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Imperial Library
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Index
Cover
Title Page
Dedication
table of contents
Introduction
1 Ruff Love
2 Thoughts About My First Agent’s Girlfriend’s Vagina
3 The Sweetest Moments in Geek History! Of All Time!
4 Star Wars Can Totally Help You in Life
5 Random True Story #1
6 Sex: What You Can Do to Help Yourself Have More of It
7 My Fans Rule—And Are Really Good Artists, Too
8 The First Rule of Kindergarten Is That You Have to Bribe Kids to Let Them Play with You
9 My Dinner with Harvard’s Finest
10 The Ten Major Points of Olivia Munn’s 2024 Presidential Campaign Platform
11 What to Do When The Robots Invade (Yes, When!)
12 Muscle Relaxers and Swimming Fully Clothed Don’t Really Go Together So Good
13 Surefire Pickup Lines For College Kids Trying to Nail Their Teachers
14 A Gallery of Great Women
15 On the Playboy Cover Shoot, Scandinavian Stylists, and Picking out Panties
16 The Time I Met the Champ
17 Dating Tips to Totally Help You Score!
18 My Worst Day Ever
19 Princess Leia Tweets Star Wars
20 Random True Story #2
21 “Masturbatory” Is Not Always a Metaphor In Hollywood
22 Spotting Assholes Made Easy
23 Boys Can Be Really Great—And Also Really F’ing Annoying
24 Here’s the Part About Moving to Oklahoma, Throwing My First Party, and Fake Sleeping to Trick the Cops
25 Unfortunate E-mail Sign-Offs
26 The Day I Saw My First Antique Dildo
27 I Did It All for the Love of Pie
28 Random True Story #3
29 Why I’d Rather Date a Geek
30 Suck It, Wonder Woman!
31 How to Make Love Like a Zombie
32 Location, Location, Etc
33 FAQ For a Supergeek
34 “If You Can Get Friction with That Tuba, You Deserve a 25-Year-Old Girlfriend.”
Acknowledgments
Copyright
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