Accommodating (conflict resolution), 136, 138
Active listening, 127–130, 158
Agendas: anchoring and concessions, 76; home versus work negotiations, 6; multiple agendas, 6, 12; planned agendas, 144–145; and roles, 83, 91
Agreement bias, 22
Analogical transfer, 10–12
Anchoring and insufficient adjustment bias, 76–80, 155–156
Artificially high stakes, 74–75
“Ask your mother/father,” 7, 84, 157
Attention residue, 109
Avoiding (conflict resolution), 136–137, 138
Back-channeling, 129
Bedtime negotiations, 4, 6, 7, 38, 42, 73, 150, 160
Bias blind spot, 69
Biased punctuation, 70
Biases and pitfalls, 67–68; agreement bias, 22; anchoring and insufficient adjustment bias, 76–80, 155–156; artificially high stakes, 74–75; bias blind spot, 69; biased punctuation, 70; decision-making biases, 68–80; definition of bias, 68; escalation of commitment, 71–74; five big ideas, 80; misremembering the origins, 69–71; previous decisions, 71–74; projection, 70; reactive devaluation, 71; status quo bias, 73; sunk cost fallacy, 72; test drive, 155–156; “throwing good money after bad,” 73; too-high-stakes bias, 75; winner’s curse, 75–76
Bierce, Ambrose, 118
Chores negotiations, 6, 12, 29, 35, 59, 79, 96. See also Cleaning negotiations; Garbage (chores) negotiations
Cleaning negotiations, 19, 38, 43, 50, 75, 96
Coach (role), 92–96; as children age, 95; common ground, 95; main event, 94–95; neutral location, 93; opening statement, 93–94
Collaborating (conflict resolution), 137, 138–139
Commitment, escalation of, 71–74
Common ground, 58, 94, 95, 157
Common information effect, 87–88
Communication: and conflict, 139–145; effective language, 139–141; nonverbal communication, 142–143; planned agendas, 144–145; and similarity effect, 145; test drive, 157–158. See also Text-based communication and texting
Competing (conflict resolution), 135–136, 138
Compromising (conflict resolution), 138, 139
Conflict and communication, 133–134; accommodating (conflict resolution), 136, 138; addressing negativity immediately, 143–144; avoiding (conflict resolution), 136–137, 138; and choice, 138–139; collaborating (conflict resolution), 137, 138–139; competing (conflict resolution), 135–136, 138; compromising (conflict resolution), 138, 139; effective language, 139–141; learned behavior, 134–135; nonverbal communication, 142–143; planned agendas, 144–145; responsiveness and control, 135–138; and similarity effect, 145; test drive, 160–161
Conformity pressures, 55–56
Contrasts, use of, 57–59
Deal-breakers, 17, 24, 28–29, 30, 31, 84, 151
Decision making: biases, 155; and communication, 110–111; different styles of, 156; and emotions, 117; online versus face-to-face, 110; science of, 68–69; and self-awareness, 150
Disrespect, 36
Distributive justice, 40–41
Door in the face, 57–58
Email, 103, 107, 111. See also Text-based communication and texting
Emotional congruence, 121
Emotions, 117; and active listening, 127–130; and children, 126–127; and communication, 99–100, 104, 105, 106–107, 112; emotional congruence, 121; emotional culture, 120; five big ideas, 130; home versus work negotiations, 5; labeling, 127, 130; neuroscience of, 118–120; and rationality, 122–126; and silence, 119; snap judgments, 121–122; test drive, 158–159; venting, 143–144
Equality logic, 40–41
Equity logic, 41
Escalation of commitment, 71–74
Everyday conflict, 133–134; accommodating, 136; and communication, 139–145
“Everyone else is doing it” (conformity pressures), 55–56
Exhaustion (as a tactic), 59–61
Experience, learning from, 7
Fairness, 39–43; and consistency, 40; distributive justice and equality logic, 40–41; interactional justice and need-based logic, 41–43; and language, 40; procedural justice and equity logic, 41
Five big ideas: biases and pitfalls, 80; conflict and communication, 145–146; emotions, 130; home versus work negotiation skills, 12–13; preparation and planning, 30–31; roles, 96–97; strategy, 47; tactics and psychology, 63–64; text-based communication and texting, 112–113
Follett, Mary Parker, 17
Food negotiations, 4, 6, 41, 51, 140–141, 151–152, 155–156
Foot in the door, 58–59
Garbage (chores) negotiations, 22–23, 24, 27, 28, 29
Goals: and brainstorming, 169–170; and compromise, 138, 139; and conflict, 135, 138, 139; home versus work negotiation skills, 3, 4, 9, 12; and planning, 15–16, 18, 19, 21, 26, 31, 151; and psychological tactics, 53; and strategy, 44, 45
Good cop/bad cop (roles), 88–91
Haircut negotiations, 28
Home versus work negotiation skills, 3–12; and carry-over, 5, 12; and emotion, 5, 12; and multiple agendas, 6, 12; and repetition, 5, 12; test drive, 150
Homework negotiations, 3, 6, 7, 19, 37, 39, 44, 55, 85, 124, 139
“Honor code” commitments, 63
Inert knowledge, 11
Interactional justice, 41–43
Interest, definition of, 21
Intermittent reinforcement, 59–60
Irrationality, 11, 25, 67–68, 71, 75, 155–156. See also Rationality
Judge (role), 91–92; as children age, 95
Justice: interactional, 41–43; procedural, 41
Kids guide to negotiating, 163–171; brainstorming, 169–170; deciding whether to negotiate, 164; explaining yourself, 169; questions to ask first, 167–168; thinking first, 165–166
Learned behavior, 134–135
“Let’s just split it,” 17, 18, 43–44
Liar’s advantage, 62
Locke, John, 57
Logic: equality logic, 40–41; equity logic, 41; need-based logic, 41–43
Lying, 61–63
Misremembering the origins, 69–71
Need-based logic, 41–43
Negativity: and conflict, 143–144; and technology, 107, 110–111
Negotiation, definition of, 4–5
Negotiation skills: and analogical transfer, 10–12; five big ideas, 12–13; home versus work, 3–13; incidence and statistics, 6–7; and learning from experience, 7; and paradoxes of parenting, 8–10
Neuroscience: of emotions, 118–120; of lying, 62
Novice, good, and master negotiators, 25
Open-ended questions, 129
Paradoxical leadership, 8–9; distance versus closeness, 9; requirements versus flexibility, 9; self-centeredness versus other-centeredness, 9; uniformity versus individualization, 9
Paraphrasing, 129
Parenting styles, 90, 135, 156; authoritarian, 135; authoritative, 135; permissive, 135
Pitfalls. See Biases and pitfalls
Polarization, 88
Position, definition of, 21
Preparation and planning: deal-breakers, 17, 24, 28–29, 30, 31; example of three-question checklist, 29–30; five big ideas, 30–31; immediate versus perpetual events, 18–19; knowing reasons for negotiation, 19–20; perspective taking, 24–29; priorities, 16, 17, 19, 21, 24, 28–29, 30, 31; setting goals, 15–16; sharing reasons for negotiation, 20–24; test drive, 151–152; three-question checklist, 16–18
Priorities: and biases, 79, 80; and conflict, 135; and emotions, 117, 118, 125; and preparation, 16, 17, 19, 21, 24, 28–29, 30, 31; and psychological tactics, 61, 154; and roles, 84, 85, 96; and strategy, 42
Procedural justice, 41
Projection, 70
Psychology. See Tactics and psychology
Rational, definition of, 68
Rationality: and biases, 67–68, 69, 71, 75; defusing emotions, 124–125; and emotions, 122–126; moods, 124; physiological calming, 125; and self-awareness, 122–123; talking out loud, 125–126; triggers, 123. See also Irrationality
Rationalization, 20
Reactive devaluation, 71
Reciprocal concessions, 58
Reciprocity, 58
Response options: ignore it, 54, 55; name it, 54, 55; reframe it, 54, 55
Responsibility, 6, 19, 30, 43, 54
Responsiveness and control, 135–138
Roles: coach, 92–96; and common information effect, 87–88; five big ideas, 96–97; good cop/bad cop, 88–91; judge, 91–92; and polarization, 88; teammate, 84–88; test drive, 156–157
Rules, 6, 8–9, 30, 152; and communication, 99, 108; and conformity pressures, 55–56; distributive justice and equality logic, 40–41; and emotions, 130, 134, 135, 138, 140; and fairness, 39–40; interactional justice and need-based logic, 41–43; “let’s just split it” strategy, 43–44; procedural justice and equity logic, 41; and roles, 89, 93–94; and strategy, 38–47; and technology, 108
Schedule negotiations, 28, 156–157
Similarity effect, 145
Snap judgments, 121–122
Status quo bias, 73
Strategy, 33–35; fairness, 39–43; five big ideas, 47; go-to fair solution (“let’s just split it”), 43–44; insight, 34, 44–46; power, 33–34, 35–38; rules, 34, 38–39; test drive, 152–153
Sunk cost fallacy, 72
Tactics and psychology: charm, 53; conformity pressures, 55–56; door in the face, 57–58; exhaustion, 59–61; five big ideas, 63–64; foot in the door, 58–59; getting parents to yes, 51–53; guilt trips, 53; intermittent reinforcement, 59–60; lying, 61–63; meltdowns, 53; playing one parent off of another, 53; promises for future behaviors, 53; rational and persuasion appeals, 52; strategies used by children, 53–55; test drive, 153–155; “That’s not all,” 59; use of contrasts, 57–59
Teammate (role), 84–88; and common information effect, 87–88; complications and pressures, 84–85; definition of team, 84; good cop/bad cop, 88–91; tagging in and out, 86–87; and tunnel vision, 85–86; two heads are better than one, 85
Technology, 112; challenges of, 107–110; and communication, 99–113; and generational differences, 102; literacy, 8. See also Text-based communication and texting
Television negotiations, 37, 39, 40, 41, 51, 91
Test drives: biases and pitfalls, 155–156; communication, 157–158; conflict and communication, 160–161; conversations and negotiation, 150; emotions, 158–159; preparation and planning, 151–152; psychological tactics, 153–155; roles, 156–157; strategy, 152–153
Text-based communication and texting, 99–100; and attention residue, 109; and decision making, 110–111; email, 103, 107, 111; emojis, 107, 158; and emotions, 99–100, 104, 105, 106–107, 112; five big ideas, 112–113; human speech and texting, 104–106; and negative behavior, 110–112; and overconfidence, 103–104; and technology, 107–110; texting brevity and tone, 100–104; words and symbols, 106–107. See also Communication
Texting negotiations, 157–158, 164
“That’s not all,” 59
“Throwing good money after bad,” 73
Too-high-stakes bias, 75
Vacation and travel negotiations, 86, 152–153, 155–156, 159
Venting, 143–144
Winner’s curse, 75–76
Zero-sum game, 18