas)
Hands Off, Dude! - (Strangers Touching Your Belly)
I Can’t See! I’m Bleeding! I Can’t Stand It! - (Weird and Painful Bits and Pieces)
www.ihavetostopbuyingbabyshit.com - (On-Line Baby Stores)
Is It Hot in Here or Is It Just Me? . . . It’s Just Me - (Hot Flashes and ...
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH! . . . I’ll Take Another One of Those, Please! ...
The Crying Game - (Hormonal Blues)
So, Anyway, Like I Was Saying . . . Wait, What Was I Saying? - (Wandering Mind)
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who’s the Prettiest Pregnant Lady of Them All? ...
It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! . . . No, It’s a Really Swollen Pregnant Lady! - ...
The McRib Sandwich - (Back Pain)
Headaches - (Headaches . . . Duh)
That Ain’t My Ass! - (Cellulite Gain)
No, Not Yet! I’m Not Ready for This Yet! - (Premature Labor)
Poopin’ on the Table - (The Dark Side of Delivery)
The Blue Twinkies - (Your Swollen Vagina)
Die, Model Bitch, Die! - (Hating Skinny People)
OOOOH! I Think I Felt the Baby Move . . . or Maybe It’s Just Gas - (Baby Kicks)
Organizing Freak - (Your Nesting Instinct)
Breathing for Dummies - (Lamaze)
What the Fu*k Are These? - (Stretch Marks)
I Just Need to Lie Down for, Like, Five Minutes . . . Okay, Maybe Three Months ...
Pig in the Pasture - (Sex in the Ninth Month)
The Moment of Truth - (Labor and Delivery)
Let Me Repeat - (Husband No-No’s)
Copyright Page
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