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Index
Cover
Title Page
Dedication
Preface
Introduction
Difficult Parent Questionnaire
So Your Parent Is Difficult
How to Get out of a Paralyzing Rut with Your Parents
How to Use the Book
Chapter 1
A Dependent Mother
A Professional Can Help Get You out of a Rut with Your Difficult Parent
Changing the Way You React to Your Parent
The Mother Who Gets Sick When Her Son Goes Away
Did This Son Get Away?
Are Rose’s Illnesses for Real?
Lifelong Dependency
Dependency Can Show up for the First Time in Later Years
Grieving Later-Life Losses
Dealing with Later-Life Dependency
Chapter 2
A “Good” Son Becomes “Bad”
A Grandmother Rejects Her Favorite Grandson
Why Some People Turn Hot and Cold
What to Do When Your Parent Turns Hot and Cold
Turning Against a Perfect Helper
Chapter 3
A Mother Insists on Staying Put
Empathy Can Help
Accentuate the Postive in Your Relationship with Your Parent
When to Step in over Your Parent’s Objection
High-Risk Situations
A Low-Risk Situation
Moderate Risk…Getting a Foot in the Door
When to Step In
Why Do Difficult Parents Resist So Much?
The Critical Person
The Suspicious Parent
Discovering the Cause of Later-Life Turnoff Behaviors
The Overwhelming Loneliness of People with Turnoff Behaviors
Chapter 4
A Vain Mother Won’t Accept Help
How Narcissistic People Typically Behave
Getting Along with a Narcissistic Parent Without Wearing Out
Telling A Parent She Can’t Live with You
The Mother-in-law Who Came to “Help”
Self-Centeredness and Old Age
You Don’t Have to Run Away or Give In
Chapter 5
A Controlling Mother Who Cut Off Her Daugher Now Needs Her Help
Helping the Daughter Decide What to Do and How to Do It
The Queen of the Nursing Home
What to Do about the Nursing Home Queen
Control over Everyday Behavior
Responding to the Control Freak
“My Mother Is the World’s Greatest Manipulator”
The Martyr
What a Grownchild Can Do When Faced with a Martyr Parent
Stress Caused by Controlling Parents
When Reasoning Works
Chapter 6
A Mother Who Has to Eat, Smoke, Drink…
Helping This Mother Break with the Past—The Use of Letter-writing
A Professional Intervention—A Mother Who Is Drinking Herself to Death
“Take My Husband Away or Take Me Away”—Passive Suicide
The Depression Demons
You Need Help, Too
Chapter 7
A Fearful Mother Living at a Distance from Her Son
Dealing with the Fearful Parent
The Validation Approach to Hypochondriasis
A Mother Relives an Early Trauma
Early Trauma Takes its Toll—Post-Traumatic Stress
Helping the Grownchild of a PTSD Sufferer
Chapter 8
Facing up to Loss in a Healthy Way
The Losses of Old Age
A Woman Who Couldn’t Grieve
What to Do When Your Parent Has Trouble Grieving
What to Do When Your Parent Can’t Stop Grieving
Some Parents Avoid Grief by Replacing
Survivors of Trauma May Find It Hard to Grieve
Helping People Mourn with Therapy and Related Programs
The Summation Process of Later Life
Chapter 9
A Daughter Recognizes That She Is Like Her Mother
An Attitude Shift
Mourning a Living Parent
When Your Difficult Parent Dies
A Final Word
Appendix
Personality Disorders
Types of Personality Disorders
The Separation Theory
The Abuse Theory
Bibliography
About the Authors
Copyright
About the Publisher
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