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Imperial Library
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Index
Cover
Contents
Acknowledgments
Introduction
chapter 1: How to Really Listen
Real Listening vs. Pseudo Listening
Blocks to Listening
Active Listening
Step 1. Paraphrasing
Step 2. Clarifying
Step 3. Feedback
Listening with Empathy, Openness, and Awareness
Listening with Empathy
Listening with Openness
Listening with Awareness
Putting It All Together
chapter 2: Letting Others Know You
The Rewards of Self-Disclosure
The Path to Self-Disclosure
Assessing Your Openness
Making a Plan for Letting People In
Putting It All Together
chapter 3: Expressing What You Feel and Need
Four Kinds of Expression
Observations
Thoughts
Feelings
Needs
Whole vs. Partial Messages
Contaminated Messages
Preparing Your Message
Self-Awareness
Other Awareness
Place Awareness
Using Whole Messages to Navigate Difficult Situations
Sophie’s Story
Chris’s Story
Guidelines for Effective Expression
Be Direct
Communicate Immediately
Communicate Clearly
Be Straight
Be Supportive
Putting It All Together
chapter 4: Recognizing Hidden Agendas
The Eight Hidden Agendas
“I’m Good”
“I’m Good (But Others Aren’t)”
“You’re Good (But I’m Not)”
“I Suffer; I’m Helpless”
“I’m Blameless”
“I’m Fragile”
“I’m Tough”
“I Know It All”
Do the Opposite
Step 1. Practice Opposite Action in Specific Situations
Step 2. Recognize Your Hidden Agendas
Step 3. Practice Opposite Action on the Fly
Dealing with the Hidden Agendas of Others
Putting It All Together
chapter 5: Understanding Your Beliefs and the Beliefs of Others
Using Compassion to Expand Your World
Using Clarification to Deepen Understanding
Omissions
Vague Pronouns
Vague Verbs
Abstractions and Other Vague Nouns
Challenging Limited Perspectives
Absolutes
Implied Limits
Implied Values
Challenging Distorted Perspectives
Cause and Effect Errors
Mind Reading
Presuppositions
Apologizing
Putting It All Together
chapter 6: Assertive Communication
The Three Main Communication Styles
Passive
Aggressive
Assertive
Choosing Communication Styles
Reasons for Communicating in a Passive Style
Reasons for Communicating in an Aggressive Style
Setting Assertiveness Goals
Expressing Yourself Assertively
Revisiting Active Listening
Using Assertive Communication and Active Listening Together
Responding to Criticism
Acknowledgment
Clouding
Probing
Special Assertive Strategies
The Broken Record Technique
Shifting from Content to Process
Delaying Briefly
Taking a Time-Out
Putting It All Together
chapter 7: Making New Connections
Overcoming Fear of Rejection
Being Realistic
Guidelines for Making Contact
Be Aware of Body Language
Use Icebreakers
Mastering the Art of Conversation
Asking Questions
Active Listening
Self-Disclosure
The First Level: Self-Disclosure During Initial Contact
The Second Level: During the Early Stages of a New Relationship
The Third Level: After a Relationship Is Established
Putting It All Together
chapter 8: Sexual Communication
Identifying What Sexuality Means to You
Assessing Your Readiness
Your Values Regarding Sex
Effective Sexual Communication
Communicating with Your Partner
Asking Questions About Sex
Talking to Your Parents About Being Sexually Active
Your Sexual Orientation
Putting It All Together
chapter 9: Family Communication
Staying Current
Understanding Family Patterns and Communication Styles
Family Rules About Communication
Dealing with Expectations
Common Communication Blocks in Families
Mind Reading
Rehearsing
Putting It All Together
chapter 10: Communication for Academic and Career Success
The Perils of Connectivity
Texting
Written Communication
E-mail Communication
Phone Calls
Face-to-Face Communication
Self-Knowledge
Interviewing
Dress for Success
Types of Interviews
In-Person Interviews
Telephone and Internet-Based Interviews
After the Interview
The Little Things That Matter
Putting It All Together
Conclusion
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