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When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops
BOB: Yes.
VOICE: This is Steve.
BOB: Oh, hi, Steve. How are you?
STEVE: Well, that’s the reason I’m ca...
BOB: Oh?
EUPHEMISMS: Political-Interest Groups
EUPHEMISMS: POLITICAL-INTEREST GROUPS...
TERRORISM MISNOMERS: DOMESTIC TERRORISM
DOCTOR: Not bad, Pedro, considering a...
PEDRO: Well, I have a malignant tumor...
DOCTOR: Don’t ignore that. Take some ...
PEDRO: Sure, lots of different kinds.
DOCTOR: Good, take some of them. That...
DOCTOR: Don’t ask me.
DOCTOR: Righty-ho!
DAD: How was Debbie’s checkup?
MOM: The dentist was very pleased. On...
DAD: Great.
MOM: Yes! Patented new Choppersheen! ...
DAD: Choppersheen. Now in refreshing ...
FARK: I pretty much just sit around, ...
BOFF: Swell. What about you, Dolly?
DOLLY: No sitting around for me, Mr. ...
BOFF: All day? DOLLY: Except for meal...
FARK: Ready as a bastard, Mr. Boff.
FARK: Jason Warburton and Mrs. Amelia...
PRIEST: I’m not really a priest, son....
MARIAN: I feel the same way about you...
JOEY: I heard Phil Hanley died. What ...
JOEY: Jesus! What a way to go!
NEWS REPORT: THE DEATH OF HUMPTY DUMPTY
ANCHORMAN: Joanie, what’s the scene l...
KING’S MAN: Dooley. Kevin Dooley. WON...
KING’S MAN: That’s right. I’ve been o...
WONG: And were you the first on the s...
WONG: Egg on a wall?
WONG: And what was different this time?
KING’S MAN: Well, this time we’ve got...
WONG: Is that why you’re treating it ...
WONG: So they weren’t able to put him...
WONG: Do the police have any theories?
WONG: Can the public help?
LOPEZ: What do you think happened?
LOPEZ: What are your plans for servic...
LOPEZ: What is that?
LOPEZ: Will you have an open casket?
LOPEZ: How can people express their c...
LOPEZ: Thank you so much, Mrs. Dumpty.
EUPHEMISMS: It’s Gettin’ Old
BODY OF WORK: PART 1
BODY OF WORK: PART 2 TOENAIL CLIPPINGS
LESTER: You’re buyin’ your own birthd...
LESTER: It’s a surprise party, and yo...
LESTER: Save ‘em?
LESTER: Why not?
LESTER: Right.
LESTER: I’m takin’ your word for it.
LESTER: Keep going’.
CHESTER: Anyway, like I say, it’s my ...
LESTER: You got an interesting family.
LESTER: You believe in wishes? I mean...
CHESTER: Well, it couldn’t happen. Un...
LESTER: In your family it might work ...
CHESTER: I know. That’s why I ain’t g...
LESTER: Okay, so long. Have a happy b...
CHESTER: I’ll do my best.
BODY OF WORK: Part 3 SCAB LABOR
EUPHEMISMS: Broke, Nuts and On the St...
STAN: Why do you always . . . DAN: . ...
STAN: And this habit has stayed with ...
STAN: But there must be something you...
DAN: Yes, if I could just find someon...
STAN: … it would put a little balance...
DAN: Right.
STAN: But why does it have to be some...
STAN: … be the same person who finish...
DAN: I don’t know. Let’s ask this . ..
TRUE FACT: There is actually an eroti...
FRANK: Oh. Well, tell him I’m sorry t...
FRANK: Tell him Ginny is dead.
BASIL: How about it, folks? Are you t...
TILLIE: Yes sir.
ZIPPY: You bet your ass!
EUPHEMISMS: Death and Dying
INSTRUCTIONS: FOLLOW CAREFULLY
TUMOR HUMOR: GUYS, GALS & CANCER
WOMEN: THE PRODUCE DEPARTMENT
PAULA: Me either.
KATE: Beach ball.
MAE: Kate, a beach ball’s not a food!
MEN: THE SPORTS SECTION
ED: No kiddin? That one under his arm...
ED: I remember that. For about an hou...
ED: The soccer-ball stage.
ED: Appropriate. How did he die, anyway?
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