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Index
COVER
TITLE
TESTIMONIALS
COPYRIGHT
DEDICATION
EPIGRAPH
TABLE OF CONTENTS
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
INTRODUCTION
PART 1 — AN OVERVIEW OF RECOVERING
1. The Journey of Recovering From Cptsd
Definition Of Complex PTSD
An Example Of An Emotional Flashback
Toxic Shame: The Veneer Of An Emotional Flashback
List Of Common Cptsd Symptoms
Suicidal Ideation
What You May Have Been Misdiagnosed With
Origins Of Cptsd
More About Trauma
The Four F’s: Fight, Flight, Freeze And Fawn
The 4F’s In A Cptsd-Inducing Family
Poor Parenting Creates Pathological Sibling Rivalry
2. Levels of Recovering
Key Developmental Arrests In Cptsd
Cognitive Healing
Shrinking The Critic
The Developmentally Arrested Healthy Ego
Psychoeducation And Cognitive Healing
Mindfulness
Emotional Healing
Recovering The Emotional Nature
Emotional Intelligence
Toxic Shame And Soul Murder
Grieving As Emotional Intelligence
Grieving And Verbal Ventilation
Spiritual Healing
Gratitude And Good Enough Parenting
Somatic Healing
Somatic Self-Help
Cptsd And Somatic Therapy
The Role Of Medication
Self-Medication
Working With Food Issues
3. Improving Relationships
Forewarning:
Cptsd As An Attachment Disorder
The Origin Of Social Anxiety
A Journey Of Relational Healing
Healing The Shame That Binds Us In Loneliness
Finding Good Enough Relational Help
Parentdectomy And Relational Healing
Learning To Handle Conflict In Relationship
Reparenting
Self-Mothering And Self-Fathering
Self-Mothering Grows Self-Compassion
The Limits Of Unconditional Love
Inner Child Work
Reparenting Affirmations
Self-Fathering And Time Machine Rescue Operation
Reparenting By Committee
The Tao Of Self-Relating And Relating To Others
4. The Progression of Recovering
Signs Of Recovering
The Stages Of Recovering
Cultivating Patience With The Gradual Progression Of Recovery
Surviving Versus Thriving
Difficulties In Identifying the Signs of Recovering
Accepting Recovery As A Lifelong Process
Therapeutic Flashbacks And Growing Pains
Optimal Stress
Silver Linings
“The Unexamined Life Is Not Worth Living”
The Emotional Imperialism Of “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”
PART II — THE FINE POINTS OF RECOVERING
5. What if I Was Never Hit?
Denial And Minimization
Verbal And Emotional Abuse.
Theoretical Neurobiology Of The Critic
Emotional Neglect: The Core Wound In Complex PTSD
The Failure To Thrive Syndrome
Emotional Hunger And Addiction
The Evolutionary Basis Of Attachment Needs
Abandonment Stultifies Emotional And Relational Intelligence
De-Minimizing Emotional Abandonment
Practicing Vulnerability
The Power of Narrative
6. What is My Trauma Type?
Healthy Employment Of The 4 F’s
Cptsd As An Attachment Disorder
The Fight Type And The Narcissistic Defense
The Charming Bully
Other Types Of Narcissists
Recovering From A Polarized Fight Response
The Flight Type And The Obsessive-Compulsive Defense
Left-Brain Dissociation
Recovering From A Polarized Flight Response
The Freeze Type And The Dissociative Defense
Right-Brain Dissociation
Recovering From A Polarized Freeze Response
The Fawn Type And The Codependent Defense
Recovering From A Polarized Fawn Response
Trauma Hybrids
The Fight-Fawn Hybrid
The Flight-Freeze Hybrid
The Fight-Freeze Hybrid
Self-Assessment
Continuums Of Positive And Negative 4F Responses
Recovery & Self-Assessment
The Fight Fawn Continuum Of Healthy Relating To Others
The Flight Freeze Continuum Of Healthy Relating To Self
7. Recovering From Trauma-Based Codependency
Comparing Fawn Origins With Fight, Flight And Freeze Origins
A Definiton Of Trauma-Based Codependency
Codependent Subtypes
Fawn-Freeze: The Scapegoat
Fawn-Flight: Super Nurse
Fawn-Fight: Smother Mother
More On Recovering From A Polarized Fawn Response
Facing The Fear Of Self-Disclosure
Grieving Through Codependence
Later Stage Recovery
“Disapproval Is Okay With Me”
8. Managing Emotional Flashbacks
Triggers And Emotional Flashbacks
The Look: A Common Trigger Of Emotional Flashbacks
Internal vs. External Triggers
Progressive Trigger-Recognition
Signs Of Being In A Flashback
More On Self-Medication
Flashbacks In Therapy Sessions
Grieving Resolves Flashback [Step # 9]
Managing The Inner Critic [Step # 8]
Advanced Flashback Management
Flashbacks As The Inner Child’s Plea For Help
Flexible Use Of The Flashback Management Steps
Existential Triggers
Later Stage Recovery
Helping Kids Manage Emotional Flashbacks
9. Shrinking the Inner Critic
Origin Of The Cptsd Critic
14 Common Inner Critic Attacks
Perfectionism Attacks
Endangerment Attacks
Critic-Initiated Flashbacks
Thoughts As Triggers
The Critic As The Shaming Internalized Parents
Facing The Stubbornness Of The Critic
Perfectionism And Emotional Neglect
More On Endangerment
Using Anger To Thought-Stop The Critic
Shame Is Blame Unfairly Turned Against The Self
Embracing The Critic
Thought-Substitution And Thought-Correction
Perspective-Substitution & Correction
Perspective-Substitution And Gratitude
The Neuroplasticity Of The Brain
10. Shrinking the Outer Critic
The Outer Critic: The Enemy Of Relationship
4 F Types And Outer Critic/Inner Critic Ratios
Passsive-Aggressiveness And The Outer Critic
Refusing To Give Voice To The Critic’s Point Of View
Outer Critic-Dominated Flashbacks
Outer Critic Modelling In The Media
The Critic: Subliminal B-Grade Movie Producer
Watching The News As A Trigger
Intimacy And The Outer Critic
The No-Win Situation
Scaring Others Away
Vacillating Between Outer And Inner Critic
A Case Example Of The Vacillating Critic
The Critic As Judge, Jury And Executioner
Scapegoating
Mindfulness And Shrinking The Outer Critic
When Mindfulness Appears To Intensify The Critic
Thought Substitution & Correction: Supplanting The Critic
Grieving Shortcircuits The Outer Critic
Defueling The Outer Critic Via Working The Transference
Healthy Outer Critic Venting
Road Rage, Transference And The Outer Critic
11. Grieving
Grieving Expands Insight And Understanding
Grieving The Absence Of Parental Care
Grieving Ameliorates Flashbacks
Inner Critic Hindrances To Grieving
Defueling The Critic Through Grieving
The Four Processes Of Grieving
1. Angering: Diminishes Fear And Shame
Angering Helps Deconstruct Repetition Compulsion
2. Crying: The Penultimate Soothing
Crying And Self-Compassion
Crying And Angering In Concert
3. Verbal Ventilation: The Golden Path To Intimacy
Theoretical Neuroscience Of Verbal Ventilation
Thinking And Feeling Simultaneously
Verbally Ventilating Alone
Dissociation Deadens Verbal Ventilation
Left-Brain Dissociation
Verbal Ventilation Heals Abandonment
Verbal Ventilation And Intimacy
4. Feeling: Passively Working Through Grief
Feeling Can Heal Digestive Problems
The Emotional-Physical Connection
Balancing Feeling And Emoting
Learning To Feel
An Exercise In Feeling
Techniques To Invite And Enhance Grieving
12. The Map: Managing the Abandonment Depression
Cycles Of Reactivity
Abandonment Depression Fear & Shame Inner Critic 4Fs
The Layers Of Dissociation In The Cycle Of Reactivity
Parental Abandonment Creates Self-Abandonment
Deconstructing Self-Abandonment
Depressed Thinking Versus Feeling Depressed
Mindfulness Metabolizes Depression
Somatic Mindfulness
Somatic Awareness Can Therapeutically Trigger Painful Memories
Introspective Somatic Work
Dissolving Depression By Fully Feeling It
Hunger As Camouflaged Depression
Pseudo-Cyclothymia
Separating Necessary Suffering From Unnecessary Suffering
Recovery Is Progressive
A Swiss Army Knife Approach To A Flashback
13. A Relational Appoach to Healing Abandonment
The Relational Dimension Of Psychotherapy
Relational Healing In Complex PTSD
1. Empathy
2. Authentic Vulnerability “Realationship” Makes Healthy Relationship
Therapeutic Emotional Disclosure
Guidelines For Self-Disclosure
Emotional Self-Disclosure And Sharing Parallel Trauma History
3. Dialogicality
Meeting Healthy Narcissistic Needs
Psychoeducation As Part Of Dialogicality
Dialogicality And The 4F’s
4. Collaborative Rapport Repair
Moving Through Abandonment Into Intimacy: A Case Study
Earned Secure Attachment
Rescuing The Survivor From The Critic
Finding A Therapist
Finding An Online Or Live Support Group
Co-Counseling
14. Forgiveness: Begin with the Self
15. Bibliotherapy and the Community of Books
Especially Recommended Reading
16. Self-Help Tools
Conclusion
Toolbox 1. Suggested Intentions For Recovery
Toolbox 2. Human Bill of Rights
Toolbox 3. Suggested Internal Responses to Common Critic Attacks
Toolbox 4. Tools for Lovingly Resolving Conflict
Toolbox 5. Self-Gratitudes/ Gratitudes about Others
Toolbox 6. Flashback Management Steps
Bibliography
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