What You Already Know and What’s New
Step 1 Cracking the Negotiations Code
Why Is This So Much Harder at Home Than at Work?
The Limits of Learning from Experience
The Problem of Analogical Transfer
Five Big Ideas about Learning Negotiation Skills
2The Single Best Predictor of Success: Preparation
The Nitty-Gritty of Preparing: The Three-Question Checklist, Asked Twice
Why Are “Whys” Particularly Hard in This Setting? The Two Levels: Immediate and Perpetual
First Things First: Get Your Own Ducks in a Row
What about Your Child’s Perspective? The Second Time through the Three Questions
An Example of the Three-Question Checklist (Asked Twice) in Action
3Choosing a Strategy: Power, Rules, and Insight
The Go-To Fair Solution: “Let’s Just Split It”
Five Big Ideas about Choosing a Strategy
Step 2 Becoming a Master of the Moment
4Psychological Warfare: The Common Tactics Kids Use for Getting What They Want
The Go-To List That Comes Preinstalled in Most Children
Tactic #1: The Buck Stops Where? Conformity Pressures in Parenting
Tactic #3: What If I Just Keep Asking? Really, I Could Do This All Day … The Exhaustion Tactic
The Science of Decision Making
Misremembering the Origins: Getting Stuck on Blame
Escalation of Commitment: Getting Stuck with Our Previous Decisions
Artificially High Stakes: Getting Stuck on Fears for the Future
The Winner’s Curse: Getting Stuck on What Might Have Been
Anchoring and Concessions: Getting Stuck on the First Thing You Hear
6Multiple Roles at the Table: Teammate, Coach, and Judge
Teammate: The Two-Headed Monster
Sure, We’re on the Same Page! (Aren’t We?)
Which One Are You, The Strict one or The Nice One?
Coaching and Judging over Time
Five Big Ideas on Your Multiple Roles in Negotiations (Teammate, Judge, and Coach)
Step 3 Bringing the Best of Yourself
8Negotiating While Hopping Mad: Managing Emotions in Negotiations
Why Is It So Hard to Think Straight When Mad, Sad, or Glad?
Catch It, Share It, and Weigh It: Contagion, Congruence, and First Impressions
The Emotional You versus The Rational You: Fight of the Century!
Kids’ Emotions: A Work in Progress
The Life Raft of Active Listening
“My Way or the Highway” versus “I Need to Do What My Child Needs Me to Do”
Can You Hear Me Now? Strategies for Communicating Well
Five Big Ideas about Conflict and Communication
10The Tools at Work: The Test Drives
What’s Different about a Negotiation at Home?
Being Battle Ready for The Every Day, Every Kid Tactics
We Are All (Parents and Children) Predictably Irrational
Don’t Get Derailed by Emotions
Moving Beyond Your Defaults in Resolving Conflicts and Communicating
AppendixThe Five Rules Your Kids Need to Think Like a Master Negotiator
Rule #1: Decide: Should I, or Shouldn’t I?
Rule #2: Before You Even Open Your Mouth, Spend a Minute Thinking
Rule #3: Ask a Lot of Questions (Before You Start Talking about Your Own Ideas)