EVERY YOUNG MAN’S TRUTH(Your Personal Journey into God’s Word)
This week’s reading assignment:
chapters 12–14 in Every Young Man, God’s Man
Every young man needs another young man in his life to sharpen and realign him in his walk with God. To be God’s young man requires placing a high value on male relationships that keep you spiritually strong. One of my favorite Scriptures says it best: “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17).
Most young men I counsel overlook this important biblical principle, which is a shame.
—from chapter 12 in Every Young Man, God’s Man
EVERY YOUNG MAN’S TRUTHAn old 1970s song says: “He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother.” It speaks of caring for the other guy, because “his welfare is my concern,” so “the load doesn’t weigh me down at all.”
Is it really possible to feel that way about other human beings? In the church, it’s absolutely essential. As Christ’s band of brothers, we are called to shoulder one another’s burdens. We are to risk realness in our words. Speak the truth of our hearts. And just plain love one another. That way, we keep one another sharp for kingdom battles.
It starts by looking at Jesus, our mentor. Though He was Lord of all, He knelt to wash the feet of His brothers, declaring Himself to be their servant. Can you do it—serve the guy next to you in your small group? Really care about his problems and needs? The scriptures below will help you decide.
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2)
Speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.…
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. (Ephesians 4:15-16,25)
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen. (1 Peter 4:8-11)
1. Can you think of a time when a Christian brother really needed your help? What did you do?
2. According to Ephesians 4, why is speaking the truth an important part of our life in the body?
3. What does it mean to you that love covers a multitude of sins?
4. How would you define hospitality in your own words? What would it look like if the guys in your small group were offering “hospitality to one another without grumbling”?
Section I: focus on chapters 12 and 13a (ending before the subhead “Confession Is Not for Cowards”).
Note: for an eight-week study, include Section II starting on this page.
EVERY YOUNG MAN’S CHOICE
If you’re unsharpened by the presence of another committed friend, your commitment to God won’t perform. It will be duller than a steak knife that’s been played with in the dirt all morning long. But a young man who’s got a spiritual sharpening stone in his life—another brother headed down the same path toward God—can make the transition to the bigger issues of manhood with support, confidence, and encouragement to do the right thing.
Take Jordan for example.
Since I’m older and have spoken on sexual integrity issues for years, I felt at ease talking about sex to this group of students. I described how I struggled to be victorious, fought “the fever” as a younger man, and experienced the huge blessings of sexual integrity. I want younger audiences to connect with me as someone who knows exactly what they’re going through.
That morning in Ohio, I made the following points …
5. Who is your spiritual sharpening stone? How does he help you the most? Who might be a good candidate to become your sharpening stone in the future?
6. Review the points Kenny made during his talk in Ohio. Choose the one that sparks the most interest for you—and jot down the reason.
EVERY YOUNG MAN’S WALK Listen, the guys you think have it all together are just as whacked out as you! The discovery that is helping today’s young men win their big spiritual battles is that they are learning they need better relationships with their God-focused peers. When I encourage young men to pursue relationships with their guy friends, I see many change their thinking about their guy connections and use them in ways that God intended.
Guys don’t even think about discussing their feelings or what’s churning inside with another friend. We prefer to stuff our emotions, maintain a stiff upper lip, and carry on with harboring what’s really going on inside.…
The result is that we’re pretty bad at dealing with our emotions. Here’s a quick list, and ask yourself if any of these hit your bull’s-eye:
• You mask anger with sarcasm.
• You avoid serious conversations by making fun of the subject.
• You “gotta go.”
• You change the scenery.
• You keep secrets.
• You avoid guilt through rationalization.
• You deflect mistakes.
• You blame others.
• You hang out with shallow people who don’t “go there.”
• You change the subject.
7. What’s the difference between a peer and a God-focused peer? How many friends of each do you have? Which relationships do you actively pursue?
8. Take up Kenny’s challenge in the second quotation above and mark which two or three emotion-avoiding tactics hit your bull’s-eye.
9. What for you was the most meaningful concept or truth in these chapters of Every Young Man, God’s Man? How would you talk this over with God? Write down your response as a prayer to Him. What do you believe God wants you to do in response to this week’s study?
EVERY YOUNG MAN’S TALKKey Highlights from the Book for Reading Aloud and Discussing
I know we’ve talked about the fairer sex a lot in Every Young Man, God’s Man, but the number one dilemma facing God’s young men today is not sexual temptation. It’s isolation.
I have found that young men who aren’t making the transition to spiritual manhood have reached their sad state because they’re connected to other guys who dull their edge to their goals as God’s men. In this group of friends, they don’t:
• risk getting honest about the tough stuff burning a hole in the pit of their stomachs
• watch one another’s backs spiritually
• pray for one another regularly
• push one another to be in God’s Word
• ask how a guy’s walk with the Lord is going
• encourage one another to take bold risks for Christ
• care enough to confront behavior that doesn’t square with Scripture
When it comes to getting honest with others about what’s really going on in their lives, many young men pull the old rope-a-dope. They use spin, employ shady tactics, or just flat-out lie to deliberately lead people to thinking all is well when the reality is that they need help, advice, or even rescue.
Discussion Questions
An opening question: Which parts of these chapters were most helpful or encouraging to you? Why?
A. If you agree with Kenny that isolation—not sexual temptation—is a young man’s number one dilemma, how do you explain it?
B. How can another guy dull your spiritual edge? (See the seven listed don’ts.) How can he sharpen you?
C. When have you seen the old rope-a-dope in action among a group of guys? How effective was it?
D. Look again at the seven scriptures that Kenny lists to show “what God has to say about the science of being sharp.” Discuss how each of these passages could apply to a twenty-first-century guy.
Section II: focus on chapters 13b (beginning with the subhead “Confession Is Not for Cowards”) and 14.
Note: if you’re following a twelve-week track, save the rest of this lesson for the following week. If you’re on the eight-week track … then keep going.
EVERY YOUNG MAN’S CHOICE Most young men do not have the stomach for confession because it forces them to confront themselves or their actions. (Newsflash: no one likes to do that!) Revealing your dirty laundry is like showing the world your dirty underwear. No one wants to do that, so it’s better to resort to rope-a-dope. The problem is that the only one getting roped is you! Satan loves it when a young man believes his smoke screens are working, because the longer he stays unconfessed and self-deceived, the longer he can keep inflicting losses on someone who could be living for God.
Most guys I counsel have not engaged the ministry of the Holy Spirit, the third person of the Trinity, and all He can do for them. Perhaps you’re unaware that Jesus described His character and ministry with such words as counselor, comforter, helper, spirit of truth, and guide. The Holy Spirit is ready and willing to speak the right direction in your mind. All you have to do is let Him do this, and when that happens, He will guide you through every temptation and help you avoid many of the traps others fall into.
10. In silence, with a heart open to God, reflect: Do I have a stomach for confession? Have I been rope-a-doping lately? How unconfessed am I at the moment?
11. Would you like to engage the ministry of the Holy Spirit today? Well, just let Him. Jot down your request to the Holy Spirit.
EVERY YOUNG MAN’S WALK I look at confession as giving Satan a bloody nose, and that’s what happens when you punch back with God’s truth.
If you think I’m off base on this, just listen to how strongly God encourages His people to practice the discipline of confession with Him and others, then make a note of the consequences.
For God’s young man, trusting that the Holy Spirit will be there to guide you and counsel you is kind of like taking that first run down the bunny slope. It’s a risk because you’re practically guaranteed to fall. But one thing I’ve learned about being God’s young man is that when you risk changing for Him, the change always takes you to the next level. Spiritually speaking, you’ll go from the bunny slopes to carving some serious powder in the back bowls.
12. You can rely on God’s Word and give Satan a bloody nose! Meditate on Psalm 51:6, Proverbs 28:13, James 5:16, and 1 John 1:8-9. Then jot down the consequences of practicing—or not practicing—the discipline of confession.
13. When you face temptation or tough times, does it feel risky to switch from willpower to relying on the Holy Spirit? Why? What can make this kind of reliance more of a habit in a guy’s life?
14. Go to the prayer that appears toward the end of chapter 14. Consider whether you’d like to make those words your own. If so, spend a few moments offering them to the Holy Spirit with a sincere heart.
15. What for you was the most meaningful concept or truth in these chapter readings from Every Young Man, God’s Man? How would you talk this over with God? Write down your response as a prayer to Him. What do you believe God wants you to do in response to this week’s study?
EVERY YOUNG MAN’S TALKKey Highlights from the Book for Reading Aloud and Discussing
Rich approached me and asked to speak in private. When we got out of earshot of the other guys, he put it straight to me: “I really wonder what’s in it for me if I come clean about masturbation and surfing adult Web sites with my college group. Won’t people be angry with me since I’ve got this junk in my life and I’m supposed to be a leader? Can’t I just come clean with you and that’s it?”
Practice under pressure over time creates confidence.
God has spelled out exactly how He wants to use the Holy Spirit in your life and how you, as God’s young man, need to start working with Him. Like any relationship, the first step is to learn more about Him so that you can partner more closely. And what a great partner He is! The Holy Spirit can.
Discussion Questions
An opening question: Which parts of this chapter were most helpful or encouraging to you? Why?
E. Do you agree that Rich needed to bring things out into the open with his guys’ small group? If you were him, how nervous would you be at the moment of truth?
F. Kenny lists ten things the Holy Spirit can do. Go through them, one by one, in your group. Comment on how these truths can be encouraging to guys like you. Be as specific and practical as possible.
G. One of Kenny’s favorite sayings is: “Practice under pressure over time creates confidence.” What’s your opinion about it? How does it apply to the challenge of learning to depend on the Holy Spirit?
H. Have everyone look at the prayer to the Holy Sprit found at the end of chapter 14. Ask one another: “Who prayed this prayer when you were filling in your workbook before the group time?” Spend some time sharing about who has prayed—and who would like to pray—these words for themselves.