Overcoming Relationship Problems by Crowe, Michael -- Read -- Imperial Library of Trantor

Index

Cover Title Copyright Contents Acknowledgments Introduction by Professor Peter Cooper Part 1: Relationships and Relationship Problems

1 About Relationships

• Introduction • Couple relationships today • The pressures on couple relationships • Starting a relationship • The family life-cycle • The influence of the family of origin • Cultural differences • Financial and social pressures • Sustaining a long-term relationship • The end of a relationship: bereavement, separation or divorce • Points to remember

2 Understanding Relationships: The Theories

• Introduction • Putting the theories to work for relationship therapy • Communication • Negotiation • Boundaries • Closeness, distance, dominance and submissiveness • The parental couple and hierarchies • Repetitive sequences • Symbols and anniversaries • The importance of balance • Points to remember

3 Sex, Gender and the Couple

• Men and women: the similarities and differences • Sexual drive, sexual desire • Arousal and orgasm • Spontaneity • Expectations • The effect of earlier experiences • Sex and relationships: how they interact with each other • Some suggestions for improvement in the sexual relationship • Points to remember

4 Relationship Problems

• Introduction • Attack and counter-attack • Attack and withdrawal • ‘You’re bossy!’ ‘No, I’m just being responsible’ • Planning versus flexibility • Possessiveness and the question of fidelity • Depression and overprotection • Excitement versus peace • Triangles • Outside pressures • Points to remember

Part 2: What to do About It

5 Self-help: Communicating and Negotiating

• Introduction • How to talk safely together without arguing: timed discussions • Good communication • How to negotiate as a couple • What if you are working alone on improving the relationship? • Helping the improvements to last • If there is no improvement using these ideas and techniques • Points to remember

6 Self-help: Timetables, Arguments, Triangles and Maintaining the Boundaries

• When communicating and negotiating are all right but you still have a problem • Whose problem is it? • Closeness and distance • Does one of you do things that the other one hates? Timetables may help • Do you have difficulty in understanding (empathizing with) each other? • Are you unable to have arguments and resolve them? • Are you too isolated as a couple? • Achieving a balance • Triangles and boundary issues • Triangles involving children • Triangles involving family of origin • Triangles involving friends, outside activities or work • What if all this doesn’t work? The last resort • Points to remember

Part 3: Special Situations

7 Coping with Sexual Problems

• Problems of desire and problems of sexual function • How to discuss sexual difficulties • Keeping your expectations realistic • The exercise you could start with: relaxation and sensate focus • Moving on: genital sensate focus • Problems of sexual function • Male sexual dysfunctions • Female sexual dysfunctions • Problems of desire (1): when the man wants sex more than the woman • Problems of desire (2): when the woman wants sex more than the man • Alternative strategies for sexual desire problems • Points to remember

8 In Sickness and in Health

• Introduction • Couples and physical illness • Couples and psychiatric illnesses • Depression • Schizophrenia and bipolar (manic depressive) disorder • Stress and psychological problems affecting the relationship • Jealousy • Alcohol and other substance abuse • Conclusions • Points to remember

9 Domestic Violence

• The nature of the problem • How to reduce the violence: take responsibility, negotiate and communicate • If the violence has already begun: use avoidance tactics • What if you cannot control the violence? • Points to remember

10 Divorce and Separation

• Introduction • Think about it carefully and weigh the pros and cons • How can divorce or separation be avoided? • Ways to have a better divorce • Points to remember

11 Blended Families (Step-families)

• Introduction • Problems for the couple themselves • Setting up a blended family • Conclusions • Points to remember

12 Establishing a Relationship

• Introduction • How are you going to meet new people? • What if you are shy, socially unskilled or afraid of close relationships? • How much do you really want sex? • Sexual orientation • Moving from meeting to having a sexual relationship • Declaring that you are in a serious relationship • Is the new relationship good enough to commit yourselves to living together? • Joint or separate activities – to share or not to share • Shall we get married? • How about having children? • The family life-cycle • Points to remember

In Conclusion Useful Addresses and Contact Points Further Reading Index