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Dedication
You will be fed up before you've even left the womb.
Your mum will be a sex worker, and you’ll have no idea.
You will be a Houso kid.
Your friends will find a dead body in the bush, and it will be your dad.
Jesus will propose to your sister, and not you. Dick.
You will be in rehab several times before you’re ten years old.
You will get caught masturbating while watching Rugrats.
Your dad will finally die, and you’ll be relieved.
Your mum will chase you with a butcher’s knife.
Your foster dad will stick his hands down your pants, and you will feel so, so lucky.
You will get your first period, and it won’t be the only blood you have to deal with that year.
Your mum will decide she is a lesbian, and she’ll pick her new lover over you.
You will try to fit in at a very exclusive private boarding school (and fail spectacularly).
You will lose your virginity, followed by your mind.
You will go to a very crappy drama school and do a very crappy naked scene.
Your second set of parents will abandon you. Damn.
You will end up in a mental institution.
You will watch your mum attempt suicide, and realise that she’s the only one who understands you.
You will gain ninety kilos, and it will be the best thing that has ever happened to you.
Someone will play Jenga with your face and their penis, and you will consider it a sexual revolution.
You will learn how to be a functioning adult, and realise you don’t care about being a functioning adult.
You will become an Anti-Cool Girl.
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