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Table of Contents
Chapter 00001
#include <dreams.h>
// I’m completely serious, by the way.
class Gabe {
int main()
Chapter 00010
/* There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t. If you’re wondering where chapters two through nine went, you’re in the latter group. */
Genesis();
Chapter 00011
InitRomance(Gabe, Kimiko);
Chapter 00100
Pi.RunAmok();
/* Note to self: the amount of time actually spent debugging is inversely proportional to the hotness of any samurai chick that knocks on your door. */
Chapter 00101
Hammer(Final_Nail, Pi.Coffin);
Chapter 00110
On(FirstDate(Gabe, Kimiko))
class Michelle: public Bitch {
If(Courtney.Hysterical())
/* Note to self: when a girl says she wants to take a relationship to the next level, it’s never what you want . . . or expect. */
Pi.Sin();
Chapter 00111
Chapter 01000
/* After nine hours of sifting through and reconstructing logs from LCP, this is more or less what I discovered had happened. Pardon the flourish on the narrative, but I figured it was a little more interesting than regurgitating line after line of things like, “Event Code: 34287, Message: System Identified New Package, Record Number: 10723, Event Type: Warning, User: Root, etc.” */
Delete(worm_Jujubeans);
Pi.SetMurderer(Gabe);
Chapter 01001
class Pi: public Psycho {
/* Note to self: Next time we build a super computer, be sure to already have gas-powered generators on hand */
Chapter 01010
If(ThingsCouldBeWorse())
Chapter 01011
While(Pi.Ornery()) {
Chapter 01100
#include <groundschool.h>
If(GroundSchool(Gabe)==pass)
Chapter 01101
Gabe.Smitten(Kimiko);
Chapter 01110
void IcingOnCake() {
class InterrogationRoom {
Chapter 01111
#include <kickassattorney.h>
/* Side note: sometimes getting exactly what you want shows you how much you didn’t want it. */
Kimiko.Blast(Gabe, Maximum_Firepower);
Chapter 10000
#include <nefariousschemes.h>
class FinalBoss {
Chapter 10001
Burn(Pi);
void PhaseTwo(Interrogate(Gabe));
Switch(time) {
Chapter 10010
Gabe.Crap(Pants);
#include <PiHacks.h>
tHour += 3.5;
Gabe.SetDesperation(10);
Chapter 10011
If (timer()==0)
Courtney.Disown(Gabe);
Chapter 10100
// Thank God. That’s all I have to say. Thank. Effing. God.
Chapter 10101
void PhaseThree(Resurrect(Pi));
return 0;
// Man, I’m tired.
Acknowledgements
About the Author
About the Publisher (and other stuff)
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