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Also by ARTHUR D. HITTNER
PREFACE
CHAPTER ONE Awkward Beginnings
CHAPTER TWO The Great Guy-Wire Incident
CHAPTER THREE The Romaire Derriere
CHAPTER FOUR Big-Boned, Big Boner
CHAPTER FIVE A Day at the Beach
CHAPTER SIX Dancing Doughnuts
CHAPTER SEVEN Nude Descending a Staircase
CHAPTER EIGHT Catherine
CHAPTER NINE The Confession
CHAPTER TEN Transformation
CHAPTER ELEVEN Goldfish in a Barrel of Piranhas
CHAPTER TWELVE All the Way With LBJ?
CHAPTER THIRTEEN Catherine and The Nun
CHAPTER FOURTEEN Pull Up Your Panties and Cover Your Titties
CHAPTER FIFTEEN The Nun Cometh
CHAPTER SIXTEEN Annie’s Not Your Nun
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN The Steel Prick
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN Bursting Bubbles
CHAPTER NINETEEN The Five Axioms of Sexual Wisdom
CHAPTER TWENTY Nude Descending into Uranus
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE The Deer and the Two-Hundred-Pound Eggplant
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO Pierogis and Barracudas
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE Flophouse Heaven
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR Billy Ray and the Bandana Man
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE Hometown Heterosexual Hero
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX The Morning After
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN Summer of Sixty-Nine
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT Subterranean Spring
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE Dirty Old Homme
CHAPTER THIRTY Our Scheme to Ream Wheems
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE Belle de Jour
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO Grandmother Knows Best
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE Fertilized Fields
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR The Triple-Breasted Mama
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE The Dastardly Deed is Done
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX Piddler on the Roof
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN Cinderella
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT Cuter Than a Pot-Bellied Pig
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE Come Again?
CHAPTER FORTY The Tyranny of the Little Blue Capsules
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE Things Are Not Always As They Seem
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO The Condom Conundrum
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE Sleeping for Money
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR And Then There’s Hope
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE The Epistle from St. Augustine’s
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX The Queen of the Realm and the Knight Very Errant
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN Shall We Dance or Keep on Moping?
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT The Bosom of Bedlam
CHAPTER FORTY-NINE 'Cause My Baby, She Wrote Me A Letter
CHAPTER FIFTY Intervention Redux
CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE Simon Says
CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO Washington or Bust
CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE Sleepless in Mianus
CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR The Nun Redone?
CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE Pepperoni and Sausage
CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX Double-Bagging It
CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN Glamour in the Slammer
CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT All Come to Look for America
CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE Like a Pig in Slop
CHAPTER SIXTY American Gothic
CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE Eye-High to a Horse’s Ass
CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO Lipstick on My Dipstick
CHAPTER SIXTY-THREE Turn On, Tune In, Drop Out
CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR Rendezvous With Catherine
CHAPTER SIXTY-FIVE A Letter to My Lovers
CHAPTER SIXTY-SIX The Eggplant Chronicles
CHAPTER SIXTY-SEVEN The Neat Feat in the Backseat
CHAPTER SIXTY-EIGHT Couch Potato
CHAPTER SIXTY-NINE The Arsonist
CHAPTER SEVENTY The Gendarme and the Baguette
CHAPTER SEVENTY-ONE The Garden of Earthly Delights
CHAPTER SEVENTY-TWO Boom-shakka-lakka-lakka
CHAPTER SEVENTY-THREE The Dude with the Indefatigable Dick
CHAPTER SEVENTY-FOUR The Revenge of the Turds
CHAPTER SEVENTY-FIVE A Grand Farewell
CHAPTER SEVENTY-SIX A Rich Piece of Ass
CHAPTER SEVENTY-SEVEN Gaping Crotch and a Red Paint Blotch
CHAPTER SEVENTY-EIGHT Requiem for an Old Schwinn
CHAPTER SEVENTY-NINE I Could Have Been a V8!
CHAPTER EIGHTY Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag
CHAPTER EIGHTY-ONE Eight Balls
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