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Imperial Library
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Index
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Epigraph
Contents
Introduction
Chapter 1: Finding a Date in the Modern Meet Market
Meeting Online
Writing a Profile
Posting a Photo
Rules of Engagement: Introductory E-mails
Taking It Offline
Meeting in Person
The Supermarket Pick-Up
Making Small Talk
Closing the Deal
Signs of Disinterest
Going in for the Digits
Turning Down an Unwanted Suitor
Violations of Personal Space
The Gawker
Disarming the Over-Toucher
The Work-You-from-Behind Clubgoer
Set-Ups
Sneak-Attack Set-Ups
Extrication from Blind Dates
Forbidden Fruit
The Flirty Coworker
The Friend’s Ex
Chapter 2: Making Yourself Presentable
Grooming and Personal Hygiene
Simple Chronic Halitosis
Body Hair Grooming Tips
Pass the Salt—Not the Gas
Proper Dating Attire
Wardrobe Malfunctions
Sweatiquette
Fashion Emergencies
When Your Date Smells
Proper Attire for Your Automobile
Chivalry: Not Dead, Just Updated
If Your Date Is Anti-Chivalry
Chapter 3: The Dating Whirl
First Dates
The Fuzzy Invitation
Everyone Googles
Greeting Your Date
Punctuality
The “What Should We Do?” Talk
Fine Dining and the Art of the Date
If the Datee Suggests a Restaurant That’s Too Pricey
Table Manners
Making Dating Conversation
Who Should Pay?
Goodbye, Farewell, So Long, Adieu
Fending Off an Eager Beaver
Discouraging a Second Date
When Is It Okay to Ditch Your Date?
Second Dates and Beyond
If Your Date Is a Noisy Popcorn Eater
If Your Date Is Rude to the Waitstaff
If Your Date Turns Out to Be a Social Pariah
If Your Date Is an Overzealous Sports Fan
If Your Date Gets into a Fight with Your Friends
If Your Date Is a Coworker
If Your Date Is a Blogger
Jumping to the Dump
Chapter 4: Commitment
Going Exclusive
Having “The Exclusivity Talk”
Exclusivity Crimes and Misdemeanors
Issues in Communication
Appropriate Use of Text Messaging and Instant Messaging
When You Get into a Text Fight
How Much to Reveal About Exes
Pet Names
Folding Your S.O. into Your Social Life
Meeting Your Partner’s Friends
The Ex Who’s Still a Friend
Meeting the Parents
When the Conversation Is Tanking
When the Hatred Is Palpable and Mutual
Advanced Topics in Coupling
Relationship Talks
Gift-Giving
Splitting Checks
Declaring Your Love: Negotiating the L Word
When Cute Habits Become Annoying
Mixing Up Your Partner with an Ex
The Weekend Getaway
If Your Partner Has an Office Girlfriend
Chapter 5: Sex
Sex in a Relationship
Having the STD Talk
Setting the Mood
Condom Etiquette
Doing the Deed
Post-Sex Etiquette
The Wet Spot Tango
The Morning After
Other Considerations for Relationship Sex
When He’s Giving You Stubble Burn
Waking Your Partner Up for Sex
When She Steals the Sheets
If You Call Out the Wrong Name
When You’re Not in the Mood
Kissing and Telling
Sex and the One-Time Only Overnight Guest
One-Night Stands
What’s Expected After a One-Night Stand
Booty Calls
The TMI Friend
Public Displays of Affection (PDA)
When She’s into PDA but You’re Not
Public Sex
Afterword: Essential Etiquette for Breakups and Beyond
Location and Timing
How to Say It’s Over
When It’s Okay to Lie
How to Hide Your Inner Rage, If You’re the Dumpee
If the Dumpee Resists the Breakup
Fake Breaks
Post-Breakup Behavior
Getting Revenge on an Ex
Surviving a First Run-in with Your Ex
E-mailing or Texting Under the Influence
About the Author
Acknowledgments
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