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CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION: LIBERALS AND THE WOMAN WHO HATES THEM
AIRPORT SECURITY: MAKE IMAMS TAKE BUSES
BABY-KILLING: ABORT LIBERALS, NOT CHILDREN
BLACKS: THE ONLY THING STANDING BETWEEN THE DEMOCRAT PARTY AND OBLIVION
GEORGE W. BUSH: THE GUY I’D MOST LIKE TO HAVE A NONALCOHOLIC BEER WITH
CHRISTIANS: MUST REPRODUCE MORE
BILL CLINTON: HE LEFT A MARK ON HISTORY THAT MAY NEVER COME OUT
HILLARY CLINTON: THE SMARTEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD!
COLLEGES: THE ENGLISH TRANSLATION OF “MADRASSA”
COMMUNISM: A NEW FRAGRANCE BY HILLARY CLINTON
ANN COULTER: MY QUOTES ABOUT ME!
CRIME AND PUNISHMENT: PREFERABLY A TWO-STEP PROCESS
DEAR ANN: FREE ADVICE WORTH EVERY PENNY
DEMOCRAT IDEAS (SEE ALSO: MARX, LENIN)
DEMOCRATS’ VIRTUES: POINTS OF LIGHT IN A SEA OF DARKNESS
ELECTIONS: IT ONLY ENCOURAGES THEM
ENVIRONMENTALIST!: ADOLF HITLER WAS THE FIRST ENVIRONMENTALIST
EVOLUTION, ALCHEMY, AND OTHER “SETTLED” SCIENTIFIC THEORIES
FOREIGNERS, OR THE “NON-SOAP-ORIENTED”
GAYS: NO GAY LEFT BEHIND!
GIRLS: CHICKS HATE IT WHEN YOU CALL THEM “GIRLS”
GUANTANAMO: ROOM SERVICE, I’D LIKE SEVENTY-TWO VIRGINS, PLEASE
GUNS: THE CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT YOU CAN CARRY IN YOUR PURSE
HOLLYWOOD: THEY OUGHT TO BE COMMITTED - OOPS, THEY ALREADY ARE!
IMMIGRATION: THIS IS OURS, THAT IS YOURS…SAY, DO YOU DO WINDOWS?
IRAQ: A NEW REALITY SHOW
TEDDY KENNEDY: APPARENTLY FAT, DRUNK, AND STUPID IS A WAY TO GO THROUGH LIFE
JOHN KERRY: “WHO AMONG US DOES NOT LOVE NASCAR?”*
THE LANGUAGE POLICE: CAN’T WE HAVE MORE REAL POLICE?
LIBERAL “ARGUMENT”: HISSING, SCRATCHING, AND HAIR-PULLING
LIBERALISM AND OTHER PSYCHOLOGICAL DISORDERS
“LIBERAL PATRIOTISM” AND OTHER OXYMORONS
LIBERAL RELIGION: AMERICAN IDOLATRY
LIBERALS IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER, OR WHY I SOMETIMES WAVER ON ABORTION
LIBERAL TACTICS: DISTORTION, DISSEMBLING, DECEPTION - AND THE REST IS JUST RUN-OF-THE-MILL TREASON
McCARTHYISM: CALLING COMMUNISTS “COMMUNISTS”
THE MILITARY - THEIR PET PEEVE: KEEPING GEORGE CLOONEY SAFE
MORALS: GET CHUCK SCHUMER OVER HERE, I DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS TWICE!
MUSLIMS: SANTA CLAUS, THE EASTER BUNNY, AND A MODERATE MUSLIM WALK INTO A BAR …
THE NEW YORK TIMES: DON’T LOOK NOW, BUT THE OLD GRAY LADY IS ON A RESPIRATOR
OLD MEDIA: IMAGINE AN OPEN SEWER WITH COUPONS, WANT ADS, AND YOUR HOROSCOPE
RONALD REAGAN, OR WHY I SOMETIMES WAVER ON HUMAN CLONING
REPUBLICANS: AREN’T THEY MAGNIFICENT?
SCANDALS: THERE’S A NEW MUSEUM DEDICATED TO THEM IN LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS
SEX: “VIRILE PACIFIST” IS AN OXYMORON
THE SUPREME COURT: I HAVEN’T BEEN OFFICIALLY APPROACHED AS YET, BUT THANKS FOR ASKING
TAXES: HOW ABOUT AMNESTY FOR “THE WEALTHY”?
THE WAR ON TERRORISM: PEACENIK PACIFISTS TO THE RESCUE!
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