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Imperial Library
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Index
Cover
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Contents
Move Over, Mrs. Cleaver! There’s a New Bitch in Town! (Mommyhood)
Blowing Out Your Vagina (Vaginal Delivery)
Hey, Dude! Easy with That Scalpel! (C-section)
Nursing Nazi (Bottle or Boob?)
Waitress, Can You Bring Me the Check? I’m Gonna Take My Baby TO GO! (Coming Home)
Okay, Um…Can Someone Quickly Explain How to Raise a Human Being? (Freaking Out)
Ouch, My Udders Hurt! (Breastfeeding)
I’ll Take the Twelve-Pack of Spit Rags, Ten Boxes of Diapers, Seven Packets of Onesies, the #1 Approved Car Seat—and Throw That Super-Deluxe 2010 Stroller in Too! (Overbuying and Stroller Envy)
The Headless Penis (To Cut or Not to Cut)
Rock Star Lullabies (Noisy Influences)
Ew! It Looks Like a Burnt Cocktail Wiener! (Losing the Umbilical Cord)
I’m Singing the Mommy Blues (Postpartum Depression)
Hey, Buddy, It’s Your Turn to Get Up with the Baby! (Split Parenting)
Damn It! My Ass Is Bleeding Again! (Hemorrhoids)
Oh, No, I Ran Out of Cottage Cheese. Wait, I Can Just Scrape Some Off My THIGHS! (Still FAT)
Introducing the TURDinator! (Endless Shits)
Sex?…Yeah, Right! Go Poke a Light Socket! (Still Not in the Mood)
The Million-Dollar Manicure (Cutting the Baby’s Nails)
A New Mom’s BIGGEST Fear (Crib Death)
Hey, Girlfriend…Hello?…What Happened to All My Girlfriends? (Changing of the Guard)
What’s Up, Doc? (Endless Visits)
Thank God for Baby Einstein (Baby Rotation)
Finding Mrs. Doubtfire (The Search for the Perfect Babysitter)
In This Corner We Have Grandma, and in This Corner We Have Grandma (Helpers or Villains?)
The WWE Baby Champion of the World! (Daddy Playtime)
Hey, Honey, the Germs Are Over for Another Visit! (Unwanted Visitors)
Say Cheeeeezy!!! (Documenting Your Baby)
Can Someone Come Over to Do the Laundry and Clean the Toilet So I Can Take a Shower and Shave My Armpits Once This Week? (Mommy Time)
Uh-Oh, My Baby Isn’t Perfect (Deformities)
Burning the Muumuu!! (Finally Losing the FAT)
My Baby’s Smarter Than Your Baby…Oh, Yeah, Well, Your Baby’s Ugly! (Competitive Moms)
Don’t They Make Baby Vicodin? (Teething)
No…NO!! Don’t Touch That! (Babyproofing)
Anorexic Pets (Your Neglected Animals)
Mommy, Can I Have Another Jar of Liquid Chicken and Poo-Poo-Colored Peas? (Feedin’ Time)
www.ismybabydevelopingproperly.com (Researching Your Baby’s On-Time Development)
Cravings from the Dark Side (Starting Up Old Habits)
And the Winner of the Most Severe, Balding, Sweaty, Gum-Diseased Woman of the World Award Is…YOU!!! (Letting Go of Pregnancy Hormones)
Supermom (Deciding to Go Back to Work)
“Can I Take Your Order?” “Yes, God, I’ll Take Another Baby with No Pickles and Extra Mustard This Time” (Deciding on Baby #2)
Tips for Mom
Tips for Dad (From Your Wife)
About the Author
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