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Index
Copyright: Author’s Note 1. Flirt: ‘I may as well take you off my prospective girlfriend list’ 2. Fun: ‘you look like Cleopatra’ 3. False: ‘the truth is that she probably sucked my cock’ 4. Fresh: ‘hello, I’m Randall Grand’ 5. Face: ‘why don’t you fancy me?’ 6. Freeze: ‘you better not meet someone else’ 7. Fade: ‘from now on just wear black’ 8. Food: ‘you look just like me’ 9. Fate: ‘that’s a coincidence’ 10. Flame: ‘it would have saved me a lot of pain’ 11. Flair: ‘my wire eye browed wife’ 12. Axe: ‘I think you should go home’ 13. Ape: ‘you can write a book about me’ 14. Ankh: ‘you’re like my mum’ 15. Air: ‘it’s such a relief that you are here’ 16. Act: ‘I feel famous again’ 17. Arms: ‘have you seen Fight Club? 18. Ash: ‘save me’ 19. Ape: ‘this is the best birthday present I’ve ever had’ 20. A: ‘it was boring actually’ 21. And: ‘do you?’ 22. Child: ‘you will make a great mum’ 23. Call: ‘it won’t last’ 24. Cold: ‘I am obsessed with my girlfriend’ 25. Chance: ‘we are leaving’ 26. Case: ‘how are you getting home from the airport’ 27. Cross: ‘you cunt’ 28. Choose: ‘I’ve changed some things’ 29: Coy: ‘I feel like eating loads’ 30: Crack: ‘Imagine if I was still bulimic’ 31. Cack: ‘when do you poo?’ 32. Tour: ‘I love hearing your laugh’ 33. Tact: ‘I don’t want to be with somebody who is star-struck’ 34. Train: ‘I’m not getting on any fucking train’ 35. Trips: ‘I want to stop having sex with strangers’ 36. Tap: ‘I shan't see you again’ 37. Tease: ‘you’ve got to stay upbeat’ 38. Trust: ‘all women should wear burkas’ 39. Tunes: ‘we need more time together’ 40. True: ‘I love you’ 41. Twelve: ‘these sea shoes are good’ 42. Same: ‘disingenuous’ 43. Sea: ‘come on, let’s skinny dip’ 44. Shark: ‘your skin is so soft’ 45. Snap: ‘The Sun is printing it’ 46. Sun: ‘she’s asked me to text her a photo’ 47. Sack: ‘just get rid of her’ 48. Self: ‘look they talk about you’ 49. Sex: ‘it’s such a relief’ 50. Suck: ‘you look like a painting’
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