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Index
NEVER TRUST A SKINNY CUPCAKE BAKER
By D.E. HAGGERTY
Chapter 1
Whoever said ‘nothing tastes as good as skinny feels’ has never had cupcakes.
Chapter 2
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, no one wants to hear about your workout.
Chapter 3
My Diet Plan: Make all of my friends cupcakes: the fatter they get, the thinner I’ll look…
Chapter 4
That awkward moment when you’re wearing Nikes and you can’t Just Do It.
Chapter 5
A balanced diet is a cupcake in each hand.
Chapter 6
Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up
Chapter 7
An apple a day will keep anyone away, if thrown hard enough.
Chapter 8
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
Chapter 9
Keep Calm. There’s nothing a cupcake can’t solve.
Chapter 10
“Wow, that Lean Cuisine really filled me up,” said no one, ever.
Chapter 11
Never judge a cupcake by its frosting.
Chapter 12
When stressed and in doubt, cupcake it out.
Chapter 13
According to this BMI chart, I’m too short.
Chapter 14
Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not.
Chapter 15
I can’t solve my problems with cupcakes, but it sure makes me feel better.
Chapter 16
I wish I could lose weight as easy as I lose my mind.
Chapter 17
Celery is 95% water and 100% NOT PIZZA.
Chapter 18
Cupcakes don’t ask silly questions. Cupcakes understand.
Chapter 19
You can’t be sad when you’re holding a cupcake.
Chapter 20
I don’t drown my sorrows. I suffocate them with cupcakes.
Chapter 21
I can’t solve problems with cupcakes, but it sure makes me feel better.
Chapter 22
I never met a cupcake I didn’t like.
Chapter 23
Make cupcakes, not war.
Chapter 24
Procrastibaking: The art of making cupcakes instead of doing what you should be doing.
Chapter 25
It doesn’t matter if you win or lose; it’s how you bake the cupcake.
Epilogue
You are the icing on my cupcake.
BRING YOUR OWN BAKER
By D.E. HAGGERTY
Chapter 1
Start with a teaspoon of terror
Chapter 2
Mix in a dash of honesty
Chapter 3
Stir in some friendship
Chapter 4
Spoon in a heap of intruder
Chapter 5
Let the mixture rest until bubbling
Chapter 6
Beat in a bit of confusion
Chapter 7
Fold in a wallop of subterfuge
Chapter 8
Add a surprise visit
Chapter 9
Pour in a heaping tablespoon of Intervention
Chapter 10
Increase the heat until steaming
Chapter 11
Combine with a pinch of sneaking around
Chapter 12
Add in a hefty dose of annoyance
Chapter 13
Mix in an idea
Chapter 14
Combine with a bit of snooping
Chapter 15
Spoon in a surprise visit
Chapter 16
Weigh in a dollop of anger
Chapter 17
Beat in a game of chance
Chapter 18
Whip the mixture together until a hint of an idea appears
Chapter 19
Measure in an arrest record
Chapter 20
Throw in a bit of va-va-voom
Chapter 21
Whip until the mixture sizzles
Chapter 22
Throw in some male posturing
Chapter 23
Measure in a surprise girlfriend
Chapter 24
Pour in a pinch of attempted control
Chapter 25
Level a dose of scheming
Chapter 26
Cream together with a secret spy mission
Chapter 27
Turn up the heat
Chapter 28
Stir in some snooping
Chapter 29
Dust with a forced confession
Epilogue
Enjoy with the adult beverage of your choice
SELF-SERVE MURDER
By D.E. HAGGERTY
Chapter 1
Insert coffee to begin
Chapter 2
Coffeeology: Take life one cup at a time
Chapter 3
I’m pretty sure BC actually stands for ‘Before Coffee’
Chapter 4
OCD: Obsessive Coffee Disorder
Chapter 5
Oh goodie! It’s coffee o’clock!
Chapter 6
Too much Monday. Not enough coffee.
Chapter 7
Some girls just want to have fun. I just want to have coffee.
Chapter 8
I only need coffee on days ending with a y
Chapter 9
I’d stop drinking coffee, but I’m not a quitter.
Chapter 10
Coffee helps me person. Personing is hard without coffee.
Chapter 11
Coffee: Because crack is bad for you.
Chapter 12
A real prince brings coffee.
Chapter 13
I’m not addicted to coffee, we’re just in a committed relationship.
Chapter 14
I may not cry over spilled milk, but I’ll lose my freaking mind over spilled coffee.
Chapter 15
I’m just waiting to see if my coffee uses its power for good or evil today.
Chapter 16
“Be strong,” I whisper to my coffee.
Chapter 17
Of course, size matters. No one wants a small cup of coffee.
Chapter 18
On the bright side, my coffee will never get cold in hell.
Chapter 19
You can do it ~ whispered my coffee
Chapter 20
I’m tall, dark, and fantastic in the morning ~ says coffee.
Chapter 21
Just pour the coffee straight in.
Chapter 22
Procaffeinating: to delay or postpose actions; put off doing something until you’ve had your coffee.
Chapter 23
Any friend of coffee is a friend of mine.
Chapter 24
Coffee! You can sleep when you’re dead!
Chapter 25
Give me coffee and no one gets hurt.
Epilogue
Love is in the air and it smells like coffee!
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