The World of Simon Rich by Rich, Simon -- Read -- Imperial Library of Trantor

Index

Copyright Page Contents Growing up

Terrifying childhood experiences A conversation at the grown-ups’ table as imagined at the kids’ table A day at UNICEF headquarters as I imagined it in third grade When I lost my first tooth A conversation between the people who hid in my closet every night when I was seven If adults were subjected to the same indignities as children I still remember the day I got my first calculator Playing nice Our thoughts are with you Letters from camp My mom’s all-time top five greatest boyfriends Math problems Frogs I can only think of two scenarios where high school math would come in handy Ouija board Rebellion Bar mitzvah A fantasy I had in seventh grade Pen pal If life were like middle school Ninth-grade experiments What I imagined the people around me were saying when I was… My friend’s new girlfriend

Animals

Free-range chickens Dalmatians Herbert Hoover Prehistoric life The dog X-files Animal cruelty Lost puppy! Ant farm

Going to work

Great astronaut quotes throughout history Employees must wash hands Notices for tonight’s magic show Physician’s Lounge Swim at your own risk Choose your own adventure Actor’s nightmare Demands Gotham City Hall World’s oldest profession Worst nightmare The only e-mails I could receive that would justify the frequency with which I check my e-mail An interview with Stephen Hawking The final moments of the Titanic Inside the cartridge Role playing Crayola Co. How I imagine life in the U.S. Army (based on the commercials I’ve seen) How college kids imagine the U.S. government War Moon landing transcript

Relationships

One-way ticket to Mars Being of sound mind Moses I think my teenaged daughter knows I read her diary Last Supper What I want my tombstone to say when I die of encephalitis next week When the “guess your weight” guy from the carnival got married Love coupons Stadium proposal Sultan of Brunei First poem

Daily life

Donors needed Inn questionnaire Jewish Web MD Moving sale Roller coaster guidelines Spontaneous combustion The official rules of boxing Secret Service Logic problems Dear Mr. Wilkinson Time machine Amusement Opium wars All-you-can-eat buffet fantasy The eleventh hour Next move Invisible Medieval England Patron of the arts If life were like hockey colombiatourism.com When small talk goes wrong The odds Desert island Glorious battles of the American revolution A day in the life of the Swiss Army Any person living or dead Nostradamus: the lost predictions Guinness Book of World Records

God

Jesus The ride back to Beersheba Repent Karma Everything happens for a reason Intelligent design Why do bad things happen to good people? A miracle Saint Agnes the martyr God has a plan for all of us Orel Hershiser Made for each other A conversation between God and the man in a football helmet and a Speedo who’s always shouting things next to the local Aldi

Acknowledgments

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